Tired of people "helping"? I definitely am.

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2

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  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
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    Oddly, I've never gotten advice from anyone even though everyone knows I've been losing weight. Nobody's even asked me what my secret is. Weird.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    MKEgal wrote: »
    Kalikel wrote:
    If someone asks me if I've tried something I have no intention of trying I say I haven't, but I've heard of it, have they tried it?
    Or if you want to be a bit more blunt...
    "No, I haven't tried that. How has it worked for you? How many pounds have you lost doing that?"
    Then sit back & watch them squirm, esp. if you know full well they're still overweight/obese and have
    lost exactly 0 pounds and haven't exercised since 6th grade gym class.

    "That's an interesting suggestion. Hey, did you watch the game last night?"

    "That's something I hadn't thought to try. Hey, did you watch the game last night?"

    "I'll run that past my doctor/dietician/PT. Hey, did you watch the game last night?"

    "Thank you for your concern. Hey, did you watch the game last night?"

    But overall, just saying "thanks", or maybe, "thanks, it's nice to see my hard work paying off", and
    leave it at that, should derail the advice-givers.
    With the exception of a couple family members (not immediate family!) who liked to make fun of my diet, weighing and logging of food, exercise, etc., everyone has been genuinely supportive in a big way.

    I really do like hearing about weight loss plans, even the wacky ones I'd never do - how people tried them, where they heard about it, how it worked (or is working) and all that stuff. In fact, I'm especially interested in the ones I'd never do because I'll never have first-hand experience and have to learn about them through others. It's fun for me. :)
  • Domicinator
    Domicinator Posts: 261 Member
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    Love all the comments here. Great stuff.

    Yes, I admit it. There are some parts of my family that easily annoy me. That is something I need to work on.

    I also need to just leave it at "thanks". When I say things like "I have more to go", I think it's just my way of saying, "Let's not start celebrating until I'm done." I need to just stop that part.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,869 Member
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    Domicinator wrote: »
    I also need to just leave it at "thanks". When I say things like "I have more to go", I think it's just my way of saying, "Let's not start celebrating until I'm done." I need to just stop that part.

    You might think "I have more to go", but just don't vocalise it.

    I've started telling my coworkers that I've reached my goal and am maintaining. I haven't and I'm not ... yet, but I'm close to it ... however, it just got really tiresome the number of people who felt they needed to tell me that I was too thin or looked old now or that I must be sick or whatever in one breath, and in another breath suggesting that I try a no-carb diet or a juicing week or something.

    It's just astounding to me the number of people who never said a word when I was heavier ... barely greeted me at work ... and all of a sudden now they're saying all the words.

    Oh well ... that's the way it goes. :grin:

  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    Domicinator wrote: »
    Love all the comments here. Great stuff.

    Yes, I admit it. There are some parts of my family that easily annoy me. That is something I need to work on.

    I also need to just leave it at "thanks". When I say things like "I have more to go", I think it's just my way of saying, "Let's not start celebrating until I'm done." I need to just stop that part.

    Great idea.
  • allaboutthefood
    allaboutthefood Posts: 781 Member
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    I have very little family, so you are lucky to have so many around you to drive you up the roof :) I have ran into what you are talking about. I am also down 60 lbs still have a long way to go. I simply say thank you and if they ask what I am doing, I say counting calories and eating healthier and than change subject. Congrats on your weight loss and your new life. Enjoy your family and all the hair putting it comes with.
  • fruitydelicious
    fruitydelicious Posts: 664 Member
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    3dogsrunning wrote: »
    That is why I don't discuss it.

    "sister: You're doing really well! Nice job!
    me: Thanks! "

    Anything else is a vague answer with no option to offer suggestions.
    This
    Don't give them a reason to continue the conversation...... When you say "I have 10 more lbs to lose" it opens an imaginary door where the other person suddenly becomes an expert on you and can fix all your problems. This is to stroke their ego , not to really help you. It is probably subconscious as well, so they may not be able to help themselves.

    I know it's hard to deal with because you worked your butt off to lose those 65lbs, but truly, some people just don't get it........
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    Domicinator wrote: »
    Love all the comments here. Great stuff.

    Yes, I admit it. There are some parts of my family that easily annoy me. That is something I need to work on.

    I also need to just leave it at "thanks". When I say things like "I have more to go", I think it's just my way of saying, "Let's not start celebrating until I'm done." I need to just stop that part.
    If you say you have more to go, they'll insist on knowing how much more and when you give them a number, they'll start with the false disbelief. "Oh, no. Surely not. You cannot possibly have that much left to lose! Where will you lose it from?!"

    I really want to say, "My *kitten*! That's where! From my big, fat *kitten* and thighs and belly." I don't. But I think it.

    Take the thanks. Say you're enjoying it, but try not to give them an opening to lie and make you pretend that you don't know they're lying. That DOES get old fast. :)
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
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    Limit the information you give them (unless they genuinely want advice) and disengage the conversation when it goes awry. Redirect it. It's really all you can do.
  • heybales
    heybales Posts: 18,842 Member
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    With the holidays approaching and normal eating modes - don't forget the other advice that will be coming - even if you totally accounted for like a big meal, perhaps by not eating all day or having a great workout and light lunch no breakfast.

    "are you sure you should be eating that?"

    Or even worse, the "I don't think Ted will want any of that, he's trying to keep the weight off (lose more ,ect)".

    The finishing any comments with it's continuing according to plan is really the best idea I think. If they want to get in to it and learn something by asking about that aspect - then you have a chance to educate.
    If they assume that means no issues (which there aren't) then fine and dandy.
  • Domicinator
    Domicinator Posts: 261 Member
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    Had to revive this thread--went to a wedding Saturday and saw a lot of family that I hadn't seen in a year or so. When they complemented me on my weight/appearance, instead of blushing and trying to explain it away, I just said "Thank you". I didn't get one piece of advice from one person all night. Not even the skinny people.

    Now for Thanksgiving--I'm going to try the same thing. I imagine it will stop the advice, but will not stop my italian family from trying to shove food down my throat. :)
  • Wacekmama
    Wacekmama Posts: 9 Member
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    Nice. That's probably going to help.

    I also like find that it helps to say "Yes, I'll try that! Maybe we should do it together! I can Skype you at 5am everyday to lift weights with me, Uncle Bob, and then we'll both lose weight!"

    Nothing makes people backpedal faster that a possible commitment.... LOL
  • MeadowsBing
    MeadowsBing Posts: 10 Member
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    The last time I lost weight I got to 4 stone off and literally got so fed up with everyone and their well meaning advice that I fell off plan and out back on the 4 stone and then some. It's taken ages to get back in the right place for me to tackle this again but I have hit my first stone off today and I have decided not to discuss it with anyone now. I have literally told my oh and teenagers and that's it. No Facebook posts, no mentioning it to friends, I'm just careful about my choices without making a big deal of it. I'm sure eventually it will start to show and comments will be made but I am planning to cut it off with a thanks and if need be just say I don't want to discuss it. Because last time it took me away from being a person and all I was seemed to be a discussion point!!!
  • flaminica
    flaminica Posts: 304 Member
    edited November 2015
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    Domicinator wrote: »
    Now for Thanksgiving--I'm going to try the same thing. I imagine it will stop the advice, but will not stop my italian family from trying to shove food down my throat. :)

    Cibo: La parola italiana per amore. :D
    (Food: The Italian word for love.)

    The most idiotic bit of advice I got was from a customer who warned me that I really shouldn't be putting cream in my coffee because it was so fatty. Down seventy-five pounds while drinking about two litres of it a week. Hmm.
  • heybales
    heybales Posts: 18,842 Member
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    Domicinator wrote: »
    Had to revive this thread--went to a wedding Saturday and saw a lot of family that I hadn't seen in a year or so. When they complemented me on my weight/appearance, instead of blushing and trying to explain it away, I just said "Thank you". I didn't get one piece of advice from one person all night. Not even the skinny people.

    Now for Thanksgiving--I'm going to try the same thing. I imagine it will stop the advice, but will not stop my italian family from trying to shove food down my throat. :)

    You mean there won't be one grandma saying you should eat, eat, you are too skinny!?

    ditto's to thank you, perhaps only adding to the sometimes attached "what did you do?" - lots of hard work.
  • flaminica
    flaminica Posts: 304 Member
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    heybales wrote: »
    You mean there won't be one grandma saying you should eat, eat, you are too skinny!?

    If his nana is like my nana, you don't get away from the table with less than three plates of penne and meat sauce. Any less is a mortal indictment of her cooking.

  • Domicinator
    Domicinator Posts: 261 Member
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    flaminica wrote: »
    heybales wrote: »
    You mean there won't be one grandma saying you should eat, eat, you are too skinny!?

    If his nana is like my nana, you don't get away from the table with less than three plates of penne and meat sauce. Any less is a mortal indictment of her cooking.

    Hahahahahahahaha--I lost my nana in 7th grade unfortunately, but I still have my aunts carrying on her tradition, and they love trying to feed me!
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,488 Member
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    3dogsrunning wrote: »
    That is why I don't discuss it.

    "sister: You're doing really well! Nice job!
    me: Thanks! "

    Anything else is a vague answer with no option to offer suggestions.

    I 100% agree with this. My weight is not up for discussion. You left too much room for the conversation to continue. You want to know how much I've lost? Some. Have I lost weight? Maybe, Some. What am I doing? Just trying to eat better. Short, vague answer and then move on.
  • blkandwhite77
    blkandwhite77 Posts: 281 Member
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    As a sister to two brothers I have to say when they tell me something that I perceive as them struggling or upset about I tend to want to help fix it. They are my boys and I love them. Example my brother was going through a divorce. He explained some worries he had and I spent the rest the night researching information and sent him a bunch of cases and legal information (turned out to be very helpful go me) but that's typical. If I can help my brothers I will try everything in my power. If my brothers said "I'm struggling with the last ten pounds" again I'd try to help because I love them and I want them to be happy and be successful in what they are trying to do.
    So maybe instead of getting annoyed realize if like your sister is offering advice (even incorrect advice) it's because your her brother and as sisters we tend to want to help our brothers. :)
    Good luck and I bet you kick those 10lbs to the curb in no time!
  • icemaiden37
    icemaiden37 Posts: 238 Member
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    SideSteel wrote: »
    Have you tried lifting weights though?




    (notsrs)

    Now you I like! >:)

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