Religion being forced on me will soon ruin my diet...HELP.

xoTalim

So here's the story. My family is Muslim. I'm not. Ramadan is starting next week, which is the month where you fast everyday from sunrise to sunset. No food or drink during that time. So, up until last year, my mom thought I was still Muslim, so I pretended to fast while secretly having a snack or two throughout the day.

Now she knows I'm not Muslim, and is forcing me to fast this year for Ramadan, even though I don't believe in it, and because I know it's totally gunna screw up my metabolism. Eating nothing all day and then having one HUGE meal at the end of it is just..not good. I'm 20 years old but she's forcing me by basically saying she'll kick me out if I don't. I don't have a job right now or the money to be living on my own.

Another thing is that, if I'm not eating all day, I'll likely end up binging at the end of the day when I finally DO get to eat. I'm gunna try the whole sneaking snacks thing again but it's just really frustrating that she's still forcing it on me. She thinks me being Atheist is just a phase I'll grow out of, and refuses to accept it. Even though I've considered myself Atheist for the past like..5 years now.

I just don't know what to do. There's no reasoning with this woman. I tried to and it ended with me crying for a good half hour and hyperventilating. She is SO hard to deal with.

Any suggestions would be great. I really don't know what to do.

anemoneprose

Putting the issues between you & your mom aside for a sec, that pattern has recently been promoted as a means of accelerating fat loss ('intermittent fasting'). Lots of people have seen results on it, though, it's harder on women, that's true. I don't know, but have trouble seeing how it would mess up your metabolism after just a month. So if it turns out you can't get around the fast, it won't hurt weight loss, if that's a concern.

xoTalim

Putting the issues between you & your mom aside for a sec, that pattern has recently been promoted as a means of accelerating fat loss ('intermittent fasting'). Lots of people have seen results on it, though, it's harder on women, that's true. I don't know, but have trouble seeing how it would mess up your metabolism after just a month. So if it turns out you can't get around the fast, it won't hurt weight loss, if that's a concern.

I'm just worried I'll -gain- weight from it.

anemoneprose

Other than that, for the long term, make concrete plans to move out.

Re dealing w your mom now: there's nothing you can do that won't be explosive. It's your choice to play along or try to come to a middle ground. Do you think she'd follow through on kicking you out?

xoTalim

Other than that, for the long term, make concrete plans to move out.

Re dealing w your mom now: there's nothing you can do that won't be explosive. It's your choice to play along or try to come to a middle ground. Do you think she'd follow through on kicking you out?

Probably. And I am making plans. I really need to get a job but no one seems to want to hire me.

anemoneprose

Putting the issues between you & your mom aside for a sec, that pattern has recently been promoted as a means of accelerating fat loss ('intermittent fasting'). Lots of people have seen results on it, though, it's harder on women, that's true. I don't know, but have trouble seeing how it would mess up your metabolism after just a month. So if it turns out you can't get around the fast, it won't hurt weight loss, if that's a concern.

I'm just worried I'll -gain- weight from it.

Nah, you won't. Check this out:
http://www.leangains.com/2010/04/leangains-guide.html

anemoneprose

Other than that, for the long term, make concrete plans to move out.

Re dealing w your mom now: there's nothing you can do that won't be explosive. It's your choice to play along or try to come to a middle ground. Do you think she'd follow through on kicking you out?

Probably. And I am making plans. I really need to get a job but no one seems to want to hire me.

It's tough out there, there is absolutely no doubt. Fingers crossed something changes for you soon

neandermagnon

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

xoTalim

Putting the issues between you & your mom aside for a sec, that pattern has recently been promoted as a means of accelerating fat loss ('intermittent fasting'). Lots of people have seen results on it, though, it's harder on women, that's true. I don't know, but have trouble seeing how it would mess up your metabolism after just a month. So if it turns out you can't get around the fast, it won't hurt weight loss, if that's a concern.

I'm just worried I'll -gain- weight from it.

Nah, you won't. Check this out:
http://www.leangains.com/2010/04/leangains-guide.html

That's the thing. In that, it says to eat no later than like 6 PM, right? I won't be able to eat from about 4 AM to 10 PM or so. And I also am not allowed to drink ANY water. It sucks being dehydrated.

xoTalim

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

xoTalim

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

And also, she always asks where I'm going and what I'm doing if I go out. She's the kinda person who has to be in control of everything.

cbwilliams2004

One day won't "RUIN" your diet. Just start again the next day.

xoTalim

One day won't "RUIN" your diet. Just start again the next day.

It's not one day. It's 30 straight days.

likitisplit

Tell her that you're going to the library. Unless she has a tracking device, she won't be able to tell that you spent 30 minutes in the library and 30 minutes picking up and eating a salad. Also, libraries have water fountains.

xoTalim

Tell her that you're going to the library. Unless she has a tracking device, she won't be able to tell that you spent 30 minutes in the library and 30 minutes picking up and eating a salad. Also, libraries have water fountains.

Yeah...I guess I can try doing some things like that..

gmallan

Putting the issues between you & your mom aside for a sec, that pattern has recently been promoted as a means of accelerating fat loss ('intermittent fasting'). Lots of people have seen results on it, though, it's harder on women, that's true. I don't know, but have trouble seeing how it would mess up your metabolism after just a month. So if it turns out you can't get around the fast, it won't hurt weight loss, if that's a concern.

I'm just worried I'll -gain- weight from it.

Nah, you won't. Check this out:
http://www.leangains.com/2010/04/leangains-guide.html

That's the thing. In that, it says to eat no later than like 6 PM, right? I won't be able to eat from about 4 AM to 10 PM or so. And I also am not allowed to drink ANY water. It sucks being dehydrated.

Most people doing lean gains have an about 16 hours fasting followed by 8 hours of eating at whatever time of day suits. You'll be fine. I promise this short period won't ruin your metabolism. Try to break your fast with healthy food to prevent binging

jofjltncb6

One day won't "RUIN" your diet. Just start again the next day.

Huh?

Ramadan isn't "one day". It's "one MONTH".

likeschocolate

On an average, health-wise you should be fine. Just watch your intake / log what you eat / drink plenty of water at night (partly speak from personal experience, having observed the month of Ramadan for many years by God's leave; as also know many others who have).

Religiously, there is no compulsion in the religion (Quran 2:256). If you don't want to fast or be a Submitter to God (Muslim), you shouldn't be made to.


Seems the main issue here is with your Mom. And it goes well beyond her views on fasting. Sorry am unable to provide much in the way of suggestion on that, but wish you and the family the best. Hope it works out.

[edited to add some personal experience]

Dunkirk

Is it possible to visit family or close friends whom your mother would approve, who wouldn't expect you to fast?

anemoneprose

Putting the issues between you & your mom aside for a sec, that pattern has recently been promoted as a means of accelerating fat loss ('intermittent fasting'). Lots of people have seen results on it, though, it's harder on women, that's true. I don't know, but have trouble seeing how it would mess up your metabolism after just a month. So if it turns out you can't get around the fast, it won't hurt weight loss, if that's a concern.

I'm just worried I'll -gain- weight from it.

Nah, you won't. Check this out:
http://www.leangains.com/2010/04/leangains-guide.html

That's the thing. In that, it says to eat no later than like 6 PM, right? I won't be able to eat from about 4 AM to 10 PM or so. And I also am not allowed to drink ANY water. It sucks being dehydrated.

I'm not an expert on IF (or metabolism), but I think it's not so much the particular time of day that matters, so much as the ratio of fasting hours to feeding hours (e.g., 16:8).

No water, well, wow. I bet that absolutely does suck Not even ice chips?

xoTalim

On an average, health-wise you should be fine. Just watch your intake / log what you eat.

Religiously, there is no compulsion in the religion (Quran 2:256).


Seems the main issue here is with your Mom. And it goes well beyond her views on fasting. Sorry am unable to provide much in the way of suggestion on that, but wish you and the family the best. Hope it works out.

Thanks..I hope so too.

And regarding that Quran verse..my mom really doesn't seem to care. She basically told me the other day that my belief is "non-negotiable".

Gel_W

Tell her that you're going to the library. Unless she has a tracking device, she won't be able to tell that you spent 30 minutes in the library and 30 minutes picking up and eating a salad. Also, libraries have water fountains.

Yeah...I guess I can try doing some things like that..

You don't have to lie. It's not good for no one to lie.
Tell her you are not religious, you respect that she is, you won't eat around or in front of her, but you will be eating.

And if she kicks you out and chooses to pick to religion over her child - well it's a hard lesson for everyone involved but it'll be for the best in the long run if that is how she is going to be.

Honestly, life is far too short to be under someone elses control, do you think it'll be any different for next year and the year after ect?

Don't let people drag you down, you'll end up in a whirlpool of regret and hate for your own mother.

Good luck. X

xoTalim

Is it possible to visit family or close friends whom your mother would approve, who wouldn't expect you to fast?

Nope.

neandermagnon

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

yeah I totally get you re not wanting confrontation, but she should know already that she can't force you to do anything religious, and even if she does it'll be meaningless as far as Allah is concerned.

also maybe this is a control thing as much as it's a religious thing, if she's a controlling person maybe she can't handle you deciding to do things that she doesn't like, especially with religion. Is she very religious or is it more of a cultural thing in your family? If she's very religious then she'll be concerned for your soul, but if reminded that you fasting to please her is minor shirk and worse than not fasting, she should accept that (albeit reluctantly) - if it's a cultural thing then IMO it sounds like it's a control issue, i.e. why can't you just be like how she wants you to be, and that would be a lot more difficult to deal with, because you're dealing with an overly controlling person, not someone who's scared for your soul but otherwise has your best interests at heart.

I don't really know what to advise re dealing with parents. But even from an Islamic point of view, you can't force someone to practice any aspect of Islam. Though if she is very religious then this will be very upsetting for her because she'll be worrying that you're going to burn in hell.

xoTalim

Tell her that you're going to the library. Unless she has a tracking device, she won't be able to tell that you spent 30 minutes in the library and 30 minutes picking up and eating a salad. Also, libraries have water fountains.

Yeah...I guess I can try doing some things like that..

You don't have to lie. It's not good for no one to lie.
Tell her you are not religious, you respect that she is, you won't eat around or in front of her, but you will be eating.

And if she kicks you out and chooses to pick to religion over her child - well it's a hard lesson for everyone involved but it'll be for the best in the long run if that is how she is going to be.

Honestly, life is far too short to be under someone elses control, do you think it'll be any different for next year and the year after ect?

Don't let people drag you down, you'll end up in a whirlpool of regret and hate for your own mother.

Good luck. X

It's not that I don't want to move out. I just don't have a job right now so if I moved out I wouldn't be able to pay rent. I plan to move out. Just..after I find a job and am financially able to.

Darius66

I don't think Allah would approve of your mother forcing you to fast and then kicking you out into the street if you don't. Can you try having a relative explain to her that she is actually going against her own religion with her actions? So that it isn't coming from you.

xoTalim

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

yeah I totally get you re not wanting confrontation, but she should know already that she can't force you to do anything religious, and even if she does it'll be meaningless as far as Allah is concerned.

also maybe this is a control thing as much as it's a religious thing, if she's a controlling person maybe she can't handle you deciding to do things that she doesn't like, especially with religion. Is she very religious or is it more of a cultural thing in your family? If she's very religious then she'll be concerned for your soul, but if reminded that you fasting to please her is minor shirk and worse than not fasting, she should accept that (albeit reluctantly) - if it's a cultural thing then IMO it sounds like it's a control issue, i.e. why can't you just be like how she wants you to be, and that would be a lot more difficult to deal with, because you're dealing with an overly controlling person, not someone who's scared for your soul but otherwise has your best interests at heart.

I don't really know what to advise re dealing with parents. But even from an Islamic point of view, you can't force someone to practice any aspect of Islam. Though if she is very religious then this will be very upsetting for her because she'll be worrying that you're going to burn in hell.

I think it's a bit of both. She's not very religious herself. She doesn't pray at all or read Quran much anymore, but fasts, and tries to force that on everyone(even my Atheist father). But it could also be a cultural thing because all my uncles and aunts and their kids fast and I dunno, maybe she's just worried what they'll think if they see me not fasting. She's a very controlling person outside of religion though.

xoTalim

I don't think Allah would approve of your mother forcing you to fast and then kicking you out into the street if you don't. Can you try having a relative explain to her that she is actually going against her own religion with her actions? So that it isn't coming from you.

None of my other Muslim family members know I'm Atheist. If they knew, they'd shun me like they did when my gay cousin came out to the family. I'd get my brother, who is Muslim, to talk to her, but he's overseas right now and will be until after Ramadan.

SiempreBella

What I would do... Hmmm.... Move out.

xoTalim

No water, well, wow. I bet that absolutely does suck Not even ice chips?

No. No food or water of any kind.

xoTalim

What I would do... Hmmm.... Move out.

And like I said, I plan to. But I don't have a job or the money right now to go about doing that. I hope to sometime within the next year. But until then, I'm stuck here.