My son called me fat.
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tara_means_star wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »
Good question. I would also add that teaching your child to care about not intentionally hurting other peoples feelings isn't what I'd call "PC BS" either.
I don't understand why fat is such an offensive word???
If you called me brunette, I wouldn't get offended.
Fat is not a bad word. Skinny people have fat. Fat people have more fat than skinny people.
Society puts a negative connotation on fat and thats why it is so offensive. But you can't give it the power to make you feel worthless or lazy or anything else. If you are fat you are fat.
I am fat.
Its a word.
Does it encompass the kick *kitten* rock star I am???? HELL NO!!
In our society, calling someone fat, except in small children, isn't a description like you have brown hair. Usually people aren't using the denotation of the word fat as in "you have fat" they are using the connotation which has an association of judgement and impacts self worth. Even when someone IS using the denotation of the word, most people still hear the connotation. Whether good or bad, most people have been trained to use and assume the connotation of the word fat. Language is more than dictionary meanings of words. Language includes implications and culturally acceptable meanings outside the realms of the dictionary definition and the word fat is a good example of this.0 -
You are teaching your child eating habits. You are teaching your child exercise habits. You are teaching your child how to treat other people and how to deal with emotions.
Setting a good example for him should be MORE than enough motivation to get yourself to where you need to be. If it isn't, you seriously need to reevaluate your own fitness as a parent.0 -
starwhisperer6 wrote: »I get that you are not trying to get parenting advice from a diet board, so I am just telling this little antidote cause it cracks me up, My niece told my sister at about that age, "momma your pretty red panties are too tiny for your big fat booty!" I do love kids.
When my daughter was 3, she was in the bathtub and I was brushing my teeth. She said to me "mommy, I hate to tell you this, but you have a little bit of a big butt", which was true because I had not lost all the "baby-weight" yet. So I laughed, realized she was right, and decided to replace the morning danish with a cereal bar, and stop buying dessert in the lunch line.
It was a very innocent yet truthful remark on her part. And it was also 17 years ago. Before MFP and the other tools we have available now to help with our weight loss goals.0 -
I try to think about this from a 5 year old's perspective:
"Don't you ever lie to me or you gonna get it."
"It's okay to lie sometimes so you don't hurt people's feelings."
"It's better to just keep your mouth shut."
"It's good to express your feelings."
Now honestly, he's trying to decide what's avenue to take when he wants to say something after hearing stuff like this?
WE ARE THE ADULTS HERE. Understand that he's just conveying what he sees with what limited knowledge he has. If it's an adolecent or teen fine. But come on now. It's a child.
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I try to think about this from a 5 year old's perspective:
"Don't you ever lie to me or you gonna get it."
"It's okay to lie sometimes so you don't hurt people's feelings."
"It's better to just keep your mouth shut."
"It's good to express your feelings."
Now honestly, he's trying to decide what's avenue to take when he wants to say something after hearing stuff like this?
WE ARE THE ADULTS HERE. Understand that he's just conveying what he sees with what limited knowledge he has. If it's an adolecent or teen fine. But come on now. It's a child.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I love everything in your post except the picture of the Niners! lol Go JETS..ok, maybe next season?
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However your body isn't something you have full voluntary control of. It heals on it's own, it breathes on it's own, digests food on it's own. What you do have control over though is how much you consume. A basically you just need to put your foot down.............on you.If I ever called my mother something like that, my father would have made it so I never would even *think* to utter such disrespectful words ever again... but that's another issue.
I'm thinking you have some self-confidence issues. Hey, we ALL fail at something...every day! What distinguishes successful and non-successful people are the ones who get back up every single day and try again. So you messed up today, tomorrow is a chance to start over again. You have to take control and silence the voice that wants to concentrate on the failures. You have to decide not to allow self-loathing to become a lifestyle and break the cycle. It is up to YOU and no one else.
I suggest maybe talking to a therapist to get at the root of your problem, and when you start to see yourself in a more positive light, you'll see longer term success.
Good luck.
It's weird because in every other area of my life I am a perfectionist. I am a 4.0 grad student working full time and pride myself on having a spotless house. It's like, I run out of energy to take care of myself because I have so many other things going on.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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"No, he is 5 and said something when he was angry. That doesn't mean it is desired behavior but he is a sweet and caring little boy, not a bully. And that's beside the point" Really??0
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Your son is a bully.
What? Did you miss the part where she said he was 5?
OP why would this make you cry ..he's absorbed the word fattie as an insult and you need to address how it's not ok to ever comment on anyone's appearance
He won't be embarrassed about you..you're his mother ..it will be fine
Now if you want to drop weight that's another thing...you just have to stick to your calorie defecit across the week
That's where it starts. Bully regardless.0 -
"No, he is 5 and said something when he was angry. That doesn't mean it is desired behavior but he is a sweet and caring little boy, not a bully. And that's beside the point" Really??
Five-year-olds do all kinds of things that would be troubling if done by older people. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. It means they're five.0 -
Oh please. You ever wonder where name calling behavior comes from? Kids don't learn it from animals. Between 1-5 years old, children emulate what parents do. So if a kid has a nick name (which lots do), it's not unnatural for a child to make up a name for the parent. If fatty came up, they learned it from more than likely from the parent.Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Your son is a bully.
What? Did you miss the part where she said he was 5?
OP why would this make you cry ..he's absorbed the word fattie as an insult and you need to address how it's not ok to ever comment on anyone's appearance
He won't be embarrassed about you..you're his mother ..it will be fine
Now if you want to drop weight that's another thing...you just have to stick to your calorie defecit across the week
That's where it starts. Bully regardless.
Sorry, but pointing out that someone is fat is observant. Not mean. Especially for a child. I vividly remember my younger sister at that age asking someone why "they looked like that" in public. The woman responded "like what?". My younger sister said "like this" while making a puffed up face and holding her arms out like a round belly.
Kids do *kitten* like this because they have no filter. They aren't yet ingrained with such hateful judgement.
Observant. Not hateful. Unless of course you hate fat people, you think they are worth less than others, or you think it's something they should be ashamed of i see nothing wrong with pointing out someone is fat when you are 5 years old.
But i guess i'm just a bully for pointing that out.
Edit: incase i didn't make it clear enough, i'm suggesting that you are projecting.
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janejellyroll wrote: »I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!
Some people may find it useful to eliminate foods like candy and popcorn while losing weight. But others can include them in their weight loss plans. For me (and some other people), declaring a food off-limits can actually lead to greater problems. OP needs to discover which way will work for her. She may be able to include candy and popcorn in her diet while losing weight. We have successful people here who have done that, including myself.
Agreed. I've never been successful completely eliminating some foods. Simply does not work for me. The "prohibition" makes moderation very difficult if I do get my hands on said food.
I guess I should have stated that while I prohibited or eliminated certain foods, I made those choices based on calories and food value and am better for it. Like no breakfast biscuits and switched to oatmeal and fruit (cholesterol dropped 50 points). I did reduce but not eliminate Scotch, wine and beer. So its not a ban on everything bad.0 -
You raised him, so somewhere along the way this is what he has been taught to do and he is only 5 what a shame.0
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janejellyroll wrote: »I know it is hard but you just can not eat stuff like candy & popcorn when watching your calorie count. It is very important to be under or at your goal for each day. It helped me to consider many foods as off limits, mine were french fries, burgers, sweet tea, baked potatoes to name a few. You need to get your mind and body in sync and realize "yes, you can do this". My son was brutal too. He poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due" and he was 32 at the time. I decided enough and started with exercise and then added reduced calories to the mix. It worked great, the more I started to see results and feel better the harder I worked at it. I still do not eat what I call "the bad foods" and am upping my exercise to offset some weight I put back on. I tell people not to call this a diet but a lifestyle change. You must make this change now and make it a habit so that it is natural and not a punishment. Your health, fitness and overall state will improve. This is important so you can be around this little guy for a long time. Good luck!
Some people may find it useful to eliminate foods like candy and popcorn while losing weight. But others can include them in their weight loss plans. For me (and some other people), declaring a food off-limits can actually lead to greater problems. OP needs to discover which way will work for her. She may be able to include candy and popcorn in her diet while losing weight. We have successful people here who have done that, including myself.
Agreed. I've never been successful completely eliminating some foods. Simply does not work for me. The "prohibition" makes moderation very difficult if I do get my hands on said food.
I guess I should have stated that while I prohibited or eliminated certain foods, I made those choices based on calories and food value and am better for it. Like no breakfast biscuits and switched to oatmeal and fruit (cholesterol dropped 50 points). I did reduce but not eliminate Scotch, wine and beer. So its not a ban on everything bad.
Your personal choices are your personal choices and nobody is second-guessing them. But they aren't a great basis for telling others what they can and can't eat. Your post said that OP couldn't eat candy and popcorn while counting calories. Maybe she can.
Maybe someone else chooses to avoid wine and beer while counting calories because that works for them. But they shouldn't tell you that you can't have them and count calories. You obviously can, you've found a way to make it work. Some people can do that with candy or popcorn.0 -
I try to think about this from a 5 year old's perspective:
"Don't you ever lie to me or you gonna get it."
"It's okay to lie sometimes so you don't hurt people's feelings."
"It's better to just keep your mouth shut."
"It's good to express your feelings."
Now honestly, he's trying to decide what's avenue to take when he wants to say something after hearing stuff like this?
WE ARE THE ADULTS HERE. Understand that he's just conveying what he sees with what limited knowledge he has. If it's an adolecent or teen fine. But come on now. It's a child.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Yes.janejellyroll wrote: »"No, he is 5 and said something when he was angry. That doesn't mean it is desired behavior but he is a sweet and caring little boy, not a bully. And that's beside the point" Really??
Five-year-olds do all kinds of things that would be troubling if done by older people. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. It means they're five.
Yes.Your son is a bully.
What? Did you miss the part where she said he was 5?
OP why would this make you cry ..he's absorbed the word fattie as an insult and you need to address how it's not ok to ever comment on anyone's appearance
He won't be embarrassed about you..you're his mother ..it will be fine
Now if you want to drop weight that's another thing...you just have to stick to your calorie defecit across the week
That's where it starts. Bully regardless.
NO.0 -
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Doubt it..............................we just hired Chip Kelly.I try to think about this from a 5 year old's perspective:
"Don't you ever lie to me or you gonna get it."
"It's okay to lie sometimes so you don't hurt people's feelings."
"It's better to just keep your mouth shut."
"It's good to express your feelings."
Now honestly, he's trying to decide what's avenue to take when he wants to say something after hearing stuff like this?
WE ARE THE ADULTS HERE. Understand that he's just conveying what he sees with what limited knowledge he has. If it's an adolecent or teen fine. But come on now. It's a child.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I love everything in your post except the picture of the Niners! lol Go JETS..ok, maybe next season?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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larali1980 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »
But i guess i'm just a bully for pointing that out.
Maybe you are a bully.
A bully says and does things with intended malice.
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Shanel0916 wrote: »You raised him, so somewhere along the way this is what he has been taught to do and he is only 5 what a shame.
Lol yes. There is absolutely no way that a 5 year old could have outside influences beyond their mother.0 -
You refer to your son as my thin 5 year old. It seems you place to much emphasis on what people think. The majority of people do not see fat or thin, they see other people. If you want to lose weight then do it for yourself, nobody else and not for how you want people to perceive you.0
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Shanel0916 wrote: »You raised him, so somewhere along the way this is what he has been taught to do and he is only 5 what a shame.
This makes me want to resort to name calling but I have more self control that a five year old so I don't. I suppose you've never said something you regret when angry. I suppose every hurtful thing you have ever said or done was something you learned from your mother. Kids at school don't name call. Television certainly doesn't make fun of people for being fat. MUST be the parenting
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Ah, the brutal honesty of youth. My son did the same and it was one of the final straws for me as well.
What you really have to address is why you cried.0 -
Your son is a bully.
What? Did you miss the part where she said he was 5?
OP why would this make you cry ..he's absorbed the word fattie as an insult and you need to address how it's not ok to ever comment on anyone's appearance
He won't be embarrassed about you..you're his mother ..it will be fine
Now if you want to drop weight that's another thing...you just have to stick to your calorie defecit across the week
That's where it starts. Bully regardless.
Do you even know what the definition of a bully is? Here let me tell you:
a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.
Doesn't seem to me like this is what that child was doing. A child of that age still speaks what they are thinking, they are honest and innocent. He can be talked to and told that he was out of line however you can not peg this child is a bully, he's simply an adolescent who's still learning.
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My thin 5 year old called me fat yesterday. Well, fatty, to be specific. I had hoped that would be a turning point and I cried and cried after he did. Not because I don't know I'm overweight, but because he knows. I don't ever want him to be embarrassed of me. I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.
I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.
So why did you get the Reese's cup is the bigger question? That's a question only you can answer. Have you eaten it yet? If not don't. Think about a few things first. I say this from experience. I remember my baby girl asking me if I had another baby in there pointing to my belly.
I love reese's, they are my arch nemesis, lol..but it's more important to me to stay focused so it's in my drawer and it will stay there until I reach a goal.
You can't just start without a goal, without a plan. How about make it through until Sunday without any sweets. It sounds like baby steps for you. Then have a small treat, then say I made it 3 days, good now I'll shoot for a week. If you buy something not good, log on first, start a thread.."I have this candy bar in my hand and it's calling my name, HELP!!"
You CAN stop the cycle...You CAN
No, I didn't eat the reese's. I guess I got it because I thought "I'm stressed and will start tomorrow, I want a treat right now." I took a few handfuls of popcorn and threw the rest away. I handled it okay, I think, given the temptation and the actual act of driving to the store to get the junk but I need to learn to not get to that place.0 -
djeffreys10 wrote: »larali1980 wrote: »No, telling someone that they are fat in order to hurt them does not equal goofing off or making silly jokes among friends.
Except that there are just as many people that will whine about their friends making a fat joke at their expense as that will whine about a person saying it trying to be hurtful, and everyone on here will parade around them consoling and talking about how insensitive that persons friends are. It's all the same. Getting called fat is getting called fat. And if it's an accurate statement, then don't get mad about it. Make it NOT an accurate statement. It's a choice. Feeling sorry for yourself never fixes anything, and it sure as crap doesn't burn calories.I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.
I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.
Your keys did not drag you to your car, place themselves in the ignition, and crank it. You car did not drive itself to the store. Everything that happened was a conscious choice that you made. You have the power to do whatever you choose. You chose to go get popcorn and reese's. You will only get "it" when you choose to do so. Wishing accomplishes nothing. You will only change when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. If you really want it, you will do it. Period.
I agree 100%. I like the real approach, I dont want people to coddle me, I want them to give me straight answers, even if it isnt what I want to hear.
You make all of the decisions/choices, you can decide to get "it" or you can decide to eat a reeces and popcorn and feel sorry for yourself. You will have set backs, no need to beat yourself up. Just get right back up and start fighting again. If you want "it" bad enough, you will have to put in the work and effort.0 -
Oh please. You ever wonder where name calling behavior comes from? Kids don't learn it from animals. Between 1-5 years old, children emulate what parents do. So if a kid has a nick name (which lots do), it's not unnatural for a child to make up a name for the parent. If fatty came up, they learned it from more than likely from the parent.Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.
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I don't think I've ever uttered the word "fatty" around him. I would imagine he heard it at school.0 -
Lol two year old cousin once asked grandmother, "Gwamma you got beh-beh in your belly?"Mister_Ladyfingers wrote: »*shrugs* My one and a half year old patted my stomach the other day and said, "Baby?" Kids are pretty awesome like that.
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My thin 5 year old called me fat yesterday. Well, fatty, to be specific. I had hoped that would be a turning point and I cried and cried after he did. Not because I don't know I'm overweight, but because he knows. I don't ever want him to be embarrassed of me. I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.
I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.
So why did you get the Reese's cup is the bigger question? That's a question only you can answer. Have you eaten it yet? If not don't. Think about a few things first. I say this from experience. I remember my baby girl asking me if I had another baby in there pointing to my belly.
I love reese's, they are my arch nemesis, lol..but it's more important to me to stay focused so it's in my drawer and it will stay there until I reach a goal.
You can't just start without a goal, without a plan. How about make it through until Sunday without any sweets. It sounds like baby steps for you. Then have a small treat, then say I made it 3 days, good now I'll shoot for a week. If you buy something not good, log on first, start a thread.."I have this candy bar in my hand and it's calling my name, HELP!!"
You CAN stop the cycle...You CAN
No, I didn't eat the reese's. I guess I got it because I thought "I'm stressed and will start tomorrow, I want a treat right now." I took a few handfuls of popcorn and threw the rest away. I handled it okay, I think, given the temptation and the actual act of driving to the store to get the junk but I need to learn to not get to that place.
I think you should give yourself credit for not eating the candy and all the popcorn.0 -
kasperwasper2016 wrote: »
He's only 5, but that's old enough to become aware that negative words effect people.
^^^This^^^
But that's exactly what he meant to do according to the story. Mission accomplished.
Now would be a good time for him to learn that actions have consequences. There's probably a similar lesson for OP in this too.0 -
I remember when my oldest was 3. We had a standard health nurse meeting as she did a simple assessment on his vocabulary, motor and fine motor skills. I will never forget her asking him to describe pictures she held up. Colors and shapes, etc. she wanted him to describe a picture of a thin tall man, and another of a short heavier man. He described the second as "a big man, looks like a lumberjack with strong shoulders". I don't think we had ever described anything as "fat" to him. Society had deemed that word rude so I just subconsciously edited it out I guess. I did get a complement on his wording though. He perfectly listed the standout facts about the appearance of that man without being rude.
Kids learn what they are exposed to. And as much as we try we cannot control their exposure. Your son will learn to be more polite at some point soon.0
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