Spouse does not want me to lose weight.. any of you in same boat?

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  • Michael_a_s
    Michael_a_s Posts: 4 Member
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    My wife has a problem with me loosing weight and also gaining muscle I'm 5,11 246 pounds and I'm over weight and would like to be around 210 but with lean cut muscles we've been together 6 years and are having our second kid
  • 20yearsyounger
    20yearsyounger Posts: 1,643 Member
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    feisty_bucket wrote: »
    CalorieCountChocula wrote: »
    I'm guessing the "sure honey, you could stand to lose a few" answer wouldn't exactly make a woman happy either so he's probably playing it safe.

    I'd put money on that too.

    These threads come up about daily, yes? Seems like the common consensus is that the other (usually overweight) partner is
    1. scared of losing OP to a more-fit competitor
    2. scared of being pressured to change

    I doubt there are very many actual "chubby chasers" out there that really prefer their partner being overweight, no matter what they may claim.

    ^^ This
  • peleroja
    peleroja Posts: 3,979 Member
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    feisty_bucket wrote: »
    CalorieCountChocula wrote: »
    I'm guessing the "sure honey, you could stand to lose a few" answer wouldn't exactly make a woman happy either so he's probably playing it safe.

    I'd put money on that too.

    These threads come up about daily, yes? Seems like the common consensus is that the other (usually overweight) partner is
    1. scared of losing OP to a more-fit competitor
    2. scared of being pressured to change

    I doubt there are very many actual "chubby chasers" out there that really prefer their partner being overweight, no matter what they may claim.

    Eh. My husband is slim, a gym rat, and healthy-food fan, and he still prefers me chubby (closer to BMI 25 or so than my present 19-20 ish.) He likes curvy - not really overweight but rounder, and I'm not sure that's a really unusual opinion. But we're not talking really big here, his favourite weight for me is around 140 lbs (I'm 5'4") whereas I feel I look best just under 120.
  • maggieeric1
    maggieeric1 Posts: 55 Member
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    It's your body. So by all means be happy in it.

    . If you want your spouse or boyfriend's support ask for him to be supportive. And explain what you're taking on and explain what you want from him in terms of support. Be firm. Direct.

    If you just don't want him to sabotage you then ask him to be neutral.

    You don't need permission from him tho.
  • angelamichelle_xo
    angelamichelle_xo Posts: 646 Member
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    he's just saying it to be a loving caring awesome hubby.
    lose the weight and he will still love you for who you are.

    what a good guy. ♥
  • yvetty79
    yvetty79 Posts: 19 Member
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    My fiancé does not want me to lose weight either. He is upset about me dieting. It's like he is scared that if I lose a lot of weight I won't marry hi e anymore
  • jrez10
    jrez10 Posts: 1 Member
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    I'm about 50 lbs overweight and I began cutting calories for a few weeks now and my fiancé is so unsupportive. He tells me he doesn't want me to lose weight and constantly offers me fried or other fattening foods. I'm completely uncomfortable with my body as this is the heaviest I've ever been n I've expressed this to him. I still eat some of the same stuff as before but in smaller portions. Everyday seems to be a battle but unfortunately for him I'm doing what I feel is best for me. I just learned to ignore him as in the past when I've tried losing weight, he would do the same and I would fall into it. So far I've lost about 7 pounds in 3 weeks. So just keep your head up and let him know that you need to do this for you.
  • alismommy1992
    alismommy1992 Posts: 72 Member
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    I agree with you on this

    quote="jacksonpt;35171002"]Liking you the way you are is not the same as disapproving of your goal to lose weight. Perhaps he's just being supportive of your current appearance?

    There's really no good answer for him in this case. If he encourages you, then he thinks you're fat and ugly. If he likes you how you are, he's unsupportive. Not saying that's the case in your house, but it is for many people.[/quote]

  • alismommy1992
    alismommy1992 Posts: 72 Member
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    My hubby always tell me he like me the way i look and that im fine but if i tell him i want to lose weight he supports me he just tells me to take it easy and not to starve myself lol
  • sault_girl
    sault_girl Posts: 219 Member
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    My husband both wants me to lose some weight, and also doesn't want me to.

    He wants me to be healthy and active and live a long time with him.

    At the same time I think he's worried that if I lost a lot of weight I would have lots of guys after me.

    I don't know if it's completely fair to say "it's not his choice" ... you have to talk about it. Like if my husband says, "I'm going to get a haircut and this time I'm getting a mullet" I would say "No you're not". :) It's good to talk these things through.
  • crb426
    crb426 Posts: 657 Member
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    CalorieCountChocula wrote: »
    I'm guessing the "sure honey, you could stand to lose a few" answer wouldn't exactly make a woman happy either so he's probably playing it safe.

    ^^This! He is probably just trying to be his wonderful husband self. I would never be like "oh yeah, you really should lose weight".
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
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    My husband told me I didn't need to lose weight, but not that he didn't want me to lose weight. He did say he hoped I didn't lose my booty. LOL

    He does admit that I look better now, though.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,906 Member
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    yvetty79 wrote: »
    My fiancé does not want me to lose weight either. He is upset about me dieting. It's like he is scared that if I lose a lot of weight I won't marry hi e anymore

    Might want to have some premarital counseling to discuss this.
  • Caseys925
    Caseys925 Posts: 4 Member
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    I feel your pain...my new hubby tells me the same thing "I love you just as you are" so he has become an enabler "oh babe you can eat just one"...don't put one Hershey's kiss or one Lay's potato chip in front of me and tell me I can eat just one...oh no not some one like me that is a food addict...it is his way of keeping me just as I am.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Did the OP ever come back to explain the context around her husband's "I like you as you are" comments? I think that context is really important here. It's already been hit on but a person saying "I like you as you are" is not the same as saying "I won't like you if you change." In addition, if there is a history of the OP becoming obsessive or having unhealthy behaviors when it comes to her weight, that could be coloring the conversation.

    My husband has never been critical about my weight, even when I was at my heaviest and completely out of shape. As I've lost weight, he has clearly approved of/appreciated the changes but I know that I had a time last year when I was getting overly anxious/obsessive about results and he suggested that I take a step back and not weigh myself for awhile. I didn't take that as "he doesn't want me to lose weight" but instead took it as "he wants me to be happy." I'm just wondering if the OP (or maybe some others in this thread) are misinterpreting their partners' comments.
  • ElizabethOakes2
    ElizabethOakes2 Posts: 1,038 Member
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    Sit down with your partner and talk about what he's really afraid of. My partner was afraid that I was going to become one of those women who would count every calorie, that I'd stop cooking delicious flavorful food for him, that our plush weekend brunches would become an egg white scrambled with broccoli, and a slice of banana. He didn't want to be that couple who goes out for dinner and he's eating a giant steak while I'm nibbling a tiny green salad and complaining because they didn't put the dressing on the side. Now that I'm cooking healthier for both of us, and he can see that it doesn't mean giving up favorite foods, or only eating boiled chicken breast and kale every meal, he's down with me losing weight. In fact, he told me last night that he needs to up his gym days and get buff before I dump him for someone hotter.

    Honestly, a lot of women are neurotic about weight loss, trying fad diets, crazy fitness programs, doing insane things to 'loose that couple pounds'. I can't blame guys for being afraid of their partner deciding to lose weight.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    my ex never cared. he wanted me to be happy and healthy. he loved me at my biggest, and smallest and every size in between.

    thats how its supposed to work.....
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,529 Member
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    My DW doesn't like me watching football on Sundays. I watch anyway.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,906 Member
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    Caseys925 wrote: »
    I feel your pain...my new hubby tells me the same thing "I love you just as you are" so he has become an enabler "oh babe you can eat just one"...don't put one Hershey's kiss or one Lay's potato chip in front of me and tell me I can eat just one...oh no not some one like me that is a food addict...it is his way of keeping me just as I am.

    I explained to my fiance that how MFP works is like a calorie budget - I get so many calories to spend per day and then I'm out. When I tell him I don't have enough calories left, he interprets that as being like not having enough money and drops it.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    It also depends on how you approach losing weight; I know a lot of people who, when they say "I'M going to lose weight," they mean "WE'RE going to completely change how WE eat." That's not fair to your partner, and it's no surprise that those kinds of people might get some push-back from their partners. If your weight-loss attempt is going to negatively impact your husband, that could be one reason that he may not want you to lose.

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