Is divorce on the rise?

Timshel_
Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
Anecdotally, I think it is. At least around me for people at this 40+ stage of life. If I read statistics though it seems it is on par without too much shift the last several years (still going up).

What do you think is the cause?
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Replies

  • Mr_Stabbems
    Mr_Stabbems Posts: 4,773 Member
    Social media
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
    Social media

    I would agree with that, but would expand it to just media influence. Although social media is more invasive because it is what we all have in our hand at any given minute of a day, TV viewing had been on the rise for many years before smart phones.
  • Mrj183
    Mrj183 Posts: 1,428 Member
    social expectations...the idea of marrying in your 20s starting a family and career is not realistic anymore. Those pressures are no longer on us and those who felt it was the way it was supposed to be are now realizing...nope ir completely created a *kitten* load of stress and anxiety trying to comform.

  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
    Mrj183 wrote: »
    social expectations...the idea of marrying in your 20s starting a family and career is not realistic anymore. Those pressures are no longer on us and those who felt it was the way it was supposed to be are now realizing...nope ir completely created a *kitten* load of stress and anxiety trying to comform.

    One person's stress is another person's comfort though. I chose to wait until almost 30 before getting married and most friends got married very young. About half my friends are now, or are getting divorced, but I am also seeing those that are remarried at the 30+ age still having issues.

    Social media and TV now promote exactly what you mention above, so the mindset of younger people going into life is exactly that. I don't disagree getting married young (20ish) is too soon, but it is the expectations of it all, as you mention, that is the issue. I think the expectations though can last through a lot later years. People are always trying to live what we used to call the Disney life, but now it seems more to be the 'reality TV' life, which isn't reality at all. Somewhere between the two seems about right.

  • pie_eyes
    pie_eyes Posts: 12,965 Member
    Idk if its on the rise anymore than it has been for the last 30 years
  • Mr_Stabbems
    Mr_Stabbems Posts: 4,773 Member
    To be fair I get about a bit more now so....bound to cause upsets.
  • Radiated_JK
    Radiated_JK Posts: 165 Member
    I think society has become much more acceptable of divorce now days. Back in the day it wasn't an option. It was frowned upon and people were more focused on putting work in with their partner. Marriage is just as difficult as as it ever has been. With that being said, the more recent generations have become so obsessed with instant gratification. Compromise and putting your spouse before yourself is needed daily for a healthy relationship. Now obviously that is somewhat unrealistic. But if both partners are actively willing, its enjoyable. If not, there are way too many options online to find instant gratification and to feel wanted /needed much more than your current relationship. I also think a healthy sex in a relationship is a must. Both sides have to constantly woo each other and keep that passion in the bedroom.

    I am currently going through a divorce and its one of the hardest things I've ever done. Granted I am happier now, the time without my daughter is painful. There are things both my spouse and me could have done different. But that is in the past. This is just my perspective on why I think most marriages fail.
  • jmule24
    jmule24 Posts: 1,404 Member
    IMO - divorce has become more socially acceptable and is the "easy" way to deal with most problems in a marriage. It's part of a bigger problem in society; that is lack of accountability as it's always someone else's fault.

    Now I think more can be talked about "marriage" how that has changed and evolved over time.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,486 Member
    I still it's about 50/50. Viewpoint from person to person will vary because of the peers/friends you keep. For example for many of my clients, I've found it to be 50/50. Amongst my family, there are only 2 (out of 30) couples I know of who aren't together any more and for most of my close friends, it's a little less than 50/50.
    So I do think that "types" of people we're looking at may make a difference.

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  • MrsBooBear
    MrsBooBear Posts: 12,619 Member
    "it's politically incorrect in the U.K. to use the term "husband" or "wife"." I've not noticed this, at all.
  • pie_eyes
    pie_eyes Posts: 12,965 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    Divorce may be on the rise but I've not really followed the recent statistics.

    Marriage is definitely a dying institution.

    The future holds exactly what's being reflected in the present. Easy come, easy go and the definition of a family is whatever an individual decides it is.

    Also, I notice it's politically incorrect in the U.K. to use the term "husband" or "wife". It's partner there. A "partner" is someone you banged last night in an alleyway while drunk. Or it's a marital partner of 40 years with whom you share 3 children born in wedlock. No difference. That mindset is also starting to infect U.S. lingo with the more liberal use of the word partner - automatically assumed to describe any semblance of supposedly romantic coupling.

    Infect? Lol
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,338 Member
    jmule24 wrote: »
    IMO - divorce has become more socially acceptable and is the "easy" way to deal with most problems in a marriage. It's part of a bigger problem in society; that is lack of accountability as it's always someone else's fault.

    Now I think more can be talked about "marriage" how that has changed and evolved over time.

    Not always easy. Sometimes people take years to realize they need to divorce and in the mean time, both parties live a miserable existence and in turn that misery is spilled over to the children to deal with. Even when not engaged in arguments, the tension and stress of an unhappy marriage can cause just as much damage to everyone (especially the kids) than if hubs and wifey were to just split ways.

    Hardest thing I ever went through, and although yes I'm happier now, it wasn't without damage and consequences. I didn't take divorce lightly (took me 4 years to do it), but I do see how others can think it is a fix all.
  • _SummerGirl_
    _SummerGirl_ Posts: 3,791 Member
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    jmule24 wrote: »
    IMO - divorce has become more socially acceptable and is the "easy" way to deal with most problems in a marriage. It's part of a bigger problem in society; that is lack of accountability as it's always someone else's fault.

    Now I think more can be talked about "marriage" how that has changed and evolved over time.

    Not always easy. Sometimes people take years to realize they need to divorce and in the mean time, both parties live a miserable existence and in turn that misery is spilled over to the children to deal with. Even when not engaged in arguments, the tension and stress of an unhappy marriage can cause just as much damage to everyone (especially the kids) than if hubs and wifey were to just split ways.

    Hardest thing I ever went through, and although yes I'm happier now, it wasn't without damage and consequences. I didn't take divorce lightly (took me 4 years to do it), but I do see how others can think it is a fix all.

    I am proud that you were strong enough to end it. So many people think the easy route is divorce...and maybe in some cases it is. I'm not saying people shouldn't try...and that marriage doesn't take work, but I also see too many people staying in miserable marriages because of fear. And staying in a marriage doesn't mean a couple is trying; sometimes they're just existing. And that could be more damaging, imho.

    Being a child of divorced parents, I didn't actually know what a blessing it was. I admit that growing up, I felt weird because all my friends had parents who were married (I'm old and it's different now). But after my mom remarried when I was in high school I realized what a functional marriage is supposed to be like.

    And I have to say that my mom's remarriage is the reason I ended up where I am today: celebrating 18 years of marriage. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't always easy. We had rough periods. I remember it being months. My husband says they were days. Lol. But we worked through them. However, if we weren't - and sometimes it happens that it can't be - I still believe it would have been better to cut ties, especially when children are involved.

    I hear so many people say that they're staying together for the children. As a child who has lived through it, let me just say that divorce - though painful - can be the better option. Kids aren't stupid. And what does that role model if you don't try to work it out and just stay for the kids? Your kids want to see you happy. And it's what we want for ourselves. If we don't feel we deserve to be with someone who loves us, will our kids feel the same about their own relationships?

    Just my opinion.


  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,369 Member
    ThomasW13 wrote: »
    Marriage is a beautiful thing. Everybody should do it at least twice.

    I've had two. Weddings are so much fun!!! Not to mention you get a pretty dress.

    I think people change. The man I married first back in 1999 wasn't the same man I divorced in 2002. Divorce was inevitable since our life plans changed drastically from when we got married to then.

    Maybe marriage is an antiquated institution? Maybe people just talk about it more? Before it was a bit taboo now it's just more mainstream?
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,369 Member
    ThomasW13 wrote: »
    synchkat wrote: »
    ThomasW13 wrote: »
    Marriage is a beautiful thing. Everybody should do it at least twice.

    I've had two. Weddings are so much fun!!! Not to mention you get a pretty dress.

    I think people change. The man I married first back in 1999 wasn't the same man I divorced in 2002. Divorce was inevitable since our life plans changed drastically from when we got married to then.

    Maybe marriage is an antiquated institution? Maybe people just talk about it more? Before it was a bit taboo now it's just more mainstream?

    people get older. they get older they get smarter. usually. i think it still has its place personally, but its more often than not an exercise in futility and doesn't typically help anything stop being broken.

    In my first experience I think I got smarter...he regressed to wanting a free wheeling young bachelor life...perhaps an early mid life crisis. But to have stayed married would have meant misery and unfulfilled life goals for both of us
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,369 Member
    He was 8 years older than me so he was creeping up on the dreaded 40.