Why get into a relationship if your a cheater???

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  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Lycan_ wrote: »
    Trying to boil down human behavior to some combination of evolution (we were made for multiple partners), mental illness (they're sociopaths), or victim blaming (the person who got cheated on didn't give the cheater what they wanted) is silly.

    The reality is that humans are very complex creatures and each one of us makes decisions that are driven by our own circumstances. Not everything we do has to have a reason. Not everything we do can be understood.

    I like this
  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
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    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201508/10-signs-passive-aggressive-relationship
  • _whatsherface
    _whatsherface Posts: 1,235 Member
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    3ypu504g0ape.jpeg
  • Lettee4
    Lettee4 Posts: 81 Member
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    i know right...if you are not monogamous just do open relationships! honesty is so much better.
  • robs_ready
    robs_ready Posts: 1,488 Member
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    Lettee4 wrote: »
    i know right...if you are not monogamous just do open relationships! honesty is so much better.

    Agreed
  • JeffreyMGiron
    JeffreyMGiron Posts: 3,582 Member
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    Some people eat all the cookies in the cookie jar, and others just take one. Simple as that.

    What I've noticed is that women get cheated on and try to fix it, instead of just realizing there's a guy out there who's willing to give them 110% of their loyalty, meanwhile they just rather give the cheater another chance. Some Cheaters do change, but over time when they are ready to actually settle, and even then they will have thoughts of having something else. Same thing for women cheaters. Cheating is never going to subside someones interest once they have done it before, it lingers.

    This is what i think dont attack me. Im very sensative.
  • _whatsherface
    _whatsherface Posts: 1,235 Member
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    robs_ready wrote: »
    Lettee4 wrote: »
    i know right...if you are not monogamous just do open relationships! honesty is so much better.

    Agreed

    Double agree. And that's totally a thing. a lot of people just don't understand its concept yet.
  • sabrinasmith7
    sabrinasmith7 Posts: 583 Member
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    Awillz_Conqueror wrote: »
    Why do people opt for processed foods over the natural healthy choices?
    Why do people skip the gym for the bar?
    How often do we think critically about the decisions we make? As opposed to reacting from emotion or instinct/taught behavior?

    Let's not paint this picture that monogamy has been the "way of the world" since the beginning of time. It hasn't. In fact, the majority of human history suggests men having multiple partners/wives. [I cannot confirm women, I have not done the research] And let's not paint this other picture saying "generations of past fixed their issues...and didn't cheat..... blah, blah..." because that is an absolute lie.

    What I can say about cheating, in my opinion, is that the decision to do so is no different than the other bad choices we make. People who smoke, drink, eat poorly, stress, have anger issues, suffer from addiction, etc all seem to get this societal pass... but cheating - oh no- cheating calls for a witch hunt of sorts and 1,000,000 theories as to why people do it. Let's look at our own lives, find the bad choices/habits we have, and apply the same reasoning to why people cheat. The process and reasoning is absolutely the same. Tadaa, you have your answer.

    I disagree with this. People make poor choices in food, smoking, ect because its harm to themselves, and let be real, no one cares what their insides look like. But cheating isnt self harm, its harm to other individuals. Your emotionally destroying another human being because you choose not to care about them. So its not the same. People are human beings with a conscious mind and can make a simple decision.
  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,537 Member
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    sabrinasmith7 wrote: »
    Awillz_Conqueror wrote: »
    Why do people opt for processed foods over the natural healthy choices?
    Why do people skip the gym for the bar?
    How often do we think critically about the decisions we make? As opposed to reacting from emotion or instinct/taught behavior?

    Let's not paint this picture that monogamy has been the "way of the world" since the beginning of time. It hasn't. In fact, the majority of human history suggests men having multiple partners/wives. [I cannot confirm women, I have not done the research] And let's not paint this other picture saying "generations of past fixed their issues...and didn't cheat..... blah, blah..." because that is an absolute lie.

    What I can say about cheating, in my opinion, is that the decision to do so is no different than the other bad choices we make. People who smoke, drink, eat poorly, stress, have anger issues, suffer from addiction, etc all seem to get this societal pass... but cheating - oh no- cheating calls for a witch hunt of sorts and 1,000,000 theories as to why people do it. Let's look at our own lives, find the bad choices/habits we have, and apply the same reasoning to why people cheat. The process and reasoning is absolutely the same. Tadaa, you have your answer.

    I disagree with this. People make poor choices in food, smoking, ect because its harm to themselves, and let be real, no one cares what their insides look like. But cheating isnt self harm, its harm to other individuals. Your emotionally destroying another human being because you choose not to care about them. So its not the same. People are human beings with a conscious mind and can make a simple decision.

    By the logic in bold above, it would be the same thing as making decisions to smoke, drink, and all of the other examples given. I can consciously decide not to smoke, decide not to drink, decide not to cheat.

    I guess what I'm saying is, I don't see what you're disagreeing with.
  • daveclrk5858
    daveclrk5858 Posts: 67 Member
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    http://youtu.be/JS6Gw6NVgRg

    Just sayin'..........
  • sw33tp3a15
    sw33tp3a15 Posts: 1,674 Member
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    JeffreyMGiron wrote: »
    Some people eat all the cookies in the cookie jar, and others just take one. Simple as that.

    What I've noticed is that women get cheated on and try to fix it, instead of just realizing there's a guy out there who's willing to give them 110% of their loyalty, meanwhile they just rather give the cheater another chance. Some Cheaters do change, but over time when they are ready to actually settle, and even then they will have thoughts of having something else. Same thing for women cheaters. Cheating is never going to subside someones interest once they have done it before, it lingers.

    This is what i think dont attack me. Im very sensative.

    I like your sensitive side ;)

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,718 Member
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    Ask a survey of people married for more than 10-15 years on how much sex they have with their SO and I'm guessing the answer will be 1-2 a month or less. Attraction can fade over time and that's not unusual. Even with the most beautiful/nicest people in the world. Added attention from someone usually is what leads to cheating. Again, not condoning it, I just believe that this is why it happens.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • daveclrk5858
    daveclrk5858 Posts: 67 Member
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    I can understand that in some cases. They key is to make time for each other. Put the phones away, get off Facebook, turn the tv off, and just hang out. Life is so busy with work, kids, house chores, and family events that we can forget to spend time with the person that we vowed to grow old with.

    Make time, and the likelihood that your sex life will benefit is extremely high.

    I've been married 12 years and we're as healthy as ever. It's possible, just sayin'!
  • kchuskey
    kchuskey Posts: 882 Member
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    I agree.. Honesty is the best policy. But by process of elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy. :)
  • positivepowers
    positivepowers Posts: 902 Member
    edited February 2016
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    As much as society would like to believe we're above other animals, we're still part of a world where certain instincts don't fade. And one of them is having as much sexual contact as one can with the gender they prefer. Some have it stronger than others and some are content to just having one person.
    I don't care how long someone has been with someone else or how much they proclaim to love them, but I truly doubt there is anyone on this planet that hasn't fantasized about having sex with someone other than their partner. And if that idea is even just a passing thought, then why is it even visualized? We're still animals on a world where we're nothing but a speck in a Universe that's much bigger than what we see in the sky.
    So my question here is what is the criteria of whether it's cheating or not? Because if it's not a physical action with someone else, is it still cheating? And if it is, then isn't everyone guilty of it if they've imagined themselves with someone else other than their SO?

    Although we are all biological creatures, unlike most of the rest of the species on earth, we have the wherewithal to control our actions. What we think within the context of our own brain is not subject to criticism, nor is it cheating. I cannot be prosecuted for thinking about killing someone, only the actual act is prosecutable, just as I am allowed to be attracted to others, but having given my word of fidelity, I cannot act on the feeling.

    OP, infidelity comes from the insecurity of both partners. On the one hand, the cheater wants to feel the center of as many peoples' universes as possible (sociopathology) because either: (a) he/she is afraid of loss, thereby keeping one lover on the hook just in case their real love dumps them or (b) they enjoy the feeling of power that comes from having a dangerous secret (Drigotas & Barta, 2001).

    What is even more interesting to me, however, is studying those attracted to cheaters. If this is a pattern, "every man/woman I've ever loved has cheated on me" or "I spent 15 years with this guy/girl and he/she has cheated on me every day of the 15 years" then counseling is advised to determine why. Even if you didn't know he/she was a cheater, you were attracted to that personality type.

    ETA: Oh, yeah, and Dr. Phil is the Dr. Oz of psychology. Neither are credible.

    Drigotas, Stephen M., and William Barta. "The cheating heart: Scientific explorations of infidelity." Current directions in psychological science 10, no. 5 (2001): 177-180.Retrieved from: http://lillianmcmaster.com/resources/Fisher adolescent romantic relationships.pdf#page=200
  • sabrinasmith7
    sabrinasmith7 Posts: 583 Member
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    _incogNEATo_ wrote: »
    sabrinasmith7 wrote: »
    Awillz_Conqueror wrote: »
    Why do people opt for processed foods over the natural healthy choices?
    Why do people skip the gym for the bar?
    How often do we think critically about the decisions we make? As opposed to reacting from emotion or instinct/taught behavior?

    Let's not paint this picture that monogamy has been the "way of the world" since the beginning of time. It hasn't. In fact, the majority of human history suggests men having multiple partners/wives. [I cannot confirm women, I have not done the research] And let's not paint this other picture saying "generations of past fixed their issues...and didn't cheat..... blah, blah..." because that is an absolute lie.

    What I can say about cheating, in my opinion, is that the decision to do so is no different than the other bad choices we make. People who smoke, drink, eat poorly, stress, have anger issues, suffer from addiction, etc all seem to get this societal pass... but cheating - oh no- cheating calls for a witch hunt of sorts and 1,000,000 theories as to why people do it. Let's look at our own lives, find the bad choices/habits we have, and apply the same reasoning to why people cheat. The process and reasoning is absolutely the same. Tadaa, you have your answer.

    I disagree with this. People make poor choices in food, smoking, ect because its harm to themselves, and let be real, no one cares what their insides look like. But cheating isnt self harm, its harm to other individuals. Your emotionally destroying another human being because you choose not to care about them. So its not the same. People are human beings with a conscious mind and can make a simple decision.

    By the logic in bold above, it would be the same thing as making decisions to smoke, drink, and all of the other examples given. I can consciously decide not to smoke, decide not to drink, decide not to cheat.

    I guess what I'm saying is, I don't see what you're disagreeing with.

    The difference is your choosing to hurt someone else, not yourself.
  • Pittshkr_
    Pittshkr_ Posts: 99 Member
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    I had this same problem with my ex girlfriend. I was all willing to get married and when she proposed to me i accepted. The biggest problem was when her other fiance started hitting on my wife. Thats where i drew the line. I ended up breaking off the engagement and then proposing to my other girlfriend who happily accepted.

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