My son called me fat.

beth0277
beth0277 Posts: 217 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My thin 5 year old called me fat yesterday. Well, fatty, to be specific. I had hoped that would be a turning point and I cried and cried after he did. Not because I don't know I'm overweight, but because he knows. I don't ever want him to be embarrassed of me. I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.

I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.
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Replies

  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
    Your son is a bully.
  • beth0277
    beth0277 Posts: 217 Member
    kbmnurse wrote: »
    Your son is a bully.

    No, he is 5 and said something when he was angry. That doesn't mean it is desired behavior but he is a sweet and caring little boy, not a bully. And that's beside the point.
  • habla25
    habla25 Posts: 17 Member
    I'm sorry that this happened to you. I don't have children but I imagine that this would hit a nerve and cause a lot of emotional pain. But I also don't think a slip up equals failure. I mean look at where you're at right now- you have the motivation to go on here and fess up. Keep going and try again. Also, realize you're going to mess up again. And forgive yourself.
  • DKLI
    DKLI Posts: 63 Member
    Did you tell him it's wrong to say that?
  • kasperwasper2016
    kasperwasper2016 Posts: 10 Member
    That had to hurt. :(

    I'm sorry you had to hear that from your son.

    He's old enough for a talking-to though. Not a distressing talk, but one where you can explain this cycle. Let him know that you (and so many other people) find it much more difficult to reach goals with negative input.

    He's only 5, but that's old enough to become aware that negative words effect people.
  • beth0277
    beth0277 Posts: 217 Member
    DKLI wrote: »
    Did you tell him it's wrong to say that?

    Yes, of course. He was very sorry when he saw that it upset me.

  • Equus5374
    Equus5374 Posts: 462 Member
    If I ever called my mother something like that, my father would have made it so I never would even *think* to utter such disrespectful words ever again... but that's another issue.

    I'm thinking you have some self-confidence issues. Hey, we ALL fail at something...every day! What distinguishes successful and non-successful people are the ones who get back up every single day and try again. So you messed up today, tomorrow is a chance to start over again. You have to take control and silence the voice that wants to concentrate on the failures. You have to decide not to allow self-loathing to become a lifestyle and break the cycle. It is up to YOU and no one else.

    I suggest maybe talking to a therapist to get at the root of your problem, and when you start to see yourself in a more positive light, you'll see longer term success.

    Good luck.
  • tara_means_star
    tara_means_star Posts: 957 Member
    kbmnurse wrote: »
    Your son is a bully.

    I'm not sure it's helpful to call a 5 year old a bully. He's 5. He doesn't have the full concept that other people have feelings or that calling someone fat is a really hurtful thing to say. He's likely repeating things he's heard at school or from other adults or TV. That being said, OP this is a good time to teach your son about the power of his words and to get him to begin thinking about the concept that other people have feelings and what he says can hurt. It sounds like your relationship with food is broken. The way you talk makes it sound like you've got some depression going on. Is that the case?
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    kbmnurse wrote: »
    Your son is a bully.

    What? Did you miss the part where she said he was 5?

    OP why would this make you cry ..he's absorbed the word fattie as an insult and you need to address how it's not ok to ever comment on anyone's appearance

    He won't be embarrassed about you..you're his mother ..it will be fine

    Now if you want to drop weight that's another thing...you just have to stick to your calorie defecit across the week
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
    well you can try to buckle down and focus and gain that willpower and go kick some butt!! YOu CAN DO IT!
  • kiara1066
    kiara1066 Posts: 119 Member
    Your son said something mean regardless if you're thin or fat it's important to teach that everyone deserves respect. I am not skinny myself, but I wouldn't tolerate that behavior. I understand you're thinking its a breaking point, but to me it shows disregard for others feelings. Best of luck.
  • beth0277
    beth0277 Posts: 217 Member
    Equus5374 wrote: »
    If I ever called my mother something like that, my father would have made it so I never would even *think* to utter such disrespectful words ever again... but that's another issue.

    I'm thinking you have some self-confidence issues. Hey, we ALL fail at something...every day! What distinguishes successful and non-successful people are the ones who get back up every single day and try again. So you messed up today, tomorrow is a chance to start over again. You have to take control and silence the voice that wants to concentrate on the failures. You have to decide not to allow self-loathing to become a lifestyle and break the cycle. It is up to YOU and no one else.

    I suggest maybe talking to a therapist to get at the root of your problem, and when you start to see yourself in a more positive light, you'll see longer term success.

    Good luck.

    It's weird because in every other area of my life I am a perfectionist. I am a 4.0 grad student working full time and pride myself on having a spotless house. It's like, I run out of energy to take care of myself because I have so many other things going on.
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,024 Member
    kasperwasper2016 wrote: »

    He's only 5, but that's old enough to become aware that negative words effect people.

    ^^^This^^^
  • simplyGigi
    simplyGigi Posts: 12 Member
    kbmnurse wrote: »
    Your son is a bully.

    Wow.
  • edack72
    edack72 Posts: 173 Member
    Out of the mouths of babes...truth hurts now do something about do it for him do it for you it's gonna be hard no doubt there will be bad days and then there will be good days it's a battle a constant one I have stopped and started so many times but finally found success I recommend weight watchers its a great program and easy to follow that's what got me started after that I found an on line coach through facebook and that changed my life I am not at my goal and still have a ways to go I have bad days bad weeks but I don't quit so don't cry get angry and take it out on your excess weight use it as motivation to keep going when you feel like quitting tell your son that you are going to lose weight and he sure sounds like he can keep you accountable ...if you have facebook like everysingle fitness and diet page when you see workout and diet tips daily it will keep you in the right frame of mind . Find an acountability partner other than your 5 year old :) Good Luck I wish the best for you ...I bet you will be thanking your son for saying that in the months to come
  • mommyrunning
    mommyrunning Posts: 495 Member
    This is a great teaching opportunity. You can talk to him and tell him that it hurt your feelings and that it isn't nice to say that to people. Next you can tell him that you are working to be a healthier mommy so you can have more energy to play with him (or whatever reason you have). This conversation will teach him that you should speak up when someone upsets you and that saying hurtful things to people isn't right.

    This journey does not have to be an all or nothing journey. You don't have to eat perfectly every day and never go over calories. What you can do is change how you react to over eating. You could say okay I indulged a little bit so now I am going to take my son outside and play or I'm going to go for a walk to burn off some of those calories. You may not burn all of them off but you will reduce the impact of overdoing it. You can also adjust the next day and try to reduce your calories to compensate (within the healthy range). Do not give up. This journey is not usually a downward line for most. More often it's a zig zag with a downward trend. Think progress not perfection.

  • beth0277
    beth0277 Posts: 217 Member
    ahoy_m8 wrote: »
    kasperwasper2016 wrote: »

    He's only 5, but that's old enough to become aware that negative words effect people.

    ^^^This^^^

    Maybe I didn't explain my original post well. I'm not seeking advice on how to handle my son saying that. He was wrong, he knows he was wrong, and we had a long talk about it. I'm more upset with the fact that I can't seem to "get it together" even after he said it to me.
  • Equus5374
    Equus5374 Posts: 462 Member
    Sounds like you might be a perfectionist on the outside, but now it's time to work on the inside. One day at a time, keep on keeping on, one foot in front of the other, etc. It's not a race. It's not a competition. It's a daily grind and we all do it.

    How about starting a short workout program? Oftentimes when I'm feeling down, exercise boosts my spirits and the harder it is the better I feel (that's just me though). Go to YouTube and look around, there's plenty of free programs.
  • tara_means_star
    tara_means_star Posts: 957 Member
    beth0277 wrote: »
    Equus5374 wrote: »
    If I ever called my mother something like that, my father would have made it so I never would even *think* to utter such disrespectful words ever again... but that's another issue.

    I'm thinking you have some self-confidence issues. Hey, we ALL fail at something...every day! What distinguishes successful and non-successful people are the ones who get back up every single day and try again. So you messed up today, tomorrow is a chance to start over again. You have to take control and silence the voice that wants to concentrate on the failures. You have to decide not to allow self-loathing to become a lifestyle and break the cycle. It is up to YOU and no one else.

    I suggest maybe talking to a therapist to get at the root of your problem, and when you start to see yourself in a more positive light, you'll see longer term success.

    Good luck.

    It's weird because in every other area of my life I am a perfectionist. I am a 4.0 grad student working full time and pride myself on having a spotless house. It's like, I run out of energy to take care of myself because I have so many other things going on.

    You HAVE to take time to take care of yourself or else it's likely other areas of your life will begin to slip. We can only carry on burning the candle at both ends before we run out of anything to give. Start slowly. Add in a relaxing bath, or a family walk in the evening. Start with small things that you can do to take care of yourself. Taking control of your weight is no different...start with small changes. Maybe log whatever you eat without restricting at first. Then, maybe start choosing foods that make you feel good and give you energy. Then slowly start working on a deficit, maybe shave off 100 calories at a time. Don't think it's weird that you have all this going on and this is the ONE thing you aren't a perfectionist with. That is actually really normal. You can't possibly control everything to be perfect and perhaps the very fact that you put so much pressure on yourself to do things perfectly is the very reason you feel you have no control over how much you eat.
  • yarwell
    yarwell Posts: 10,478 Member
    kbmnurse wrote: »
    Your son is a bully.

    an observant and honest little chap by the sound of it.

    His head hasn't been filled with the PC BS that awaits him.
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