I am controlling my boyfriend? Advice needed!

OyGeeBiv

You're picking fights with your boyfriend. It doesn't matter *why* you're doing it, what matters is that you *are* doing it. That's not a nice thing to do. You know it's not. If you're upset or frustrated or stressed out, deal with the source of your upset, frustration or stress. Learn to deal with those things in a constructive way. Learn how to control your actions and your words. Your boyfriend and everyone else around you will thank you for it, and find you more pleasant to be around.

I'm NOT saying that you should *change* the things that bother you, or even to not be bothered by those things. I'm saying change the way you *express* yourself about those things.

Learn to say what's bothering you, in a nice way, with actual words. And listen to what he's saying to you. It's not all about what you want. You're not more important in the relationship than he is.

Now, this is just speculation, but perhaps he's stress eating - and you may be part of the problem.

JustMissTracy

Wicked_Seraph wrote: »

@beckadaisy , people were taking offense at you saying "Both of my parents were/are obese and seeing them like that is disgusting to me."

You're saying you find obese people disgusting, and it's frankly hurtful. Yes, we're all here to get healthier and improve on ourselves. That doesn't mean that all of us are at our goal weights yet. I'm still working on myself - the last thing I need is someone telling me that I'm gross, that I'm not good enough. Self-hatred is what lead to the habits that caused so much weight gain in the first place.

Let me let you in on something: I've lost 25 lbs, and I'm still obese. And I guarantee that few things absolutely *kitten* nuke someone's feelings of pride and confidence faster than being told that people like them are "disgusting". It's cruel and unnecessary, especially when you seem to be trying to blame them for your sister's ED. Saying they're "obese" isn't insulting; saying that they disgust you is absolutely heartless.

Well said, and good for you for crushing those 25 pounds!!!!

ClosetBayesian

Erik8484 wrote: »

Wicked_Seraph wrote: »

@beckadaisy , people were taking offense at you saying "Both of my parents were/are obese and seeing them like that is disgusting to me."

You're saying you find obese people disgusting, and it's frankly hurtful. Yes, we're all here to get healthier and improve on ourselves. That doesn't mean that all of us are at our goal weights yet. I'm still working on myself - the last thing I need is someone telling me that I'm gross, that I'm not good enough. Self-hatred is what lead to the habits that caused so much weight gain in the first place.

Let me let you in on something: I've lost 25 lbs, and I'm still obese. And I guarantee that few things absolutely *kitten* nuke someone's feelings of pride and confidence faster than being told that people like them are "disgusting". It's cruel and unnecessary, especially when you seem to be trying to blame them for your sister's ED. Saying they're "obese" isn't insulting; saying that they disgust you is absolutely heartless.

She said she finds her parents' and their obesity disgustung. She didnt say she finds you disgusting, or all obese people disgusting. Its not an attack on you.

So she only finds the obesity of two specific people to be disgusting? Riiiiight......

PixelPuff

ClosetBayesian wrote: »

Erik8484 wrote: »

Wicked_Seraph wrote: »

@beckadaisy , people were taking offense at you saying "Both of my parents were/are obese and seeing them like that is disgusting to me."

You're saying you find obese people disgusting, and it's frankly hurtful. Yes, we're all here to get healthier and improve on ourselves. That doesn't mean that all of us are at our goal weights yet. I'm still working on myself - the last thing I need is someone telling me that I'm gross, that I'm not good enough. Self-hatred is what lead to the habits that caused so much weight gain in the first place.

Let me let you in on something: I've lost 25 lbs, and I'm still obese. And I guarantee that few things absolutely *kitten* nuke someone's feelings of pride and confidence faster than being told that people like them are "disgusting". It's cruel and unnecessary, especially when you seem to be trying to blame them for your sister's ED. Saying they're "obese" isn't insulting; saying that they disgust you is absolutely heartless.

She said she finds her parents' and their obesity disgustung. She didnt say she finds you disgusting, or all obese people disgusting. Its not an attack on you.

So she only finds the obesity of two specific people to be disgusting? Riiiiight......

Would none of you find the obese people you see documentaries on tv about, where they cannot even bathe themselves and have festering bacteria all around fat folds, disgusting if you knew them irl? Even if you'd known them you're whole life? Obesity also has many levels, we [well, you guys don't, we ended up chatting] know how they may be. If you can admit you'd find those people disgusting, you have no right to bug OP.

All I'm asking is for high horses to be gotten off of, yo.

Erik8484

ClosetBayesian wrote: »

Erik8484 wrote: »

Wicked_Seraph wrote: »

@beckadaisy , people were taking offense at you saying "Both of my parents were/are obese and seeing them like that is disgusting to me."

You're saying you find obese people disgusting, and it's frankly hurtful. Yes, we're all here to get healthier and improve on ourselves. That doesn't mean that all of us are at our goal weights yet. I'm still working on myself - the last thing I need is someone telling me that I'm gross, that I'm not good enough. Self-hatred is what lead to the habits that caused so much weight gain in the first place.

Let me let you in on something: I've lost 25 lbs, and I'm still obese. And I guarantee that few things absolutely *kitten* nuke someone's feelings of pride and confidence faster than being told that people like them are "disgusting". It's cruel and unnecessary, especially when you seem to be trying to blame them for your sister's ED. Saying they're "obese" isn't insulting; saying that they disgust you is absolutely heartless.

She said she finds her parents' and their obesity disgustung. She didnt say she finds you disgusting, or all obese people disgusting. Its not an attack on you.

So she only finds the obesity of two specific people to be disgusting? Riiiiight......

OP didn't say she found anyone disgusting other than her parents while they were/are obese. If you want to assume that she finds all obese people disgusting (or you specifically!!) then that's your choice, but:
1. I'm not going to assume that; and
2. if assuming that upsets you (as it did Wicked_Seraph), you might find yourself happier by just taking OP at face value and not making a bunch of assumptions.

LKArgh

ClosetBayesian wrote: »

Erik8484 wrote: »

Wicked_Seraph wrote: »

@beckadaisy , people were taking offense at you saying "Both of my parents were/are obese and seeing them like that is disgusting to me."

You're saying you find obese people disgusting, and it's frankly hurtful. Yes, we're all here to get healthier and improve on ourselves. That doesn't mean that all of us are at our goal weights yet. I'm still working on myself - the last thing I need is someone telling me that I'm gross, that I'm not good enough. Self-hatred is what lead to the habits that caused so much weight gain in the first place.

Let me let you in on something: I've lost 25 lbs, and I'm still obese. And I guarantee that few things absolutely *kitten* nuke someone's feelings of pride and confidence faster than being told that people like them are "disgusting". It's cruel and unnecessary, especially when you seem to be trying to blame them for your sister's ED. Saying they're "obese" isn't insulting; saying that they disgust you is absolutely heartless.

She said she finds her parents' and their obesity disgustung. She didnt say she finds you disgusting, or all obese people disgusting. Its not an attack on you.

So she only finds the obesity of two specific people to be disgusting? Riiiiight......

Even if she does find obesity disgusting, like many people do (like every other feature one might have), so why is this bad? We all have things we hate in appearance (ours or others), it does not mean we hate the people themselves.