How does everyone else deal with negative people?

sdcamp3020

My "friend" called me on Friday because I hadn't signed up for our annual Christmas cookie swap. I reminded her that I was dedicated to my diet and keeping my sugars down. Her response was "You know you are going to gain all that weight and more back within a year; so why punish yourself and everyone else. I am just going to put you down for your grandmother's oatmeal cookies." I refused again; but it planted that seed of doubt and I have spent all weekend struggling with the urge to give up and binge. How do you deal with negative people?

queenliz99

Don't listen to them!! Don't let people bring you down. Bring the oatmeal cookies and eat just one. You can do this!!

Qskim

Cook cookies, do the swap, eat two cookies, give rest away. Stick to sensible plan, lose the weight, keep it off and prove the *kitten* wrong.

Easy.

debubbie

I try to avoid them and cut them out of my life if possible. Nobody needs that kind of person in their life. As for your friend, I would use her words as motivation to fuel my desire to get healthier and to rub it in her face when you look fabulous and she looks bad from eating too many cookies. Don't let her mean words derail everything that you have worked towards. She could be jealous of the progress that you have already made and definitely is showing what a "friend" she really us. A true friend would have respected your answer and praised you on your commitment to make better choices for you.


You can participate in the cookie swap if you want and give the cookies away to someone else if you end up getting roped into bringing your grandma's cookies.

gardnerslater

So its not just me. I had a "friend" from church say something very similar milar 3/4 weeks ago, it has been a struggle for me ever sense. It is a if my brain and body are now our of sync, I actually gained weight and its taken me 3+ weeks to lose the 3 pounds. Ugh!!!! I don't know what to say or do!!!!

We have got to find a way to get back to our goals, hopes and hard work!!!!!



quote="sdcamp3020;10283764"]My "friend" called me on Friday because I hadn't signed up for our annual Christmas cookie swap. I reminded her that I was dedicated to my diet and keeping my sugars down. Her response was "You know you are going to gain all that weight and more back within a year; so why punish yourself and everyone else. I am just going to put you down for your grandmother's oatmeal cookies." I refused again; but it planted that seed of doubt and I have spent all weekend struggling with the urge to give up and binge. How do you deal with negative people?[/quote]

socajam

"I refused again; but it planted that seed of doubt and I have spent all weekend struggling with the urge to give up and binge."

I am trying to wrap my head around this. You already said know, so why would you doubt yourself and prove her right. The only person you need to prove anything to is yourself and until you understand that, you will always be doubting yourself. You can do one of two things, limit your time with her or remove her from your life altogether, only you can do that. Good luck.

riffraff2112

That is a tough call. If you can't have them in the house without gorging yourself....you have to decide weather its worth missing out on a holiday tradition for.
I find it empowering to have 'high cal treats' in the house (halloween is tough) and not indulge. If you aren't there yet mentally......you may have to skip it.
Screw the haters. Use their negative energy to fuel your passion to stick it in their faces when you succeed long term.

arditarose

So...she said that to you, and you didn't stand up for yourself? I would not have let that go. That's how I deal with negative people. Tell 'em where to shove it.

Also, you can do the cookie swap can't you?

spinnerdell

It took me a long time to understand that the actions of other people are beyond my control, but my reactions are very much my choice. I choose not to give others the power to disturb me- hard to do at first, but easier with practice.

WinoGelato

That is a terrible thing to say!

So... Got a recipe to share? These must be amazing cookies if she's willing to insult a friend just to get you to bring them...

xxxibgdrgn1981

Sometimes people are jealous and negative for that reason unfortunately ... My really good friend has been negative to my recent 40 pound weight loss bcz she is still overweight ... I've never made her feel bad or brag to her ...yet, she still has made a few comments similar to what your friend did ... I'm not saying she's necessarily jealous about the weight loss but maybe more jealous that you are totally dedicate to something ... Which I say, AWESOME job on your dedication!!! I work in cardiology and I can't tell you enough how that's helped to change my view on the way I eat ... I'm a lot more health conscious and that's wonderful that you are too ... So, what to do about negative people??? Ignore them... Stick with your goals and keep your head up bcz at the end of the day... It's all about you.

alcronin382

Wow! What a horrible thing for her to say! I would stick to your guns and not make the cookies! Then speak to her and tell her how undermining your determination and any success you have had so far was really rude. I used to sugar coat everything when I was upset with people, but I have found it gets you nowhere. I don't go looking for a fight, but I'm honest. It's hard enough when every piece of you is already struggling, so you really don't need negative people like that around you. Talk to her first and see how it goes, be honest, and if she really believes that you making lifestyle changes to better yourself is just too punishing for her, then maybe she's some weight you should shed.

MelodyandBarbells

You [enthusiastically] share what you're doing to improve your life, and instead of a "way to go", you get your efforts stomped on for your trouble instead. Been there, done that. Pick yourself up, know what you're doing is right, and that when its all said and done, more people than you'll ever care for (count-wise) will be asking you how you did it

As for this particular situation, it seems a friend/acquaintance really hurt you, and this could be an opportunity to hopefully calmly express that it wasn't okay.

Lourdesong

WinoGelato wrote: »

That is a terrible thing to say!

So... Got a recipe to share? These must be amazing cookies if she's willing to insult a friend just to get you to bring them...

I was thinking the exact same thing! Claws came out, these cookies must be pretty incredible.

beckyjo48

Sometimes you just have to be stubborn and stick to your guns. A very important part of weight loss or any life style change is to surround yourself with supporters! If you stick by your decisions people will eventually support you or they might fall gently by the wayside.

fiddletime

I'd ignore her comment but consider distancing yourself from the negative ones. Life is too short to put up with that. I ate about 1500 calories of Halloween candy in 2 days. I've lost 2 pounds since. You can have a cookie or two. Log them, and if you binge, log that. Learning how to eat foods in moderation takes a lot of practice, though, and if you aren't there yet don't tempt yourself.

As for letting her words derail you, you derail yourself. Don't let her words be your excuse to give up right before Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hang tough for the next two months. It'll get easier.

Therealobi1

sdcamp3020 wrote: »

My "friend" called me on Friday because I hadn't signed up for our annual Christmas cookie swap. I reminded her that I was dedicated to my diet and keeping my sugars down. Her response was "You know you are going to gain all that weight and more back within a year; so why punish yourself and everyone else. I am just going to put you down for your grandmother's oatmeal cookies." I refused again; but it planted that seed of doubt and I have spent all weekend struggling with the urge to give up and binge. How do you deal with negative people?

thats exactly what your silly friend wants you to do give up and then she will be happy. So make sure she never talks to you like that again, and also decide if you want to particpate in a cookie swap or not. Its your decision.
People only get away with what we allow them to.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

I don't think that is negativity, I think that it was down right rude!

How dare she think she has the right to say that to any one.

Success is your best answer to it, keep at it and show her how wrong she is

Expatmommy79

It's about the cookies but not about the cookies.

1. She is a sabbateur... Distance yourself from her.

2. Life will happen and you can't always avoid social situations. If you want to go - go for you. Make some super healthy cookies to avoid having to bake junk. The cookies you receive? Put them on a table and let the others eat them. Take a healthy snack for you. I made some apple carrot muffins with whole wheat flower sweetened with banana for a breakfast party. There are many recipes that will support your new way of eating.

I'm still early in my weight loss journey, but find when I can incorporate my new way of eating into my old lifestyle I feel less deprived and isolated. It took me a few weeks of hibernating and staying out of the way of temptation but now I found my rhythm it's easier to get back to life and my friends.

All my friends support me. This lady is not your friend.

BodyByBex

Lourdesong wrote: »

WinoGelato wrote: »

That is a terrible thing to say!

So... Got a recipe to share? These must be amazing cookies if she's willing to insult a friend just to get you to bring them...

I was thinking the exact same thing! Claws came out, these cookies must be pretty incredible.

QFT and glad to know I wasn't alone in these thoughts.

RodaRose

She is not a "friend" so she will be easy to drop.
Regarding the cookies: make some for yourself or the people that you love or do not make any at all this year. It is up to you. This is your path and these are your decisions.

I do not do cookie swaps or anything else like that. I am comfortable with a small treat a few times a week.

sdcamp3020

Thanks everyone! I have always appreciated her outspoken personality; but, this time she went too far, Anyway, feeling better now. The cookies are my favorite recipe from my Grandmother.

1c. Crisco 1c sugar 1c brown sugar 2 eggs 1-1/2c flour 3c oats 1c chopped pecans 1tsp vanilla

Cream together Crisco and sugars. Add eggs. Add flour, oats and nuts a little at a time until all are mixed in well. Form into rolls and wrap with parchment paper then aluminum foil. Chill at least 3-5 hours but best overnight. Slice and bake at 350° until very lightly brown. Let cool completely.

Therealobi1

sdcamp3020 wrote: »

Thanks everyone! I have always appreciated her outspoken personality; but, this time she went too far, Anyway, feeling better now. The cookies are my favorite recipe from my Grandmother.

1c. Crisco 1c sugar 1c brown sugar 2 eggs 1-1/2c flour 3c oats 1c chopped pecans 1tsp vanilla

Cream together Crisco and sugars. Add eggs. Add flour, oats and nuts a little at a time until all are mixed in well. Form into rolls and wrap with parchment paper then aluminum foil. Chill at least 3-5 hours but best overnight. Slice and bake at 350° until very lightly brown. Let cool completely.

cookies sound really nice. thanks for the recipe
so what have you decided to do in terms of making the cookies, and dealing with your friends personality?

sdcamp3020

I am not going to make the cookies for the cookie swap. Coming home with two dozen cookies of all varieties will just make it hard on me. I may try making them with Stevia, Truvia, and Coconut Oil and give them to friends if they taste good. As far as my friend goes, I am just going to tell her that her comment was insensitive and lacked the support I really need right now. If this is a problem for her, then we aren't really friends at all. If she realizes that what she said was wrong, then maybe we can salvage our friendship. I've come too far to doubt myself now.

jemhh

Those cookies sound delicious. I can understand not wanting all of them in the house. When we made cookies for Christmas last year I had to take them to work because I found it very hard to have so many around the house.

I would probably just not talk to the friend at this point. I don't have room in my life for rude people and I have no problem dropping contact with people who act like that.

Achaila

I eat an EXTREMELY strict diet, and most people that I'm around know not to even go there with me when it comes to food, but every once in awhile someone pushes those buttons. If I'm at say like, a birthday party, and someone offers me a piece of cake and I say no thank you, their favorite response is "you ate junk the first 25 years of your life. It won't kill you to eat one piece." I just look at them and say "75 pounds lost says that's not worth it." and walk away.

(I eat a strict diet of meat, veggies, whole fat dairy, and nuts. Carbs trigger me. I don't touch them. At this point it would make me sick!)

pittdan77

I put up with a lot of that negativity too. I was told that I "look terrible" and "you're just hurting yourself". It's crap. Remind them that your health is more important. You might have to be "mean" but it's the only thing. Otherwise, you might need to push those people away. You deserve better.

christyg74

You are allowed to say "NO" to things you don't want to do. Many of us gained weight because we didn't put ourselves first. Take of you!

beachhouse758

This post reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

So, my I'm feeling that this is not about the cookies. Without knowing anything about your friend I'd venture to guess that she doesn't have a healthy lifestyle, doesn't workout, doesn't care about nutrition and has no plans to do anything about it.
I think her negativity stems from her own insecurities -- She has to sabotage your success in order to feel "safe"

Even if she felt that maybe there is a sensible way of engaging in the cookie swap while maintaining balance and blah, blah, blah - her jarring response to your refusal seems unwarranted.

In saying "so why punish yourself and everyone else." she is trying to guilt you and manipulate into giving up your choice.
And in disregarding your response and putting down for the cookies anyway, she is totally dismissing your feelings, which is insulting.

I think that her response is not only negative, but disrespectful. This is beyond the cookies.
I think she feel threatened by your lifestyle change. She probably feels like she's going to be left behind and she intends to drag you down with her.

Sorry. That's not a friend. Surround yourself with people that lift you higher.

zanne54

I'd use her negativity as inspiration & determination to prove the b!tch wrong. And come Christmas Cookie Swap 2016, when you're still keeping the weight off and feeling awesome about yourself - I'd dish it right back to her "Remember last year you told me that I'd just gain it all back & more? Thanks for the encouragement!" Smile sweetly at her, and then eat a delicious cookie!

jgnatca

You've said no to the cookie swap, so I suggest you leave it at that as far as that acquaintance is concerned. People like that, you give them an inch and they take a mile. If she asks later where are your grandma's cookies, remind her you already said no.

For energy suckers, I use a "boundaries" technique. The good and grateful people accept my boundaries. The dweebs get struck from the list.

A quickie article on energy vampires. I spend time with people who are supportive and energizing. The rest get the leftovers.