My son called me fat.
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djeffreys10 wrote: »Getting called fat is getting called fat. And if it's an accurate statement, then don't get mad about it. Make it NOT an accurate statement. It's a choice. Feeling sorry for yourself never fixes anything, and it sure as crap doesn't burn calories.
Hm yes, I suppose you are right.0 -
larali1980 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »djeffreys10 wrote: »When I was fat, I would get called fat sometimes. Mostly by my friends, just goofing around. Thing was, I was fat. I am not going to get mad if someone calls me bald. I am. I am not going to get mad if someone says I am a bit on the short side. I am. I wouldn't get mad if someone called me fat. I was.
Are you fat? If so, it's an accurate observation. If you don't like it, change it.
This x1000.
No, telling someone that they are fat in order to hurt them does not equal goofing off or making silly jokes among friends.
Honestly describing a person's physical attributes is "hurtful"?0 -
Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »My son is five too. He calls fat people fat. Guess what, hard truth, your failing. Get with the program, really for your son's sake.
Then again my son also told me he hated me, because I made him go to bed last night.
I'd like to tone this down for you, but really being alive and healthy for my family is my #1 motivator.
Yup.
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djeffreys10 wrote: »
Your keys did not drag you to your car, place themselves in the ignition, and crank it. You car did not drive itself to the store. Everything that happened was a conscious choice that you made. You have the power to do whatever you choose. You chose to go get popcorn and reese's. You will only get "it" when you choose to do so. Wishing accomplishes nothing. You will only change when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. If you really want it, you will do it. Period.
This times 100%. The all-or-nothing approach almost never works. The "perfection" plan almost never works. BUT believing in your own power works. Believing that you are THE ONLY ONE in control of what and how much you eat works. Changing your perspective works. You have to stop putting yourself in the position of the victim. You aren't a victim of obesity. You are a person who made choices (like many many many people, almost everyone here on this site!) that led to weight gain and is just as capable of making choices to lose it.0 -
I'm not a perfectionist, but I am very competent about my home, business, children etc. One of my "aha" moments was when I thought to myself, "I can keep everything else together, why can't I keep my eating under control?" I started applying the same principles to eating as I did to my other jobs.
One thing I had to do was block out time for me, just like I would block out time for my accounting chores or to take kids to practices or cleaning, etc. I had to get a little bit selfish and hold on to that time. I explored my habits and figured out what was triggering my overeating. Then one by one, I changed those negative behaviors into positive ones. It took actual blocks of daily time to really get it together and some things had to wait because my health took priority over them.
Also, as a perfectionist, you probably tend to see things from a black and white perspective. If you didn't do something perfectly, then you failed. But when it comes to slowly creating new personal habits, you have to allow yourself space to have set backs. You are not perfect. You will have bad days. Give yourself grace when you fail. Celebrate the victories, learn from the mistakes and start new.
And I think your little boy will be fine. He's learned a lesson about being kind and he won't forget it.
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"I'm more upset with the fact that I can't seem to "get it together" even after he said it to me."
I can completely relate to that feeling beth0277, I have had those moments and still continue to have them. The one thing I do to help myself is to allow myself that moment of crying and when it's over I ask myself why it hurt so bad, or why did I feel so overwhelmed in that moment. From what I read of your reply posts it sounds like you have a lot going on in your life: being a perfectionist, rocking a 4.0 in grad school, working full time, raising a 5 year old son, having a spot less house... all of those things take effort, but to me it sounds like you have a lot of things together if you are doing all of that
Maybe it's time you take time for yourself, forgive yourself for your choices of popcorn and reese cups - that's okay to slip up every once in a while, we all do it. Just get back on track for your next meal and move on. I'm have a tendency to be a perfectionist as well and it has taken me a really long time to forgive myself for any mistake I make, including my food choices. Keep up the great work and you'll get this - don't give up on yourself, you are worth it! 0 -
coreyreichle wrote: »larali1980 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »djeffreys10 wrote: »When I was fat, I would get called fat sometimes. Mostly by my friends, just goofing around. Thing was, I was fat. I am not going to get mad if someone calls me bald. I am. I am not going to get mad if someone says I am a bit on the short side. I am. I wouldn't get mad if someone called me fat. I was.
Are you fat? If so, it's an accurate observation. If you don't like it, change it.
This x1000.
No, telling someone that they are fat in order to hurt them does not equal goofing off or making silly jokes among friends.
Honestly describing a person's physical attributes is "hurtful"?
Is this how you speak to your loved ones? It may be the norm in some families to use terms like "fatty" when angry, but (even when they are based in someone's genuine assessment of another) it isn't the norm in many families.0 -
coreyreichle wrote: »
Honestly describing a person's physical attributes is "hurtful"?
If it's done in a mean-spirited way, intending to hurt the person. Yes. And I wouldn't allow my child to ever think that is OK. I hope you wouldn't either.
But that's not the OP's fault, because as I've said-- kids just say things like this sometimes and you have to correct it, so they'll know better.
Anyway this is really not what OP made the thread for. It's not about her kid's manners at all, it's about how she can feel better about herself and make her family proud. I'm in the exact same boat (my kids think I am fat and boring etc.)
It is true that OP can use this comment to inspire change in herself and be a role model to her son.
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I'm not a perfectionist, but I am very competent about my home, business, children etc. One of my "aha" moments was when I thought to myself, "I can keep everything else together, why can't I keep my eating under control?" I started applying the same principles to eating as I did to my other jobs.
One thing I had to do was block out time for me, just like I would block out time for my accounting chores or to take kids to practices or cleaning, etc. I had to get a little bit selfish and hold on to that time. I explored my habits and figured out what was triggering my overeating. Then one by one, I changed those negative behaviors into positive ones. It took actual blocks of daily time to really get it together and some things had to wait because my health took priority over them.
Also, as a perfectionist, you probably tend to see things from a black and white perspective. If you didn't do something perfectly, then you failed. But when it comes to slowly creating new personal habits, you have to allow yourself space to have set backs. You are not perfect. You will have bad days. Give yourself grace when you fail. Celebrate the victories, learn from the mistakes and start new.
And I think your little boy will be fine. He's learned a lesson about being kind and he won't forget it.
I love everything you've said here. Very well put and good lessons to learn.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »larali1980 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »djeffreys10 wrote: »When I was fat, I would get called fat sometimes. Mostly by my friends, just goofing around. Thing was, I was fat. I am not going to get mad if someone calls me bald. I am. I am not going to get mad if someone says I am a bit on the short side. I am. I wouldn't get mad if someone called me fat. I was.
Are you fat? If so, it's an accurate observation. If you don't like it, change it.
This x1000.
No, telling someone that they are fat in order to hurt them does not equal goofing off or making silly jokes among friends.
Honestly describing a person's physical attributes is "hurtful"?
Is this how you speak to your loved ones? It may be the norm in some families to use terms like "fatty" when angry, but (even when they are based in someone's genuine assessment of another) it isn't the norm in many families.
Agreed. Its normal for a 5 year old to call names but I think it's appropriate to call an adult a bully when they call names. Also, calling someone ugly is hurtful too in case anyone didn't know. Its not OK even if you classify it as "honest communication"0 -
It's weird because in every other area of my life I am a perfectionist. I am a 4.0 grad student working full time and pride myself on having a spotless house. It's like, I run out of energy to take care of myself because I have so many other things going on.
I think you have identified the issue. Sounds like me. Only took me 30 years to figure it out so you are way ahead of me.
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You can quickly figure out in this thread who has or deals with young children regularly and who doesn't.0
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Parenting advice from non parents is always, well, amusing.0
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LilSunflowerIsis wrote: »I hate that society has given the word "FAT" a negative connotation and so much power to make us feel less than. It is dysfunctional that a word can have so much power. I am not ashamed to call myself fat because that is what I am and I know I am working towards getting back to a healthier version of myself. I am tired of people using the word in a demeaning manner and in anger. Would we be as up in arms about this is her son called her "thin" or "skinny"? Probably not. ..In fact this wouldn't even be a thread. Fat can still be beautiful, intelligent, caring, hard-working, loving and adventurous! Fat is used to describe your appearance NOT you! That's it.
OH MY GOD YES. THIS. A THOUSAND TIMES. Fat is a descriptor--nothing more, nothing less.0 -
Your son is a bully.
You sir are a special kind of troll! You have legit pissed off the collective MFP forums LOL. Good show
OP, as a father I know what it is like when your kids level you with some truth bombs. I highly suggest you pick another source of motivation as you embark on this weight loss journey because drawing from that comment will not be healthy.0 -
allenpriest wrote: »Parenting advice from non parents is always, well, amusing.
I think some of these posters must have had less-than-stellar parenting themselves, from the way they talk.0 -
It's hurtful, yes. Unfortunately when my kids called me fat it was 100% true.0
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Try menu planning where you plan what you are going to eat for each meal and the ingredients you'll need. Then at the beginning of the week go out and just buy the stuff you need that is on that list. DONT buy anything not on the list. That way you are forced to eat what you already bought because if you don't it will rot and go bad and be a waste of money. And money is something none of us want to waste. When you are tempted by junk foods out in the real world remember all the times you fought the temptation and won and all the great, healthy meals you've made at home. Think about the steps you've taken and how it's not worth losing that progress. If you have a busy schedule make large batches of food but make only enough for the amounts of servings you have on your menu to eat so that way you aren't over eating.0
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djeffreys10 wrote: »When I was fat, I would get called fat sometimes. Mostly by my friends, just goofing around. Thing was, I was fat. I am not going to get mad if someone calls me bald. I am. I am not going to get mad if someone says I am a bit on the short side. I am. I wouldn't get mad if someone called me fat. I was.
Are you fat? If so, it's an accurate observation. If you don't like it, change it.
This. Your giving fat, fatty to much power. Most people don't have to tip toe around other description words, many for this you have 0 control over. This fear of weight discussion help to grow the problem culture around it. Still let them know the social repercussions but don't make fatty the Fword.0
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