Family Meal Rant

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  • Qskim
    Qskim Posts: 1,145 Member
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    cjsgrimlin1 wrote: »
    Honestly there is no reason to give anyone a hard time at all. I didn't ask to be told anything negative. I didn't even ask for suggestions though they are welcome. This is supposed to be a place you can come and NOT be judged for decisions or mistakes you've made. yet i come ranting because i was mad at my family not realizing the other choices i had and I'm the one the needs to count my blessings, suck it up and get over myself, move to a different thread because I'm distracting, and go to another website if i think i am being treated unfairly? thanks a lot for the support there people.

    Don't worry I wont bother your precious time ever again.

    All too often people make the assumption that I've cruised through my weight loss. Not true. I could out rant you any day! I think it's good for others to see its not always easy, there can be unexpected hurdles. You've had some great advice, understanding and you showed a lot of grace in acknowledging that - it tells me you're down but not out.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    cjsgrimlin1 wrote: »
    Outvoted AND I had to cook it. He normally doesnt go against me so I wont hold it against him. The kids of course just love chicken nuggets and fries (dont help both my girls are underweight for their age)

    I don't understand. If i am asked to cook something for someone, I will do so but if I don't want to eat certain food, I don't. I look in the rerfigerator for something, or I cook something different for myself.

    For example, I'm lactose and soy intolerant so this limits my intake at some of the family meals, but I'm not going to eat something with lactose or soy no matter what anyone else says, and if I do eat it then it's 100% my responsibility. If someone makes a big creamy filled meal (most family members would not do so), I have other foods in the meal that have no lactose or soy. I've yet to sit down to a meal where there is nothing I can eat.

    That said, if you and mom share the meal responsbility, it sounds like it was just one day. Next time, I would simpy tell them you don't feel like eating said food and look in the fridge for something you do want to eat, or cooking something you are comfortable eating.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    cjsgrimlin1 wrote: »
    That does sound good too! Might see what i can throw together tomorrow and freeze for such occasions.

    Great attitude. You'll work it out. :)
  • Alex
    Alex Posts: 10,145 MFP Staff
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    Quick note that we cleaned this thread up a bit and moved it to Motivation & Support.
  • cjsgrimlin1
    cjsgrimlin1 Posts: 64 Member
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    _SKIM_ wrote: »
    cjsgrimlin1 wrote: »
    Honestly there is no reason to give anyone a hard time at all. I didn't ask to be told anything negative. I didn't even ask for suggestions though they are welcome. This is supposed to be a place you can come and NOT be judged for decisions or mistakes you've made. yet i come ranting because i was mad at my family not realizing the other choices i had and I'm the one the needs to count my blessings, suck it up and get over myself, move to a different thread because I'm distracting, and go to another website if i think i am being treated unfairly? thanks a lot for the support there people.

    Don't worry I wont bother your precious time ever again.

    All too often people make the assumption that I've cruised through my weight loss. Not true. I could out rant you any day! I think it's good for others to see its not always easy, there can be unexpected hurdles. You've had some great advice, understanding and you showed a lot of grace in acknowledging that - it tells me you're down but not out.

    Thank you. I think though many have misunderstood the purpose of this peticular post. And hince it got moved even though many can ask if they should eat this or that in other posts. I was simply looking for advice on what to do next time i was stuck on in the situation and i was turned into the bad person. No its ok. Really. I have home support and i have friends. If they dont give me the support and help i need i might possibly return but every time i have asked simple questions i have been rudely answered more than once. There is no sympathy or support worth the hate and unhelpful statements which can come forth on this site.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    cjsgrimlin1 wrote: »
    mccindy72 wrote: »
    thorsmom01 wrote: »
    Its one meal. At least there was food to eat. Eat your portion and move on. One meal won't wreck your hard work. In fact, you can probably easily fit a few nuggets and a small handful of baked fries into your daily cals / macros without a problem anyway. Next time you have leftovers from a better tasting meal, freeze a small portion and eat that on nugget night instead.
    I've had to eat plenty of things that I didn't necessarily love , but it is better then being hungry or wasting food. There's many people that would love to be in your shoes right now ( owned home, dinner to eat, husband and children ) so count your blessings and move forward. Venting is always okay, and sometimes helps us see how little our problems really are once its written out.

    This, exactly. While you might be feeling hungry, at least you had something to eat. Imagine all the hungry and homeless tonight who have nothing to eat. Sometimes it can help to look at the big picture when you are thinking of small things that are upsetting you.

    Please tell me how exactly is reminding me that i at least got to eat helping me with the current situation? I am thankful GOD gave me the gift of a brain that went to school and got a NURSING degree and got a job. I am glad my mother is also in the healthcare field and my husband is in the sheriff's office. that had absolutely no bearing on the issue on how i felt out of control in my own household. I needed suggestions on meal replacements and what to do not how to count my numerous blessings cause yes once i was one of those who didn't have anything to eat or a house to sleep in. I know the difference.

    It comes across as a bit - odd -when you are going on about being hungry after the dinner you helped to cook, and how you have to eat the same thing that is selected by the family. Because you and your mother shop together, and you have no input on what is bought? I'm sorry, that makes no sense. Even when one person is shopping and paying for the entire family, they still take the entire's family's needs and wants into consideration. If you feel your mother is not doing that, then you talk to her about that, firmly. It's not fair to force everyone to eat less or something they don't want just because she pays.
    It's that simple.
  • x_cinder_x
    x_cinder_x Posts: 118 Member
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    I understand that living with someone who is on a completely different health track than you is frustrating. It is always a battle and sometimes it is an exhausting one to constantly be fighting. Compromising keeps the peace, but the cost is your health and of course you would be angry.

    A suggestion: Sit down with the family and come up with a weekly meal plan. Let her have a few nights to make what she wants and then you can plan accordingly for it. This way you can hit the grocery store knowing exactly what you are getting and how much it will run. For the nights she is cooking just do something quick for yourself. As others have said there are a ton of 3 minute meals for low calories and can be done for under a dollar. Potatoes, eggs, oatmeal, etc. I always try to keep salad in the fridge. Green leaf bunches run about .99 cents and are a great filler to have on hand.

    You can make this work and I applaud you for taking care of your mum, that is by no means an easy feat. Good luck!
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    The ideas for alternate dinners seem really practical, as this whole situation reminds me of people who cook dinner for the family, and say that if others don't like what is cooked, they are free to fend for themselves. Only difference is the person fending for themselves here is a bit more health conscious than the cook
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
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    OP, I get that you were just wanting to vent a little bit, you were hungry and over calories and that's never a good feeling. I think the frustrations you felt are something that many of us have encountered during our time here, and have had to find ways to deal with it - eating out, relatives that aren't always aware/respectful of our dietary choices, holidays, the dreaded office "sabotage", etc. Some people take these challenges in stride and don't sweat them, some people fret about them before they happen (see all the 'what is your Thanksgiving plan' threads popping up), some people freak out after the fact. Some people learn from it one time and then try to keep it in perspective for the future. I really didn't see anything particularly rude or hateful, but sometimes people interpret tone that wasn't intended.

    Was the incident with dinner an isolated incident or is this something that you are concerned is going to be an ongoing struggle? If an isolated incident, I would take the advice you got here about having some things on hand in case it doesn't come up again but other issues (meals on the fly, etc) do. If you think it will be an ongoing thing, then I would probably sit down with your mom and your husband and work out a budget, a meal plan, a cooking/clean up rotation, etc.

    Having a parent (especially if as you said there are some medical issues) live with you can be challenging and stressful, especially if you are having other challenging transitions now too (new job I think you said), money is tight, etc. Looking for ways to minimize the stress, especially around something like meal times and other household chores would probably help considerably. Holidays are a stressful time so I hope you can figure all of this out soon.

    Good luck.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    I hope I can add some positive ideas to this thread. If I'm off on any count you can call me on it.
    • Cranky, controlling, sabotaging mom where you are the caretaker and she's contributing to the food budget.
    • Democratic meal choices; undemocratic food preparation.
    • Temporarily low income, limited food choices.
    • Lots of high calorie options around all the time to feed mom (bottomless pit) and underweight daughters.

    Structure your life as soon as you can to control how much your mom can dominate your lives. Read up on boundaries. Banish sarcasm as a socially acceptable way of describing your needs. Arrange for respite care once in a while.

    Restructure your view of food as not "good" or "bad" but all useful in context. White rice, for instance, can work very nicely...in proportion to everything else. I'd eat a half cup cooked rice at a sitting, with a nice sauce.

    The next time you have two pennies to rub together, invest in frozen veggies and dried legumes/beans. They will fill in the days before the paycheque arrives and make you less dependent on your mother's demands.

    I think democratic food preparation can help you feel less resentful. Every family member can partake, with maybe the girls taking a night a week too. When it is chicken and crisps night, grin and bear it, dipping in to your "mom's shelf". Personally I'd enjoy the chicken nuggets and put a nice load of veggies with them.
  • cjsgrimlin1
    cjsgrimlin1 Posts: 64 Member
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    I hope I can add some positive ideas to this thread. If I'm off on any count you can call me on it.
    • Cranky, controlling, sabotaging mom where you are the caretaker and she's contributing to the food budget.
    • Democratic meal choices; undemocratic food preparation.
    • Temporarily low income, limited food choices.
    • Lots of high calorie options around all the time to feed mom (bottomless pit) and underweight daughters.

    This was it exactly. Thank you for the advise. I have taken everything in (with a new grain of salt for some) to help me overcome the temporary depression of a mood the uncontrolled situation threw me into. Though i do think some might misunderstand, my mother isn't incapable of taking care of herself at all, just very (to put it bluntly and not sugar coat it anymore) suicidal after my father's death. She attempted it twice while living alone and it was mandated she had to live with family for mental stability and as i am the only family around... well yeah i got the short stick i suppose.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    You need a safe way to express how angry you are at her. This might not be the time and she may not be able to hear you. You could write it up and burn it. There's a Unitarian burning ceremony that I found quite charming and remarkably healing. Or if ceremonies aren't your thing, you can have your own version of a (safe) burning ceremony.

    fcdf2fd6-ff82-4337-93c1-20fe427dd33d.jpg
  • MsJulesRenee
    MsJulesRenee Posts: 1,180 Member
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    I can understand your frustration! When I have to eat meals that are over my calories and I'm still hungry I get kind of crabby too. No way I could eat some chicken nuggets/fries and be satisfied all night. For the future, frozen veggies are very very cheap, most are $1-$1.50 per bag. I stock up on them and use them every day as fillers in my food. When I pack lunches and breakfasts for work I make sure there is at least a serving of frozen veggies per meal to help with the volume of food. Rarely do I ever buy fresh produce anymore unless I need it for a recipe. I don't know if that was what you were using in the past because you didn't specify exactly what kind of vegetables you ran out of. :)
  • cjsgrimlin1
    cjsgrimlin1 Posts: 64 Member
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    MsJulesRenee wrote: »
    I can understand your frustration! When I have to eat meals that are over my calories and I'm still hungry I get kind of crabby too. No way I could eat some chicken nuggets/fries and be satisfied all night. For the future, frozen veggies are very very cheap, most are $1-$1.50 per bag. I stock up on them and use them every day as fillers in my food. When I pack lunches and breakfasts for work I make sure there is at least a serving of frozen veggies per meal to help with the volume of food. Rarely do I ever buy fresh produce anymore unless I need it for a recipe. I don't know if that was what you were using in the past because you didn't specify exactly what kind of vegetables you ran out of. :)

    Pretty much everything, at this point our fridge is a wasteland... only food i either dont like or small amounts of what i can eat is left, Other than the HUGE turkey for my father in law <3 . My payday is in two days so i should be able to do something then.

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