I'm losing weight and my husband is putting me down

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soniamemms
soniamemms Posts: 24 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone
I need some encouragement/advice/feedback. This last Septer, I was fed up with feeling bloated, irritable, and none of my clothes fit me anymore. I was the heaviest that I have ever been, and my knees were wearing out. I'm 41 and finally decided to change my life. Over the past 4 months I dropped from a size XL+ and size 14+ pants.

My husband is the heaviest he has ever been. He's wearing 4X tops and 54 waist pants. I started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same. The 1st few months he seemed bothered by our new diet. He hated it when I would use the word "healthy" when it came to our food. Before, I started this journey my husband always told me how gorgeous I was, and would call me his beautiful little piglet. (Most women would probably find that offensive, but he had a point.

I have dropped from 14+ to a size 10 and tops, from a size XL+ to mediums. In fact, this morning I tried on a medium sized coat and it was too big!!

Anyway, a month ago he said I was bigger than his mother, I was wearing mediums by then, and his mom is a size 16. Then last night, he tells me that my butt looks like the penguin from Batman. I have been working so hard on my butt. While I'm not where I want to be, I think I'm looking pretty good. I didn't even know what the Penguins butt even looked right, so I looked it up. It was awful. I was so hurt. Little does he know, that it fuels me even more to push myself harder?

My question is: do you think he is insecure, because he is still so overweight? Maybe he feels I could leave him, or is jealous about the attention that I'm getting, when people compliment me? I feel like he's trying to discourage me. But what are your ideas or opinions on why?
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Replies

  • sheermomentum
    sheermomentum Posts: 827 Member
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    I think he's probably insecure, and I think he's probably jealous. Everybody has to find their own way to handle these things, but I'd look him straight in the eye and say "my @$$ look fabulous, and you know it." And such true things. Without heat or malice, and with a smile.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
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    I think he's projecting his own insecurities. With that being said,absolutely NOBODY should EVER talk to you that way, especially your husband. It's time to sit him down and have a very frank conversation with him. If he's going to continue to speak to you like this, you may need to consider what your options are. feel free to add me as a friend for support if you'd like.
  • PoundChaser2
    PoundChaser2 Posts: 241 Member
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    Hes insecure for sure.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    sheermomentum wrote: »
    I think he's probably insecure, and I think he's probably jealous. Everybody has to find their own way to handle these things, but I'd look him straight in the eye and say "my @$$ look fabulous, and you know it." And such true things. Without heat or malice, and with a smile.
    +1 I agree, yes sounds like jealousy and insecurity and maybe hes trying to sabotage your efforts without really thinking about what he is doing. have a talk with him and let him know what he says is hurtful and that you are doing this to get healthy and if he wants to join you he is more than welcome to,but if he doesnt want to be there or support you on your journey thats up to him. you do what you have to do. he may be afraid that you will leave him for someone else. talk to him and see how he feels as well.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
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    Insecure and being very childish about it. He needs to deal with his feelings instead of taking it out on you.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    I agree with the other posters. He sounds like he's very insecure right now. He may feel threatened. He may think you'll leave him for a thin man ( I know it sounds nuts but sometimes men get weird ideas)
    Keep on reassuring him that you love him and want to be with him. Maybe in time the idea of the "new you " will start to sink in. Give him all the love and reassurance needed and hopefully he can work this out.
    But if at any time his comments become hurtful, I think you should let him know how you feel. Communication is key to a happy marriage. So if he makes hurtful remarks then tell him you are hurt . let him know that you will continue on your weight loss journey even if he doesn't like it but that you will still love him.
  • samchez0
    samchez0 Posts: 364 Member
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    He's definitely insecure and putting you down to make himself feel better. And that's not ok. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Its time to have a big sit down chat with him about his attitude and put downs.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
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    It sounds like he is insecure. I love and support my husband in everything and vice versa so I would be so hurt if he made a remark like that to be mean. And I would call him out on it.
  • soniamemms
    soniamemms Posts: 24 Member
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    Thank you, to all of you! I think you may be right. I am posting a picture of me that I just took yesterday.
  • ElizabethOakes2
    ElizabethOakes2 Posts: 1,038 Member
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    I think you need to sit down and have a talk with him and find out what it is he's really afraid of.
  • Missustruth
    Missustruth Posts: 10 Member
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    Wow. He's coming from a place of a whole lotta hurt. Praying for you both. Learn to love him unconditional but express yourself too. He shouldn't say nasty things, but it's how you calmly talk about it. Men have deep self confidence issues. He needs deep inner healing. Best to you both.
  • Missustruth
    Missustruth Posts: 10 Member
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    You look fantastic!

  • 4Maxine6
    4Maxine6 Posts: 10 Member
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    I think since he is your husband kill him with kindness. Compliment him, explain to him you are doing this for the both of you. Stroke his ego play this song for him. It's called look good for you by Selena Gomez. Tell him you are just trying to be his trophy wife that you realize that you represent him in public & you just don't want to represent him and your family in the best way. Remind him that you love him.


    Check out this video on YouTube:

    http://youtu.be/1TsVjvEkc4s
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    Quit talking about "healthy" food and stuff. Maybe cook some of his favorites if you can work out a way to fit them into your plan.
    Some people do not like changes. He will get used to the new version of you.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
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    RodaRose wrote: »
    Quit talking about "healthy" food and stuff. Maybe cook some of his favorites if you can work out a way to fit them into your plan.
    Some people do not like changes. He will get used to the new version of you.

    You're putting this on her? Even if she made nothing but salads his comments are inexcusable. Shame on you.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
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    rchlthompson wrote: »
    RodaRose wrote: »
    Quit talking about "healthy" food and stuff. Maybe cook some of his favorites if you can work out a way to fit them into your plan.
    Some people do not like changes. He will get used to the new version of you.

    You're putting this on her? Even if she made nothing but salads his comments are inexcusable. Shame on you.

    Seriously! He's a grown man and if he's going to throw a tantrum over "healthy" food, he can cook his own food, continue on the path he's on, and leave her to take care of herself in peace. His behavior is the one that needs to be checked, not hers.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    What RodaRose is saying is to try and be a more flexible. Even if it is only one day a week cook something that he likes, eventually he will come around. He is right, not everyone can accept 100% change overnight. It's like smoking (something I have never done), how many people can go cold turkey overnight.

    Yes, he is feeling insecure, but being with someone means giving and taking - so cook him at least one of his favorite meals once a week and go from there.

    Keep on what you are doing, you really look good - love those thighs.

    Next time he mentions that your butt looks like a penguin butt, tell him that penguins mate for life and from his comments to date, it is starting to look like he is not your mate for life.
  • williamsbantonio
    williamsbantonio Posts: 13 Member
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    I'm going threw the same thing but with my girlfriend!
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
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    socajam wrote: »
    What RodaRose is saying is to try and be a more flexible. Even if it is only one day a week cook something that he likes, eventually he will come around. He is right, not everyone can accept 100% change overnight. It's like smoking (something I have never done), how many people can go cold turkey overnight.

    Yes, he is feeling insecure, but being with someone means giving and taking - so cook him at least one of his favorite meals once a week and go from there.

    Keep on what you are doing, you really look good - love those thighs.

    Next time he mentions that your butt looks like a penguin butt, tell him that penguins mate for life and from his comments to date, it is starting to look like he is not your mate for life.

    From the sounds of it she's doing both the giving and the taking. She's working hard to take care of herself and the person she loves, and she's taking his verbal jabs while he continues to fight change.

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