My son called me fat.

djeffreys10 wrote: »

When I was fat, I would get called fat sometimes. Mostly by my friends, just goofing around. Thing was, I was fat. I am not going to get mad if someone calls me bald. I am. I am not going to get mad if someone says I am a bit on the short side. I am. I wouldn't get mad if someone called me fat. I was.

Are you fat? If so, it's an accurate observation. If you don't like it, change it.

This x1000.

I'll shamefully admit I was embarrassed by my overweight mother. I never called her or anyone else fat, and when called fat myself, I just took it as some telling me what color my hair was.

That being said, not having my children embarrassed of me was a major motivator. You can eat popcorn and candy, log it, learn from it, and go on.

And ignore all the parenting advice from a fitness site.

I am not about to tell someone how to raise their child. I think from a losing weight perspective I have two questions. Are you eating to comfort yourself? If so, how are you going to break that cycle as I know I used food as an emotional pillow for very long and had to breath that habit myself. And secondly, does having a set back actually mean you failed? Failure in terms of losing weight is quitting, at least in my book. Do we step off the path sometimes? Absolutely, for no one I know is perfect. Our success is measured by how we step back onto the path. You have to figure out what helps keep you on the path. There are lots of great success stories out there and lots of people here on MFP who will support you, but at the end of the day I know I am the one who puts the food in my mouth.

Anyway hope some of that helps. Yesterday sounds like a crap day and you can make the rest of today and tomorrow a better one.

larali1980 wrote: »

Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »

Well we have some people saying calling fat people fat is a nasty name calling meany name. We also have some people that saying calling someone fat is just that, because it describes them. I'm just going to teach my kids to describe people how they see them and stay out of the hug box.

Well "fat" is a descriptive word, but you don't go around calling people "fatties." That is socially unacceptable and hurtful to the person being called such. If you teach your children that being ugly to people is OK, then you aren't doing them any favors. They will have a very hard time in life. Bullying isn't cool.

Also, wth is a "hug box?"

It's when everyone gets on a internet forum agrees with each other mindlessly instead of considering ideas on their own merits.
People can't help how they look. I would call my child out on calling someone ugly, that isn't cool. We are hardly talking about bullying though. I want OP to succeed. If they hate my guts and want to pound my face in when they are 80 years old, I'll gladly accept that. I wish someone called me out on being a fatty fatterson when I was in my late 20's instead of having to realize it later on.

beth0277 wrote: »

newmeadow wrote: »

Do the world a favor and enable your son to understand that nasty name calling to other kids in school will probably elicit a similarly tearful response. If not publicly, then at least privately.

So if you start getting calls from the teachers or the parents that he's calling his classmates the same name he called you, or variations thereof, then you'll know if the bully label fits.

My mother was fat, and never once, at any age, did I name-call her for being fat. Even when I was angry.

Name-calling a parent, even at the age of five, suggests that parental authority and limits on behavior have not been sufficiently established.

Yes, my son, who has been given behavioral awards every month since he started school, is a big, mean bully and I fail as a parent because he called me a name. He is 5. FIVE. That doesn't make it okay, but it does make it normal for a 5 year old to not be able to understand the harshness of their words.

Yes. Exactly.

Now, in terms of how you move forward.. Log everything, even when you binge. It will help. Make changes slowly, don't try to do a major deficit tomorrow. It sounds like with everything you have going on, it will be easier to maintain your changes if you don't overwhelm yourself with them all at once.

I am so sorry! That is a hard thing to go through. There are some really good suggestions here. I also lack will power so I have to approach thingslike weight loss a little different. I like to take a little time and plan my day. I enter my breakfast, lunch and dinner in the morning so I know what room I have. Then I put in a couple snacks and try to have around 150 calories left over just in case. It really does help me.
But I'm an ocd list person lol

try2again wrote: »

beth0277 wrote: »

ahoy_m8 wrote: »

kasperwasper2016 wrote: »

He's only 5, but that's old enough to become aware that negative words effect people.

^^^This^^^

Maybe I didn't explain my original post well. I'm not seeking advice on how to handle my son saying that. He was wrong, he knows he was wrong, and we had a long talk about it. I'm more upset with the fact that I can't seem to "get it together" even after he said it to me.

Yeah, I noticed not many people were answering your question. I think they were answering your title, so lesson learned there. The part of your story that jumped out at me was the trip to the store- does that mean you don't normally keep those things in the house, but made a special trip for them? If so, that is great- make yourself work for it. Not everyone has the big moment that suddenly motivates them to change their life. I certainly didn't. But I did reach a point that I just didn't want the life I had, even though I wasn't brimming with enthusiasm about making changes. But I just started logging and making small changes, and soon I had some confidence and the sense that things were possible. Doesn't mean I don't have days like you described, but I have many more days that I do well. You can too

To be fair there wasn't actually a question in the original post just sentences telling what happened. About half were about the son and half were about the will power. I think most people were genuinely trying to help because OP was saying how much it hurt her. The speed at which the thread was moving meant each time you type a response several more were added while you typed so people probably didn't see all the responses before them. That being said there were a few people being obnoxious.

I remember asking my mom why she had no boobs as a young child (she is almost flat chested) and she cried all night. I felt horrible I was 6-ish. Kids are blunt. It's okay to cry and feel bad, but at the end of the day you have to accept you. My son knows I'm fat, but he's going to watch me change that. So cry, and have your cheat day and tomorrow get back on the wagon. He will likely not say it again because he saw he hurt you. Best wishes, your son sounds like he had a "i shouldn't of said that moment".

larali1980 wrote: »

No, telling someone that they are fat in order to hurt them does not equal goofing off or making silly jokes among friends.

Except that there are just as many people that will whine about their friends making a fat joke at their expense as that will whine about a person saying it trying to be hurtful, and everyone on here will parade around them consoling and talking about how insensitive that persons friends are. It's all the same. Getting called fat is getting called fat. And if it's an accurate statement, then don't get mad about it. Make it NOT an accurate statement. It's a choice. Feeling sorry for yourself never fixes anything, and it sure as crap doesn't burn calories.

beth0277 wrote: »

I started today with the same resolve that I do most days, to not overeat and to stay within my calories. But alas, I made it until noon and then went to the store and got some popcorn and reese cups.

I wish I could stop this cycle. I've done well before but for some reason I can't get "it" this time. I feel like such a failure.

Your keys did not drag you to your car, place themselves in the ignition, and crank it. You car did not drive itself to the store. Everything that happened was a conscious choice that you made. You have the power to do whatever you choose. You chose to go get popcorn and reese's. You will only get "it" when you choose to do so. Wishing accomplishes nothing. You will only change when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. If you really want it, you will do it. Period.

beth0277 wrote: »

Equus5374 wrote: »

If I ever called my mother something like that, my father would have made it so I never would even *think* to utter such disrespectful words ever again... but that's another issue.

I'm thinking you have some self-confidence issues. Hey, we ALL fail at something...every day! What distinguishes successful and non-successful people are the ones who get back up every single day and try again. So you messed up today, tomorrow is a chance to start over again. You have to take control and silence the voice that wants to concentrate on the failures. You have to decide not to allow self-loathing to become a lifestyle and break the cycle. It is up to YOU and no one else.

I suggest maybe talking to a therapist to get at the root of your problem, and when you start to see yourself in a more positive light, you'll see longer term success.

Good luck.

It's weird because in every other area of my life I am a perfectionist. I am a 4.0 grad student working full time and pride myself on having a spotless house. It's like, I run out of energy to take care of myself because I have so many other things going on.

Like you, I'm an all or nothing kind of person and it's really hard when it comes to weight loss to have that kind of mindset. Being a perfectionist in all areas of life does translate into your health, as well. You think you're not being a perfectionist, but you might still be ... Here's what I've learned over time: the way we eat can be a control issue. Whether you're overweight, underweight, or at an ideal weight, you are in control. For me, I found that out of control eating usually signified a way for me to rebel against all the other things where I felt I needed to be perfect all the time. Sometimes we can self sabotage because we need find ways to not be perfect in every aspect of life. Perfectionism can be very self destructive. That being said, I'm not telling you that you're giving into temptation because you're trying to control your weight by NOT controlling your weight. Just saying that this is the case for me, and it's a constant struggle. What I've also found, however, is that when I ease up a little in other areas, and start giving myself just a little bit of slack and forgiveness for not being perfect, I find it easier to stay on track with my eating, too. This week has been my first week back at MFP after trying and failing for several months to get it together. I kept saying my head wasn't in the game, and it wasn't. But what I found was that when I decided to just do my best, instead of trying to be all-or-nothing perfect, I started feeling more in control again. I've still had slip-ups during this first week, but I'm already eating so much better than I was even one week ago. As many people here have told me (I already knew, but it's sometimes important to hear it from someone else): baby steps. Making small changes to start with will help you start on the path. If you set a small goal each day to make a change - just one change (more water, for example, or a walk, or eliminating one thing you were eating before) - it can actually have a huge impact on your thinking. Also, you have not been derailed by that lunch time slip. Get right back on the wagon! Take it one hour, one afternoon, one day at a time. I know you can do it. As you said, you've done it before. You just need to give yourself time to get your mind in the game.

PS. I'm sorry that your son said a hurtful thing. I know that it hurt mostly because it's what you're feeling inside. No one likes to have their negative feelings about themselves flung back at them by someone else. That being said, you've handled it with your son and it's time to handle it with yourself. Maybe it would help to keep a journal of what you're feeling before and after eating. Sometimes a journal can help you identify the emotions that trigger your eating, and then you can look for other ways to address those emotions other than through food. Just an idea. Hang in there!