Is divorce on the rise?
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Actually it appears the divorce rate in the US has been dropping in recent years.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000&_r=4&abt=0002&abg=0
I am pretty sure I had more friends growing up in the 70s and 80s with divorced parents than I have friends today who are divorced. Most of my friends waited until their late 20s to mid-30s to get married, so perhaps that has something to do with it (whereas my parents' generation tended to get married right out of school, before they became their "true selves").
Although in the past two years, there has been a wave of divorces among people I know...in most cases the couples were married 10+ years, and in the majority, it was the husband's infidelity that lead to the separation. I can't blame social media for the extra-marital affairs...in every case the husband met the woman he cheated with through work).0 -
Actually it appears the divorce rate in the US has been dropping in recent years.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000&_r=4&abt=0002&abg=0
I am pretty sure I had more friends growing up in the 70s and 80s with divorced parents than I have friends today who are divorced. Most of my friends waited until their late 20s to mid-30s to get married, so perhaps that has something to do with it (whereas my parents' generation tended to get married right out of school, before they became their "true selves").
Although in the past two years, there has been a wave of divorces among people I know...in most cases the couples were married 10+ years, and in the majority, it was the husband's infidelity that lead to the separation. I can't blame social media for the extra-marital affairs...in every case the husband met the woman he cheated with through work).
I have noticed this rise as well. Before it was uncommon for couples to split if they've made it past 7-10 years, but now it has become more common for "longer" marriages to end in divorce. It is one of my biggest worries, you know? And so I don't take it for granted. Just because we have been together for so long, I don't just assume that it's a lock.0 -
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I’m not sure if it is on the rise. Anecdotally, there are about 15 couples on my block that range from 30-45 and there aren’t any divorces (yet). However, there are people who are de facto divorced, just coexisting together in the same house to parent but little else.
In a nutshell, most marriages have two problems from the start: 1) men marry women and expect that they won’t change 2) women marry men and expect that they will change. 5 years into a marriage, it becomes apparent that women change a great deal and men haven’t changed very much, so both parties are disappointed. It is all about expectations.
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I’m not sure if it is on the rise. Anecdotally, there are about 15 couples on my block that range from 30-45 and there aren’t any divorces (yet). However, there are people who are de facto divorced, just coexisting together in the same house to parent but little else.
In a nutshell, most marriages have two problems from the start: 1) men marry women and expect that they won’t change 2) women marry men and expect that they will change. 5 years into a marriage, it becomes apparent that women change a great deal and men haven’t changed very much, so both parties are disappointed. It is all about expectations.
I like it.... One of the many reasons why marriage doesn't work anymore0 -
I’m not sure if it is on the rise. Anecdotally, there are about 15 couples on my block that range from 30-45 and there aren’t any divorces (yet). However, there are people who are de facto divorced, just coexisting together in the same house to parent but little else.
In a nutshell, most marriages have two problems from the start: 1) men marry women and expect that they won’t change 2) women marry men and expect that they will change. 5 years into a marriage, it becomes apparent that women change a great deal and men haven’t changed very much, so both parties are disappointed. It is all about expectations.
Your last paragraph says it all! Completely agree!0 -
_SummerGirl_ wrote: »
I have noticed this rise as well. Before it was uncommon for couples to split if they've made it past 7-10 years, but now it has become more common for "longer" marriages to end in divorce. It is one of my biggest worries, you know? And so I don't take it for granted. Just because we have been together for so long, I don't just assume that it's a lock.
isn't that typically because of the kids though? like they're just waiting till they're 18 then splitting up.
I would suppose some do...but it's the others that worry me.
It's the ones who just find themselves with an "empty nest" and that they no longer know, like, or have anything in common with their spouse. I think that's why we make a concerted effort to do things without the kids, even if it's just grabbing lunch mid-week or going grocery shopping without the kids - it's time without them. My daughter will be leaving for college in less than 2 years. My son is younger...so there's more time, but much of our time is dedicated to them as it is... so we just try to get some moments in there. I don't want to wake up one day and think, "who are you? why are we even together?" and I want to make sure my husband doesn't feel that way either.
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_SummerGirl_ wrote: »Actually it appears the divorce rate in the US has been dropping in recent years.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000&_r=4&abt=0002&abg=0
I am pretty sure I had more friends growing up in the 70s and 80s with divorced parents than I have friends today who are divorced. Most of my friends waited until their late 20s to mid-30s to get married, so perhaps that has something to do with it (whereas my parents' generation tended to get married right out of school, before they became their "true selves").
Although in the past two years, there has been a wave of divorces among people I know...in most cases the couples were married 10+ years, and in the majority, it was the husband's infidelity that lead to the separation. I can't blame social media for the extra-marital affairs...in every case the husband met the woman he cheated with through work).
I have noticed this rise as well. Before it was uncommon for couples to split if they've made it past 7-10 years, but now it has become more common for "longer" marriages to end in divorce. It is one of my biggest worries, you know? And so I don't take it for granted. Just because we have been together for so long, I don't just assume that it's a lock.
isn't that typically because of the kids though? like they're just waiting till they're 18 then splitting up.
That is funny, because that is what my parents did. Once the kids were out of the house, they divorced. We were like "seriously"? They did a fairly good job of putting on an act for several years, but in retrospect, the signs were there...0 -
HawleyGriffin wrote: »However, there are people who are de facto divorced, just coexisting together in the same house to parent but little else.
Also, don't forget those that are living in denial or perpetuating a fantasy. People that proclaim to be "happily married" but engage in activity that their suppose would certainly object to. Either they are in denial or they don't want people to know their "happily married" BS that they post is a complete sham.
Many people feel the need to project this "perfect" image. Imagine how many people out there are actually unhappy with their marriages but just won't admit it because they feel it might make them appear a failure.
I remember taking the train and some kids were on going to university and talking about their parents it was like "ya my parents divorced, they stayed together for us but I wish they had gotten divorced". Funny how sometimes when we think we are doing good we actually aren't.0 -
lots of people i went to high school with have already been married had kids and divorced
we aint even 30 yet
me well im just chilling
I think divorce rates have pretty much stayed the same the past 20 years though
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My cousins got married at like 20 and have been through A LOT that would destroy most people and we thought they wouldn't last but are still married probably 25 years later. You never know0
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I think divorce reached it's apex with the baby boomers...lot of kids from my generation and beyond (now adults) came from broken homes and don't really have a clue where relationships are concerned.
If anything, I see more people forgoing marriage altogether or waiting until later in life...many of my friends who married in their early 20s are now divorced...most of my friends who married in their 30s are still together...and then I know quite a few people who are like, "meh...not getting married."0 -
salembambi wrote: »lots of people i went to high school with have already been married had kids and divorced
we aint even 30 yet
Ditto. The few people I know that are still together now are the ones who took things slow (married in late 20s). After school, the girls were so desperate to get married and have babies. They didn't care who with. Recipe for disaster.0 -
HawleyGriffin wrote: »However, there are people who are de facto divorced, just coexisting together in the same house to parent but little else.
Also, don't forget those that are living in denial or perpetuating a fantasy. People that proclaim to be "happily married" but engage in activity that their suppose would certainly object to. Either they are in denial or they don't want people to know their "happily married" BS that they post is a complete sham.
Many people feel the need to project this "perfect" image. Imagine how many people out there are actually unhappy with their marriages but just won't admit it because they feel it might make them appear a failure.
I remember taking the train and some kids were on going to university and talking about their parents it was like "ya my parents divorced, they stayed together for us but I wish they had gotten divorced". Funny how sometimes when we think we are doing good we actually aren't.
Exactly.
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I personally don't give much into the credo of marriage being good or bad itself. Same with divorce actually. What make it such is the personification and attitude of each person. Same with anything in life. And it simply comes down to waking up each day to the choice of being married or divorced, being happy or angry in either, or believing it is romantic love, or fate, or whatever that makes it or breaks it.
Really I was just more interested in reading through individual's anecdotal observations of friends and family, and even more so looking to see if age played a bigger part or not. Like I said, statistically numbers really haven't changed drastically in the recent past, but I've noticed more couples my age having issues. Younger people have a very narrow opinion of it in its' ideal form and seem ot just pass on it though.0 -
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I married at 19, it lasted 35 years.
Is it possible to not grow apart, grow into opposite opinions etc., when one marries so young and stays together so long?0 -
Does anyone really think divorce is an "easy" fix? It's by no means, easy. Especially when kids are involved and your finances are all intertwined together. This is just a messy topic.0
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_whatsherface wrote: »Does anyone really think divorce is an "easy" fix? It's by no means, easy. Especially when kids are involved and your finances are all intertwined together. This is just a messy topic.
Tis why many people shouldn't get married to begin with..... I'll leave it at that.0 -
I personally don't give much into the credo of marriage being good or bad itself. Same with divorce actually. What make it such is the personification and attitude of each person. Same with anything in life. And it simply comes down to waking up each day to the choice of being married or divorced, being happy or angry in either, or believing it is romantic love, or fate, or whatever that makes it or breaks it.
Really I was just more interested in reading through individual's anecdotal observations of friends and family, and even more so looking to see if age played a bigger part or not. Like I said, statistically numbers really haven't changed drastically in the recent past, but I've noticed more couples my age having issues. Younger people have a very narrow opinion of it in its' ideal form and seem ot just pass on it though.
Well is this any good for an example..
My 2 sisters and 4 brothers married in their teens, my sisters lasted through hell and high water for 25years , their children had grown , they were in their 40's and divorced their husbands and my brothers have had several wives in that time.
All 30 plus neices (ive lost count i also have 30+ great neices and nephews) all in their 20's and 30's have not married, not because they didnt want to, just the men in their lives didnt want to. My oldest nephews have married in thier early 20's and have lasted 10+ years so far.
i myself got engaged when i was a teen but got too busy having babies and only married 16 years later and its been 22yr altogether .. we had plans for the future what we would do and when the kids have grown and left home etc. but those plans change over the years and people change you can accept it make new plans or move on.
IMO marriage is not very popular with the younger generation so divorce will be on the decrease too because of this.
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I got a divorce after 19 months with my ex-hubby
My reason was A) I found out he had been hiding and lying about trivial things for the first 12 months, then he refused to accept that we needed outside help to repair and strengthen our marriage. I tried asking if we could accept marriage help services from our church and he said we didn't need it. I told him for 6 months "you're losing me" and "you're going to lose me"… and he made no effort to "keep" me… so I finally did it one night and he literally packed up and left town days later never to be heard from again.
In my opinion, these were not the actions of a MAN… these were the actions of a scared boy. A boy who threw his hands in the air and said oh well, she's not happy so there's nothing I can do… and ran away rather than being a MAN and fighting for his woman.
This scenario is very case specific and I don't think it's a representation of why the divorce rate is up in general, maybe more people are viewing marriage as disposable… and not for life, as the commitment is.0 -
I was married for almost 4 years. We should have divorced way before that. He was unfaithful the entire marriage, but I still thought I could work harder and keep us together. It wasn't until a year after we were married that I learned how much of a liar he was. I fell in love with who he pretended to be. Divorce was the only option that gave me any hope at a happy future.0
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_whatsherface wrote: »Does anyone really think divorce is an "easy" fix? It's by no means, easy. Especially when kids are involved and your finances are all intertwined together. This is just a messy topic.
Tis why many people shouldn't get married to begin with..... I'll leave it at that.
I think you nailed it on the head.
I see a very bad trend in the world for people to take the easy path, and certainly more self-focused path. While some of that is good, there are a lot of negatives that brings to society. The balance has been skewed and the pendulum of betterment of all is swinging down. History shows though that we 'should' see things turn around at some point.
That isn't hyperbolic rhetoric either. Marriage is a good indicator of the attitude and focus of society as a whole.
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_whatsherface wrote: »Does anyone really think divorce is an "easy" fix? It's by no means, easy. Especially when kids are involved and your finances are all intertwined together. This is just a messy topic.
Tis why many people shouldn't get married to begin with..... I'll leave it at that.
I think you nailed it on the head.
I see a very bad trend in the world for people to take the easy path, and certainly more self-focused path. While some of that is good, there are a lot of negatives that brings to society. The balance has been skewed and the pendulum of betterment of all is swinging down. History shows though that we 'should' see things turn around at some point.
That isn't hyperbolic rhetoric either. Marriage is a good indicator of the attitude and focus of society as a whole.
It's my opinion that people too often allow outside influence to "direct" their marriages. Being in a committed relationship and marriage are two very different things IMO. There is a religious aspect of it which we wont get into on here as we've seemed to get this thread pretty heated once already.
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My cousins got married at like 20 and have been through A LOT that would destroy most people and we thought they wouldn't last but are still married probably 25 years later. You never know
This is me. I was a week shy of my 21st birthday when I got married. Many marriages will not survive the mess we've been through but we're still at it 26 years later. It's not always happy and there are challenges every day but it's a work in progress......still....even after 26 years.0 -
My cousins got married at like 20 and have been through A LOT that would destroy most people and we thought they wouldn't last but are still married probably 25 years later. You never know
I got married at 20 my husband 25. We went through our share of ups and downs. We are now 27 years happily married and it keeps getting better every year. I don't think age makes a difference. It's mutual respect, love, commitment and a little compromise that worked for us.
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