I'm losing weight and my husband is putting me down

soniamemms

Hi everyone
I need some encouragement/advice/feedback. This last Septer, I was fed up with feeling bloated, irritable, and none of my clothes fit me anymore. I was the heaviest that I have ever been, and my knees were wearing out. I'm 41 and finally decided to change my life. Over the past 4 months I dropped from a size XL+ and size 14+ pants.

My husband is the heaviest he has ever been. He's wearing 4X tops and 54 waist pants. I started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same. The 1st few months he seemed bothered by our new diet. He hated it when I would use the word "healthy" when it came to our food. Before, I started this journey my husband always told me how gorgeous I was, and would call me his beautiful little piglet. (Most women would probably find that offensive, but he had a point.

I have dropped from 14+ to a size 10 and tops, from a size XL+ to mediums. In fact, this morning I tried on a medium sized coat and it was too big!!

Anyway, a month ago he said I was bigger than his mother, I was wearing mediums by then, and his mom is a size 16. Then last night, he tells me that my butt looks like the penguin from Batman. I have been working so hard on my butt. While I'm not where I want to be, I think I'm looking pretty good. I didn't even know what the Penguins butt even looked right, so I looked it up. It was awful. I was so hurt. Little does he know, that it fuels me even more to push myself harder?

My question is: do you think he is insecure, because he is still so overweight? Maybe he feels I could leave him, or is jealous about the attention that I'm getting, when people compliment me? I feel like he's trying to discourage me. But what are your ideas or opinions on why?

sheermomentum

I think he's probably insecure, and I think he's probably jealous. Everybody has to find their own way to handle these things, but I'd look him straight in the eye and say "my @$$ look fabulous, and you know it." And such true things. Without heat or malice, and with a smile.

SisterSueGetsFit

I think he's projecting his own insecurities. With that being said,absolutely NOBODY should EVER talk to you that way, especially your husband. It's time to sit him down and have a very frank conversation with him. If he's going to continue to speak to you like this, you may need to consider what your options are. feel free to add me as a friend for support if you'd like.

PoundChaser2

Hes insecure for sure.

CharlieBeansmomTracey

sheermomentum wrote: »

I think he's probably insecure, and I think he's probably jealous. Everybody has to find their own way to handle these things, but I'd look him straight in the eye and say "my @$$ look fabulous, and you know it." And such true things. Without heat or malice, and with a smile.

+1 I agree, yes sounds like jealousy and insecurity and maybe hes trying to sabotage your efforts without really thinking about what he is doing. have a talk with him and let him know what he says is hurtful and that you are doing this to get healthy and if he wants to join you he is more than welcome to,but if he doesnt want to be there or support you on your journey thats up to him. you do what you have to do. he may be afraid that you will leave him for someone else. talk to him and see how he feels as well.

shrinkingletters

Insecure and being very childish about it. He needs to deal with his feelings instead of taking it out on you.

zoeysasha37

I agree with the other posters. He sounds like he's very insecure right now. He may feel threatened. He may think you'll leave him for a thin man ( I know it sounds nuts but sometimes men get weird ideas)
Keep on reassuring him that you love him and want to be with him. Maybe in time the idea of the "new you " will start to sink in. Give him all the love and reassurance needed and hopefully he can work this out.
But if at any time his comments become hurtful, I think you should let him know how you feel. Communication is key to a happy marriage. So if he makes hurtful remarks then tell him you are hurt . let him know that you will continue on your weight loss journey even if he doesn't like it but that you will still love him.

samchez0

He's definitely insecure and putting you down to make himself feel better. And that's not ok. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Its time to have a big sit down chat with him about his attitude and put downs.

dbanks80

It sounds like he is insecure. I love and support my husband in everything and vice versa so I would be so hurt if he made a remark like that to be mean. And I would call him out on it.

soniamemms

Thank you, to all of you! I think you may be right. I am posting a picture of me that I just took yesterday.

ElizabethOakes2

I think you need to sit down and have a talk with him and find out what it is he's really afraid of.

Missustruth

Wow. He's coming from a place of a whole lotta hurt. Praying for you both. Learn to love him unconditional but express yourself too. He shouldn't say nasty things, but it's how you calmly talk about it. Men have deep self confidence issues. He needs deep inner healing. Best to you both.

Missustruth

You look fantastic!

4Maxine6

I think since he is your husband kill him with kindness. Compliment him, explain to him you are doing this for the both of you. Stroke his ego play this song for him. It's called look good for you by Selena Gomez. Tell him you are just trying to be his trophy wife that you realize that you represent him in public & you just don't want to represent him and your family in the best way. Remind him that you love him.


Check out this video on YouTube:

http://youtu.be/1TsVjvEkc4s

RodaRose

Quit talking about "healthy" food and stuff. Maybe cook some of his favorites if you can work out a way to fit them into your plan.
Some people do not like changes. He will get used to the new version of you.

SisterSueGetsFit

RodaRose wrote: »

Quit talking about "healthy" food and stuff. Maybe cook some of his favorites if you can work out a way to fit them into your plan.
Some people do not like changes. He will get used to the new version of you.

You're putting this on her? Even if she made nothing but salads his comments are inexcusable. Shame on you.

shrinkingletters

rchlthompson wrote: »

RodaRose wrote: »

Quit talking about "healthy" food and stuff. Maybe cook some of his favorites if you can work out a way to fit them into your plan.
Some people do not like changes. He will get used to the new version of you.

You're putting this on her? Even if she made nothing but salads his comments are inexcusable. Shame on you.

Seriously! He's a grown man and if he's going to throw a tantrum over "healthy" food, he can cook his own food, continue on the path he's on, and leave her to take care of herself in peace. His behavior is the one that needs to be checked, not hers.

socajam

What RodaRose is saying is to try and be a more flexible. Even if it is only one day a week cook something that he likes, eventually he will come around. He is right, not everyone can accept 100% change overnight. It's like smoking (something I have never done), how many people can go cold turkey overnight.

Yes, he is feeling insecure, but being with someone means giving and taking - so cook him at least one of his favorite meals once a week and go from there.

Keep on what you are doing, you really look good - love those thighs.

Next time he mentions that your butt looks like a penguin butt, tell him that penguins mate for life and from his comments to date, it is starting to look like he is not your mate for life.

williamsbantonio

I'm going threw the same thing but with my girlfriend!

Unknown

This content has been removed.

shrinkingletters

socajam wrote: »

What RodaRose is saying is to try and be a more flexible. Even if it is only one day a week cook something that he likes, eventually he will come around. He is right, not everyone can accept 100% change overnight. It's like smoking (something I have never done), how many people can go cold turkey overnight.

Yes, he is feeling insecure, but being with someone means giving and taking - so cook him at least one of his favorite meals once a week and go from there.

Keep on what you are doing, you really look good - love those thighs.

Next time he mentions that your butt looks like a penguin butt, tell him that penguins mate for life and from his comments to date, it is starting to look like he is not your mate for life.

From the sounds of it she's doing both the giving and the taking. She's working hard to take care of herself and the person she loves, and she's taking his verbal jabs while he continues to fight change.

neohdiver

soniamemms wrote: »

Hi everyone
My question is: do you think he is insecure, because he is still so overweight? Maybe he feels I could leave him, or is jealous about the attention that I'm getting, when people compliment me? I feel like he's trying to discourage me. But what are your ideas or opinions on why?

It may be as simple as being more attracted to heavier, rather than thinner, body types.

That doesn't mean his attractions should govern your weight - but it's a lot simpler explanation than assuming he's trying to sabotage you because he's deficient in some way (insecure, jealous, etc.)

angelamichelle_xo

hes jealous.

Adc7225

Having been on both sides of the fence I guess, I would not say that your husband is being insecure but this is new to him. We tend to not take change well and some people respond in ways that can be taken the wrong way. Some don't say anything and others say the wrongs things and a few manage to get it right. I would guess that since this is your husband you expect that he knows you well enough to know what you need in terms of motivation or just kind words - it doesn't always work that way. I lost weight and was dumped and the person I am with now wants to lose weight and while I really like him the way he is I know that he will feel much better getting some of the weight off and I really try and offer support and motivation when and where I can.

I would suggest at some point having a heart-to-heart with your husband and letting him know your motivation for losing weight - initially, outside of trying to feel better healthy-wise I also wanted to lose weight to look better for him - so I thought

jennifer_417

I think it's highly possible he's jealous and insecure. It could also, at least in part, be that he genuinely liked the way you look before. He could also resent the fact that, since you've changed what you're eating (assuming you do the cooking), he's, by default, had to make changes that he doesn't want to make. There's also a decent chance that, on a subconscious level, he's picked up on your desire for him to lose weight, and it makes him feel bad, though he may not consciously realize it.

socajam

She married him, sometimes one have to give a lot more to find balance - in sickness and in health.

allaboutthefood

Have you talked with him? I had a friend that was exstrimly overweight and had surgery her husband is thin, but didn't like at all that she had to go for the surgery and that she would lose weight. He would bring home fast food and try to guilt her into eating it. She finally had a sit down with him and explained why she had to do this and keep it up and if he had nothing nice to say than not to say it. Now they work together! Maybe your husband isn't ready to make the change, which is his choice and he should know that. You need to tell him to stop putting you down, that you will no longer put up with it. This is your journey and he just has to deal with it. If he is not ready, that has nothing to do with you and if he is taken it out on you, shame on him and he needs to grow up. CONGRATS on your weight loss and all the hard work you are putting into it. Keep pushing forward.

socajam

shrinkingletters - she married him - as the saying goes in sickness and in health. Some times in a relationship one side gives a lot more than other, until balance is found. Obviously he is knocked off balance by the big change both in eating and her weight loss.

From experience it is very hard to eat diet food every day, not everyone have the stamina to keep it up. Change is good yes, but to completely wipe out what someone is eating to suit one person is completely wrong, however healthy that may seem. Husband can still lose weight, but still needs to have some treats, life is too short to go 100% the other way.

CharlieBeansmomTracey

doesnt matter what she cooks or doesnt cook,there is NO reason and no excuse for him to act like that and put her down. he has no excuse. if he doesnt want to be healthy thats on him and she should not have to cook him what he likes. hes an adult and can cook his own meals. if she wants to cook him something different then fine,but point is there is never an excuse or a reason for your partner to try and make you feel like less of a person or mock you in anyway. my hubby would never say things like that to me. he often tells me he is proud of me for sticking with it as long as I have and that I look good but that to him I looked good before I lost the weight. you should never put the other person down because you cant deal with something they are doing to benefit their health and help to keep them around longer.

tracymn925

Your husband sounds like a jerk. Like others have said, have a very candid discussion on how he he hurt you and that you will not tolerate anymore of his bull. You are beautiful and strong and you do not need his validation to know it. Keep up the great work!

tracymn925

And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...