Religion being forced on me will soon ruin my diet...HELP.

anemoneprose

What about school? Have you completed a college or university degree? Could you get a student loan & move out that way?

(You know who you should actually write to about the bigger issues, who *completely* understands and would probably write back - Irshad Manji.)

No idea who that is. :P

And I did complete a short course a few months ago to be a medical receptionist but I haven't found work for that yet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irshad_Manji

Does the college you attended have any kind of contact with employers, or a career counselling centre?

I think so. I can call them soon and ask if they know of any clinics currently hiring.

Great! Have you also tried temp agencies? I think there are some that specialize in medical support staff, as well..

Like someone else said, job hunting takes energy, being up mornings, all of that. I think, if you're going to fast (for quiet, if not peace), and you are struggling with sleeping, waking up late and all of that (and, the sleeping in will help you tolerate the fast), maybe you could try to look at this time as a preparation period for NEXT month. Maybe that would help you cope?

So, this month, maybe you could focus on researching companies, polishing the resume, that kind of thing. Clearing out old things from your room. Clearing out your mental space.

Next month, one focus could be on fixing your sleeping pattern. It is *really important*, not just to be around for business hours, but for mental health, to be in sync with light. And a secondary focus on exercise, maybe at that time, might be better. If you time that right, it can help with sleep. (And maybe, you could start sending a few resumes out then, too.)

Don't let this get you down, ok? It's obvious you have strength. It's not easy to come out with your beliefs.

notworthstalking

What do you do during Ramadan if you are diabetic or hypoglycemic?

if you're sick you're not supposed to fast. There are a lot of people who are exempt, or for whom fasting is optional based on how you feel. Including the sick (includes long term medical conditions like diabetes that would be made worse by fasting), pregnant women, breastfeeding women, during menstruation, anyone who's travelling more than a certain distance (around 30 miles or so if I recall correctly), children below puberty age, and probably some others

so if someone has any medical condition that's made worse by fasting, they're exempt from fasting.

anyone who's exempt would eat in private out of respect for those fasting, and would still join in with iftar meals to be sociable, and also join in the prayers, and if you have the intention to fast but can't, e.g. due to illness, you get the reward of someone who fasted

some missed fasts, e.g. due to a temporary illness, menstruation, travelling (i.e. all temporary conditions) are made up later in the year, i.e. extra days of fasting to make up those missed during Ramadan. Long term issues, such as chronic illness, then you can give charity in lieu of fasting

Our family doctor is Muslim and this is what he explained to us. For him it was a culture thing, not so much about suffering. If you couldn't or shouldn't fast , it doesn't mean you don't respect the reasons or traditions behind it. I remember one time my cousin was pregnant and hadn't seen a doctor in three or four months. He was fasting, one of his daughter was pregnant and unwell = one cranky doctor/ grandparent . Mum thought it was funny because my cousin was /is irresponsible and someone had to tell her

xoTalim

What about school? Have you completed a college or university degree? Could you get a student loan & move out that way?

(You know who you should actually write to about the bigger issues, who *completely* understands and would probably write back - Irshad Manji.)

No idea who that is. :P

And I did complete a short course a few months ago to be a medical receptionist but I haven't found work for that yet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irshad_Manji

Does the college you attended have any kind of contact with employers, or a career counselling centre?

I think so. I can call them soon and ask if they know of any clinics currently hiring.

Great! Have you also tried temp agencies? I think there are some that specialize in medical support staff, as well..

Like someone else said, job hunting takes energy, being up mornings, all of that. I think, if you're going to fast (for quiet, if not peace), and you are struggling with sleeping, waking up late and all of that (and, the sleeping in will help you tolerate the fast), maybe you could try to look at this time as a preparation period for NEXT month. Maybe that would help you cope?

So, this month, maybe you could focus on researching companies, polishing the resume, that kind of thing. Clearing out old things from your room. Clearing out your mental space.

Next month, one focus could be on fixing your sleeping pattern. It is *really important*, not just to be around for business hours, but for mental health, to be in sync with light. And a secondary focus on exercise, maybe at that time, might be better. If you time that right, it can help with sleep. (And maybe, you could start sending a few resumes out then, too.)

Don't let this get you down, ok? It's obvious you have strength. It's not easy to come out with your beliefs.

Thanks. I'll try that. And I'm not really sure what temp agencies are but I'll look into it. You've really been a great help. Thank you. c:

neandermagnon

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

yeah I totally get you re not wanting confrontation, but she should know already that she can't force you to do anything religious, and even if she does it'll be meaningless as far as Allah is concerned.

also maybe this is a control thing as much as it's a religious thing, if she's a controlling person maybe she can't handle you deciding to do things that she doesn't like, especially with religion. Is she very religious or is it more of a cultural thing in your family? If she's very religious then she'll be concerned for your soul, but if reminded that you fasting to please her is minor shirk and worse than not fasting, she should accept that (albeit reluctantly) - if it's a cultural thing then IMO it sounds like it's a control issue, i.e. why can't you just be like how she wants you to be, and that would be a lot more difficult to deal with, because you're dealing with an overly controlling person, not someone who's scared for your soul but otherwise has your best interests at heart.

I don't really know what to advise re dealing with parents. But even from an Islamic point of view, you can't force someone to practice any aspect of Islam. Though if she is very religious then this will be very upsetting for her because she'll be worrying that you're going to burn in hell.

I think it's a bit of both. She's not very religious herself. She doesn't pray at all or read Quran much anymore, but fasts, and tries to force that on everyone(even my Atheist father). But it could also be a cultural thing because all my uncles and aunts and their kids fast and I dunno, maybe she's just worried what they'll think if they see me not fasting. She's a very controlling person outside of religion though.

it sounds like a cultural thing, because not praying = not practicing. If she cared that much about the actual religion, she would pray. And yes she probably is worried about what the family etc might say. and if she's very controlling generally, then this definitely sounds like a control issue, not a religious one.

can your father stand up for you about this, or are they completely separated/not talking to each other? if they're separated can you go stay with your father? or is your father still living with her and just fasting to keep her quiet? (sorry that's not clear at all)

My father was living on his own until recently. She had kicked him out for not converting to Islam when they got married. But he's recently lost his eye sight and can't live by himself anymore, so he had to move back here.

Is she controlling over him as well?

I really think that you need to approach this as a control issue, rather than a religious one. Her motivation for forcing you isn't religious, because if she cared so much about that, she'd start by doing her 5 daily prayers. Maybe she sees Ramadan as something that will bring her family together, and she just wants everyone to be happy and believes that you'll all be happier if you all did what she wants. If that is her motivation, then she'll probably leave you alone so long as you eat with the family at iftaar each day and pretend to fast. It's very likely she sees the decision to be atheist as breaking away from the family and breaking away from her, rather than about a personal belief.

given everything, I think pretending to fast and just humouring her will be the best option, and then get out of the house each day to eat. If you're caught eating during ramadan, then tell her you're on your period and not eating in front of them out of respect because they're fasting (which she must know is what Islam teaches - in fact for this reason no-one is actually allowed to confront a woman who's eating during fasting hours, because it's inappropriate to put her on the spot and have to tell you about personal matters like menstruation)

Too bad my mom doesn't believe in the whole "not fasting when you're on your period" thing. She'd still make me.

And no, I don't think it's a wanting to bring the family together thing. It's definitely a control thing. She tries to control every aspect of everyone's life and has a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. And me being Atheist isn't her way. Which is why she's so stubborn about it.

it's not something she can just choose not to believe in!! I have some friends who are quite strict Muslims and know Islamic law very well, you can't just choose to not believe that exemptions don't exist... would she still force someone to fast if they were pregnant or breastfeeding? or if fasting would make them ill?

it definitely sounds like a control issue i think you need to ignore the religious aspect to this, and tackle all of it as a control issue. which is to move out ASAP and probably you will need to just go along with it this year, it may be the last year that you're under her roof. Or make a decision to leave now, but it seems there's nowhere you can go so work on getting yourself into a position to be financially stable first. Are you in contact with your gay cousin who was shunned? He or she would probably be a great person to support you in getting out, because that's what he or she did already. And really this seems very much to be about control, not religion. it's actually haram to disown/cut off family members, so even if they don't approve of their lifestyle, they still have to maintain at least minimal contact and try to be civil. the only exception would be if you were in actual danger from a family member if you were to make contact. And that doesn't apply in your case or your cousin's case.

xoTalim

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

yeah I totally get you re not wanting confrontation, but she should know already that she can't force you to do anything religious, and even if she does it'll be meaningless as far as Allah is concerned.

also maybe this is a control thing as much as it's a religious thing, if she's a controlling person maybe she can't handle you deciding to do things that she doesn't like, especially with religion. Is she very religious or is it more of a cultural thing in your family? If she's very religious then she'll be concerned for your soul, but if reminded that you fasting to please her is minor shirk and worse than not fasting, she should accept that (albeit reluctantly) - if it's a cultural thing then IMO it sounds like it's a control issue, i.e. why can't you just be like how she wants you to be, and that would be a lot more difficult to deal with, because you're dealing with an overly controlling person, not someone who's scared for your soul but otherwise has your best interests at heart.

I don't really know what to advise re dealing with parents. But even from an Islamic point of view, you can't force someone to practice any aspect of Islam. Though if she is very religious then this will be very upsetting for her because she'll be worrying that you're going to burn in hell.

I think it's a bit of both. She's not very religious herself. She doesn't pray at all or read Quran much anymore, but fasts, and tries to force that on everyone(even my Atheist father). But it could also be a cultural thing because all my uncles and aunts and their kids fast and I dunno, maybe she's just worried what they'll think if they see me not fasting. She's a very controlling person outside of religion though.

it sounds like a cultural thing, because not praying = not practicing. If she cared that much about the actual religion, she would pray. And yes she probably is worried about what the family etc might say. and if she's very controlling generally, then this definitely sounds like a control issue, not a religious one.

can your father stand up for you about this, or are they completely separated/not talking to each other? if they're separated can you go stay with your father? or is your father still living with her and just fasting to keep her quiet? (sorry that's not clear at all)

My father was living on his own until recently. She had kicked him out for not converting to Islam when they got married. But he's recently lost his eye sight and can't live by himself anymore, so he had to move back here.

Is she controlling over him as well?

I really think that you need to approach this as a control issue, rather than a religious one. Her motivation for forcing you isn't religious, because if she cared so much about that, she'd start by doing her 5 daily prayers. Maybe she sees Ramadan as something that will bring her family together, and she just wants everyone to be happy and believes that you'll all be happier if you all did what she wants. If that is her motivation, then she'll probably leave you alone so long as you eat with the family at iftaar each day and pretend to fast. It's very likely she sees the decision to be atheist as breaking away from the family and breaking away from her, rather than about a personal belief.

given everything, I think pretending to fast and just humouring her will be the best option, and then get out of the house each day to eat. If you're caught eating during ramadan, then tell her you're on your period and not eating in front of them out of respect because they're fasting (which she must know is what Islam teaches - in fact for this reason no-one is actually allowed to confront a woman who's eating during fasting hours, because it's inappropriate to put her on the spot and have to tell you about personal matters like menstruation)

Too bad my mom doesn't believe in the whole "not fasting when you're on your period" thing. She'd still make me.

And no, I don't think it's a wanting to bring the family together thing. It's definitely a control thing. She tries to control every aspect of everyone's life and has a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. And me being Atheist isn't her way. Which is why she's so stubborn about it.

it's not something she can just choose not to believe in!! I have some friends who are quite strict Muslims and know Islamic law very well, you can't just choose to not believe that exemptions don't exist... would she still force someone to fast if they were pregnant or breastfeeding? or if fasting would make them ill?

it definitely sounds like a control issue i think you need to ignore the religious aspect to this, and tackle all of it as a control issue. which is to move out ASAP and probably you will need to just go along with it this year, it may be the last year that you're under her roof. Or make a decision to leave now, but it seems there's nowhere you can go so work on getting yourself into a position to be financially stable first. Are you in contact with your gay cousin who was shunned? He or she would probably be a great person to support you in getting out, because that's what he or she did already. And really this seems very much to be about control, not religion. it's actually haram to disown/cut off family members, so even if they don't approve of their lifestyle, they still have to maintain at least minimal contact and try to be civil. the only exception would be if you were in actual danger from a family member if you were to make contact. And that doesn't apply in your case or your cousin's case.

I still talk to my cousin sometimes. I might ask him for advice. Sounds like a good idea.

And I know the not fasting when you're on period thing is mandatory but my mom just doesn't agree with it and it really bugs me cause I used to fast when on it and it sucked. I really hope this is the last year I'm living here. I have a friend who might be interested in being roommates with me so that's a load off my shoulders at least, knowing I'll be splitting rent with someone.

sofiachohdary

Yeah..I mean I understand where she's coming from. I really do. But I wish it didn't have to pretty much tear the family apart when someone strays from the religion.

Exactly. I have some friends who are as extreme and they don't even pray or read the Quran, but they still try (in a non-muslim country) to convert everybody to Islam, thinking that they will save their souls and go to heaven this way. And this represents Islam in the wrong way. This is exactly the opposite of what Allah wants us to do.

You know how I converted to Islam?

My husband was a born muslim (pakistani) and I was trying to learn about Islam so it can improve our relationship, and when he saw me studying about it he says to me "look, I can explain what I do and why I do it (prayers, fasting etc), but Islam is a difficult religion, and also I don't want you to change your ways just for me. In fact, I will even take you to church every Sunday, fast with you according to your religion, and even celebrate with you Easter and Christmas, even if it's against my own religion, because I respect you and your background".

That alone, made me want to study more about Islam and here I am now.

You don't force the religion, you just lead the example for others to follow (if they want), this is what my friends and your mother don't understand.

anemoneprose

Thanks. I'll try that. And I'm not really sure what temp agencies are but I'll look into it. You've really been a great help. Thank you. c:

No problem, at all

neandermagnon

remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

yeah I totally get you re not wanting confrontation, but she should know already that she can't force you to do anything religious, and even if she does it'll be meaningless as far as Allah is concerned.

also maybe this is a control thing as much as it's a religious thing, if she's a controlling person maybe she can't handle you deciding to do things that she doesn't like, especially with religion. Is she very religious or is it more of a cultural thing in your family? If she's very religious then she'll be concerned for your soul, but if reminded that you fasting to please her is minor shirk and worse than not fasting, she should accept that (albeit reluctantly) - if it's a cultural thing then IMO it sounds like it's a control issue, i.e. why can't you just be like how she wants you to be, and that would be a lot more difficult to deal with, because you're dealing with an overly controlling person, not someone who's scared for your soul but otherwise has your best interests at heart.

I don't really know what to advise re dealing with parents. But even from an Islamic point of view, you can't force someone to practice any aspect of Islam. Though if she is very religious then this will be very upsetting for her because she'll be worrying that you're going to burn in hell.

I think it's a bit of both. She's not very religious herself. She doesn't pray at all or read Quran much anymore, but fasts, and tries to force that on everyone(even my Atheist father). But it could also be a cultural thing because all my uncles and aunts and their kids fast and I dunno, maybe she's just worried what they'll think if they see me not fasting. She's a very controlling person outside of religion though.

it sounds like a cultural thing, because not praying = not practicing. If she cared that much about the actual religion, she would pray. And yes she probably is worried about what the family etc might say. and if she's very controlling generally, then this definitely sounds like a control issue, not a religious one.

can your father stand up for you about this, or are they completely separated/not talking to each other? if they're separated can you go stay with your father? or is your father still living with her and just fasting to keep her quiet? (sorry that's not clear at all)

My father was living on his own until recently. She had kicked him out for not converting to Islam when they got married. But he's recently lost his eye sight and can't live by himself anymore, so he had to move back here.

Is she controlling over him as well?

I really think that you need to approach this as a control issue, rather than a religious one. Her motivation for forcing you isn't religious, because if she cared so much about that, she'd start by doing her 5 daily prayers. Maybe she sees Ramadan as something that will bring her family together, and she just wants everyone to be happy and believes that you'll all be happier if you all did what she wants. If that is her motivation, then she'll probably leave you alone so long as you eat with the family at iftaar each day and pretend to fast. It's very likely she sees the decision to be atheist as breaking away from the family and breaking away from her, rather than about a personal belief.

given everything, I think pretending to fast and just humouring her will be the best option, and then get out of the house each day to eat. If you're caught eating during ramadan, then tell her you're on your period and not eating in front of them out of respect because they're fasting (which she must know is what Islam teaches - in fact for this reason no-one is actually allowed to confront a woman who's eating during fasting hours, because it's inappropriate to put her on the spot and have to tell you about personal matters like menstruation)

Too bad my mom doesn't believe in the whole "not fasting when you're on your period" thing. She'd still make me.

And no, I don't think it's a wanting to bring the family together thing. It's definitely a control thing. She tries to control every aspect of everyone's life and has a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. And me being Atheist isn't her way. Which is why she's so stubborn about it.

it's not something she can just choose not to believe in!! I have some friends who are quite strict Muslims and know Islamic law very well, you can't just choose to not believe that exemptions don't exist... would she still force someone to fast if they were pregnant or breastfeeding? or if fasting would make them ill?

it definitely sounds like a control issue i think you need to ignore the religious aspect to this, and tackle all of it as a control issue. which is to move out ASAP and probably you will need to just go along with it this year, it may be the last year that you're under her roof. Or make a decision to leave now, but it seems there's nowhere you can go so work on getting yourself into a position to be financially stable first. Are you in contact with your gay cousin who was shunned? He or she would probably be a great person to support you in getting out, because that's what he or she did already. And really this seems very much to be about control, not religion. it's actually haram to disown/cut off family members, so even if they don't approve of their lifestyle, they still have to maintain at least minimal contact and try to be civil. the only exception would be if you were in actual danger from a family member if you were to make contact. And that doesn't apply in your case or your cousin's case.

I still talk to my cousin sometimes. I might ask him for advice. Sounds like a good idea.

And I know the not fasting when you're on period thing is mandatory but my mom just doesn't agree with it and it really bugs me cause I used to fast when on it and it sucked. I really hope this is the last year I'm living here. I have a friend who might be interested in being roommates with me so that's a load off my shoulders at least, knowing I'll be splitting rent with someone.

that sounds like a plan

majasmi

I understand it's not what she hoped for. Sadly I believe my relationship with her will end when I decide to move out. She told me if I don't come back to the religion some day, she will pretty much disown me and never talk to me again, because she chooses following God over me. So...I'll lose her eventually. And that's gunna suck. But it's inevitable.

you probably cant tell her straight up, but i think she should take some Islamic courses. it doesnt seem like she knows enough about what she is following. i'd just buy some books about Islam and start leaving them around the house. haha.

xoTalim

I still talk to my cousin sometimes. I might ask him for advice. Sounds like a good idea.

And I know the not fasting when you're on period thing is mandatory but my mom just doesn't agree with it and it really bugs me cause I used to fast when on it and it sucked. I really hope this is the last year I'm living here. I have a friend who might be interested in being roommates with me so that's a load off my shoulders at least, knowing I'll be splitting rent with someone.

that sounds like a plan

Yup! I'm actually really excited about it. xD He's someone I met on Twitter. We hated each other at first but now we're pretty close. We've hung out in real life a few times and we're both nerds and obsessed with the new My Little Pony show, haha. (:

xoTalim

I understand it's not what she hoped for. Sadly I believe my relationship with her will end when I decide to move out. She told me if I don't come back to the religion some day, she will pretty much disown me and never talk to me again, because she chooses following God over me. So...I'll lose her eventually. And that's gunna suck. But it's inevitable.

you probably cant tell her straight up, but i think she should take some Islamic courses. it doesnt seem like she knows enough about what she is following. i'd just buy some books about Islam and start leaving them around the house. haha.

That would actually be hilarious.

xoTalim

Yeah..I mean I understand where she's coming from. I really do. But I wish it didn't have to pretty much tear the family apart when someone strays from the religion.

Exactly. I have some friends who are as extreme and they don't even pray or read the Quran, but they still try (in a non-muslim country) to convert everybody to Islam, thinking that they will save their souls and go to heaven this way. And this represents Islam in the wrong way. This is exactly the opposite of what Allah wants us to do.

You know how I converted to Islam?

My husband was a born muslim (pakistani) and I was trying to learn about Islam so it can improve our relationship, and when he saw me studying about it he says to me "look, I can explain what I do and why I do it (prayers, fasting etc), but Islam is a difficult religion, and also I don't want you to change your ways just for me. In fact, I will even take you to church every Sunday, fast with you according to your religion, and even celebrate with you Easter and Christmas, even if it's against my own religion, because I respect you and your background".

That alone, made me want to study more about Islam and here I am now.

You don't force the religion, you just lead the example for others to follow (if they want), this is what my friends and your mother don't understand.

Yeah..and I really do respect other religious people, so long as they don't try to force their beliefs on me. Growing up in a Muslim family and having had the religion forced on me a lot has kind of made me hate Muslims. But really, I kind of just hate religion and the people who try to force it on others, which in my experience has proven to mostly be other Muslims.

sofiachohdary

Yeah..and I really do respect other religious people, so long as they don't try to force their beliefs on me. Growing up in a Muslim family and having had the religion forced on me a lot has kind of made me hate Muslims. But really, I kind of just hate religion and the people who try to force it on others, which in my experience has proven to mostly be other Muslims.

I also hate people who force anybody to do anything. One thing I've learned from this though is, you shouldn't let anything or anybody ruin your judgment. Do whatever makes you happy, and whatever you think is right. It's your life.

xoTalim

Yeah..and I really do respect other religious people, so long as they don't try to force their beliefs on me. Growing up in a Muslim family and having had the religion forced on me a lot has kind of made me hate Muslims. But really, I kind of just hate religion and the people who try to force it on others, which in my experience has proven to mostly be other Muslims.

I also hate people who force anybody to do anything. One thing I've learned from this though is, you shouldn't let anything or anybody ruin your judgment. Do whatever makes you happy, and whatever you think is right. It's your life.

Thanks. (: I'm trying.

riizara

Your mum kinda reminds me of mine lol. But really making you fast on your period? By that logic she should make you pray when you're on it too. Smh.
Anyways I'm not sure whether you're choosing to fast or not but if you do, don't stress it! I usually maintain during Ramadan, and remember that eating more at iftar isn't necessarily a binge. Your body needs more food than usual since you went the day without eating.
And if you are gonna secretly have food throughout the day, go for that. There's nothing wrong with it since you arent fasting for religious reasons. Your lifestyle your choices

neandermagnon

I understand it's not what she hoped for. Sadly I believe my relationship with her will end when I decide to move out. She told me if I don't come back to the religion some day, she will pretty much disown me and never talk to me again, because she chooses following God over me. So...I'll lose her eventually. And that's gunna suck. But it's inevitable.

she's not choosing to follow God over you, that's the problem. Maybe she thinks that's what she's doing, but it's a major sin to disown your children (or cut off any other family member). Reading what you've said about her, she's committing all kinds of major sins ...choosing to "not believe" that Allah made a concession for menstruating women is an extremely grave matter in particular. But also not praying, forcing you to fast (which is essentially forcing you to commit minor shirk)... If she is genuinely motivated by religion, then getting her on a course to learn what Islam really teaches would be a good plan.... but if she was really motivated by wanting to please Allah, then wouldn't she already have done that?

so it honestly seems far more like a control issue. And I think if she's going to disown you and never speak to you again over this, it could easily still happen if you did choose to be Muslim, e.g. if you married someone she didn't approve of, or decided to become a shia (if she's sunni, or sunni if she's shia), and say you'd chosen to be Muslim, and refused to fast when you have your period... sounds like she'd still try to force you.... so it's about control, not religion. And unfortunately when very controlling people lose control over those close to them, they do tend to cut them off completely. That's just how they are. So what I'm saying is even if you'd chosen to be Muslim, this probably would still happen sooner or later, and she's the one in the wrong. If/when that happens, then leave a way for her to get in contact with you again, because she may get to a point in her life when she realises how badly she's screwed up and what she's lost. And stay in contact with other family members who are willing to stay in contact, especially siblings, because they will probably go through the same thing at some point in the future.

thebigcb

Just ignore her. At this age of your life you have to start to make your own decisions and your parents should respect that

xoTalim

I understand it's not what she hoped for. Sadly I believe my relationship with her will end when I decide to move out. She told me if I don't come back to the religion some day, she will pretty much disown me and never talk to me again, because she chooses following God over me. So...I'll lose her eventually. And that's gunna suck. But it's inevitable.

she's not choosing to follow God over you, that's the problem. Maybe she thinks that's what she's doing, but it's a major sin to disown your children (or cut off any other family member). Reading what you've said about her, she's committing all kinds of major sins ...choosing to "not believe" that Allah made a concession for menstruating women is an extremely grave matter in particular. But also not praying, forcing you to fast (which is essentially forcing you to commit minor shirk)... If she is genuinely motivated by religion, then getting her on a course to learn what Islam really teaches would be a good plan.... but if she was really motivated by wanting to please Allah, then wouldn't she already have done that?

so it honestly seems far more like a control issue. And I think if she's going to disown you and never speak to you again over this, it could easily still happen if you did choose to be Muslim, e.g. if you married someone she didn't approve of, or decided to become a shia (if she's sunni, or sunni if she's shia), and say you'd chosen to be Muslim, and refused to fast when you have your period... sounds like she'd still try to force you.... so it's about control, not religion. And unfortunately when very controlling people lose control over those close to them, they do tend to cut them off completely. That's just how they are. So what I'm saying is even if you'd chosen to be Muslim, this probably would still happen sooner or later, and she's the one in the wrong. If/when that happens, then leave a way for her to get in contact with you again, because she may get to a point in her life when she realises how badly she's screwed up and what she's lost. And stay in contact with other family members who are willing to stay in contact, especially siblings, because they will probably go through the same thing at some point in the future.

I only have one sibling and he's Muslim, as well. I don't know if he'd want to keep in contact with me. And to be honest, I don't know if I'd want to, either. We're not really all that close and he's not been the greatest brother to me at all. I have my dad to support me, though. And a few cousins as well who know and don't care that I'm Atheist.

mazdauk

You've had plenty of advice about dealing with your mother, regaining your own life etc. so I won't add to that. But one thing I've not seen.....


Make sure you continue to track what you're eating (whatever time that is ) and keep within your calorie allowance for the day. Whenever there are questions about "carbs after 6pm" (or whatever) people always point out "the body doesn't care what time of day it is". I know its difficult because a lot of the food is high calorie, but as long as you keep to your limit you should be OK.

xoTalim

You've had plenty of advice about dealing with your mother, regaining your own life etc. so I won't add to that. But one thing I've not seen.....


Make sure you continue to track what you're eating (whatever time that is ) and keep within your calorie allowance for the day. Whenever there are questions about "carbs after 6pm" (or whatever) people always point out "the body doesn't care what time of day it is". I know its difficult because a lot of the food is high calorie, but as long as you keep to your limit you should be OK.

Of course. I'm definitely going to keep logging and making sure I don't go over on calories.