SO ASHAMED TO WORK OUT IN FRONT OF MEN
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azulvioleta6 wrote: »Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.
I respectfully disagree. Many of us who are overweight have anxiety. Whether it's at the gym or going on some social outing where we feel out of place because of our weight. I really appreciate the poster that states "Sometimes the fear won't go away so you'll just have to do it afraid". This takes courage and it takes courage to ask for help in the forum. You go girl
Many of us will be with you in spirit. 0 -
I heard something said re personal development today, it was in a work context but it sort off applicable as we are all working on ourselves here aren't we. She said: your comfort zone maybe pleasant to be in but to make progress you have to step out of it and go into that zone where you are stretching and challenging yourself.
In your case that is going to the gym and working out so push yourself and step out of that comfort zone so you can improve yourself, you can do it! People will only respect you for working on bettering yourself through exercise, if they even notice you at all (I mean they will be too busy with themselves, I don't mean to sound mean).0 -
I can relate to this. Any situation that provides an opportunity for humiliation can cause anxiety. I find the best thing to do is to not overthink it. If I am dreading something, thinking about it only makes it worse for me. I have to just do it. Then, after a few times of doing it, it really does get easier. The anxiety might never go away, but you can get it down to a manageable level just by overcoming it a few times.
Build up your confidence by going during slow times, as others have suggested. Even if you only get there once a week, it's a start and you can always build on it.0 -
Does your membership include a tour of the facility? I think most gyms offer this. You can have a staff member tour you around, show you the equipment and how to use it properly. This might alleviate some of your anxiety. Some gyms also have a ladies only section - does your gym have another location with that feature?
In the end though, you'll just have to push through your anxiety and move on. This might mean a few unsuccessful trips to the gym and false starts before you get up enough nerve to stay and work out. Don't be too hard on yourself, but just keep going.0 -
azulvioleta6 wrote: »Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.wildhorsessd wrote: »I respectfully disagree. Many of us who are overweight have anxiety. Whether it's at the gym or going on some social outing where we feel out of place because of our weight. I really appreciate the poster that states "Sometimes the fear won't go away so you'll just have to do it afraid". This takes courage and it takes courage to ask for help in the forum. You go girl Many of us will be with you in spirit.
I was sure self conscious when I was 35 pounds heavier and swimming at the Y. It didn't stop me from going, though. If the OP has social phobia/social anxiety disorder, getting professional help is indeed an appropriate suggestion.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2011/national-survey-dispels-notion-that-social-phobia-is-the-same-as-shyness.shtml
http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder
Social Anxiety Disorder
It’s the extreme fear of being scrutinized and judged by others in social or performance situations: Social anxiety disorder can wreak havoc on the lives of those who suffer from it. This disorder is not simply shyness that has been inappropriately medicalized: Read about the difference.
Symptoms may be so extreme that they disrupt daily life. People with this disorder, also called social phobia, may have few or no social or romantic relationships, making them feel powerless, alone, or even ashamed.
About 15 million American adults have social anxiety disorder
Typical age of onset: 13 years old
36 percent of people with social anxiety disorder report symptoms for 10 or more years before seeking help
Although they recognize that the fear is excessive and unreasonable, people with social anxiety disorder feel powerless against their anxiety. They are terrified they will humiliate or embarrass themselves.
The anxiety can interfere significantly with daily routines, occupational performance, or social life, making it difficult to complete school, interview and get a job, and have friendships and romantic relationships.0 -
I started going to the gym in college, when the only time I had was when the hockey team was there. I was very overweight and was totally intimidated, but stuck it out, and they respected the commitment and effort. Same for the other women. In fact, the only time I ever saw anyone get mocked was when a girl with a perfect body came one day, because she was wearing flesh-colored bike shorts with a banana-yellow thong to match her sports bra. And that was more a matter of raised eyebrows than outright saying anything.
When I'm at the gym, I am counting repetitions, focused on form, and so on. Generally, I'm so deep in my own head I don't recognize people I know right away! Ask the gym when their busiest times are. Getting an intro from a trainer is a good idea, as is wearing your headphones, and just do it!0 -
I understand anxiety. I wear leg braces and during the summer when I wear shorts everyone can see and it took me almost passing out at my last job because I didn't want to show my legs to be like screw it. Ever since then I have a real attitude about it. I have caught many Ppl staring since then and I just stare right back. You may need to talk to someone about going on an anti anxiety medicine. It helped me a lot0
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FlabToFitty wrote: »Guys I'm so ashamed of my body and now I'm too scared to go to the gym even though I made a membership last week I've alway been overweight and had social anxiety and had very few male friends because I've always felt uncomfortable so now I can't even workout in front of them I've spent so much money and really want to change but my anxiety is holding me back please help
You'll want to get over that. Except in a few rare cases, most people working out are so into what they're doing that they won't notice you, and if they do, they don't care that you're there.
Hell, when I'm lifting, I can be staring straight at you and you do not exist. Too busy to care. It's going to be hard getting over that, like the first time you get naked to use a communal shower. Then you realize no one cares.0 -
I don't really pay attention to anything but my workout and whatever distraction I brought with me - podcast/yt vid/music. I work out at work. Lots of people think it is weird to work out with co-workers watching. I so DGAF. I may not have this job forever, but I will have this body.
Everyone has to start somewhere. I didn't wake up one morning being able to run 7:30 min miles. It took a lot of work over a year. Yes, I did feel somewhat self-conscious at first, huffing and puffing and stopping every minute or two, but I just had to get over it.
You don't have to exercise to lose weight. You just have to eat less.0 -
NancyMizuno wrote: »Trust me, no one is looking at you. They are focused on themselves, that's why people exercise. And, if they are looking at you, they are likely thinking, "good for her for loving herself enough to do the hard work!"
While having anxiety is an obstacle all of it's own please try to understand that people really don't care what other people are doing at the gym. As long as you're not doing anything dangerous. If possible, take advantage of a free training session. I am almost 1/2 way through my journey and today was the first time I wore fitted workout clothes instead of a big, flowy t-shirt. Guess what? No one even looked at me other than to say 'hello'.0 -
Most males in a gym are to focused on their workout or the mirror to be judging. However, If you can afford it, why not get a female personal trainer for a couple of sessions until you build confidence? Or, find a female friend to go so you don't feel so alone.0
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I know it has been said, but most likely no one will notice you much or care.
Personally I only notice other people when they do something out of the ordinary (e.g. running really fast, singing out loud), wear something loud or see through, or actually talk to me.
I promise that if your gym is good and well attended you will see all kinds of people there. It is good for you, for real. I'm not particularly checking out other ladies in the locker room, but I think it is healthy to see all kinds of bodies...older, younger, bigger, and smaller...so that you have a more realistic sense of what real bodies look like vs. what is portrayed in the media.
If it helps you might even bribe yourself to go. Last time losing I bribed myself with a skinny latte - get up and dress, go to the gym and exercise = skinny latte. Don't go? No latte for you.
At the time I was doing a very low calorie high protein diet, so that coffee was my one sweet treat of the day. Everything else was mostly whey protein, meat and veggies. Not at all saying that is the right thing...just something to try to get yourself in there.
ETA: No, the coffee didn't put me at higher calories and has 10 gram of protein IIRC. Just tastier than more of the same old stuff.0 -
I started strength training after weeks and weeks trying to go to the weight room area and being too ashamed/embarrassed to do so as I did not have a clue! I always ended up on the cardio area...
One day I told myself that I could do it, and I did it! I'm not going to lie the first day was a bit like a... Jungle haha! I was the only woman as well! But now I'm totally hooked and I wouldn't change it for anything. People aren't there to judge you, if anything they help you out if you ask! We all go there to work on ourselfs and to mind our own business, and remember, we all started somewhere, we all had a first day!
Come on, you can do it, you won't regret it, I can promise you that, you will never regret a workout!
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Do not be ashamed, you don't know their journey they could have been over weight and in really bad shape. I never seen or heard while in a gym of someone picking on someone. i understand where you are coming from, even though I know probably no one is saying anything about me, its my insecurities that get the best of me. Just focus on you and try to pretend no one is in the room.0
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OP, based on your posting history, I do think you would benefit from some kind of professional help.
On the gym going side though, I will say, no one is looking at you. Seriously. They are there for them. Unless it's a group fitness class or old ladies swim group that meets 3 times a week for social interaction, that's another story (which btw, I do swim with those old ladies and go to their xmas parties and man, can they cook). But if you're stepping into the fitness center with treadmills/ellipticals/bikes etc, people are focusing on themselves and themselves alone.0 -
Chin up doll. As women we tend to judge and beat up on ourselves. I guarantee you that most men are looking at you like at least you are there and willing to get and be as healthy as possible. Put your blinders on and workout as if no one else is around. And ask for help if you need it, I'm sure they will be more than willing to help. You got this!0
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I go to group exercise classes - usually 25 women and one man. Water aerobics - 30 women and one man. Cardio area (treadmills and bikes) 20 women and one man. If it's the guys that worry you - stop worrying - in most gyms they are the minority. Using a female personal trainer a few times would be a great idea.0
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Most males in a gym are to focused on their workout or the mirror to be judging. However, If you can afford it, why not get a female personal trainer for a couple of sessions until you build confidence? Or, find a female friend to go so you don't feel so alone.
Why not work with a male? Aversion therapy.0 -
great story if you have never read it: http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/350-pounds-and-counting-jesse-shands-incredible-journey.html0
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People go to the gym to work on themselves. Repeat that to yourself as often as you need. I was also very shy about exercising around strangers. Keep going to the gym and trying and I bet you'll find the anxiety will begin to melt away.
Do you have a friend who can go to the gym with you? My mom or sister would take turns being my gym buddy and it made things easier for me.0 -
Ignore everyone else there and focus on what you need to do. Wear headphones whether you're listening to music or not, they help to build a bubble by showing you are doing your own thing and tuning the world out.0
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It seems to be the human condition that we all think others think about us more than they really do. "I think about myself a lot, so obviously everyone else thinks about me a lot too, right?" But that's not the case.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotlight_effect)0 -
I know where you're coming from.. I have a very outgoing personality but anxiety (not crippling but used to be pretty severe) .. I did the same for the longest time, wouldn't join a gym because I was anxious about working out in front of ANYONE! but one day I just pumped myself up, walked in and signed up. The next morning I did the same, walked in with the attitude that I'm not here for them, they're *kitten* and don't matter in my life.. then I realized nobody is watching.. and they're not *kitten*, they're actually good people for the most part (yep, even the big swole guys checking out their biceps and the fit chicks vying for their attention lol as a previous poster put it)
The fact is this. The thing that makes you MOST anxious... you need to do it. now. Just do it. I know it sucks, it's hard and you're thinking a million miles a minute.. but you HAVE TO!0 -
1) there will be people who look worse than you.
2) nobody cares. Heck when I see overweight people at the gym I want to high five them...0 -
nobody cares.
trust me.
just go.0 -
azulvioleta6 wrote: »Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.
This0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »azulvioleta6 wrote: »Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.
This
+2
And join a women only gym in the interim since guys seem to be holding you back from going.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »azulvioleta6 wrote: »Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.wildhorsessd wrote: »I respectfully disagree. Many of us who are overweight have anxiety. Whether it's at the gym or going on some social outing where we feel out of place because of our weight. I really appreciate the poster that states "Sometimes the fear won't go away so you'll just have to do it afraid". This takes courage and it takes courage to ask for help in the forum. You go girl Many of us will be with you in spirit.
I was sure self conscious when I was 35 pounds heavier and swimming at the Y. It didn't stop me from going, though. If the OP has social phobia/social anxiety disorder, getting professional help is indeed an appropriate suggestion.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2011/national-survey-dispels-notion-that-social-phobia-is-the-same-as-shyness.shtml
http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder
Social Anxiety Disorder
It’s the extreme fear of being scrutinized and judged by others in social or performance situations: Social anxiety disorder can wreak havoc on the lives of those who suffer from it. This disorder is not simply shyness that has been inappropriately medicalized: Read about the difference.
Symptoms may be so extreme that they disrupt daily life. People with this disorder, also called social phobia, may have few or no social or romantic relationships, making them feel powerless, alone, or even ashamed.
About 15 million American adults have social anxiety disorder
Typical age of onset: 13 years old
36 percent of people with social anxiety disorder report symptoms for 10 or more years before seeking help
Although they recognize that the fear is excessive and unreasonable, people with social anxiety disorder feel powerless against their anxiety. They are terrified they will humiliate or embarrass themselves.
The anxiety can interfere significantly with daily routines, occupational performance, or social life, making it difficult to complete school, interview and get a job, and have friendships and romantic relationships.
Exactly. I got back in the pool at 300 pounds, which is 110 pounds overweight for me. I didn't want to do it and didn't feel comfortable at first, but being fat did not stop me from doing what needed to be done.
There is a difference between being uncomfortable but doing it anyway versus being so paralyzed by anxiety that you can't participate in normal life functions like going to the gym.
Anxiety is a very common mental illness--it needs to be treated by professionals. Many people cannot get it under control by shear willpower--it can take medication or therapy to deal with it when it is bad enough that it is getting in the way of living your life.0 -
In my experience there are two kinds of people at the gym
Friendly helpful people who you should have no anxiety over
And people who are focused on their own work out and would only notice you if you caught on fire or started throwing 1kg weights at them, so no need to feel anxious about them either.
I always feel anxious when i start new things, and always it turns out to be wasted effort/time because what I was anxious about wasn't real.
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When I struggled with these types of feelings and anxiety I would make sure to avoid peak hours at the gym - the morning was the best for me. Try going in the morning if you can. Mind over matter - you can do this. Good luck.0
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