Is divorce on the rise?
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It's amazing how much difference a mere 8 years can be between two people. Doesn't seem like a lot on paper but I know it was for us0
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Yeah but you both look like your 40, right? BWAHAHAHA0
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HawleyGriffin wrote: »
Ugh. Doesn't look like things are going to work out for you and I. Since they say, "third time's the charm" you would be hitting the jackpot. I on the other hand would only be on number two, and still longing for my charm.
Catch you after number two. Although I did say I'll never be thrice married but then again I do love weddings and pretty dresses0 -
its been 6 months for me and im only just starting to feel like....i should move on.0
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MFP is the cause.
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I am pretty sure the divorce rates have been high for a long time. I remember it being 50% when I was a kid in the 80s. I do think it is much more socially acceptable to be divorced now than it was, but I think as a collective we are a lot more open minded about any kind of social or relationship status.
Also, people in general make really bad decisions. Marriage is often on of them.0 -
alot of second or third marriafes work because both individuals know what they want in a long term relationship and have established careers. marriage is all about working towards that common goal. Sometimes when kids grow up, parents are like...well now what? we only planned this far0
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HawleyGriffin wrote: »HawleyGriffin wrote: »
Ugh. Doesn't look like things are going to work out for you and I. Since they say, "third time's the charm" you would be hitting the jackpot. I on the other hand would only be on number two, and still longing for my charm.
Catch you after number two. Although I did say I'll never be thrice married but then again I do love weddings and pretty dresses
Still won't work. Eloping is the only way I would consider marrying again.
There's always Vegas....a tacky Vegas wedding would be fun. I'd still get a new dress0 -
Actually it appears the divorce rate in the US has been dropping in recent years.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000&_r=4&abt=0002&abg=0
I am pretty sure I had more friends growing up in the 70s and 80s with divorced parents than I have friends today who are divorced. Most of my friends waited until their late 20s to mid-30s to get married, so perhaps that has something to do with it (whereas my parents' generation tended to get married right out of school, before they became their "true selves").
Although in the past two years, there has been a wave of divorces among people I know...in most cases the couples were married 10+ years, and in the majority, it was the husband's infidelity that lead to the separation. I can't blame social media for the extra-marital affairs...in every case the husband met the woman he cheated with through work).0 -
Actually it appears the divorce rate in the US has been dropping in recent years.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000&_r=4&abt=0002&abg=0
I am pretty sure I had more friends growing up in the 70s and 80s with divorced parents than I have friends today who are divorced. Most of my friends waited until their late 20s to mid-30s to get married, so perhaps that has something to do with it (whereas my parents' generation tended to get married right out of school, before they became their "true selves").
Although in the past two years, there has been a wave of divorces among people I know...in most cases the couples were married 10+ years, and in the majority, it was the husband's infidelity that lead to the separation. I can't blame social media for the extra-marital affairs...in every case the husband met the woman he cheated with through work).
I have noticed this rise as well. Before it was uncommon for couples to split if they've made it past 7-10 years, but now it has become more common for "longer" marriages to end in divorce. It is one of my biggest worries, you know? And so I don't take it for granted. Just because we have been together for so long, I don't just assume that it's a lock.0 -
I’m not sure if it is on the rise. Anecdotally, there are about 15 couples on my block that range from 30-45 and there aren’t any divorces (yet). However, there are people who are de facto divorced, just coexisting together in the same house to parent but little else.
In a nutshell, most marriages have two problems from the start: 1) men marry women and expect that they won’t change 2) women marry men and expect that they will change. 5 years into a marriage, it becomes apparent that women change a great deal and men haven’t changed very much, so both parties are disappointed. It is all about expectations.
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I’m not sure if it is on the rise. Anecdotally, there are about 15 couples on my block that range from 30-45 and there aren’t any divorces (yet). However, there are people who are de facto divorced, just coexisting together in the same house to parent but little else.
In a nutshell, most marriages have two problems from the start: 1) men marry women and expect that they won’t change 2) women marry men and expect that they will change. 5 years into a marriage, it becomes apparent that women change a great deal and men haven’t changed very much, so both parties are disappointed. It is all about expectations.
I like it.... One of the many reasons why marriage doesn't work anymore0 -
I’m not sure if it is on the rise. Anecdotally, there are about 15 couples on my block that range from 30-45 and there aren’t any divorces (yet). However, there are people who are de facto divorced, just coexisting together in the same house to parent but little else.
In a nutshell, most marriages have two problems from the start: 1) men marry women and expect that they won’t change 2) women marry men and expect that they will change. 5 years into a marriage, it becomes apparent that women change a great deal and men haven’t changed very much, so both parties are disappointed. It is all about expectations.
Your last paragraph says it all! Completely agree!0 -
_SummerGirl_ wrote: »
I have noticed this rise as well. Before it was uncommon for couples to split if they've made it past 7-10 years, but now it has become more common for "longer" marriages to end in divorce. It is one of my biggest worries, you know? And so I don't take it for granted. Just because we have been together for so long, I don't just assume that it's a lock.
isn't that typically because of the kids though? like they're just waiting till they're 18 then splitting up.
I would suppose some do...but it's the others that worry me.
It's the ones who just find themselves with an "empty nest" and that they no longer know, like, or have anything in common with their spouse. I think that's why we make a concerted effort to do things without the kids, even if it's just grabbing lunch mid-week or going grocery shopping without the kids - it's time without them. My daughter will be leaving for college in less than 2 years. My son is younger...so there's more time, but much of our time is dedicated to them as it is... so we just try to get some moments in there. I don't want to wake up one day and think, "who are you? why are we even together?" and I want to make sure my husband doesn't feel that way either.
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_SummerGirl_ wrote: »Actually it appears the divorce rate in the US has been dropping in recent years.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000&_r=4&abt=0002&abg=0
I am pretty sure I had more friends growing up in the 70s and 80s with divorced parents than I have friends today who are divorced. Most of my friends waited until their late 20s to mid-30s to get married, so perhaps that has something to do with it (whereas my parents' generation tended to get married right out of school, before they became their "true selves").
Although in the past two years, there has been a wave of divorces among people I know...in most cases the couples were married 10+ years, and in the majority, it was the husband's infidelity that lead to the separation. I can't blame social media for the extra-marital affairs...in every case the husband met the woman he cheated with through work).
I have noticed this rise as well. Before it was uncommon for couples to split if they've made it past 7-10 years, but now it has become more common for "longer" marriages to end in divorce. It is one of my biggest worries, you know? And so I don't take it for granted. Just because we have been together for so long, I don't just assume that it's a lock.
isn't that typically because of the kids though? like they're just waiting till they're 18 then splitting up.
That is funny, because that is what my parents did. Once the kids were out of the house, they divorced. We were like "seriously"? They did a fairly good job of putting on an act for several years, but in retrospect, the signs were there...0 -
HawleyGriffin wrote: »However, there are people who are de facto divorced, just coexisting together in the same house to parent but little else.
Also, don't forget those that are living in denial or perpetuating a fantasy. People that proclaim to be "happily married" but engage in activity that their suppose would certainly object to. Either they are in denial or they don't want people to know their "happily married" BS that they post is a complete sham.
Many people feel the need to project this "perfect" image. Imagine how many people out there are actually unhappy with their marriages but just won't admit it because they feel it might make them appear a failure.
I remember taking the train and some kids were on going to university and talking about their parents it was like "ya my parents divorced, they stayed together for us but I wish they had gotten divorced". Funny how sometimes when we think we are doing good we actually aren't.0 -
lots of people i went to high school with have already been married had kids and divorced
we aint even 30 yet
me well im just chilling
I think divorce rates have pretty much stayed the same the past 20 years though
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