SO ASHAMED TO WORK OUT IN FRONT OF MEN

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  • KateTii
    KateTii Posts: 886 Member
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    Most males in a gym are to focused on their workout or the mirror to be judging. However, If you can afford it, why not get a female personal trainer for a couple of sessions until you build confidence? Or, find a female friend to go so you don't feel so alone.
  • ilex70
    ilex70 Posts: 727 Member
    edited April 2016
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    I know it has been said, but most likely no one will notice you much or care.

    Personally I only notice other people when they do something out of the ordinary (e.g. running really fast, singing out loud), wear something loud or see through, or actually talk to me.

    I promise that if your gym is good and well attended you will see all kinds of people there. It is good for you, for real. I'm not particularly checking out other ladies in the locker room, but I think it is healthy to see all kinds of bodies...older, younger, bigger, and smaller...so that you have a more realistic sense of what real bodies look like vs. what is portrayed in the media.

    If it helps you might even bribe yourself to go. Last time losing I bribed myself with a skinny latte - get up and dress, go to the gym and exercise = skinny latte. Don't go? No latte for you. :(

    At the time I was doing a very low calorie high protein diet, so that coffee was my one sweet treat of the day. Everything else was mostly whey protein, meat and veggies. Not at all saying that is the right thing...just something to try to get yourself in there.

    ETA: No, the coffee didn't put me at higher calories and has 10 gram of protein IIRC. Just tastier than more of the same old stuff.
  • myjourneytolean071089
    myjourneytolean071089 Posts: 47 Member
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    I started strength training after weeks and weeks trying to go to the weight room area and being too ashamed/embarrassed to do so as I did not have a clue! I always ended up on the cardio area...
    One day I told myself that I could do it, and I did it! I'm not going to lie the first day was a bit like a... Jungle haha! I was the only woman as well! But now I'm totally hooked and I wouldn't change it for anything. People aren't there to judge you, if anything they help you out if you ask! We all go there to work on ourselfs and to mind our own business, and remember, we all started somewhere, we all had a first day!
    Come on, you can do it, you won't regret it, I can promise you that, you will never regret a workout!
  • xtina315
    xtina315 Posts: 218 Member
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    Do not be ashamed, you don't know their journey they could have been over weight and in really bad shape. I never seen or heard while in a gym of someone picking on someone. i understand where you are coming from, even though I know probably no one is saying anything about me, its my insecurities that get the best of me. Just focus on you and try to pretend no one is in the room.
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    OP, based on your posting history, I do think you would benefit from some kind of professional help.

    On the gym going side though, I will say, no one is looking at you. Seriously. They are there for them. Unless it's a group fitness class or old ladies swim group that meets 3 times a week for social interaction, that's another story (which btw, I do swim with those old ladies and go to their xmas parties and man, can they cook). But if you're stepping into the fitness center with treadmills/ellipticals/bikes etc, people are focusing on themselves and themselves alone.
  • sobenpeace
    sobenpeace Posts: 3 Member
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    Chin up doll. As women we tend to judge and beat up on ourselves. I guarantee you that most men are looking at you like at least you are there and willing to get and be as healthy as possible. Put your blinders on and workout as if no one else is around. And ask for help if you need it, I'm sure they will be more than willing to help. You got this!
  • maryann9wood
    maryann9wood Posts: 75 Member
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    I go to group exercise classes - usually 25 women and one man. Water aerobics - 30 women and one man. Cardio area (treadmills and bikes) 20 women and one man. If it's the guys that worry you - stop worrying - in most gyms they are the minority. Using a female personal trainer a few times would be a great idea.
  • ShodanPrime
    ShodanPrime Posts: 226 Member
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    KateTii wrote: »
    Most males in a gym are to focused on their workout or the mirror to be judging. However, If you can afford it, why not get a female personal trainer for a couple of sessions until you build confidence? Or, find a female friend to go so you don't feel so alone.

    Why not work with a male? Aversion therapy.
  • Golferdrone
    Golferdrone Posts: 68 Member
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    great story if you have never read it: http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/350-pounds-and-counting-jesse-shands-incredible-journey.html
  • mzfrizz15
    mzfrizz15 Posts: 135 Member
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    People go to the gym to work on themselves. Repeat that to yourself as often as you need. I was also very shy about exercising around strangers. Keep going to the gym and trying and I bet you'll find the anxiety will begin to melt away.

    Do you have a friend who can go to the gym with you? My mom or sister would take turns being my gym buddy and it made things easier for me.
  • MorganMoreaux
    MorganMoreaux Posts: 691 Member
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    Ignore everyone else there and focus on what you need to do. Wear headphones whether you're listening to music or not, they help to build a bubble by showing you are doing your own thing and tuning the world out.
  • mikeski52
    mikeski52 Posts: 59 Member
    edited April 2016
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    It seems to be the human condition that we all think others think about us more than they really do. "I think about myself a lot, so obviously everyone else thinks about me a lot too, right?" But that's not the case.

    (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotlight_effect)
  • AlphaCajun
    AlphaCajun Posts: 290 Member
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    I know where you're coming from.. I have a very outgoing personality but anxiety (not crippling but used to be pretty severe) .. I did the same for the longest time, wouldn't join a gym because I was anxious about working out in front of ANYONE! but one day I just pumped myself up, walked in and signed up. The next morning I did the same, walked in with the attitude that I'm not here for them, they're *kitten* and don't matter in my life.. then I realized nobody is watching.. and they're not *kitten*, they're actually good people for the most part (yep, even the big swole guys checking out their biceps and the fit chicks vying for their attention lol as a previous poster put it)

    The fact is this. The thing that makes you MOST anxious... you need to do it. now. Just do it. I know it sucks, it's hard and you're thinking a million miles a minute.. but you HAVE TO!
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,372 Member
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    1) there will be people who look worse than you.
    2) nobody cares. Heck when I see overweight people at the gym I want to high five them...
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    nobody cares.

    trust me.

    just go.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    azulvioleta6 wrote: »
    Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.

    This
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    edited April 2016
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    thorsmom01 wrote: »
    azulvioleta6 wrote: »
    Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.

    This

    +2

    And join a women only gym in the interim since guys seem to be holding you back from going.
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,196 Member
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    kshama2001 wrote: »
    azulvioleta6 wrote: »
    Get professional help. This is not a normal/acceptable level of anxiety.
    wildhorsessd wrote: »
    I respectfully disagree. Many of us who are overweight have anxiety. Whether it's at the gym or going on some social outing where we feel out of place because of our weight. I really appreciate the poster that states "Sometimes the fear won't go away so you'll just have to do it afraid". This takes courage and it takes courage to ask for help in the forum. You go girl :) Many of us will be with you in spirit.

    I was sure self conscious when I was 35 pounds heavier and swimming at the Y. It didn't stop me from going, though. If the OP has social phobia/social anxiety disorder, getting professional help is indeed an appropriate suggestion.

    http://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2011/national-survey-dispels-notion-that-social-phobia-is-the-same-as-shyness.shtml

    http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder

    Social Anxiety Disorder

    It’s the extreme fear of being scrutinized and judged by others in social or performance situations: Social anxiety disorder can wreak havoc on the lives of those who suffer from it. This disorder is not simply shyness that has been inappropriately medicalized: Read about the difference.

    Symptoms may be so extreme that they disrupt daily life. People with this disorder, also called social phobia, may have few or no social or romantic relationships, making them feel powerless, alone, or even ashamed.

    About 15 million American adults have social anxiety disorder
    Typical age of onset: 13 years old
    36 percent of people with social anxiety disorder report symptoms for 10 or more years before seeking help
    Although they recognize that the fear is excessive and unreasonable, people with social anxiety disorder feel powerless against their anxiety. They are terrified they will humiliate or embarrass themselves.

    The anxiety can interfere significantly with daily routines, occupational performance, or social life, making it difficult to complete school, interview and get a job, and have friendships and romantic relationships.

    Exactly. I got back in the pool at 300 pounds, which is 110 pounds overweight for me. I didn't want to do it and didn't feel comfortable at first, but being fat did not stop me from doing what needed to be done.

    There is a difference between being uncomfortable but doing it anyway versus being so paralyzed by anxiety that you can't participate in normal life functions like going to the gym.

    Anxiety is a very common mental illness--it needs to be treated by professionals. Many people cannot get it under control by shear willpower--it can take medication or therapy to deal with it when it is bad enough that it is getting in the way of living your life.
  • Merkavar
    Merkavar Posts: 3,082 Member
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    In my experience there are two kinds of people at the gym

    Friendly helpful people who you should have no anxiety over

    And people who are focused on their own work out and would only notice you if you caught on fire or started throwing 1kg weights at them, so no need to feel anxious about them either.

    I always feel anxious when i start new things, and always it turns out to be wasted effort/time because what I was anxious about wasn't real.
  • kiittenforever
    kiittenforever Posts: 479 Member
    edited April 2016
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    When I struggled with these types of feelings and anxiety I would make sure to avoid peak hours at the gym - the morning was the best for me. Try going in the morning if you can. Mind over matter - you can do this. Good luck.

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