Religion being forced on me will soon ruin my diet...HELP.

xoTalim

kinda off topic, but just wanted to throw out there that i'm very glad to see there isnt any Muslim bashing going on. very cool.

and on topic. i'm Muslim and will be starting the fast next week. its all about calories in vs out. if you decide to listen to your mum and fast, then its just about portion control. normally people will eat a small snack some dates and a drink to break fast and then pray, and then after that eat. this sort of suppresses the binging. well i just hope you are very careful when making your choice, because religion aside, its your mum. i'd feel too guilty about sneaking foods in and tricking my mum but thats just me.

Well I've done the sneaking food thing for the past 2 or 3 years now so I'm kind of used to it. I just don't think it's fair to be forced to fast when I'm not even Muslim.

neandermagnon

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

yeah I totally get you re not wanting confrontation, but she should know already that she can't force you to do anything religious, and even if she does it'll be meaningless as far as Allah is concerned.

also maybe this is a control thing as much as it's a religious thing, if she's a controlling person maybe she can't handle you deciding to do things that she doesn't like, especially with religion. Is she very religious or is it more of a cultural thing in your family? If she's very religious then she'll be concerned for your soul, but if reminded that you fasting to please her is minor shirk and worse than not fasting, she should accept that (albeit reluctantly) - if it's a cultural thing then IMO it sounds like it's a control issue, i.e. why can't you just be like how she wants you to be, and that would be a lot more difficult to deal with, because you're dealing with an overly controlling person, not someone who's scared for your soul but otherwise has your best interests at heart.

I don't really know what to advise re dealing with parents. But even from an Islamic point of view, you can't force someone to practice any aspect of Islam. Though if she is very religious then this will be very upsetting for her because she'll be worrying that you're going to burn in hell.

I think it's a bit of both. She's not very religious herself. She doesn't pray at all or read Quran much anymore, but fasts, and tries to force that on everyone(even my Atheist father). But it could also be a cultural thing because all my uncles and aunts and their kids fast and I dunno, maybe she's just worried what they'll think if they see me not fasting. She's a very controlling person outside of religion though.

it sounds like a cultural thing, because not praying = not practicing. If she cared that much about the actual religion, she would pray. And yes she probably is worried about what the family etc might say. and if she's very controlling generally, then this definitely sounds like a control issue, not a religious one.

can your father stand up for you about this, or are they completely separated/not talking to each other? if they're separated can you go stay with your father? or is your father still living with her and just fasting to keep her quiet? (sorry that's not clear at all)

My father was living on his own until recently. She had kicked him out for not converting to Islam when they got married. But he's recently lost his eye sight and can't live by himself anymore, so he had to move back here.

Is she controlling over him as well?

I really think that you need to approach this as a control issue, rather than a religious one. Her motivation for forcing you isn't religious, because if she cared so much about that, she'd start by doing her 5 daily prayers. Maybe she sees Ramadan as something that will bring her family together, and she just wants everyone to be happy and believes that you'll all be happier if you all did what she wants. If that is her motivation, then she'll probably leave you alone so long as you eat with the family at iftaar each day and pretend to fast. It's very likely she sees the decision to be atheist as breaking away from the family and breaking away from her, rather than about a personal belief.

given everything, I think pretending to fast and just humouring her will be the best option, and then get out of the house each day to eat. If you're caught eating during ramadan, then tell her you're on your period and not eating in front of them out of respect because they're fasting (which she must know is what Islam teaches - in fact for this reason no-one is actually allowed to confront a woman who's eating during fasting hours, because it's inappropriate to put her on the spot and have to tell you about personal matters like menstruation)

HollisGrant

kinda off topic, but just wanted to throw out there that i'm very glad to see there isnt any Muslim bashing going on. very cool.

and on topic. i'm Muslim and will be starting the fast next week. its all about calories in vs out. if you decide to listen to your mum and fast, then its just about portion control. normally people will eat a small snack some dates and a drink to break fast and then pray, and then after that eat. this sort of suppresses the binging. well i just hope you are very careful when making your choice, because religion aside, its your mum. i'd feel too guilty about sneaking foods in and tricking my mum but thats just me.

I wouldn't feel guilty about "sneaking foods in and tricking my mum." She's not a member of the religion and is being forced against her will to participate in a fast, and threatened with eviction if she doesn't participate. That's criminal.

iggyboo93

What do you do during Ramadan if you are diabetic or hypoglycemic?

Edited to add: Totally agree with the other posters to try and find a way to get out of the house sooner than later. Regardless of religion, she is a controlling person and it will be healthier to get away from that toxic behavior. I understand it will be tough at 20 years of age. However, I ran away from home at 17 and never looked back - there were days when I had more month than money but I'm in a better place now. Good luck!

bluenoserinbc

I have recent read articles of professional bodybuilders who follow the month long process yet "flip" there schedules to accommodate u could try this (know u issue with mom but perhaps a compromise?)
Just a suggestion
Hope all works out well

majasmi

kinda off topic, but just wanted to throw out there that i'm very glad to see there isnt any Muslim bashing going on. very cool.

and on topic. i'm Muslim and will be starting the fast next week. its all about calories in vs out. if you decide to listen to your mum and fast, then its just about portion control. normally people will eat a small snack some dates and a drink to break fast and then pray, and then after that eat. this sort of suppresses the binging. well i just hope you are very careful when making your choice, because religion aside, its your mum. i'd feel too guilty about sneaking foods in and tricking my mum but thats just me.

I wouldn't feel guilty about "sneaking foods in and tricking my mum." She's not a member of the religion and is being forced against her will to participate in a fast, and threatened with eviction if she doesn't participate. That's criminal.

i dont know. i'd look at it more of a 'under my roof, my rules' kinda thing.

DesdemonaRose

You already have some good suggestions in here. Take the suggestions from those who are Muslim and know plus you can probably google for more suggestions to not gain weight. You can try just having a night schedule for a month. It might make job hunting a pain in the *kitten*, but you can switch back to a day schedule when the holiday is over. I am military and some people do that every couple of months due to their job... the switching from days to nights part.

Just wanted to know that I feel some of your pain. Coming out as an Atheist to a religious family is hard. I was sort of lucky in that I was military and therefore didn't live near my family when I gave up my family's religion. It made it much easier to deal with it on my own and I had the freedom to do so without pressure. My family isn't the, "call you every day," types. If you want to vent/msg me feel free. There are a lot of good Atheist groups out there and I think there is even a MFP Atheist forum. I am on some awesome Facebook groups so I haven't looked into the MFP group.

The whole, "Atheism is just a phase," thing annoys me even though I know most of the time it's just how religious people deal with a person they care about not having any religion. Many religions teach pretty negative outcomes for Atheists.

xoTalim

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

yeah I totally get you re not wanting confrontation, but she should know already that she can't force you to do anything religious, and even if she does it'll be meaningless as far as Allah is concerned.

also maybe this is a control thing as much as it's a religious thing, if she's a controlling person maybe she can't handle you deciding to do things that she doesn't like, especially with religion. Is she very religious or is it more of a cultural thing in your family? If she's very religious then she'll be concerned for your soul, but if reminded that you fasting to please her is minor shirk and worse than not fasting, she should accept that (albeit reluctantly) - if it's a cultural thing then IMO it sounds like it's a control issue, i.e. why can't you just be like how she wants you to be, and that would be a lot more difficult to deal with, because you're dealing with an overly controlling person, not someone who's scared for your soul but otherwise has your best interests at heart.

I don't really know what to advise re dealing with parents. But even from an Islamic point of view, you can't force someone to practice any aspect of Islam. Though if she is very religious then this will be very upsetting for her because she'll be worrying that you're going to burn in hell.

I think it's a bit of both. She's not very religious herself. She doesn't pray at all or read Quran much anymore, but fasts, and tries to force that on everyone(even my Atheist father). But it could also be a cultural thing because all my uncles and aunts and their kids fast and I dunno, maybe she's just worried what they'll think if they see me not fasting. She's a very controlling person outside of religion though.

it sounds like a cultural thing, because not praying = not practicing. If she cared that much about the actual religion, she would pray. And yes she probably is worried about what the family etc might say. and if she's very controlling generally, then this definitely sounds like a control issue, not a religious one.

can your father stand up for you about this, or are they completely separated/not talking to each other? if they're separated can you go stay with your father? or is your father still living with her and just fasting to keep her quiet? (sorry that's not clear at all)

My father was living on his own until recently. She had kicked him out for not converting to Islam when they got married. But he's recently lost his eye sight and can't live by himself anymore, so he had to move back here.

Is she controlling over him as well?

I really think that you need to approach this as a control issue, rather than a religious one. Her motivation for forcing you isn't religious, because if she cared so much about that, she'd start by doing her 5 daily prayers. Maybe she sees Ramadan as something that will bring her family together, and she just wants everyone to be happy and believes that you'll all be happier if you all did what she wants. If that is her motivation, then she'll probably leave you alone so long as you eat with the family at iftaar each day and pretend to fast. It's very likely she sees the decision to be atheist as breaking away from the family and breaking away from her, rather than about a personal belief.

given everything, I think pretending to fast and just humouring her will be the best option, and then get out of the house each day to eat. If you're caught eating during ramadan, then tell her you're on your period and not eating in front of them out of respect because they're fasting (which she must know is what Islam teaches - in fact for this reason no-one is actually allowed to confront a woman who's eating during fasting hours, because it's inappropriate to put her on the spot and have to tell you about personal matters like menstruation)

Too bad my mom doesn't believe in the whole "not fasting when you're on your period" thing. She'd still make me.

And no, I don't think it's a wanting to bring the family together thing. It's definitely a control thing. She tries to control every aspect of everyone's life and has a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. And me being Atheist isn't her way. Which is why she's so stubborn about it.

majasmi

if you will have health complications from fasting you dont need to fast.

xoTalim

What do you do during Ramadan if you are diabetic or hypoglycemic?

Edited to add: Totally agree with the other posters to try and find a way to get out of the house sooner than later. Regardless of religion, she is a controlling person and it will be healthier to get away from that toxic behavior. I understand it will be tough at 20 years of age. However, I ran away from home at 17 and never looked back - there were days when I had more month than money but I'm in a better place now. Good luck!

That's a good question. I'm not sure. My uncle is diabetic and I know he fasts but I'm not sure if he does anything special because of it..

Maaike84

Wow, I can imagine it must be difficult, living at home but having such a difficult belief system. It takes courage to open up to your parents about it, and to make that decision. It is not the easy path.

From the other point of view though, it sounds like you only recently told your parents you were atheist? I mean, last year with Ramadan they didn't know, right? From your mom's point of view, isn't it also possible that she is being overbearing and forceful because - as she is a muslim - she cares for you and wants what she considers is the right religion for you, and believes that otherwise you are going to hell?

I mean, it is a big adjustment for them too, right?

So is it possible for you to show her, or both your parents, through your actions - that you are still their daughter, and a good person, who is just making some different choices from them? Not just sit them down and explain it, but really show them?

And I guess in that vein I feel that as long as you are living at your parents house, it might be more respectful to go along and fast with them - at least for this year. I don't think it will ruin your diet, and it obviously means a LOT to your mom, so that could be a good and honorable thing to do for them this year. So maybe just not have food while you are in the house, and try to show your parents that you are still the same good and loving and caring person, but that you just don't have the same religion as them.

Either way, good luck!!

neandermagnon

What do you do during Ramadan if you are diabetic or hypoglycemic?

if you're sick you're not supposed to fast. There are a lot of people who are exempt, or for whom fasting is optional based on how you feel. Including the sick (includes long term medical conditions like diabetes that would be made worse by fasting), pregnant women, breastfeeding women, during menstruation, anyone who's travelling more than a certain distance (around 30 miles or so if I recall correctly), children below puberty age, and probably some others

so if someone has any medical condition that's made worse by fasting, they're exempt from fasting.

anyone who's exempt would eat in private out of respect for those fasting, and would still join in with iftar meals to be sociable, and also join in the prayers, and if you have the intention to fast but can't, e.g. due to illness, you get the reward of someone who fasted

some missed fasts, e.g. due to a temporary illness, menstruation, travelling (i.e. all temporary conditions) are made up later in the year, i.e. extra days of fasting to make up those missed during Ramadan. Long term issues, such as chronic illness, then you can give charity in lieu of fasting

xoTalim

Wow, I can imagine it must be difficult, living at home but having such a difficult belief system. It takes courage to open up to your parents about it, and to make that decision. It is not the easy path.

From the other point of view though, it sounds like you only recently told your parents you were atheist? I mean, last year with Ramadan they didn't know, right? From your mom's point of view, isn't it also possible that she is being overbearing and forceful because - as she is a muslim - she cares for you and wants what she considers is the right religion for you, and believes that otherwise you are going to hell?

I mean, it is a big adjustment for them too, right?

So is it possible for you to show her, or both your parents, through your actions - that you are still their daughter, and a good person, who is just making some different choices from them? Not just sit them down and explain it, but really show them?

And I guess in that vein I feel that as long as you are living at your parents house, it might be more respectful to go along and fast with them - at least for this year. I don't think it will ruin your diet, and it obviously means a LOT to your mom, so that could be a good and honorable thing to do for them this year. So maybe just not have food while you are in the house, and try to show your parents that you are still the same good and loving and caring person, but that you just don't have the same religion as them.

Either way, good luck!!

It's just my mom that's Muslim. Not my dad. And yeah, I guess I only just recently told her. It was last year around this time, so.

Gidzmo

So here's the story. My family is Muslim. I'm not. Ramadan is starting next week, which is the month where you fast everyday from sunrise to sunset. No food or drink during that time. So, up until last year, my mom thought I was still Muslim, so I pretended to fast while secretly having a snack or two throughout the day.
Now she knows I'm not Muslim, and is forcing me to fast this year for Ramadan, even though I don't believe in it, and because I know it's totally gunna screw up my metabolism. Eating nothing all day and then having one HUGE meal at the end of it is just..not good. I'm 20 years old but she's forcing me by basically saying she'll kick me out if I don't. I don't have a job right now or the money to be living on my own.
Another thing is that, if I'm not eating all day, I'll likely end up binging at the end of the day when I finally DO get to eat. I'm gunna try the whole sneaking snacks thing again but it's just really frustrating that she's still forcing it on me. She thinks me being Atheist is just a phase I'll grow out of, and refuses to accept it. Even though I've considered myself Atheist for the past like..5 years now.
I just don't know what to do. There's no reasoning with this woman. I tried to and it ended with me crying for a good half hour and hyperventilating. She is SO hard to deal with. Any suggestions would be great. I really don't know what to do.

Hi, Talim! I don't know much about Ramadan, so I had to look it up. You are exempt under certain conditions: illness, traveling, pregnancy, diabetes or going through menstrual bleeding (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramadan).

Are there other relatives you can talk to?

xoTalim

Hi, Talim! I don't know much about Ramadan, so I had to look it up. You are exempt under certain conditions: illness, traveling, pregnancy, diabetes or going through menstrual bleeding (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramadan).

Are there other relatives you can talk to?

Nah, not really, unfortunately.

Maaike84

Wow, I can imagine it must be difficult, living at home but having such a difficult belief system. It takes courage to open up to your parents about it, and to make that decision. It is not the easy path.

From the other point of view though, it sounds like you only recently told your parents you were atheist? I mean, last year with Ramadan they didn't know, right? From your mom's point of view, isn't it also possible that she is being overbearing and forceful because - as she is a muslim - she cares for you and wants what she considers is the right religion for you, and believes that otherwise you are going to hell?

I mean, it is a big adjustment for them too, right?

So is it possible for you to show her, or both your parents, through your actions - that you are still their daughter, and a good person, who is just making some different choices from them? Not just sit them down and explain it, but really show them?

And I guess in that vein I feel that as long as you are living at your parents house, it might be more respectful to go along and fast with them - at least for this year. I don't think it will ruin your diet, and it obviously means a LOT to your mom, so that could be a good and honorable thing to do for them this year. So maybe just not have food while you are in the house, and try to show your parents that you are still the same good and loving and caring person, but that you just don't have the same religion as them.

Either way, good luck!!

It's just my mom that's Muslim. Not my dad. And yeah, I guess I only just recently told her. It was last year around this time, so.

Okay, I did not realise... Well I guess I was just saying, also look at it from her point of view. But i get that it's difficult. My own mother can be very controlling and forceful, though not from a religious point of view. It was when I was around your age that i was breaking free of her so to speak!! we had a lot of fights, and it was to do a lot with me just coming of age and making my own decisions. Now, we are in a much better place, thankfully. At the end of the day, she is still your mum, and you only have one of those! But breaking free and putting some distance between the two of you could certainly help make your relationship healthier. She just has to adjust still also, your choice isn't what she hoped for you. And my assumption is that she hoped you'd be muslim because she feels that it is the right path, and she wants what is best for you.

But good luck!!

xoTalim

Now that this thread has died down a bit, thanks to everyone who replied and gave me advice. (: Nice to see opinions from people from all sides. I'll try to get through the month by sneaking a few snacks now and then and looking for a job to get myself out of here ASAP. Thanks, all.

sofiachohdary

What do you do during Ramadan if you are diabetic or hypoglycemic?

Edited to add: Totally agree with the other posters to try and find a way to get out of the house sooner than later. Regardless of religion, she is a controlling person and it will be healthier to get away from that toxic behavior. I understand it will be tough at 20 years of age. However, I ran away from home at 17 and never looked back - there were days when I had more month than money but I'm in a better place now. Good luck!

That's a good question. I'm not sure. My uncle is diabetic and I know he fasts but I'm not sure if he does anything special because of it..

In Quran it states, if woman is on her time of month, and if anybody is ill, they're not supposed to fast or pray. It's not optional (like, I know I'm diabetic or on my menses, but I will still fast), you must not fast. In Quran every verse starts "In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most MERCIFUL". God knows and sees what's going on, he knows that if fasting or prayer is granting us difficulties, we are allowed to stop.

It breaks my heart to see parents (of any religion) to force their kids into a religion, when they are not religious enough. As soon as I became muslim, my parents were trying to force me hard into changing back (trying to force me to eat pork, telling me to stop wearing a hijab etc) when they themselves didn't even enter the church once in their lives. It's just awful and a sin.

xoTalim

Wow, I can imagine it must be difficult, living at home but having such a difficult belief system. It takes courage to open up to your parents about it, and to make that decision. It is not the easy path.

From the other point of view though, it sounds like you only recently told your parents you were atheist? I mean, last year with Ramadan they didn't know, right? From your mom's point of view, isn't it also possible that she is being overbearing and forceful because - as she is a muslim - she cares for you and wants what she considers is the right religion for you, and believes that otherwise you are going to hell?

I mean, it is a big adjustment for them too, right?

So is it possible for you to show her, or both your parents, through your actions - that you are still their daughter, and a good person, who is just making some different choices from them? Not just sit them down and explain it, but really show them?

And I guess in that vein I feel that as long as you are living at your parents house, it might be more respectful to go along and fast with them - at least for this year. I don't think it will ruin your diet, and it obviously means a LOT to your mom, so that could be a good and honorable thing to do for them this year. So maybe just not have food while you are in the house, and try to show your parents that you are still the same good and loving and caring person, but that you just don't have the same religion as them.

Either way, good luck!!

It's just my mom that's Muslim. Not my dad. And yeah, I guess I only just recently told her. It was last year around this time, so.

Okay, I did not realise... Well I guess I was just saying, also look at it from her point of view. But i get that it's difficult. My own mother can be very controlling and forceful, though not from a religious point of view. It was when I was around your age that i was breaking free of her so to speak!! we had a lot of fights, and it was to do a lot with me just coming of age and making my own decisions. Now, we are in a much better place, thankfully. At the end of the day, she is still your mum, and you only have one of those! But breaking free and putting some distance between the two of you could certainly help make your relationship healthier. She just has to adjust still also, your choice isn't what she hoped for you. And my assumption is that she hoped you'd be muslim because she feels that it is the right path, and she wants what is best for you.

But good luck!!

I understand it's not what she hoped for. Sadly I believe my relationship with her will end when I decide to move out. She told me if I don't come back to the religion some day, she will pretty much disown me and never talk to me again, because she chooses following God over me. So...I'll lose her eventually. And that's gunna suck. But it's inevitable.

xoTalim

What do you do during Ramadan if you are diabetic or hypoglycemic?

Edited to add: Totally agree with the other posters to try and find a way to get out of the house sooner than later. Regardless of religion, she is a controlling person and it will be healthier to get away from that toxic behavior. I understand it will be tough at 20 years of age. However, I ran away from home at 17 and never looked back - there were days when I had more month than money but I'm in a better place now. Good luck!

That's a good question. I'm not sure. My uncle is diabetic and I know he fasts but I'm not sure if he does anything special because of it..

In Quran it states, if woman is on her time of month, and if anybody is ill, they're not supposed to fast or pray. It's not optional (like, I know I'm diabetic or on my menses, but I will still fast), you must not fast. In Quran every verse starts "In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most MERCIFUL". God knows and sees what's going on, he knows that if fasting or prayer is granting us difficulties, we are allowed to stop.

It breaks my heart to see parents (of any religion) to force their kids into a religion, when they are not religious enough. As soon as I became muslim, my parents were trying to force me hard into changing back (trying to force me to eat pork, telling me to stop wearing a hijab etc) when they themselves didn't even enter the church once in their lives. It's just awful and a sin.

Yeah..I mean I understand where she's coming from. I really do. But I wish it didn't have to pretty much tear the family apart when someone strays from the religion.