Supporting spouse in diet

tincanonastring

ClosetBayesian wrote: »

Why can't he be an adult and research plans on his own?

Ding ding ding ding!

OP - How much convincing did he need to go on this eating plan? How much of a change is it from the normal foods he enjoys? Sounds to me like the eating plan just isn't a good match. Has he tried just eating less and moving more?

In answer to your question, if this is a plan that you want but he doesn't, then yes, I do think it's unsupportive of you to eat the foods he can't.

rosebette

I've been traveling a bit for Easter so just got back to all the posts. We're in the Boston area, and Dr. Ludwig, who is at Harvard and also in charge of the obesity program in Children's Hospital, was interviewed in the Boston Globe and has had a lot of press in our area, so both my husband and I heard and read about the plan, but I ended up buying the book. Hub's doctor suggested he watch a bunch of videos, like Food, Inc., which we've already seen, and keep a food journal. My husband is diabetic, so naturally a lower carb plan is something that he's been looking into. As I said before, my husband has a problem with portion control and cravings due carbs; the question is would he just be able to eat less of those kinds of foods, which might be "trigger foods" for him. What appealed about Ludwig's plan is that it does allow full-fat products and dairy, which he does enjoy. The plan isn't overly restrictive like Atkins or paleo, since it allows fruit (except for bananas and high GI fruits), beans, legumes, and dairy. After the first two weeks, he can have sweet potatoes and whole grain products, but only 3 servings a day. However, if he doesn't lose in the first two weeks, he's supposed to stay in the first phase until he starts seeing a loss. Years ago, Hub did Phase I South Beach, which is far more restrictive, and lost 18 lbs. in the first 6 weeks.

Regarding exercise, he does move more during baseball season, which has just started, as he is a coach and umpire, but he is a computer guy (software development and project manager) and is sedentary. Other than a walk with me once or twice a week, he doesn't exercise during off-sports season. He has a gym at work, but because he has very early morning meetings, doesn't use it. He also tends to work into the late evening, so doesn't use it then, either. I just did the big shop for the diet and packed a grocery bag full of stuff for him to take to work, as he has a fridge there, but if he's going out to dinner or people are bringing catered stuff or pastries in, I can't control what goes on there.

For my own behavior, obviously, I'm not going to chow down on cereal or eat a pasta meal if I'm eating with him. That would be cruel. However, as I'm not a diabetic, nor do I have an issue with carb cravings, is it "selfish" of me to eat an occasional sandwich or granola bar if that is what is convenient for me. I'm not talking a subway sub, but my usual half meat sandwich on whole wheat that I bring from home. When I have student conferences all day, I need something that's quick to eat and portable. Lettuce leaves and cheese are a wilted mess from that perspective. Also, if husband isn't coming home and my sons are at home, why should I not share a pasta meal or a serving of rice with them?

TavistockToad

rosebette wrote: »

I've been traveling a bit for Easter so just got back to all the posts. We're in the Boston area, and Dr. Ludwig, who is at Harvard and also in charge of the obesity program in Children's Hospital, was interviewed in the Boston Globe and has had a lot of press in our area, so both my husband and I heard and read about the plan, but I ended up buying the book. Hub's doctor suggested he watch a bunch of videos, like Food, Inc., which we've already seen, and keep a food journal. My husband is diabetic, so naturally a lower carb plan is something that he's been looking into. As I said before, my husband has a problem with portion control and cravings due carbs; the question is would he just be able to eat less of those kinds of foods, which might be "trigger foods" for him. What appealed about Ludwig's plan is that it does allow full-fat products and dairy, which he does enjoy. The plan isn't overly restrictive like Atkins or paleo, since it allows fruit (except for bananas and high GI fruits), beans, legumes, and dairy. After the first two weeks, he can have sweet potatoes and whole grain products, but only 3 servings a day. However, if he doesn't lose in the first two weeks, he's supposed to stay in the first phase until he starts seeing a loss. Years ago, Hub did Phase I South Beach, which is far more restrictive, and lost 18 lbs. in the first 6 weeks.

Regarding exercise, he does move more during baseball season, which has just started, as he is a coach and umpire, but he is a computer guy (software development and project manager) and is sedentary. Other than a walk with me once or twice a week, he doesn't exercise during off-sports season. He has a gym at work, but because he has very early morning meetings, doesn't use it. He also tends to work into the late evening, so doesn't use it then, either. I just did the big shop for the diet and packed a grocery bag full of stuff for him to take to work, as he has a fridge there, but if he's going out to dinner or people are bringing catered stuff or pastries in, I can't control what goes on there.

For my own behavior, obviously, I'm not going to chow down on cereal or eat a pasta meal if I'm eating with him. That would be cruel. However, as I'm not a diabetic, nor do I have an issue with carb cravings, is it "selfish" of me to eat an occasional sandwich or granola bar if that is what is convenient for me. I'm not talking a subway sub, but my usual half meat sandwich on whole wheat that I bring from home. When I have student conferences all day, I need something that's quick to eat and portable. Lettuce leaves and cheese are a wilted mess from that perspective. Also, if husband isn't coming home and my sons are at home, why should I not share a pasta meal or a serving of rice with them?

Those questions at the end are questions for your husband, no?

tincanonastring

TavistockToad wrote: »

rosebette wrote: »

I've been traveling a bit for Easter so just got back to all the posts. We're in the Boston area, and Dr. Ludwig, who is at Harvard and also in charge of the obesity program in Children's Hospital, was interviewed in the Boston Globe and has had a lot of press in our area, so both my husband and I heard and read about the plan, but I ended up buying the book. Hub's doctor suggested he watch a bunch of videos, like Food, Inc., which we've already seen, and keep a food journal. My husband is diabetic, so naturally a lower carb plan is something that he's been looking into. As I said before, my husband has a problem with portion control and cravings due carbs; the question is would he just be able to eat less of those kinds of foods, which might be "trigger foods" for him. What appealed about Ludwig's plan is that it does allow full-fat products and dairy, which he does enjoy. The plan isn't overly restrictive like Atkins or paleo, since it allows fruit (except for bananas and high GI fruits), beans, legumes, and dairy. After the first two weeks, he can have sweet potatoes and whole grain products, but only 3 servings a day. However, if he doesn't lose in the first two weeks, he's supposed to stay in the first phase until he starts seeing a loss. Years ago, Hub did Phase I South Beach, which is far more restrictive, and lost 18 lbs. in the first 6 weeks.

Regarding exercise, he does move more during baseball season, which has just started, as he is a coach and umpire, but he is a computer guy (software development and project manager) and is sedentary. Other than a walk with me once or twice a week, he doesn't exercise during off-sports season. He has a gym at work, but because he has very early morning meetings, doesn't use it. He also tends to work into the late evening, so doesn't use it then, either. I just did the big shop for the diet and packed a grocery bag full of stuff for him to take to work, as he has a fridge there, but if he's going out to dinner or people are bringing catered stuff or pastries in, I can't control what goes on there.

For my own behavior, obviously, I'm not going to chow down on cereal or eat a pasta meal if I'm eating with him. That would be cruel. However, as I'm not a diabetic, nor do I have an issue with carb cravings, is it "selfish" of me to eat an occasional sandwich or granola bar if that is what is convenient for me. I'm not talking a subway sub, but my usual half meat sandwich on whole wheat that I bring from home. When I have student conferences all day, I need something that's quick to eat and portable. Lettuce leaves and cheese are a wilted mess from that perspective. Also, if husband isn't coming home and my sons are at home, why should I not share a pasta meal or a serving of rice with them?

Those questions at the end are questions for your husband, no?

She's already gotten those answers from him and didn't like them, so she's asking us.

Again, OP, if this isn't something he wants to do, then yes, I do think it's selfish of you to expect him to comply with an eating plan that, based on what I'm reading, you have pushed him into. He can eat low carb without all of those other restrictions.

Also, think of it from his point of view. He's eating wilted lettuce wraps and warm cheese while you and the kids get to nosh out on the stuff you won't let him eat. It creates a me vs. them situation and that's probably causing some of the pushback you're getting from him.

DearestWinter

rosebette wrote: »

I've been traveling a bit for Easter so just got back to all the posts. We're in the Boston area, and Dr. Ludwig, who is at Harvard and also in charge of the obesity program in Children's Hospital, was interviewed in the Boston Globe and has had a lot of press in our area, so both my husband and I heard and read about the plan, but I ended up buying the book. Hub's doctor suggested he watch a bunch of videos, like Food, Inc., which we've already seen, and keep a food journal. My husband is diabetic, so naturally a lower carb plan is something that he's been looking into. As I said before, my husband has a problem with portion control and cravings due carbs; the question is would he just be able to eat less of those kinds of foods, which might be "trigger foods" for him. What appealed about Ludwig's plan is that it does allow full-fat products and dairy, which he does enjoy. The plan isn't overly restrictive like Atkins or paleo, since it allows fruit (except for bananas and high GI fruits), beans, legumes, and dairy. After the first two weeks, he can have sweet potatoes and whole grain products, but only 3 servings a day. However, if he doesn't lose in the first two weeks, he's supposed to stay in the first phase until he starts seeing a loss. Years ago, Hub did Phase I South Beach, which is far more restrictive, and lost 18 lbs. in the first 6 weeks.

Regarding exercise, he does move more during baseball season, which has just started, as he is a coach and umpire, but he is a computer guy (software development and project manager) and is sedentary. Other than a walk with me once or twice a week, he doesn't exercise during off-sports season. He has a gym at work, but because he has very early morning meetings, doesn't use it. He also tends to work into the late evening, so doesn't use it then, either. I just did the big shop for the diet and packed a grocery bag full of stuff for him to take to work, as he has a fridge there, but if he's going out to dinner or people are bringing catered stuff or pastries in, I can't control what goes on there.

For my own behavior, obviously, I'm not going to chow down on cereal or eat a pasta meal if I'm eating with him. That would be cruel. However, as I'm not a diabetic, nor do I have an issue with carb cravings, is it "selfish" of me to eat an occasional sandwich or granola bar if that is what is convenient for me. I'm not talking a subway sub, but my usual half meat sandwich on whole wheat that I bring from home. When I have student conferences all day, I need something that's quick to eat and portable. Lettuce leaves and cheese are a wilted mess from that perspective. Also, if husband isn't coming home and my sons are at home, why should I not share a pasta meal or a serving of rice with them?

Thanks for following up on this, OP.

This really sounds like a situation where you've cajoled your husband into this diet, particularly due to the bolded part above. You shouldn't have to control what he eats or feel responsible for controlling what he eats. He should control what he eats. If he's not 100% on board with controlling what he eats then this isn't the right plan for him. Yes, he might slip up and make mistakes as he's learning this control but that's fine as long as his intention is to be fully responsible for his decisions. Diets don't work when it's about someone following you around ready to smack the bag of potato chips out of your hand.

I think it's completely unreasonable (and very childish) of him to complain about what you're eating when he's not even around. I also don't think it's cruel for you to eat what you normally eat in front of him! As long as you're not waving fresh baked bread in front of his nose and verbally taunting him then this isn't a big deal. This is something he needs to figure out how to deal with in every other situation anyway.

I suspect he does not want to be on this diet and his complaining is a petulant attempt at making you suffer in the same way he feels you're making him suffer.

I would leave the subject be. He will lose weight when (and if) he is ready to do so. Let him know you'll be happy to schedule an appointment for him with a dietician when he's ready. You can't force a person to change, and that includes getting them to lose weight. The motivation needs to come from inside.

DearestWinter

I also wanted to add that another reason to not press this issue is that being reminded we need to lose weight can irritate many of us. When I'm reminded, even indirectly (and accurately), then I get resentful and think "Well &*#* that person! I don't care what they think so I'm going to stay the way I am!" If I were with a person who then tried to actively "support" me in weight loss by picking out diets and helping me shop for foods then I would dig my heels in and become a b!%# about everything I could. It wouldn't matter if their only motivation was for me to be healthier and it wouldn't matter if I'd already been thinking (to myself) that I should probably start eating a bit less. Unless I was ready and I asked them for those specific types of support I would be extremely annoyed because I would interpret their behavior as them judging and trying to control me.

If he's obese and has health issues I highly doubt this is an issue he doesn't think about regularly. If he sees a doctor annually (who tells him that he's obese and at risk) then I think that's sufficient reminder and from a good source. I wouldn't put pressure on your relationship by turning yourself into his food police. He's already acting resentful about the idea by saying he can't handle the mere thought of you eating a sandwich when you're at work. Leave him be.

rosebette

DearestWinter wrote: »

I also wanted to add that another reason to not press this issue is that being reminded we need to lose weight can irritate many of us. When I'm reminded, even indirectly (and accurately), then I get resentful and think "Well &*#* that person! I don't care what they think so I'm going to stay the way I am!" If I were with a person who then tried to actively "support" me in weight loss by picking out diets and helping me shop for foods then I would dig my heels in and become a b!%# about everything I could. It wouldn't matter if their only motivation was for me to be healthier and it wouldn't matter if I'd already been thinking (to myself) that I should probably start eating a bit less. Unless I was ready and I asked them for those specific types of support I would be extremely annoyed because I would interpret their behavior as them judging and trying to control me.

If he's obese and has health issues I highly doubt this is an issue he doesn't think about regularly. If he sees a doctor annually (who tells him that he's obese and at risk) then I think that's sufficient reminder and from a good source. I wouldn't put pressure on your relationship by turning yourself into his food police. He's already acting resentful about the idea by saying he can't handle the mere thought of you eating a sandwich when you're at work. Leave him be.

I guess "my deal" in this is that we are both late middle-aged (I'm 57 and he is 56), and his mom died from complications of diabetes, and his dad died at 66 from heart disease. So, it's not just that I'm this young married gal with a chubby hubby; I'm contemplating what it would be like to spend our "golden years" taking care of someone who is disabled, or becoming an early widow. So, it's not as if his choices are only affecting him.

Anyway, today is the first day of the program, and he's working from home because of inclement weather, and I had only two PM classes, so I've been doing all the meal prep, and everything's going OK so far.

blues4miles

DearestWinter wrote: »

rosebette wrote: »

I've been traveling a bit for Easter so just got back to all the posts. We're in the Boston area, and Dr. Ludwig, who is at Harvard and also in charge of the obesity program in Children's Hospital, was interviewed in the Boston Globe and has had a lot of press in our area, so both my husband and I heard and read about the plan, but I ended up buying the book. Hub's doctor suggested he watch a bunch of videos, like Food, Inc., which we've already seen, and keep a food journal. My husband is diabetic, so naturally a lower carb plan is something that he's been looking into. As I said before, my husband has a problem with portion control and cravings due carbs; the question is would he just be able to eat less of those kinds of foods, which might be "trigger foods" for him. What appealed about Ludwig's plan is that it does allow full-fat products and dairy, which he does enjoy. The plan isn't overly restrictive like Atkins or paleo, since it allows fruit (except for bananas and high GI fruits), beans, legumes, and dairy. After the first two weeks, he can have sweet potatoes and whole grain products, but only 3 servings a day. However, if he doesn't lose in the first two weeks, he's supposed to stay in the first phase until he starts seeing a loss. Years ago, Hub did Phase I South Beach, which is far more restrictive, and lost 18 lbs. in the first 6 weeks.

Regarding exercise, he does move more during baseball season, which has just started, as he is a coach and umpire, but he is a computer guy (software development and project manager) and is sedentary. Other than a walk with me once or twice a week, he doesn't exercise during off-sports season. He has a gym at work, but because he has very early morning meetings, doesn't use it. He also tends to work into the late evening, so doesn't use it then, either. I just did the big shop for the diet and packed a grocery bag full of stuff for him to take to work, as he has a fridge there, but if he's going out to dinner or people are bringing catered stuff or pastries in, I can't control what goes on there.

For my own behavior, obviously, I'm not going to chow down on cereal or eat a pasta meal if I'm eating with him. That would be cruel. However, as I'm not a diabetic, nor do I have an issue with carb cravings, is it "selfish" of me to eat an occasional sandwich or granola bar if that is what is convenient for me. I'm not talking a subway sub, but my usual half meat sandwich on whole wheat that I bring from home. When I have student conferences all day, I need something that's quick to eat and portable. Lettuce leaves and cheese are a wilted mess from that perspective. Also, if husband isn't coming home and my sons are at home, why should I not share a pasta meal or a serving of rice with them?

Thanks for following up on this, OP.

This really sounds like a situation where you've cajoled your husband into this diet, particularly due to the bolded part above. You shouldn't have to control what he eats or feel responsible for controlling what he eats. He should control what he eats. If he's not 100% on board with controlling what he eats then this isn't the right plan for him. Yes, he might slip up and make mistakes as he's learning this control but that's fine as long as his intention is to be fully responsible for his decisions. Diets don't work when it's about someone following you around ready to smack the bag of potato chips out of your hand.

I think it's completely unreasonable (and very childish) of him to complain about what you're eating when he's not even around. I also don't think it's cruel for you to eat what you normally eat in front of him! As long as you're not waving fresh baked bread in front of his nose and verbally taunting him then this isn't a big deal. This is something he needs to figure out how to deal with in every other situation anyway.

I suspect he does not want to be on this diet and his complaining is a petulant attempt at making you suffer in the same way he feels you're making him suffer.

I would leave the subject be. He will lose weight when (and if) he is ready to do so. Let him know you'll be happy to schedule an appointment for him with a dietician when he's ready. You can't force a person to change, and that includes getting them to lose weight. The motivation needs to come from inside.

This is the impression I get as well. That the OP has possibly pushed her husband to try this or try that for many years now. For whatever reason, he is now willing to try something but basically feels that if you have been pushing/complaining to him the whole time that you need to do it with him. Obviously that's not how weight loss works, he needs to have has own motivation. But you will have to decide if his weight loss is important enough to you for you to be both wife and caretaker, both coach and motivator. He also might see this as similar to your walks together, that getting healthy is something couples do together. I don't know. I'm not a fan of restrictive diets for the same cravings and angst it is already causing him, but can understand it doesn't sound like he wants to crunch the numbers either, which is why a lot of folks focus on restrictive diets to compensate for a lack of logging.

MelodyandBarbells

rosebette wrote: »

DearestWinter wrote: »

I also wanted to add that another reason to not press this issue is that being reminded we need to lose weight can irritate many of us. When I'm reminded, even indirectly (and accurately), then I get resentful and think "Well &*#* that person! I don't care what they think so I'm going to stay the way I am!" If I were with a person who then tried to actively "support" me in weight loss by picking out diets and helping me shop for foods then I would dig my heels in and become a b!%# about everything I could. It wouldn't matter if their only motivation was for me to be healthier and it wouldn't matter if I'd already been thinking (to myself) that I should probably start eating a bit less. Unless I was ready and I asked them for those specific types of support I would be extremely annoyed because I would interpret their behavior as them judging and trying to control me.

If he's obese and has health issues I highly doubt this is an issue he doesn't think about regularly. If he sees a doctor annually (who tells him that he's obese and at risk) then I think that's sufficient reminder and from a good source. I wouldn't put pressure on your relationship by turning yourself into his food police. He's already acting resentful about the idea by saying he can't handle the mere thought of you eating a sandwich when you're at work. Leave him be.

I guess "my deal" in this is that we are both late middle-aged (I'm 57 and he is 56), and his mom died from complications of diabetes, and his dad died at 66 from heart disease. So, it's not just that I'm this young married gal with a chubby hubby; I'm contemplating what it would be like to spend our "golden years" taking care of someone who is disabled, or becoming an early widow. So, it's not as if his choices are only affecting him.

Anyway, today is the first day of the program, and he's working from home because of inclement weather, and I had only two PM classes, so I've been doing all the meal prep, and everything's going OK so far.

It pretty much sounds like you're the one doing the diet, so you might as well make it official

rosebette

It pretty much sounds like you're the one doing the diet, so you might as well make it official

Not entirely. We had some fried chicken from the week-end, and I ended up eating it while husband had fish. He actually asked my son and I to eat up the leftovers from Easter so they wouldn't be hanging around.

LKArgh

rosebette wrote: »

I've been traveling a bit for Easter so just got back to all the posts. We're in the Boston area, and Dr. Ludwig, who is at Harvard and also in charge of the obesity program in Children's Hospital, was interviewed in the Boston Globe and has had a lot of press in our area, so both my husband and I heard and read about the plan, but I ended up buying the book. Hub's doctor suggested he watch a bunch of videos, like Food, Inc., which we've already seen, and keep a food journal. My husband is diabetic, so naturally a lower carb plan is something that he's been looking into. As I said before, my husband has a problem with portion control and cravings due carbs; the question is would he just be able to eat less of those kinds of foods, which might be "trigger foods" for him. What appealed about Ludwig's plan is that it does allow full-fat products and dairy, which he does enjoy. The plan isn't overly restrictive like Atkins or paleo, since it allows fruit (except for bananas and high GI fruits), beans, legumes, and dairy. After the first two weeks, he can have sweet potatoes and whole grain products, but only 3 servings a day. However, if he doesn't lose in the first two weeks, he's supposed to stay in the first phase until he starts seeing a loss. Years ago, Hub did Phase I South Beach, which is far more restrictive, and lost 18 lbs. in the first 6 weeks.

Regarding exercise, he does move more during baseball season, which has just started, as he is a coach and umpire, but he is a computer guy (software development and project manager) and is sedentary. Other than a walk with me once or twice a week, he doesn't exercise during off-sports season. He has a gym at work, but because he has very early morning meetings, doesn't use it. He also tends to work into the late evening, so doesn't use it then, either. I just did the big shop for the diet and packed a grocery bag full of stuff for him to take to work, as he has a fridge there, but if he's going out to dinner or people are bringing catered stuff or pastries in, I can't control what goes on there.

For my own behavior, obviously, I'm not going to chow down on cereal or eat a pasta meal if I'm eating with him. That would be cruel. However, as I'm not a diabetic, nor do I have an issue with carb cravings, is it "selfish" of me to eat an occasional sandwich or granola bar if that is what is convenient for me. I'm not talking a subway sub, but my usual half meat sandwich on whole wheat that I bring from home. When I have student conferences all day, I need something that's quick to eat and portable. Lettuce leaves and cheese are a wilted mess from that perspective. Also, if husband isn't coming home and my sons are at home, why should I not share a pasta meal or a serving of rice with them?

Your husband is an adult. And if he can hold a job as a project manager, he has to have some basic intelligence and basic comprehension skills. He can understand he is ill and unless he takes control of his diet, his health will get worse. If he wants to lose weight, he can do it. Him, not you. I understand your frustration, I wish my husband would lose a bit of weight and get more physically active. But, other than tell our husbands we are concerned, we cannot do the work for them.
Did you have your husband research what a healthy diet would be for you to reach your goals? Did he come to the dr with you, give you books, cook for you, share your portions, join you in your exercise routine to help you? No, it would have been crazy if he did all these things for you to get in better shape. It is equally crazy to think that you can control how he eats. You can tell him you are concerned, you can keep repeating you are concerned, you can tell him you are upset with him, you can invite him to join you for a walk or encourage him to eat less, but that's about it. You can make a huge effort to create the perfect meal plan for him and eat the same way too, but in the end, you will probably be the only one following the plan and he will be cheating.
Years ago, my grandad was diagnosed with diabetes. His own mother had died because of it. At the time, he was very overweight. He loved to cook and to eat, and especially loved sweet things, baking and making things like jam, cakes, pastries etc was his hobby. At the time, he lived with my grandma, who was basically living on sweets (without health issues) and several kids still at home plus grandchildren. None of these people was on a diabetic diet. My granddad was not an educated person, and this was the pre-internet times, so resources were limited. But he was also scared. He managed to do his research, work with a dr, change his eating habits, lose a lot of weight, change his hobby from cooking to gardening and swimming and lived to a very old age. No one else changed their lifestyle to accommodate him. If you walked in the kitchen, there were chocolate bars and cookies for the young ones, lots of soda cans for his younger son, my grandma's daily treats. He just did not eat them.

rosebette

Day 4 of program -- husband is full and satisfied with meals and passed up the pizza at work. I'm getting severe headaches and leg cramps that are waking me up at night from the lower carbs (I've started another thread on that!).

eldamiano

Incredibly unsupportive. Be ashamed...

goldthistime

rosebette wrote: »

Day 4 of program -- husband is full and satisfied with meals and passed up the pizza at work. I'm getting severe headaches and leg cramps that are waking me up at night from the lower carbs (I've started another thread on that!).

i don't think your husband's request was as childish as some here make it out to be. But this changes everything doesn't it?

rosebette

eldamiano wrote: »

Incredibly unsupportive. Be ashamed...

I hope you're being sarcastic!

rosebette

Must be the re-covering ex-Catholic in me. Anyway, he's not suffering at all. He feels great. This happened with South Beach about 6 years ago. Because he's a diabetic, going low-carb really benefits his overall feeling of health and well-being. Yesterday, he passed up cookies at work because he was too full to eat them. Meanwhile, I feel too rotten to finish most of the food I prepare for myself.

rosebette

I think you misunderstood -- it's the self-sacrificing Catholic that is giving up the carbs (remember Lent)! I'm not a Catholic anymore, but an Episcopalian -- those are the folks, who on my first "Lenten retreat", introduced me to an "open bar" and a table of or d'ouevres before eating a 3-course meal.

concordancia

Why not compromise? Do those very hard first two weeks in solidarity, then go back to eating according to your own nutritional needs.

rosebette

Actually, after Week 2, more carbs are allowed, so it does get easier. The initial 2 weeks are supposed to help eliminate cravings and "jump start" weight loss. In my husband's case, it's definitely working. In my case, not so much. I don't have the extreme cravings and hunger he has, and I'm also not losing any weight because I'm still eating the same number of calories as I was before, just a different macro combination.

rosebette

Latest update -- spouse lost 5 lbs. in a week. I lost zero. Of course, I'm eating the same calories, just different macros. So for me CICO is probably still the route; for him, low carb is definitely working, although there may be some CICO going on because there are a lot of foods he's not eating at work, such as pastries, pizza, etc.

rosebette

Week 2 - spouse lost 4 lbs. this week. I lost one, even though I'm eating low carb only 2 meals a day (when he's around). That was a surprise because I'm breaking a yearlong plateau of not being able to get below 120 lbs.

scolaris

Unreasonable and childlike. Part of the reason he's such an obese train wreck right now, no doubt. He should fall on the floor and literally kiss the ground you walk on that you are willing to help him while you two eat together. Puhleese!

scolaris

My suggestion: let him research & implement his own plans. And up the life insurance.

scolaris

Glad things are working out for you two.

rosebette

scolaris wrote: »

My suggestion: let him research & implement his own plans. And up the life insurance.

We did that about 5 years ago and included a long-term care insurance rider. It's unbelievably expensive, but a "whole life" plan with cash value. One of the "Carrot and stick" motivators is that if his weight and A1C drop, our premiums will go down. I thought buying this insurance would help me "let go" of his eating and lifestyle -- but no such luck. When you love someone, you want them to live long and be healthy just because you have that image of the golden years together, not just because of the cost of illness and death. If he got to normal weight, we could actually consider dropping the policy and "cashing out" because we got into a very reasonable group long term care plan through his workplace (they didn't even require a physical for him because he's the employee -- I had to get one because I was over 55 when we applied!), and we have other life insurance as well.

Actually, he's doing great on this eating plan and wants to continue Phase 1 (which has no grains or potatoes, vs. the next phase that allows modest amounts of whole grains and starchy vegetables) for another week, and he feels really good. He says he wants to feel "set" in resisting cravings before he goes to the next step.

An added motivator -- Dr. Ludwig, who wrote the book we're using, runs the obesity clinic at Children's Hospital, and we found a mutual family friend whose teen actually saw this guy. She was morbidly obese as a teen and young adult, and now is normal weight and pursuing studies to become a nutritionist/dietician.

zoodocgirl

Sounds like you are already finding what works for you both, but wanted to chime in with my experience with Dr. Ludwig's book and plan in case it helps.

My boyfriend and I started the "Always Hungry?" plan 3 weeks ago. We both have about 40-50 lbs to lose and just wanted to jumpstart out of some slippery slope habits (convenience food and drinking). He had a moderate freak out before we even started because he assumed he'd "fail" and I'd be mad. I started the plan technically without him while he worked his own head out, but he ate what I made for dinners regardless. After 3 days, he quietly just started following it even out of the house. After the 2 weeks of Phase 1, he was down 10 lbs and I was down 4 and we were both satisfied hunger and taste wise. Giving up wine was the hardest for me but it was only 2 weeks.

You've probably already discovered this, but the recipes in the book are DELICIOUS, so there's really no "suffering". There is a great and active Facebook community that posts even more recipes, and the Ludwigs participate.

The plan does specify lessening strenuous exercise during the first two weeks, because it is a shift to have less dietary carbs, so perhaps if you are exercising a lot, that may be part of your difficult adjustment. I definitely had to scale my hiking back at first, but last weekend we did a 25 mile, 3 day backpacking trip with all Phase 2 compliant foods (nuts, fruit, cheese, homemade jerky, quinoa with dehydrated veggies, dehydrated beans and cheese with chickpea flour tortillas) and we did great.

I enjoy having quinoa, sweet potatoes and wine back in my life now that I'm in Phase 2, but honestly this way of eating has been very enjoyable for us. I started it after hearing Dr. Ludwig on Science Friday. I'm a veterinarian who works exclusively in pet nutrition and does a lot with pet obesity. The research he's done mirrors what we've found successful in other animals. CICO works when it works, but it is so hard for some people (for themselves and in restricting their pets) due to lifestyle, emotional, cravings, etc. that it doesn't succeed in the long term for them. It also takes nutrigenomics into account - nutrients can and do influence genetic expression of metabolism-related genes.

brb_2013

stephanie20314 wrote: »

Honestly I'd start thinking about an exit plan. He doesn't sound like a good partner or parent if he's going to blame his obesity on you and your children.

Are you joking? What an awful thing to say.

No where does OP suggest he has said anything of the sort. The diet was her idea in the first place, not his choice.

I think telling someone they can't eat carbs is terrible. It's hard enough to change habits, but to exclude a whole food group is ridiculous regardless of what some book says. He can be successful and have a sandwich. I realize that's not your point but I know precisely how he feels, so I get it. He has no right to control the meals that happen outside the home or when he is not around. But of course he's going to have feelings about that.

My advice is to throw out the book, sign himself up for MFP and see just how many carbs he could enjoy as part of a balanced diet.

And for real? Suggesting an "exit plan" because he'd like to not be the only person on a diet, which is always an emotional and embarrassing journey especially in front of a household of healthy weight folks? Purely awful and I'm hoping the OP has more sense than that.

rosebette

Just read the two posts above. Thanks, Zoodocgirl, for relating your experiences, which echo ours. The recipes are excellent. We just had the gluten free pancakes this morning with whipped cream. We looked at our plates and thought, wow, this is a diet? We eat really big breakfasts, which cuts back on the cravings during the day. Also, thanks for letting me know about the Facebook, which I plan to join. Your explanation about exercising in Phase 1 also explains why I didn't fare so well on it. My husband is still pretty sedentary except week-ends, but I have an active job as a teacher on a large campus, where I put in 6000 steps a day just walking around, and I usually do additional walking or a work out besides that. So if I'm faithful to the Phase I version for 4-5 days, after about day 4 I usually get headaches, brain fog, etc., and have to add some carbs back. I experienced pretty much the same thing when I tried Phase I South Beach several years ago and had to go to Phase II within a week.

Brb_213, my spouse has actually surprised me by choosing to continue with Phase I, which is the lower carb (not no carb, since we're allowed fruit, dairy, and beans), rather than move to the next Phase which allows some whole grains and starches. He has never been good at tracking -- he'll set up an account with Livestrong or one of those other sites, but not maintain it because it's too time-consuming for him, so perhaps limiting food groups is a strategy that is working for him. He likes the results and he feels so much better. He feels that he couldn't be successful eating a sandwich because the bread in the sandwich would just begin a cycle of craving more starches. Perhaps this is because he's diabetic, and a lower carb diet is the way he needed to eat all along. Ludwig's theory is that people who are overweight often process food differently, both physically and emotionally. As someone who is not overweight, I could eat a sandwich and be satisfied until the next meal; he couldn't. So I'm not getting grief for denying him a sandwich; he feels he's making his own choices now. My husband has actually become more responsible for what he eats. He goes to work with a clamshell pack of greens, salad tomatoes, and a bottle of full-fat dressing, plus some lean turkey (Boar's Head or Thin n Trim), fresh fruit, and natural peanut butter (to spread on an apple for a snack) and stores that in his work fridge and makes his own lunches, whereas I was making him sandwiches before, and he still was eating the crap at the office.

stephanie20314

I'm glad the diet you found is working for him. Is he expecting for you to continue doing stage 1 with him?
Oh and I forgot the leg pain your experiencing might be caused by a drop in magnesium in your diet. A supplement could help if you're going to stay on phase 1.

rosebette

stephanie20314 wrote: »

I'm glad the diet you found is working for him. Is he expecting for you to continue doing stage 1 with him?
Oh and I forgot the leg pain your experiencing might be caused by a drop in magnesium in your diet. A supplement could help if you're going to stay on phase 1.

No, I only do Phase 1 when we are eating meals together. However, he worked from home most days this week, so I was doing Phase 1 until yesterday when I had a faculty meeting with a catered lunch. Also, we went out last night for Brazilian Radizio for my son's birthday (radizio is basically unlimited piles of prime cuts of roasted meat carved at your table), and I ate all the sides -- bread, rice, plantains, while my husband stuck to the salad and beans with his meat.

I had posted another thread on my headaches and other symptoms and got similar advice to up my magnesium, as well as potassium and sodium. I've done this, but am still getting symptoms occasionally, but as someone who isn't overweight, I might not have the reserves to draw on that my husband has to support my activity level.