Spouse does not want me to lose weight.. any of you in same boat?

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ashteinpeacock
ashteinpeacock Posts: 56 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have a question for everyone. Does anyone else's spouse not want you to lose weight and diet? I want to diet and lose around 20 lbs, but my husband does not want me to!! He wants me to stay like I am. He said he likes me just like I am. I am not fat, but I am not skinny either.... I'm thick I guess you can say. But according to my height I weigh too much. I do not feel comfortable with my size most days, some day I don't care. Just curious to who all else has this problem with their spouse.... :)
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Replies

  • galgenstrick
    galgenstrick Posts: 2,086 Member
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    Luckily for you it's not his decision. Tell him you want to lose the weight and why, and he'll just have to deal with that and hopefully be supportive.
  • strong_curves
    strong_curves Posts: 2,229 Member
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    I had the same issue with my husband. I wanted to lose the weight for myself not for him. Now that I've lost some weight, am smaller he's now saying he was wrong and he's liking what he's seeing.

    Honestly, for me, it didn't matter what he thought/thinks. I wasn't happy with my body and I have to live in this body so I decided to do what I thought was best for me.
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
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    My husband likes me about 10lbs more than I like myself, but is fully supportive because he likes to see me happy!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,906 Member
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    What's your height and weight? My fiance didn't find my weight loss obvious until I'd dropped around 20 pounds. I recommend you just do your thing slowly and not make a big deal about it - don't make special "diet" meals for you - just eat what he eats only less. What I do is eat the same, only I have more non-starchy veggies and less carbs than he does. I'll skip the roll. I use less butter. If I weren't weighing my food, it wouldn't be obvious that I was dieting.

    My fiance does like pleasantly plump women so I am curious to see if he will want me to stop at a weight higher than where I'd want to stop.
  • _EPIC_
    _EPIC_ Posts: 611 Member
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    Just break up.
  • CariJean64
    CariJean64 Posts: 297 Member
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    If you lose it gradually enough, he may not even notice for a while. If you're eating better, and weight loss happens, just WOW him with how much better you feel. :-) He will adjust to the new you.
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    edited January 2016
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    Liking you the way you are is not the same as disapproving of your goal to lose weight. Perhaps he's just being supportive of your current appearance?

    There's really no good answer for him in this case. If he encourages you, then he thinks you're fat and ugly. If he likes you how you are, he's unsupportive. Not saying that's the case in your house, but it is for many people.
  • CalorieCountChocula
    CalorieCountChocula Posts: 239 Member
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    I'm guessing the "sure honey, you could stand to lose a few" answer wouldn't exactly make a woman happy either so he's probably playing it safe.
  • erinc5
    erinc5 Posts: 329 Member
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    ashteinpeacock wrote: »
    He wants me to stay like I am. He said he likes me just like I am. I am not fat, but I am not skinny either....

    Are you sure he actively doesn't want you to lose? Like, is he begging you not to lose weight and gets upset when you say you have lost weight? Or he is just saying that you look fine like you are? You know - maybe he is just trying to be nice?

    My husband tells me all the time I am beautiful and don't need to lose weight, but I think he knows that I need to lose about 20 lbs at least. My goal is more like 30. Hell, he probably needs to lose about 20 lbs, but I don't tell him that. I tell him he looks great just as he is.

    The problem comes if you are actively losing and he is telling you to please stop losing weight - then you need to stand your ground. Until then, just keep losing and don't mention it to him.
  • giantrobot_powerlifting
    giantrobot_powerlifting Posts: 2,598 Member
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    He wants to feel better about his own corpulence I'll wager.
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
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    strong_curves wrote: »
    I had the same issue with my husband. I wanted to lose the weight for myself not for him. Now that I've lost some weight, am smaller he's now saying he was wrong and he's liking what he's seeing.

    Honestly, for me, it didn't matter what he thought/thinks. I wasn't happy with my body and I have to live in this body so I decided to do what I thought was best for me.

    Agree with this sentiment.

    He wasn't a spouse, but my ex boyfriend met me about halfway through my weight loss. He preferred me a bit heavier. It got to me a bit, partly because who doesn't want to feel like the person they're sleeping with finds them attractive, but also because he put on a lot of weight when we were together and I never would've said 'I miss your fitter body'.

    Your husband may actually find, if you decide to lose the weight, that he likes you just the way you are then. Perhaps he is worried that the change will affect your relationship in other ways.
  • 20yearsyounger
    20yearsyounger Posts: 1,643 Member
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    _EPIC_ wrote: »
    Just break up.

    Huh??

    Listen men have no clue other than they want their significant other to be happy. You obviously are going to be happy if you are more comfortable with your body. Once he doesn't feel like you are going to leave him, he will be very happy too :)
  • RetroPolkaDot
    RetroPolkaDot Posts: 83 Member
    edited January 2016
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    I think I depends on how the topic is being presented to him. If you are saying you feel frumpy and unattractive because of your weight how is he supposed to respond? He's screwed either way. If he agrees with you then he's calling you fat and if he says honey your pretty the way you are then he's not being supportive.
    Just go ahead an make some subtle changes to your diet and fitness. Let the pieces fall where they may. Most likely he is going to be supportive of you anyway.
  • Ashtoretet
    Ashtoretet Posts: 378 Member
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    My husband hasn't thought I needed to lose weight since I got to a healthy BMI, but he hasn't stopped me, and supports me. I think for most spouses it's some combination of:

    -Personal insecurity, fear you'll leave them once you "get hot."
    -Admiration clouding their thinking. They've been with you so long they can't see you the way a stranger does, love makes a person more beautiful.
    -They don't want to hurt your feelings by admitting you're not "conventionally beautiful."
  • _lyndseybrooke_
    _lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
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    If he's actually telling you, "I don't want you to lose weight," you need to tell him that it isn't his choice. If he's just telling you he likes the way you look, but not actually discouraging you from losing weight, then there's nothing wrong with that. He's allowed to find you attractive even if you don't. My husband thought I was hot at my highest weight, lowest weight, and current weight. He's made that clear, but he's never discouraged me from losing (or gaining).

    I'm going to assume that he's blatantly told you he doesn't want you to lose weight and is discouraging you from doing so. It's your body, so it's your decision. He should support you if you want to do something that will make you feel better about yourself. If my husband didn't love me enough to keep his mouth shut and just support a decision I made about my own body, then I'd be losing about 165lbs mighty fast, if you catch my drift.
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    edited January 2016
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    Those of you who are saying that it's not up to him or that his opinion doesn't matter... what if OP loses the weight, then husband doesn't find her attractive, sex diminishes or stops, and the relationship falls apart?

    I get what you're saying, that she should do it for her, but it's a bigger issue than simply "it's not his decision"
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    I didn't ask my fiance, or even tell him. I just did it. He seems pretty happy with the results. I only lost around 20lbs, he seemed happy before and he's happy after.
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
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    jacksonpt wrote: »
    Those of you who are saying that it's not up to him or that his opinion doesn't matter... what if OP loses the weight, then husband doesn't find her attractive, sex diminishes or stops, and the relationship falls apart.

    I get what you're saying, that she should do it for her, but it's a bigger issue than simply "it's not his decision"

    Which is why it's important to find out WHY he doesn't want her to lose weight. If it really is because he won't find her sexy at a lower weight, they need to sit down and talk this out. In the end, it's OP's decision to lose weight, not his, and if he can't support her wish to be healthier, there's bigger problems then just not wanting her to lose weight.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    dubird wrote: »
    jacksonpt wrote: »
    Those of you who are saying that it's not up to him or that his opinion doesn't matter... what if OP loses the weight, then husband doesn't find her attractive, sex diminishes or stops, and the relationship falls apart.

    I get what you're saying, that she should do it for her, but it's a bigger issue than simply "it's not his decision"

    Which is why it's important to find out WHY he doesn't want her to lose weight. If it really is because he won't find her sexy at a lower weight, they need to sit down and talk this out. In the end, it's OP's decision to lose weight, not his, and if he can't support her wish to be healthier, there's bigger problems then just not wanting her to lose weight.

    There are also bigger problems if 20lbs is that much of a deal breaker in relationship.

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