I'm losing weight and my husband is putting me down

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  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    bvff35 wrote: »
    williamsbantonio wrote: »
    I'm going threw the same thing but with my girlfriend!

    Doesn't make it right but your girl is probably just afraid to lose you because other girls may start to give you more attention now. Let her knowthat you only want her but that you intend to stick with what you are doing such as diet and exercise. :-) Good luck. Relationships are hard.
    bvff35 wrote: »
    tracymn925 wrote: »
    And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...

    So agree!!! The husband is welcome to change his diet and increase his exercise level instead of making his wife feel bad. He is the person, of all people, should be encouraging her in nice and polite ways!

    Interesting how the responses differ for the same situation, only roles reversed.

    Also, I don't think Op's husband is welcome to increase his exercise level.
  • oocdc2
    oocdc2 Posts: 1,361 Member
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    Life's too short to put up with name calling. Having a disability is no excuse to be offensively rude, especially to your wife.
    DTMFA.
  • TraceyKakes
    TraceyKakes Posts: 37 Member
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    Okay okay. First of all you look GREAT. You should be so proud of yourself. It must be so hurtful to have your husband who is supposed to be your biggest support put you down. I would be honest with him about how his comments make you feel. He may be doing it without realizing how much it actually hurts you. I hope you guys work it out. Don't let it discourage you from your journey to health!! All the best to you.
  • UnicornAmanda1
    UnicornAmanda1 Posts: 56 Member
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    rchlthompson wrote: »
    I think he's projecting his own insecurities. With that being said,absolutely NOBODY should EVER talk to you that way, especially your husband. It's time to sit him down and have a very frank conversation with him. If he's going to continue to speak to you like this, you may need to consider what your options are. feel free to add me as a friend for support if you'd like.

    Exactly this. Here if you need me
  • jess0485
    jess0485 Posts: 6 Member
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    this makes me sad!!:( He should be encouraging you have you tried being open and honest with him? telling him how you are feeling?
  • taichilass
    taichilass Posts: 301 Member
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    Sounds to me like he's sabotaging because he's not ready to change. He's pprobably resenting you because you're way more hot than he is tight now.
  • Shrinking_Erin
    Shrinking_Erin Posts: 125 Member
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    He could be insecure, threatened and possibly a little jealous with your success. I too would drop the term healthy and just cook that way. One day he might decide he's tired of his current weight and health and join you.
  • _Figgzie_
    _Figgzie_ Posts: 3,506 Member
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    Although all the changes you made are positive ones and great for both of you, you decided to make the change(s) and he did not. I agree that he seems to be a bit mouthy with you and a husband should never talk to his wife that way. The problem as I see it is that your routine and everything that he has come to be normal between the two of you (eating-wise) has been completely scrapped and changed and that's not what he wants. We all usually do not do well with change, even changes that we decide we need to make............he does not want to change (even though it sounds like he needs to lose weight).........you changing means that he is affected and it is obvious that that is not what he wants. I think you guys have a tough road ahead of you and need to square some things away, he will eventually sabotage your efforts and it may cause you to quit. Good luck.
  • emilydpires
    emilydpires Posts: 2 Member
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    Proud of you for making the change and trying to be a good example for your hubby. I think you're right about his insecurities. Losing that kind of weight without support at home is very hard...and you did it!! Keep on keeping on!! Revel in that good feeling whenever you try on clothes that keep getting bigger.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    edited January 2016
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    soniamemms wrote: »
    Hi everyone
    My husband is the heaviest he has ever been. He's wearing 4X tops and 54 waist pants. I started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same. The 1st few months he seemed bothered by our new diet. He hated it when I would use the word "healthy" when it came to our food.

    See, here's the thing. Sounds like when *you* decided to lose weight, you kind of insisted that he does so as well by changing what you prepare and what you both eat. You even say that you "started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same." And honestly, although well-intentioned, it's backfired on you, because he's just not ready for it. He doesn't want to hear how healthy the meal is, because he's not ready to actually give a damn about that. Just like you weren't before you decided to do things differently.

    Not saying you're wrong to be concerned about him, but he is, I assume, a capable adult and just because you're ready for a change doesn't mean that he is. Or has to be just because that's what *you* decided to do. Why do you get to decide this for him? The comments you're getting for him aren't really meant to hurt you but they scream "I'm not ready for change!" to me.

    So my advice it to stfu about how healthy everything is, make the foods that *he* enjoys too and you just eat less of them.

    When he's ready to make a change for himself, he will. But until he does, your newfound healthy zeal will just piss him off and make him even more resistant to change. :)

    tl;dr? You do you and let him do him. When and if he becomes ready to change his eating habits, he will. Lead by example and then let it go.
  • senecarr
    senecarr Posts: 5,377 Member
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    As the phrase goes, "you can't get someone to do your push ups for you." One issue is you can't force other adults to change their habits, it is going to lead to argument. The other issue is the choice of language feels close to unacceptable, although it seems you have a history of hiking like this, so it is hard to say about it being retold one sided.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
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    4Maxine4 wrote: »
    I think since he is your husband kill him with kindness. Compliment him, explain to him you are doing this for the both of you. Stroke his ego play this song for him. It's called look good for you by Selena Gomez. Tell him you are just trying to be his trophy wife that you realize that you represent him in public & you just don't want to represent him and your family in the best way.
    I can't even with this. Let's just put women back in the dark ages, shall we?
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
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    He sounds very immature, and completely insecure. That's not an excuse to be a jerk, though. I suggest giving as good as your taking. If he says something stupid/hurtful, you throw one back at him...I'm not saying be a big meanie....but after one or two times, he's bound to see the connection, and possibly that could make him realize how hurtful he is being. Good luck, I understand completely. Feel free to add if you need a friend xo
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    4Maxine4 wrote: »
    I think since he is your husband kill him with kindness. Compliment him, explain to him you are doing this for the both of you. Stroke his ego play this song for him. It's called look good for you by Selena Gomez. Tell him you are just trying to be his trophy wife that you realize that you represent him in public & you just don't want to represent him and your family in the best way.
    I can't even with this. Let's just put women back in the dark ages, shall we?

    I agree . the word trophy wife alone makes me cringe.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    bvff35 wrote: »
    tracymn925 wrote: »
    And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...

    So agree!!! The husband is welcome to change his diet and increase his exercise level instead of making his wife feel bad. He is the person, of all people, should be encouraging her in nice and polite ways!

    Reread this thread @bvff35
    The op has mentioned ( later in the thread and not in her original statement) that her husband is a quadriplegic.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,671 Member
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    Deflection is usually the best way to counter a guys comment. Walk like a penguin to humor him. Like other people who try to get a rise out of someone with a mean comment, they are looking for a confrontational reaction, not one that basically ignores what they've said.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    bvff35 wrote: »
    tracymn925 wrote: »
    And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...

    So agree!!! The husband is welcome to change his diet and increase his exercise level instead of making his wife feel bad. He is the person, of all people, should be encouraging her in nice and polite ways!

    I don't think anyone is making excuses for the husband. The fact is we all act crappy sometimes, we're just trying to help her understand some of the reasons that he's doing that. Nobody's saying it's ok, but it isn't grounds for divorce, either.
  • Brianw954
    Brianw954 Posts: 6 Member
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    Misery loves company.
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    senecarr wrote: »
    As the phrase goes, "you can't get someone to do your push ups for you." One issue is you can't force other adults to change their habits, it is going to lead to argument. The other issue is the choice of language feels close to unacceptable, although it seems you have a history of hiking like this, so it is hard to say about it being retold one sided.
    YES, THIS!!!!

    So piglet is okay but penguin is not? I suggest you talk to your husband and verify that he truly meant to be hostile. Many of the people who say your husband is being extremely inappropriate would likely not want to be called piggy or piglet either. It's confusing to me. Only one person can give you the answer here, IMO
  • PixelPuff
    PixelPuff Posts: 901 Member
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    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    soniamemms wrote: »
    Hi everyone
    My husband is the heaviest he has ever been. He's wearing 4X tops and 54 waist pants. I started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same. The 1st few months he seemed bothered by our new diet. He hated it when I would use the word "healthy" when it came to our food.

    See, here's the thing. Sounds like when *you* decided to lose weight, you kind of insisted that he does so as well by changing what you prepare and what you both eat. You even say that you "started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same." And honestly, although well-intentioned, it's backfired on you, because he's just not ready for it. He doesn't want to hear how healthy the meal is, because he's not ready to actually give a damn about that. Just like you weren't before you decided to do things differently.

    Not saying you're wrong to be concerned about him, but he is, I assume, a capable adult and just because you're ready for a change doesn't mean that he is. Or has to be just because that's what *you* decided to do. Why do you get to decide this for him? The comments you're getting for him aren't really meant to hurt you but they scream "I'm not ready for change!" to me.

    So my advice it to stfu about how healthy everything is, make the foods that *he* enjoys too and you just eat less of them.

    When he's ready to make a change for himself, he will. But until he does, your newfound healthy zeal will just piss him off and make him even more resistant to change. :)

    tl;dr? You do you and let him do him. When and if he becomes ready to change his eating habits, he will. Lead by example and then let it go.

    She said he loves the food, actually... And it is no excuse for him to be acting like that to her. :l

    OP, your post last page worries me. You shouldn't have to worry about him FINDING NEW WAYS to insult you. That's a bad sign.

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