Why do people get mad about me losing weight and being active?

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  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
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    EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
    HostageCat wrote: »
    EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
    HostageCat wrote: »
    Thsnks everyone for replying and i don't say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight

    So then how do they know about all the "me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training...".

    Either you live in a family of mind readers or you talk about it. Social dynamics of families are funny things, they gotta talk about something. If you are in the limelight, even if it is unconsciously so, it's going to be about you.

    Thay know i run because i run down gravel roads and living in a small town people see me running and it doesn't take long for word to get around in a small town. As for the rest well me and my mom are really close and she knows about everything i do and she tells my grandma everything and my grandma likes to share info with everyone.

    Which basically means your cousins aren't talking to you and are giving you dirty looks because of something grandma said. That's some crazy family dynamics, I've got nothing but to wish luck and don't let the couch slugs get you down.

    Bingo.

    Dollars to donuts they think they are being compared unfavorably to you whether that is the case or not. I'm not surprised they are shooting you dirty looks even though it is none of your doing.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    missblondi2u wrote: »
    I'm sorry your family isn't more supportive.
    ... A fat woman is seen as "greedy" or "out of control" or "lazy" by society, and we internalize these feelings whenever anyone even mentions weight...I think that if we could somehow decouple weight and morality, maybe we would stop being so damned sensitive about it and learn to take a joke.

    So insightful. I'm remembering this. I think we react similarly when women appear out of control in other contexts. I remember the few times I've seen mature women, old enough to have families of their own, publicly drunk in the middle of the day. My scorn cut deep and quick.
  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
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    GetThatRunnersHigh wrote: »
    Since skinny is higher than fat on the social hierarchy, people assume that it's okay to make fun "up" the social ladder. Your success probably brought out their own insecurities.

    I think some of it is also that people who poke fun at each other in jest try not to do it when it would really hurt. I would make fun of my brother for being a klutz but when he was unemployed I wouldn't mock him for being out of work, for example, because I didn't really want to hit a nerve.
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
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    They are so jealous and well people close to you do not want you to change it happens all the time. Oh and people can just be stupid like family members!
  • steuartcj
    steuartcj Posts: 132 Member
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    Envy, of your looks and efforts. You go girl !!
  • adriennemarieb
    adriennemarieb Posts: 38 Member
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    From all of the context given, it may not *really* be about your weight at all. If your parents and grandma are talking you up and bragging about how well you're doing, it can make others jealous, not because of what you did/are doing, but because they want that attention from their grandma/mom/aunt.

    I've dealt with this from family when I did well in school, my brother dealt with it when he was in the military and my immediate family was really proud, etc.

    Like I said before, you can't control what others do or say or how what you are doing for yourself makes them feel.
  • WendyLaubach
    WendyLaubach Posts: 518 Member
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    OK, I admit, as she ages Angelina Jolie is looking just a bit like a scarecrow. But being under 140 at that height is not being a scarecrow.
  • senecarr
    senecarr Posts: 5,377 Member
    edited December 2015
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    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    when i was overweight, my family gave me all kinds of grief because they're all pretty lean, healthy, and fit...my guess is that it works the other way around too...if they're overweight, they're likely to give you grief about being lean, healthy, and fit.

    The Japanese have an idiom: "the nail that sticks out gets pounded flat."
  • upscalelifedownscalebutt
    upscalelifedownscalebutt Posts: 90 Member
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    Most people think skinny jokes are compliments.

    Often changes to become skinnier or more active make other people feel guilty. Like if you are doing it they should too.

    Your body language and actions may also be unconsciously changing.

    I'd talk to them about it.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    HostageCat wrote: »
    After losing 70 pounds I have been glared at from across the room on holidays by cousins, and some family members stopped talking to me after my weight loss, I been told I'm too skinny, or I'm doing too much and I will “burn out” (referring to me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training) and I once mention that I was trying to lose 7 more pounds (which would put me at 140) and they looked at me like I was crazy and told me I would be under weight, and if I told them that my doctor said 140 would not be under weight and I will be healthy at that weight they get mad.
    Something else, why is it ok to make skinny jokes but not fat jokes? I have gotten more jokes about being skinny then when I was big, like I have to run to catch water or I will blow away and that I need to put some more meat on my bones and that's all ok but if somebody makes a joke about someone being big they are a horrible person

    Good job on the weight loss! I think 140 at your height (your profile says 5 ft 8) sounds nice and healthy.

    I've not had the same type of experience, but if I were in your shoes I would not take those cousins' glares personally.

    As for my family members, weight is never under discussion. I don't open myself up to their comments. If they say something, I will thank them and change the subject. My weight management is my business.

    I don't think fat or skinny jokes are cool at all.

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