SO ASHAMED TO WORK OUT IN FRONT OF MEN

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  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
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    I started at Lucille Roberts and had the time of my life even though I didn't have a perfect body. There are many women's only facilities; can you travel to find one ?
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
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    Trust us, no one is looking at you. If there are a few that happen to look your way and make a point to let you know they are looking (for whatever reason) ignore them, they more than likely are not serious about being there anyway.

    Sometimes I might notice someone that reminds me of my former self, they look nervous and like they would rather be anywhere but there - my thoughts are I just I hope they keep coming . . . then I am back to what I am there for.

    If you really feel nervous or out of place, use that as motivation. Go and keep going so if you have a set schedule for your gym visits and keep logging your food - they will see the change! Best revenge/motivation!

    I never noticed anyone, until a few people wished me Happy New Year and commented on the fact the I had been coming for 2+ years - it was a great feeling that they knew me but I had no idea who they were, not even from just coming and going. Most of us at the gym are not paying that much attention to others.
  • viren19890
    viren19890 Posts: 778 Member
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    To be honest- most genuine people do not make fun of anyone and considering the fact that you are trying to improve on yourself is another add on. Accept yourself the way you are and let go of the fear. I know it's a cliche but it really is what's on the inside matters and on the inside we are all equals.

    If you keep this feeling attached with the gym- you won't be able to have fun and get a therapeutic experience that gym gives us. It's a feeling of change when you feel the first pump and feeling of hatred when you lose the damn pump. You know what I gotta go work on my pump. Ok just joking.

    But trust all of the above. Gym is a place where you are going to better yourself, you never know who else you might inspire. Believe me- confidence comes from within.

    Good Luck
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,196 Member
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    Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
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    I've been there, it's terrifying to walk into a gym when you're overweight, and people may be watching and... they're not. And it's ok.
    The best thing I've found for me is to wear a headset - instant way to not need to listen or talk to anyone. If you can afford it, see about getting a trainer maybe once or twice a month. I learned lots of new things I wouldn't have tried on my own (you should have seen my look the first time she put me on an exercise ball), and it made me feel more comfortable because now I knew what I was doing when I would go down to the weights area (cardio was upstairs).
    In retrospect, I found when I was down in the weight room that watching the guys make fools out of themselves was a great way to pass time (not all of them do, but there's usually always one gem, it seemed).
  • 3bambi3
    3bambi3 Posts: 1,650 Member
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    FlabToFitty wrote: »
    Thank you all so so so much you have no idea how much this means to me. I went in today put my kit on saw some guys and fhen left without even excersizing. I will try again next week thank you all again

    Next week? Why not tomorrow?
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    First, no body builder was built looking like they do now, in the gym. Every body was a beginning body when they started. Look at the pic of Joe Manganiello ("True Blood," "Magic Mike) from high school and now. He built the body he has now.
    wzp4c4f2lrwb.jpg

    And second, from a long time gym goer, I have no idea what anyone else looks like. I'm focused on me and my workout.

    Third, you're there to improve your health. If anyone has any judgement about that, screw them. I know, easier said than done, but you're doing this for you. Focusing on not letting any superficial morons (if you come across any) deter you. Be like Pheobe, she's there for the experience and doesn't care what anyone thinks!

    https://youtube.com/watch?v=6HuqNdQJSTY&nohtml5=False
  • jammer1963
    jammer1963 Posts: 106 Member
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    FlabToFitty wrote: »
    Guys I'm so ashamed of my body and now I'm too scared to go to the gym even though I made a membership last week I've alway been overweight and had social anxiety and had very few male friends because I've always felt uncomfortable so now I can't even workout in front of them I've spent so much money and really want to change but my anxiety is holding me back please help

    Please don't worry about working out in front of other people. Most guys are too busy looking at themselves in the mirror and kissing their own biceps than worry if your looking at them. They KNOW they look good and who's opinion is more important then their own?? LOL The skinny mini's in the gym are only interested in catching the eye of the guys who are staring the the mirror, hoping they'll see their reflections in the mirror. Us average people who need to be there are invisible to the beautiful masses. LOL. I write this all in jest, so please people.. easy on the comments but remember, your working out for yourself. Keep that in the front of your mind.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,913 Member
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    FlabToFitty wrote: »
    Guys I'm so ashamed of my body and now I'm too scared to go to the gym even though I made a membership last week I've alway been overweight and had social anxiety and had very few male friends because I've always felt uncomfortable so now I can't even workout in front of them I've spent so much money and really want to change but my anxiety is holding me back please help

    What have you done to address your social anxiety in general? Have you had treatment for that? What would your therapist recommend?

    Doesn't your gym membership include a free orientation? Having staff walk you around may ease your anxiety. Also, taking a few sessions with a personal trainer will further boost your comfort level.
  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
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    No one cares or notices. This is just one way your head tries to get in your own way! Silence those thoughts and go to the gym. Give yourself a treat when you're done.
  • wildhorsessd
    wildhorsessd Posts: 2 Member
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    azulvioleta6 wrote: »
    Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.

    I respectfully disagree. Many of us who are overweight have anxiety. Whether it's at the gym or going on some social outing where we feel out of place because of our weight. I really appreciate the poster that states "Sometimes the fear won't go away so you'll just have to do it afraid". This takes courage and it takes courage to ask for help in the forum. You go girl :) Many of us will be with you in spirit.
  • Duchy82
    Duchy82 Posts: 560 Member
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    I heard something said re personal development today, it was in a work context but it sort off applicable as we are all working on ourselves here aren't we. She said: your comfort zone maybe pleasant to be in but to make progress you have to step out of it and go into that zone where you are stretching and challenging yourself.

    In your case that is going to the gym and working out so push yourself and step out of that comfort zone so you can improve yourself, you can do it! People will only respect you for working on bettering yourself through exercise, if they even notice you at all (I mean they will be too busy with themselves, I don't mean to sound mean).
  • cbihatt
    cbihatt Posts: 319 Member
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    I can relate to this. Any situation that provides an opportunity for humiliation can cause anxiety. I find the best thing to do is to not overthink it. If I am dreading something, thinking about it only makes it worse for me. I have to just do it. Then, after a few times of doing it, it really does get easier. The anxiety might never go away, but you can get it down to a manageable level just by overcoming it a few times.

    Build up your confidence by going during slow times, as others have suggested. Even if you only get there once a week, it's a start and you can always build on it.
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,671 Member
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    Does your membership include a tour of the facility? I think most gyms offer this. You can have a staff member tour you around, show you the equipment and how to use it properly. This might alleviate some of your anxiety. Some gyms also have a ladies only section - does your gym have another location with that feature?

    In the end though, you'll just have to push through your anxiety and move on. This might mean a few unsuccessful trips to the gym and false starts before you get up enough nerve to stay and work out. Don't be too hard on yourself, but just keep going.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,913 Member
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    azulvioleta6 wrote: »
    Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.
    wildhorsessd wrote: »
    I respectfully disagree. Many of us who are overweight have anxiety. Whether it's at the gym or going on some social outing where we feel out of place because of our weight. I really appreciate the poster that states "Sometimes the fear won't go away so you'll just have to do it afraid". This takes courage and it takes courage to ask for help in the forum. You go girl :) Many of us will be with you in spirit.

    I was sure self conscious when I was 35 pounds heavier and swimming at the Y. It didn't stop me from going, though. If the OP has social phobia/social anxiety disorder, getting professional help is indeed an appropriate suggestion.

    http://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2011/national-survey-dispels-notion-that-social-phobia-is-the-same-as-shyness.shtml

    http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder

    Social Anxiety Disorder

    It’s the extreme fear of being scrutinized and judged by others in social or performance situations: Social anxiety disorder can wreak havoc on the lives of those who suffer from it. This disorder is not simply shyness that has been inappropriately medicalized: Read about the difference.

    Symptoms may be so extreme that they disrupt daily life. People with this disorder, also called social phobia, may have few or no social or romantic relationships, making them feel powerless, alone, or even ashamed.

    About 15 million American adults have social anxiety disorder
    Typical age of onset: 13 years old
    36 percent of people with social anxiety disorder report symptoms for 10 or more years before seeking help
    Although they recognize that the fear is excessive and unreasonable, people with social anxiety disorder feel powerless against their anxiety. They are terrified they will humiliate or embarrass themselves.

    The anxiety can interfere significantly with daily routines, occupational performance, or social life, making it difficult to complete school, interview and get a job, and have friendships and romantic relationships.
  • akamran1
    akamran1 Posts: 78 Member
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    I started going to the gym in college, when the only time I had was when the hockey team was there. I was very overweight and was totally intimidated, but stuck it out, and they respected the commitment and effort. Same for the other women. In fact, the only time I ever saw anyone get mocked was when a girl with a perfect body came one day, because she was wearing flesh-colored bike shorts with a banana-yellow thong to match her sports bra. And that was more a matter of raised eyebrows than outright saying anything.

    When I'm at the gym, I am counting repetitions, focused on form, and so on. Generally, I'm so deep in my own head I don't recognize people I know right away! Ask the gym when their busiest times are. Getting an intro from a trainer is a good idea, as is wearing your headphones, and just do it!
  • ForeverSunshine09
    ForeverSunshine09 Posts: 966 Member
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    I understand anxiety. I wear leg braces and during the summer when I wear shorts everyone can see and it took me almost passing out at my last job because I didn't want to show my legs to be like screw it. Ever since then I have a real attitude about it. I have caught many Ppl staring since then and I just stare right back. You may need to talk to someone about going on an anti anxiety medicine. It helped me a lot
  • ShodanPrime
    ShodanPrime Posts: 226 Member
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    FlabToFitty wrote: »
    Guys I'm so ashamed of my body and now I'm too scared to go to the gym even though I made a membership last week I've alway been overweight and had social anxiety and had very few male friends because I've always felt uncomfortable so now I can't even workout in front of them I've spent so much money and really want to change but my anxiety is holding me back please help

    You'll want to get over that. Except in a few rare cases, most people working out are so into what they're doing that they won't notice you, and if they do, they don't care that you're there.


    Hell, when I'm lifting, I can be staring straight at you and you do not exist. Too busy to care. It's going to be hard getting over that, like the first time you get naked to use a communal shower. Then you realize no one cares.
  • CrabNebula
    CrabNebula Posts: 1,119 Member
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    I don't really pay attention to anything but my workout and whatever distraction I brought with me - podcast/yt vid/music. I work out at work. Lots of people think it is weird to work out with co-workers watching. I so DGAF. I may not have this job forever, but I will have this body.

    Everyone has to start somewhere. I didn't wake up one morning being able to run 7:30 min miles. It took a lot of work over a year. Yes, I did feel somewhat self-conscious at first, huffing and puffing and stopping every minute or two, but I just had to get over it.

    You don't have to exercise to lose weight. You just have to eat less.
  • StacyChrz
    StacyChrz Posts: 865 Member
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    NancyMizuno wrote: »
    Trust me, no one is looking at you. They are focused on themselves, that's why people exercise. And, if they are looking at you, they are likely thinking, "good for her for loving herself enough to do the hard work!"

    While having anxiety is an obstacle all of it's own please try to understand that people really don't care what other people are doing at the gym. As long as you're not doing anything dangerous. If possible, take advantage of a free training session. I am almost 1/2 way through my journey and today was the first time I wore fitted workout clothes instead of a big, flowy t-shirt. Guess what? No one even looked at me other than to say 'hello'.


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