Why get into a relationship if your a cheater???
missnursediana
Posts: 6 Member
in Chit-Chat
How can some people propose to their partner while having another man/women on the side? If your not a committing person and can't be honest with yourself and your partner, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Stay single!
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Replies
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Can't say. My ex wife was like that, and she could never explain it either....0
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Everybody likes a little stability.0
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They should learn to be stable mentally and financially one their own, Not use someone to achieve it0
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If they're cheaters they clearly aren't thinking about other people in the first place.0
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But some people take way too learn to realize that..A lot of people, young and older, seem to think they need someone else to be complete. They glom on to someone and as soon as some little thing goes wrong, they go for another....keeping the other one as well. They are needers....not good.0
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Society these days is pretty tailored to "If you don't like something get a new one you do like." instead of the "If something is broken fix it" of years past.0
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I have asked this question to a cheater and they couldn't answer. I think deep down somewhere in their soul like really really deep, they want to be this committed person that's why they get into relationships. But for some reason they choose not to. It's a choice.0
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Agreed...people give up too easily. Where's the love and respect in relationships these days???0
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One of the people I know who does this time after time says he never goes into a relationship thinking he is going to do this but he gets bored etc and it just happens. I told him it just does not happen he makes those choices it is his issue not everyone elses. He is one of the most selfish people I know. Not just in this area of his life.
He or others like him are the reason many women have just given up.0 -
I think some have this need. The more people who "love" them, the more loved they feel. Even though, they are missing a more satisfying love from that one true love. And sometimes they mistake love for lust.0
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No matter how hard you try and how good of a person you are, you can't make someone love you. Cheating is definitely a choice. Yes mistakes happen, but after the first time, it's just a selfish habit0
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Not always, but in a lot of cases I believe a cheater (especially serial cheaters) is someone who needs a lot of reassurance/ego boosting- regardless of how amazing their spouse may or may not be, I think a lot of cheaters are insecure people that just need to know they are wanted regardless of the attraction level/ connection level with the other person. I think these types of cheaters just want validation anywhere they can find it, because they need other people to make them feel good about themselves- the sad part with these types is that no one will ever be enough for them, because they don't realize that the problem is within themselves.0
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But some people take way too learn to realize that..A lot of people, young and older, seem to think they need someone else to be complete. They glom on to someone and as soon as some little thing goes wrong, they go for another....keeping the other one as well. They are needers....not good.
truth. You shouldn't be with someone to find a "missing piece." You need to be whole before you commit to someone else.0 -
Why do people opt for processed foods over the natural healthy choices?
Why do people skip the gym for the bar?
How often do we think critically about the decisions we make? As opposed to reacting from emotion or instinct/taught behavior?
Let's not paint this picture that monogamy has been the "way of the world" since the beginning of time. It hasn't. In fact, the majority of human history suggests men having multiple partners/wives. [I cannot confirm women, I have not done the research] And let's not paint this other picture saying "generations of past fixed their issues...and didn't cheat..... blah, blah..." because that is an absolute lie.
What I can say about cheating, in my opinion, is that the decision to do so is no different than the other bad choices we make. People who smoke, drink, eat poorly, stress, have anger issues, suffer from addiction, etc all seem to get this societal pass... but cheating - oh no- cheating calls for a witch hunt of sorts and 1,000,000 theories as to why people do it. Let's look at our own lives, find the bad choices/habits we have, and apply the same reasoning to why people cheat. The process and reasoning is absolutely the same. Tadaa, you have your answer.0 -
You never know what can set someone off though. I had a boyfriend who before me was married. Completely out of his character. After years of his wife not sleeping with him, her not doing any cooking or cleaning (as a stay at home mom), along with other issues... He had a few affairs. Does it excuse him? No. You're both to blame when there's a complete communication breakdown. But you never know what will push someone to the point where they have to.0
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As much as society would like to believe we're above other animals, we're still part of a world where certain instincts don't fade. And one of them is having as much sexual contact as one can with the gender they prefer. Some have it stronger than others and some are content to just having one person.
I don't care how long someone has been with someone else or how much they proclaim to love them, but I truly doubt there is anyone on this planet that hasn't fantasized about having sex with someone other than their partner. And if that idea is even just a passing thought, then why is it even visualized? We're still animals on a world where we're nothing but a speck in a Universe that's much bigger than what we see in the sky.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I keep hearing the word "mistake" used in the context of cheating. To me a mistake is something done accidentally. Cheating takes conscious effort to accomplish. A lot of famous people go to therapy for sex addiction. Bull. We are all addicted to sex (not everybody wants sex, but everyone of us wants great sex) in some form or other unless there are medical reasons. Just my two cents....0
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I have nothing to contribute here but I'm intrigued, please carry on.
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I don't condone cheating but on the flip side, it's not always fair to blame the cheater. But if you are at the stage where you are cheating, you should just either end it or try or work out your differences.0
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So my question here is what is the criteria of whether it's cheating or not? Because if it's not a physical action with someone else, is it still cheating? And if it is, then isn't everyone guilty of it if they've imagined themselves with someone else other than their SO?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition 0 -
missnursediana wrote: »How can some people propose to their partner while having another man/women on the side? If your not a committing person and can't be honest with yourself and your partner, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Stay single!
I have dated women like this . It is impossible to have a relationship with a liar and cheater. The will not change their ways. Things could be great for months and one slip up and they are calling some loser friend dude waiting for his chance in the backround , These women tend to be crappy communicators and passive agressive. Learn to spot the red flags straight away and leave them as fast as possible. You don't want to ignore the red flags and fall in love with a person like this.0 -
So my question here is what is the criteria of whether it's cheating or not? Because if it's not a physical action with someone else, is it still cheating? And if it is, then isn't everyone guilty of it if they've imagined themselves with someone else other than their SO?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
This is a great point.
There's a distinction between 'I would like to sleep with them' and planning to meet up with someone to actually doing it.
I think as you pointed out, nature naturally allows us to be attracted, society tells us to control it.0 -
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Well if Dr. Phil says stuff OBVIOUSLY it's gospel0
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ValerieMartini2Olives wrote: »You never know what can set someone off though. I had a boyfriend who before me was married. Completely out of his character. After years of his wife not sleeping with him, her not doing any cooking or cleaning (as a stay at home mom), along with other issues... He had a few affairs. Does it excuse him? No. You're both to blame when there's a complete communication breakdown. But you never know what will push someone to the point where they have to.
Well said on all points.0 -
However if someone is just "playing" the field, it's not cheating or it's just "gross".robs_ready wrote: »So my question here is what is the criteria of whether it's cheating or not? Because if it's not a physical action with someone else, is it still cheating? And if it is, then isn't everyone guilty of it if they've imagined themselves with someone else other than their SO?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
This is a great point.
There's a distinction between 'I would like to sleep with them' and planning to meet up with someone to actually doing it.
I think as you pointed out, nature naturally allows us to be attracted, society tells us to control it.
I think where the issue lies is that others won't feel committed to, if their SO is checking out others. Ironically, this also is how the job market works. Whatever job you take on, they want you to have total commitment to them above others. But what if you want or need 2 jobs? Can't you commit to both?
Also, how hard is it to find your one true love? Of all the billions of people on the planet, the average person might meet a half dozen or so that they have interest in and then make that choice based on lack of options. Now what if that marriage (though one may have thought "this is it!") isn't what it's cracked up to be?
I believe relationships are a lot more complicated than people think which might also be lead to a reason of people being overweight/obese.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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