Why get into a relationship if your a cheater???

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  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,718 Member
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    So my question here is what is the criteria of whether it's cheating or not? Because if it's not a physical action with someone else, is it still cheating? And if it is, then isn't everyone guilty of it if they've imagined themselves with someone else other than their SO?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
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    missnursediana wrote: »
    How can some people propose to their partner while having another man/women on the side? If your not a committing person and can't be honest with yourself and your partner, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Stay single!

    I have dated women like this . It is impossible to have a relationship with a liar and cheater. The will not change their ways. Things could be great for months and one slip up and they are calling some loser friend dude waiting for his chance in the backround , These women tend to be crappy communicators and passive agressive. Learn to spot the red flags straight away and leave them as fast as possible. You don't want to ignore the red flags and fall in love with a person like this.
  • robs_ready
    robs_ready Posts: 1,488 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    So my question here is what is the criteria of whether it's cheating or not? Because if it's not a physical action with someone else, is it still cheating? And if it is, then isn't everyone guilty of it if they've imagined themselves with someone else other than their SO?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    This is a great point.

    There's a distinction between 'I would like to sleep with them' and planning to meet up with someone to actually doing it.

    I think as you pointed out, nature naturally allows us to be attracted, society tells us to control it.
  • Peter_Brady
    Peter_Brady Posts: 3,750 Member
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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2eW51Y96hI
  • Peter_Brady
    Peter_Brady Posts: 3,750 Member
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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d22VLf_gBe8
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,368 Member
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    Well if Dr. Phil says stuff OBVIOUSLY it's gospel
  • Muzak1
    Muzak1 Posts: 599 Member
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    ValerieMartini2Olives wrote: »
    You never know what can set someone off though. I had a boyfriend who before me was married. Completely out of his character. After years of his wife not sleeping with him, her not doing any cooking or cleaning (as a stay at home mom), along with other issues... He had a few affairs. Does it excuse him? No. You're both to blame when there's a complete communication breakdown. But you never know what will push someone to the point where they have to.

    Well said on all points.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,718 Member
    edited February 2016
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    robs_ready wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    So my question here is what is the criteria of whether it's cheating or not? Because if it's not a physical action with someone else, is it still cheating? And if it is, then isn't everyone guilty of it if they've imagined themselves with someone else other than their SO?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    This is a great point.

    There's a distinction between 'I would like to sleep with them' and planning to meet up with someone to actually doing it.

    I think as you pointed out, nature naturally allows us to be attracted, society tells us to control it.
    However if someone is just "playing" the field, it's not cheating or it's just "gross".
    I think where the issue lies is that others won't feel committed to, if their SO is checking out others. Ironically, this also is how the job market works. Whatever job you take on, they want you to have total commitment to them above others. But what if you want or need 2 jobs? Can't you commit to both?
    Also, how hard is it to find your one true love? Of all the billions of people on the planet, the average person might meet a half dozen or so that they have interest in and then make that choice based on lack of options. Now what if that marriage (though one may have thought "this is it!") isn't what it's cracked up to be?
    I believe relationships are a lot more complicated than people think which might also be lead to a reason of people being overweight/obese.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • pie_eyes
    pie_eyes Posts: 12,964 Member
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    synchkat wrote: »
    Well if Dr. Phil says stuff OBVIOUSLY it's gospel

    lol
  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
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    synchkat wrote: »
    Well if Dr. Phil says stuff OBVIOUSLY it's gospel

    Im sending you to Dr Phil .
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,368 Member
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    finny11122 wrote: »
    synchkat wrote: »
    Well if Dr. Phil says stuff OBVIOUSLY it's gospel

    Im sending you to Dr Phil .

    Um not pointing any fingers but you're the one with the issue with puppies and stuff so maybe you should go
  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
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    synchkat wrote: »
    finny11122 wrote: »
    synchkat wrote: »
    Well if Dr. Phil says stuff OBVIOUSLY it's gospel

    Im sending you to Dr Phil .

    Um not pointing any fingers but you're the one with the issue with puppies and stuff so maybe you should go

    Youre a pup !!
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,368 Member
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    finny11122 wrote: »
    synchkat wrote: »
    finny11122 wrote: »
    synchkat wrote: »
    Well if Dr. Phil says stuff OBVIOUSLY it's gospel

    Im sending you to Dr Phil .

    Um not pointing any fingers but you're the one with the issue with puppies and stuff so maybe you should go

    Youre a pup !!

    I'm a Kat
  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
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    you are a saucy kat
    synchkat wrote: »
    finny11122 wrote: »
    synchkat wrote: »
    finny11122 wrote: »
    synchkat wrote: »
    Well if Dr. Phil says stuff OBVIOUSLY it's gospel

    Im sending you to Dr Phil .

    Um not pointing any fingers but you're the one with the issue with puppies and stuff so maybe you should go

    Youre a pup !!

    I'm a Kat

    you are a saucy kat
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
    edited February 2016
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    Awillz_Conqueror wrote: »
    Why do people opt for processed foods over the natural healthy choices?
    Why do people skip the gym for the bar?
    How often do we think critically about the decisions we make? As opposed to reacting from emotion or instinct/taught behavior?

    Let's not paint this picture that monogamy has been the "way of the world" since the beginning of time. It hasn't. In fact, the majority of human history suggests men having multiple partners/wives. [I cannot confirm women, I have not done the research] And let's not paint this other picture saying "generations of past fixed their issues...and didn't cheat..... blah, blah..." because that is an absolute lie.

    What I can say about cheating, in my opinion, is that the decision to do so is no different than the other bad choices we make. People who smoke, drink, eat poorly, stress, have anger issues, suffer from addiction, etc all seem to get this societal pass... but cheating - oh no- cheating calls for a witch hunt of sorts and 1,000,000 theories as to why people do it. Let's look at our own lives, find the bad choices/habits we have, and apply the same reasoning to why people cheat. The process and reasoning is absolutely the same. Tadaa, you have your answer.

    I couldn't have said it better myself. 1% - 3% of the population are true socio- or psychopaths with no regard for other people. A whole heck of a lot more suffer from some form of mental or emotional disorder, a large majority of them undiagnosed. Another large part of those who are diagnosed are not receiving any form of CBT or other psychotherapy to help them learn how to change their thought processes. I would venture to guess that a lot of people with infidelity issues fall into those two categories.

    While being cheated on hurts (I know from experience), holding on to the hurt and the anger is far more destructive than the actual act done to you. Compassion and love for all is the best way, yes? Even (especially) if it's only for your benefit. You absolutely don't need to keep those people in your life (unless you believe they'll get help to change and you can mentally and emotionally forgive them and are willing and able to do that hard work with them) but throwing mud just makes a bigger mess for you to clean up whether they're there or not.

  • bdgfn
    bdgfn Posts: 7,719 Member
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  • tottie_07
    tottie_07 Posts: 105 Member
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    Hey_Its_That_One_Guy wrote: »
    Society these days is pretty tailored to "If you don't like something get a new one you do like." instead of the "If something is broken fix it" of years past.

    Truth
  • tottie_07
    tottie_07 Posts: 105 Member
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    gcibsthom wrote: »
    I keep hearing the word "mistake" used in the context of cheating. To me a mistake is something done accidentally. Cheating takes conscious effort to accomplish. A lot of famous people go to therapy for sex addiction. Bull. We are all addicted to sex (not everybody wants sex, but everyone of us wants great sex) in some form or other unless there are medical reasons. Just my two cents....

    Agree. It requires a conscious decision to cheat. By no means a mistake. I will not hang around for the next "mistake" to happen.
  • Wonderwomanvik
    Wonderwomanvik Posts: 2,932 Member
    edited February 2016
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    Sometimes in relationships we find our needs not being met. Maybe when you were first dating things were hot and heavy and sex was often. Then a few years into it, the sex has slowed down or worse become a chore. Nobody wants to feel like their sexual needs are a chore for their partner. So, when someone else gives us the attention we've been missing, it's easy to justify giving in: just this once, it's not hurting anyone, if he/she had sex with me more often this wouldn't happen, it feels good, etc...
    Sometimes, we have to examine our own behavior and find what we've done (or haven't done) to foster the situation that led to cheating. I'm not saying it's the person who was cheated on's fault, just that usually there is something that could be changed to help the relationship stay healthy sexually.
    We all have responsibility for our relationships... No one person is ever 100% responsible for problems... Except in cases of abuse.
  • Lycan_
    Lycan_ Posts: 104 Member
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    Trying to boil down human behavior to some combination of evolution (we were made for multiple partners), mental illness (they're sociopaths), or victim blaming (the person who got cheated on didn't give the cheater what they wanted) is silly.

    The reality is that humans are very complex creatures and each one of us makes decisions that are driven by our own circumstances. Not everything we do has to have a reason. Not everything we do can be understood.

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