How do you deal with norms?

OliverMol

The sociology of "other people".
Ideally I would like to eat whtever I decided for myself last sunday, or based on an eventual blood test. But because Life plays tricks I find myself eating whatever the neuromarketers put on the shelf. If my ex ate cookies four weeks ago, I bought one package yesterday out of nostalgia.
In a similiar way, I fear for my carrer and its inherent social politics.
If I wont drink alkohol, If I wont eat the cake or cndy, If I drink tea in stead of coffe, how do I avoid feeling frozen out? Will I be the first one on the fireing list?

Sued0nim

Well those attitudes you talk about can only come about if

Someone has an excuse mentality and likes to play victim ..it's not me, it's society

Or someone is not really not using their brain

If you recognise these messages as unhealthy for you then don't do it

If you recognise a habit as inappropriate for you don't do it

In the words of the immortal bard: suck it up buttercup

jennifer_417

You are fully in control of your own faculties, no? No one is going to make you buy cookies or drink coffee or eat cake, those decisions are entirely yours. You can also refuse them in such a manner as to not aleniate people, which should help you to retain your job.

Orphia

I eat what I feel like if it's within my calorie limit. I can always make room for whatever I want the most.

CoffeeNCardio

Where in blue perfect hello do you work that you're concerned they'll fire you if you don't eat what they eat/ drink what they drink??? I understand office politics can be brutal, but if you're concerned you'll be at risk of unemployment over something as trivial as food choices, you're either over-estimating how much literally anyone cares about this, or you need to be seeking new employment.

If it's more of a you thing, like you don't want to feel left out, which is totally understandable, then make it work. Pre-plan your day around the variety of stuff you're "expected" to eat. If you know friday is pizza day at the office, then friday needs to be cardio day for you so you can make room for those extra calories. There's no reason in the world this should matter, and I'm concerned that you seem to find it does, but even if it did, there are workarounds.

RodaRose

The truth is that no one cares what someone else is eating because they are focusing on themselves.
If however, the other person is talking about food, that is a completely different story and all bets are off about where the conversation is going to go.
Focus on your own needs.

OliverMol

Rabbitjb: So I should have reminders in place that I shouldn't give in to subtle peer pressure? What shouldn't I do again? Sorry I am a bit confused.

Jenifer_417: While believing that theese descicions are mine I wish that was 100% correct. I guess I need to start training to dampen emotions of nostalgia. Neuromarketers claim they know something 12sec before you. You know, brown n bigelow putting eye and brain scanners on paid customers through malls. Then reverse- engineer the data.

Orphia: Then if a colleague asks "hey me and some guys are getting a drink after work, wanna come?" Do you then just say " Sorry it's not within my calorie limit" and then not expect them to just backstab you in their rationalization over how great it is to sit and have a beer? People talk about other people. Say you go with, do you just drink water? Even if you are 1 in 7? I am curious as I have felt uneasy in this.


CoffeeNcardio: I like your serious answer. Maybe it really is in my head and I just dont want to admit to myself that I am not as skilled as I had hoped in my education. I read schein's book about help. He says the beer after work allows colleagues to temporarily step out of rules, which is crucial for constructive criticism/feedback. Please look at my answer to orphia. And maybe give me your thoughts. Also: Nice workaround tip! Its the first I can use because it seems so well formulated. Its not perfect but in a pinch its good: future bosses wedding etc.

RodaRose: When you write "dont care" I take it as they dont care about other peoples health. I will add: unless they are trying to sell. Which everyone is. Be it keeping subordinates addicted with cofee and candy, be it the slim girl who keeps her firnds fat for a halo effect. .. I didn't quite get the convo sentence. Can you elaborate?

Larissa_NY

Do you have a medical team you're working with? I wonder if maybe you should talk to them and tell them what you've told us. Maybe they can work with you to find some ways to protect yourself. It sounds like you have bigger worries than the calorie count of a beer after work.

OliverMol

Larissa_NY wrote: »

Do you have a medical team you're working with? I wonder if maybe you should talk to them and tell them what you've told us. Maybe they can work with you to find some ways to protect yourself. It sounds like you have bigger worries than the calorie count of a beer after work.

I am not sure if I follow you. There is nothing wrong with having dietary standards is there? I mean, even if a girl were to have some kind of i dont know diabetics she would still need to navigate in the workplace. I personally dont have any disease like that. I just have some longevity goals others could call extreme, simply because they don't find those goals worthy themselves. Either way I'll try to talk withmy general practicioner about it.

mylittlerainbow

I don't drink. People at my office knew this, and I would go to events and socialize (fun plus politically expedient!) but wouldn't drink. Nobody paid any attention to what was in my glass because they were all concerned with what they were having, the conversation, etc. So I think you can be quiet about it, not necessarily call attention to what you're doing, and still have a good time. My personal experience is that I feel like I've had more fun than those who drink until they're drunk - I can be silly and still in control and not sick the next day. It sounds like it's something you might feel you're missing out on more than something that others might really notice about you. (And if they do say anything - "Why aren't you drinking?" - you can say that you're following a pretty strict eating plan to improve your health - there are ways to do that without sounding snide - so you should be okay.)

WinoGelato

I'm not sure if this is a serious post or not but let's assume for a second that it is.

Yes, corporations try to market their products to make them desirable to consumers. There is nothing sinister about that. The consumers have free will to decide whether or not to buy/use/consume the product or to find a preferable alternative. Thinking that you are powerless toward "neuromarketers" is concerning, do you compulsively spend money on cars, diapers, feminine hygiene products - because these are all commonly advertised as well.

Also, if you work in an office environment and your colleagues invite you for a drink after work, that seems like a positive workplace environment, not one that you should fear politics and back stabbing if you choose not to participate.

If this is a serious post I read a lot of excuses, blame, and abdicating personal responsibility. You may want to talk to a professional about these feelings if they are an ongoing problem for you.

JustMissTracy

Who is in control of YOU? Should be you, me thinks....stop worrying so much about what anyone else does, eats or drinks. They aren't you. They don't pay your bills, they don't have to live in your body. I'm not sure if this post was serious or not, but if it is, then you need to sit down and have a good think. About what's important to YOU, only YOU.

ndj1979

OliverMol wrote: »

The sociology of "other people".
Ideally I would like to eat whtever I decided for myself last sunday, or based on an eventual blood test. But because Life plays tricks I find myself eating whatever the neuromarketers put on the shelf. If my ex ate cookies four weeks ago, I bought one package yesterday out of nostalgia.
In a similiar way, I fear for my carrer and its inherent social politics.
If I wont drink alkohol, If I wont eat the cake or cndy, If I drink tea in stead of coffe, how do I avoid feeling frozen out? Will I be the first one on the fireing list?

why would you get fired for not drinking alcohol?????

I own my own business and some of the staff drink and others do not, and I don't really care what they do as long as they show up, work hard, and do their job.

peleroja

OliverMol wrote: »

Larissa_NY wrote: »

Do you have a medical team you're working with? I wonder if maybe you should talk to them and tell them what you've told us. Maybe they can work with you to find some ways to protect yourself. It sounds like you have bigger worries than the calorie count of a beer after work.

I am not sure if I follow you. There is nothing wrong with having dietary standards is there? I mean, even if a girl were to have some kind of i dont know diabetics she would still need to navigate in the workplace. I personally dont have any disease like that. I just have some longevity goals others could call extreme, simply because they don't find those goals worthy themselves. Either way I'll try to talk withmy general practicioner about it.

She's trying to tell you that this reads in a very disordered/paranoid way and that it kind of sounds like you might have some mental health concerns about which you should be speaking with someone.

ETA: Can you explain what, exactly, you fear the repercussions might be if you don't join your coworkers and friends in every opportunity to eat and drink with the group?

booksandchocolate12

I am 100% confused. Are you saying that you feel pressure to eat/drink what others do?

If so, my only question is: Are you a grown up? And if so, my follow up question is: why do you give a #%$& what other people think?

Sued0nim

You know what I love about my youngest, amongst other things. She doesn't give a fig what anyone thinks of her, she doesn't try to "fit in" ...it makes her the child everyone wants to be with somehow ...because she doesn't care what you think about her even though she cares about you

I hope she holds on to it

kshama2001

OliverMol wrote: »

In a similar way, I fear for my career and its inherent social politics.
If I wont drink alcohol, If I wont eat the cake or candy, If I drink tea in stead of coffee, how do I avoid feeling frozen out? Will I be the first one on the firing list?

If two workers are equally productive and a company is downsizing, the one who doesn't fit into the corporate culture as well would indeed be the likely candidate to be let go.

That said, people realize that some are coffee drinkers and some are tea drinkers, and that not everyone drinks alcohol. Not eating the cake is not a big deal, it's how you don't eat the cake. Others here have talked about accepting a piece, taking it back to their desk, and discretely throwing it out. They still participated in the celebration, but not the calories. However, if, for example, one was to talk about how the artificial colors and flavors in the supermarket cake were disgusting, that would indeed be a social faux pax.

I would go out after work and not drink anything alcoholic, and if asked why (which is a big "If") say I was working out later on.

cafeaulait7

I had that happen as a waitress when the owner put this obnoxious young woman (young adult) in charge after the good manager went off to graduate school. We were nearly the same age. All of us were. It was still better than the poor co-worker she had a crush on. At least she didn't want her hand on my thigh out all night drinking! She'd leave us off the schedule if she didn't like us socially. She ran the restaurant into the ground within a year or two, so everyone had to look for new work anyway!

So I'd say it depends on whether you work at a whacky place. They're still out there, I bet, but there are usually all kinds of reasons to be trying to look for a new company anyway. Good luck!

PS - I tried to stay for the tips. It was the most expensive restaurant in town

lemurcat12

OliverMol wrote: »

Orphia: Then if a colleague asks "hey me and some guys are getting a drink after work, wanna come?" Do you then just say " Sorry it's not within my calorie limit" and then not expect them to just backstab you in their rationalization over how great it is to sit and have a beer? People talk about other people. Say you go with, do you just drink water? Even if you are 1 in 7? I am curious as I have felt uneasy in this.

I go, I order coffee or diet coke or tea (I don't drink alcohol), I socialize, and no one cares what I drink. Maybe someone says "hey, just one won't hurt you -- although this is pretty rare -- and I say "too tired, I'd fall right asleep" or "not drinking at the moment" or some such.

I'm not sure what you mean about the tea vs. coffee (really, I have no idea what beverages people in my office drink during the day and no one cares) or not eating the cake or candy. There's food in my office offered all the time, I usually don't eat it (I used to always eat it), and am treated no differently. It kind of sounds like an excuse to say you have to eat stuff.

Psychgrrl

I have work colleagues with religious needs that restrict food and drink (Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, others), others who are vegetarian, vegan, have diabetes, Crohn's disease, IBS, are lactose intolerant, you name it. Yet we have our potlucks and eat out together just fine. It's about respect for what others need. I'm just selective about food and drink and am on call and rarely drink alcohol, I have water or fruity lemonade. No one cares. I don't judge the choices of others, they don't judge mine. If your work colleagues are really judging you and back stabbing you for healthy choices, looking for a more positive work environment is a solid idea.

Personally, I don't feel the pull of the "neuromarketers." My choices are my own. I'm responsible--just because some clever lingo or ad is out there doesn't force the product in my mouth. I still need to go out and buy it. Or order it online and have it delivered.

If you're that under the control of the "neuromarketers," you might want to talk about that with a mental health professional and not your GP. The level of control you're abdicating to the "neuromarketers" and the amount of paranoia you're showing about this is startling.