My son called me fat.
Replies
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Shanel0916 wrote: »You raised him, so somewhere along the way this is what he has been taught to do and he is only 5 what a shame.
This makes me want to resort to name calling but I have more self control that a five year old so I don't. I suppose you've never said something you regret when angry. I suppose every hurtful thing you have ever said or done was something you learned from your mother. Kids at school don't name call. Television certainly doesn't make fun of people for being fat. MUST be the parenting
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Ah, the brutal honesty of youth. My son did the same and it was one of the final straws for me as well.
What you really have to address is why you cried.0 -
Your son is a bully.
What? Did you miss the part where she said he was 5?
OP why would this make you cry ..he's absorbed the word fattie as an insult and you need to address how it's not ok to ever comment on anyone's appearance
He won't be embarrassed about you..you're his mother ..it will be fine
Now if you want to drop weight that's another thing...you just have to stick to your calorie defecit across the week
That's where it starts. Bully regardless.
Do you even know what the definition of a bully is? Here let me tell you:
a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.
Doesn't seem to me like this is what that child was doing. A child of that age still speaks what they are thinking, they are honest and innocent. He can be talked to and told that he was out of line however you can not peg this child is a bully, he's simply an adolescent who's still learning.
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My thin 5 year old called me fat yesterday. Well, fatty, to be specific. I had hoped that would be a turning point and I cried and cried after he did. Not because I don't know I'm overweight, but because he knows. I don't ever want him to be embarrassed of me. I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.
I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.
So why did you get the Reese's cup is the bigger question? That's a question only you can answer. Have you eaten it yet? If not don't. Think about a few things first. I say this from experience. I remember my baby girl asking me if I had another baby in there pointing to my belly.
I love reese's, they are my arch nemesis, lol..but it's more important to me to stay focused so it's in my drawer and it will stay there until I reach a goal.
You can't just start without a goal, without a plan. How about make it through until Sunday without any sweets. It sounds like baby steps for you. Then have a small treat, then say I made it 3 days, good now I'll shoot for a week. If you buy something not good, log on first, start a thread.."I have this candy bar in my hand and it's calling my name, HELP!!"
You CAN stop the cycle...You CAN
No, I didn't eat the reese's. I guess I got it because I thought "I'm stressed and will start tomorrow, I want a treat right now." I took a few handfuls of popcorn and threw the rest away. I handled it okay, I think, given the temptation and the actual act of driving to the store to get the junk but I need to learn to not get to that place.0 -
djeffreys10 wrote: »larali1980 wrote: »No, telling someone that they are fat in order to hurt them does not equal goofing off or making silly jokes among friends.
Except that there are just as many people that will whine about their friends making a fat joke at their expense as that will whine about a person saying it trying to be hurtful, and everyone on here will parade around them consoling and talking about how insensitive that persons friends are. It's all the same. Getting called fat is getting called fat. And if it's an accurate statement, then don't get mad about it. Make it NOT an accurate statement. It's a choice. Feeling sorry for yourself never fixes anything, and it sure as crap doesn't burn calories.I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.
I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.
Your keys did not drag you to your car, place themselves in the ignition, and crank it. You car did not drive itself to the store. Everything that happened was a conscious choice that you made. You have the power to do whatever you choose. You chose to go get popcorn and reese's. You will only get "it" when you choose to do so. Wishing accomplishes nothing. You will only change when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. If you really want it, you will do it. Period.
I agree 100%. I like the real approach, I dont want people to coddle me, I want them to give me straight answers, even if it isnt what I want to hear.
You make all of the decisions/choices, you can decide to get "it" or you can decide to eat a reeces and popcorn and feel sorry for yourself. You will have set backs, no need to beat yourself up. Just get right back up and start fighting again. If you want "it" bad enough, you will have to put in the work and effort.0 -
Oh please. You ever wonder where name calling behavior comes from? Kids don't learn it from animals. Between 1-5 years old, children emulate what parents do. So if a kid has a nick name (which lots do), it's not unnatural for a child to make up a name for the parent. If fatty came up, they learned it from more than likely from the parent.Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
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I don't think I've ever uttered the word "fatty" around him. I would imagine he heard it at school.0 -
Lol two year old cousin once asked grandmother, "Gwamma you got beh-beh in your belly?"Mister_Ladyfingers wrote: »*shrugs* My one and a half year old patted my stomach the other day and said, "Baby?" Kids are pretty awesome like that.
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My thin 5 year old called me fat yesterday. Well, fatty, to be specific. I had hoped that would be a turning point and I cried and cried after he did. Not because I don't know I'm overweight, but because he knows. I don't ever want him to be embarrassed of me. I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.
I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.
So why did you get the Reese's cup is the bigger question? That's a question only you can answer. Have you eaten it yet? If not don't. Think about a few things first. I say this from experience. I remember my baby girl asking me if I had another baby in there pointing to my belly.
I love reese's, they are my arch nemesis, lol..but it's more important to me to stay focused so it's in my drawer and it will stay there until I reach a goal.
You can't just start without a goal, without a plan. How about make it through until Sunday without any sweets. It sounds like baby steps for you. Then have a small treat, then say I made it 3 days, good now I'll shoot for a week. If you buy something not good, log on first, start a thread.."I have this candy bar in my hand and it's calling my name, HELP!!"
You CAN stop the cycle...You CAN
No, I didn't eat the reese's. I guess I got it because I thought "I'm stressed and will start tomorrow, I want a treat right now." I took a few handfuls of popcorn and threw the rest away. I handled it okay, I think, given the temptation and the actual act of driving to the store to get the junk but I need to learn to not get to that place.
I think you should give yourself credit for not eating the candy and all the popcorn.0 -
kasperwasper2016 wrote: »
He's only 5, but that's old enough to become aware that negative words effect people.
^^^This^^^
But that's exactly what he meant to do according to the story. Mission accomplished.
Now would be a good time for him to learn that actions have consequences. There's probably a similar lesson for OP in this too.0 -
I remember when my oldest was 3. We had a standard health nurse meeting as she did a simple assessment on his vocabulary, motor and fine motor skills. I will never forget her asking him to describe pictures she held up. Colors and shapes, etc. she wanted him to describe a picture of a thin tall man, and another of a short heavier man. He described the second as "a big man, looks like a lumberjack with strong shoulders". I don't think we had ever described anything as "fat" to him. Society had deemed that word rude so I just subconsciously edited it out I guess. I did get a complement on his wording though. He perfectly listed the standout facts about the appearance of that man without being rude.
Kids learn what they are exposed to. And as much as we try we cannot control their exposure. Your son will learn to be more polite at some point soon.0 -
Someone on here recommended Dr. Beck's diet solution to another poster and I decided to check it out for myself. It's not a diet book per say, but uses cognitive therapy to help you finally achieve your goals. I've found it very helpful. It addresses your behavior with the Reeses. Every kid says something hurtful to their parents at one point or another, just wait till he's a teen! Seriously tho, he's just five and probably learned that from elsewhere. Let his noticing your current weight be one of the motivations to get you on track to a healthier you.0
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Your son is a bully.
What? Did you miss the part where she said he was 5?
OP why would this make you cry ..he's absorbed the word fattie as an insult and you need to address how it's not ok to ever comment on anyone's appearance
He won't be embarrassed about you..you're his mother ..it will be fine
Now if you want to drop weight that's another thing...you just have to stick to your calorie defecit across the week
That's where it starts. Bully regardless.
When did the definition of "bully" get so distorted??? It used to mean something. Now it's synonymous with someone getting their feelings hurt.
What actual power, real or perceived, is this five year old exerting over her?
(ETA: Ah, I see that someone else already addressed this. Good. I was beginning to think I was the only one fighting this battle.)0 -
And that's possible too. When my DD came home one time at 5 after school asking me what "nerd" meant, I first asked her where she heard it. Lol, she said from mom.
Oh please. You ever wonder where name calling behavior comes from? Kids don't learn it from animals. Between 1-5 years old, children emulate what parents do. So if a kid has a nick name (which lots do), it's not unnatural for a child to make up a name for the parent. If fatty came up, they learned it from more than likely from the parent.Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
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I don't think I've ever uttered the word "fatty" around him. I would imagine he heard it at school.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Doubt it..............................we just hired Chip Kelly.I try to think about this from a 5 year old's perspective:
"Don't you ever lie to me or you gonna get it."
"It's okay to lie sometimes so you don't hurt people's feelings."
"It's better to just keep your mouth shut."
"It's good to express your feelings."
Now honestly, he's trying to decide what's avenue to take when he wants to say something after hearing stuff like this?
WE ARE THE ADULTS HERE. Understand that he's just conveying what he sees with what limited knowledge he has. If it's an adolecent or teen fine. But come on now. It's a child.
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I love everything in your post except the picture of the Niners! lol Go JETS..ok, maybe next season?
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Oh NO! Good luck with that..Philly's scraps!0 -
Oh please. You ever wonder where name calling behavior comes from? Kids don't learn it from animals. Between 1-5 years old, children emulate what parents do. So if a kid has a nick name (which lots do), it's not unnatural for a child to make up a name for the parent. If fatty came up, they learned it from more than likely from the parent.Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Seriously? Are you even a parent. By the time a child is 5, they have been exposed to a lot of people besides their parents. This could have come from any one or any where. TV, other children, other adults, school, church. They are not totally sheltered from all the cruelty in the world and compared to a generation ago, there is a lot more information they can get, from numerous sources that previous generation never had.
This woman does not deserve this kind of comment.0 -
SeptemberFeyre wrote: »Someone on here recommended Dr. Beck's diet solution to another poster and I decided to check it out for myself. It's not a diet book per say, but uses cognitive therapy to help you finally achieve your goals. I've found it very helpful. It addresses your behavior with the Reeses....
Yes, the cognitive/behavioral techniques I learned when I drank too much are useful for addressing food issues as well.
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Blaming 5 year old for being five year old, blaming mom for not parenting right because five year old did five year old things, name calling, and semantics. Have I missed anything?
OP, your son is testing the boundaries, as all children do. He probably heard someone else say it and watched them get a reaction, so he tried it. He's not a bully, and won't be unless he's not taught that when someone responds tearfully, that their words were hurtful. But you know that.
The fact that you are still this upset tells me you are upset with your body and need to take charge of that. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! I promise it will be worth it for you and yourself. If it is this upsetting for you, you may want to seek professional help to deal with body image.0 -
If I ever called my mother something like that, my father would have made it so I never would even *think* to utter such disrespectful words ever again... but that's another issue.
I'm thinking you have some self-confidence issues. Hey, we ALL fail at something...every day! What distinguishes successful and non-successful people are the ones who get back up every single day and try again. So you messed up today, tomorrow is a chance to start over again. You have to take control and silence the voice that wants to concentrate on the failures. You have to decide not to allow self-loathing to become a lifestyle and break the cycle. It is up to YOU and no one else.
I suggest maybe talking to a therapist to get at the root of your problem, and when you start to see yourself in a more positive light, you'll see longer term success.
Good luck.
It's weird because in every other area of my life I am a perfectionist. I am a 4.0 grad student working full time and pride myself on having a spotless house. It's like, I run out of energy to take care of myself because I have so many other things going on.
OP - haven't had the chance to read through all the other comments as yet, so this may have already been addressed, I wonder if your problems lie with the burden of being a "perfectionist'.
Weight loss and the life changes that it entails is a journey (sorry for the cliche word but it does fit) and you are going to have to come to terms with all the positives and negatives that 'journey' involves.
Successful weight loss I think involves your acknowledgment that it is impossible to expect perfection from yourself, accept that some days will be better than others, weight loss is not linear, embrace the qualities of patience and persistence and keeping going forward.
I am glad you had a talk with your Son and that he understands the power that words can have.
That said, maybe you would be helped by getting a support network around you so that you can work on garnering the inner strength and resolve to not let what others say derail you to this point....you can only ever control yourself, so if you feel you need help with self esteem etc there is certainly no shame in seeking professional help in this area.
I wish you all the best.
For now though, look at this as others have suggested, every day is a new day. Start over, make realistic goals, eat foods you enjoy, have a sensible and attainable deficit, log everything you eat after you have weighed it with digital scales and get in some exercise that you like (if you so wish).
Good luck0 -
My 7 year old son told me my booty was the size of a rhino. It motivated me to get up and get on it but I also made him my "personal trainer" so he can see just how hard it is to lose weight and get healthy. (He's a string bean BTW...)
I'm now down 20 pounds and he is my biggest fan. Cheers me on and pushes me to exercise. Even when it's freezing outside he'll put on his layers of clothes just to join me on my walk. We are BOTH building healthy habits now.0 -
snowflake930 wrote: »
Oh please. You ever wonder where name calling behavior comes from? Kids don't learn it from animals. Between 1-5 years old, children emulate what parents do. So if a kid has a nick name (which lots do), it's not unnatural for a child to make up a name for the parent. If fatty came up, they learned it from more than likely from the parent.Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Seriously? Are you even a parent. By the time a child is 5, they have been exposed to a lot of people besides their parents. This could have come from any one or any where. TV, other children, other adults, school, church. They are not totally sheltered from all the cruelty in the world and compared to a generation ago, there is a lot more information they can get, from numerous sources that previous generation never had.
This woman does not deserve this kind of comment.
Exactly. @ninerbuff - kids say ridiculous things all the time that their parents NEVER say. I told my parents when I was 6 and mad at my mom that I was glad I was adopted. I KNOW she never said that to me. Kids get mad at parents all the time and say, "I don't love you!" Is it because their parents said it to them? Doubtful.0
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