On-line date winner ? I may win....
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lol what a douche. Hope he enjoys the company of his right hand.
Oh and this chick had the same thing happen to her and handled it like a boss.
eonline.com/news/663068/this-woman-had-the-perfect-response-to-a-guy-who-told-her-you-need-to-f-king-lose-weight2 -
I'm gonna guess you didn't put out.
Seriously, that guy is a capital D D0UCH3 BAG. You should just send an email back that says. "Thanks for the date. Now I know why you are single."2 -
Just an a question and observation: Why is it that a woman can turn down a guy for something material (i.e. don't have a job, have a job but don't make enough money, don't own a home, no higher level education, hey you're missing teeth, I don't like the way you dress) and it's all good and justified, but if a guy says anything about what he wants related to anything material, then he's just superficial. Seems like a double standard in my book. How it seems is it's like a guy should want a women for who she is and not turn her away for anything else. However, a woman reserves the right to be selective, even to the point of turning a guy down for whatever reason strikes her fancy. I've seen guys turned down because they didn't pay for every meal and every date, didn't pull out a woman's chair or open the door for her, had hair on his chest, back arms or whatever body part that turned a woman off, wore a baseball hat, wore sunglasses, wore tennis shoes, wore flip flops, didn't drive a nice enough car, had a bald spot or any other number of things.
Furthermore, if he had just left it at "you're nice but I don't think we'll work out", the first question would have been well why not. People typically want to know what's wrong with them that they get turned down or it kind of eats away at them. In this case, the guy wasn't saying that he didn't want a relationship with her, just that having a partner that is fit and healthy for him is important to him. To each their own. That in itself shouldn't make the guy a douche.
I'm not defending this guy at all. I would have definitely handled the situation differently. For example, if the guy liked the OP then he should have just asked her thoughts on exercise, fitness and the like to get an idea of how dedicated she is to it and made a judgment on her answers instead of making it sound like he was calling her fat and then demanding that she get in a certain level of fitness for his sake if she wanted to date him. If that was what a women said to a guy, most likely the guy would be cool with it and either moved on or lost weight. Most guys wouldn't take it personally but men have to understand women are a lot more sensitive about it.3 -
I applaud his honesty though. My kinda guy lol1
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Here's the thing. Dude is not being honest:
I'm not asking you to lose weight for me, that would make me a real *kitten*. I guess I'm asking if you are in the process of losing weight and going in the direction. If so, I definitely want to see more of you. If not, I don't think it would work between us, and that pains me to type because I think you're a really special woman
So he's not asking you to lose weight for him, however, if you're not losing weight he doesn't want to date anymore. Sounds like he's basically asking you to lose weight to be with him.
That's the only problem. He's entitled to dig someone who he thinks is thinner. OP is entitled to dig someone who has no bald spot. It would have been better if he had just said - I typically like someone who is thinner than you; 1) I'm either willing to get over it (although, if this were me, I wouldn't say anything since your internal dialogue can handle this); or 2) I'm not willing to get over it, so if you ever get thinner, give me a call (although, if this were me, I would have just told her thanks for the date, don't think we're a good match because I don't think it's very nice to ask people to change after a first date).
That's honesty. I likely wouldn't ever go out with him again given those parameters (my weight fluctuates, if thinness is important to you, then you and I are not a good match). Basically this guy wanted to pussyfoot around the issue and ended up looking stupid. The fact is it's super hard to change people - and some people won't change. To ask someone to change (or if they're already in the process of changing) after a first date seems sort of entitled.2 -
Here's the thing. Dude is not being honest:
I'm not asking you to lose weight for me, that would make me a real *kitten*. I guess I'm asking if you are in the process of losing weight and going in the direction. If so, I definitely want to see more of you. If not, I don't think it would work between us, and that pains me to type because I think you're a really special woman
So he's not asking you to lose weight for him, however, if you're not losing weight he doesn't want to date anymore. Sounds like he's basically asking you to lose weight to be with him.
That's the only problem. He's entitled to dig someone who he thinks is thinner. OP is entitled to dig someone who has no bald spot. It would have been better if he had just said - I typically like someone who is thinner than you; 1) I'm either willing to get over it (although, if this were me, I wouldn't say anything since your internal dialogue can handle this); or 2) I'm not willing to get over it, so if you ever get thinner, give me a call (although, if this were me, I would have just told her thanks for the date, don't think we're a good match because I don't think it's very nice to ask people to change after a first date).
That's honesty. I likely wouldn't ever go out with him again given those parameters (my weight fluctuates, if thinness is important to you, then you and I are not a good match). Basically this guy wanted to pussyfoot around the issue and ended up looking stupid. The fact is it's super hard to change people - and some people won't change. To ask someone to change (or if they're already in the process of changing) after a first date seems sort of entitled.
I approve of this message.
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Wow that's crazy!1
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J. If that was what a women said to a guy, most likely the guy would be cool with it and either moved on or lost weight. Most guys wouldn't take it personally but men have to understand women are a lot more sensitive about it.
LOL 90% of the time when i turn down a man he throws a temper tantrum
its pretty rare that they understand and move on without insulting my appearance first or calling me some kinda slut
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salembambi wrote: »J. If that was what a women said to a guy, most likely the guy would be cool with it and either moved on or lost weight. Most guys wouldn't take it personally but men have to understand women are a lot more sensitive about it.
LOL 90% of the time when i turn down a man he throws a temper tantrum
its pretty rare that they understand and move on without insulting my appearance first or calling me some kinda slut
OK, that's makes me ashamed of my gender.
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salembambi wrote: »J. If that was what a women said to a guy, most likely the guy would be cool with it and either moved on or lost weight. Most guys wouldn't take it personally but men have to understand women are a lot more sensitive about it.
LOL 90% of the time when i turn down a man he throws a temper tantrum
its pretty rare that they understand and move on without insulting my appearance first or calling me some kinda slut
I didn't even think you liked guys? I was way off. My sincerest apologies.0 -
salembambi wrote: »J. If that was what a women said to a guy, most likely the guy would be cool with it and either moved on or lost weight. Most guys wouldn't take it personally but men have to understand women are a lot more sensitive about it.
LOL 90% of the time when i turn down a man he throws a temper tantrum
its pretty rare that they understand and move on without insulting my appearance first or calling me some kinda slut
Yah..ive heard stories!...guys (not men) can be sissies and lash out like kindergartners when they get dissed or ignored..0 -
_incogNEATo_ wrote: »salembambi wrote: »J. If that was what a women said to a guy, most likely the guy would be cool with it and either moved on or lost weight. Most guys wouldn't take it personally but men have to understand women are a lot more sensitive about it.
LOL 90% of the time when i turn down a man he throws a temper tantrum
its pretty rare that they understand and move on without insulting my appearance first or calling me some kinda slut
I didn't even think you liked guys? I was way off. My sincerest apologies.
im bisexual.. you do know what that means right?0 -
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Cameron_1969 wrote: »So. . I have to ask.. First off, the OP looks fantastic (if that's what she really looks like) . . HOWEVER!. . I have been on enough online dates to know that the rule (not the exception) is that the person that shows up doesn't look like their pictures and is generally much heavier than their pictures suggest. I suppose I'm an asshat and a jerk and all that stuff for not being able to "see past it" etc. . but sorry. . can't.
So.. the question is.. What should the guy have done? How SHOULD he have dealt with this. . And I'm not asking for judgy comments about how he shouldn't be so vain or superficial. People like what they like. I am intimately aware of this curse. I am asking this because I genuinely would like advice on this. The reason I don't online date anymore is because I hate the part where I have to tortuously explain that I like her but "we just aren't a match". This is especially painful when we've spent too much time getting to know each other before the date. In my case I don't even bother asking if she's working on it. .I just dump her. . Is that the preferred option?
Wow, I didn't realize that there was such a response.... The picture was literally taken 3 days before I met him and I have asked others, if it looks like me, just to check if If am crazy and it does, it looks like me!
I think that you can just say that there is not chemistry and leave it that. When I wrote him back, I did tell him that I appreciated his honesty, but that although I am working on it, I was not interested in pursuing things. I would forever be self-conscious. I want to be wanted without conditions.1 -
salembambi wrote: »as they say about online dating
women worry they will get raped or murdered , men's biggest concern is they will meet a fat woman
you will find someone who is actually worthy , no worries
Who knew this was a saying...
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@amfmmama's date said way too much in the text. Too much critiquing and explaining. It would of just been easier if he said, "You're an awesome person and we can be friends if you'd like. I just didn't feel any chemistry and that's a big deal to me".2
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Is your big toe overweight or something? Otherwise, I'm not seeing any weight issue.1
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salembambi wrote: »as they say about online dating
women worry they will get raped or murdered , men's biggest concern is they will meet a fat woman
you will find someone who is actually worthy , no worries
Who knew this was a saying...
I didn't until I met a fat woman who tried to rape and murder me. I was cool with it.0 -
You're way too good for him. Next!0
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EddieHaskell97 wrote: »salembambi wrote: »as they say about online dating
women worry they will get raped or murdered , men's biggest concern is they will meet a fat woman
you will find someone who is actually worthy , no worries
Who knew this was a saying...
I didn't until I met a fat woman who tried to rape and murder me. I was cool with it.
That's the only kind of woman I'll date....makes the night more exciting.0 -
In the last several months of being an OKC member, I spent a lot of time perusing profiles and deciding what was most important to me. I decided that sense of humor was most important, and you have demonstrated that you have plenty of that. So you really check all the right boxes with me.
Well...apparently that wasn't what was the most important to him.1 -
"don't have a job, hey you're missing teeth"
Valid reasons to not want a second date, regardless of gender.
And, you know what, if the guy wasn't attracted, he wasn't attracted. That isn't the issue. The issue is he should have left it at that. He isn't interested. He didn't have to insult her. He was nasty and it was unnecessary and if a woman sent that text to a man, I would have the same response. It isn't OK. It's a power grab. It's abusive and controlling. Anyone who dates someone like that is going to be sorry in the long-run. That isn't a good person.
And not because he isn't attracted to a certain body type, but because he felt the need to assert control over another human being in that way. If he hadn't taken issue with her weight, I would bet all the money I have that he would have found something else to complain about and ask her to change for him. She could have been a supermodel and he would have come up with something. His intention was to tear her down and make her feel bad about herself.2 -
"don't have a job, hey you're missing teeth"
Valid reasons to not want a second date, regardless of gender.
And, you know what, if the guy wasn't attracted, he wasn't attracted. That isn't the issue. The issue is he should have left it at that. He isn't interested. He didn't have to insult her. He was nasty and it was unnecessary and if a woman sent that text to a man, I would have the same response. It isn't OK. It's a power grab. It's abusive and controlling. Anyone who dates someone like that is going to be sorry in the long-run. That isn't a good person.
And not because he isn't attracted to a certain body type, but because he felt the need to assert control over another human being in that way. If he hadn't taken issue with her weight, I would bet all the money I have that he would have found something else to complain about and ask her to change for him. She could have been a supermodel and he would have come up with something. His intention was to tear her down and make her feel bad about herself.
You're giving most men too much credit. Most guys don't think that far into it. It's typical male prioritization. She met all of the other requirements except his definition of female physical beauty and he thought it was appropriate to point that out and request that she cater to his desires. I agree that he should have just stated that he thought she was nice but didn't see a future for them and looked for what he wanted elsewhere. Playing devil's advocate, I don't think he thought he was coming across insulting. Some guys are just that way. Heck, a lot of guys are that way.0 -
This was the text I got after a first date I went on with a man I met online. I had sent him a full pic, taken from 5 days before. No filter, unedited, picture.
Ok, perhaps I read too much into that initial reaction. From my perspective, I think you have a beautiful face, I mean, I got a little mesmerized looking at you across the table a couple of times. You have an A+ personality, and clearly have a very big heart. Listening to you talk about your camp and your work with special needs kids left me humbled. You're a very special person. In the last several months of being an OKC member, I spent a lot of time perusing profiles and deciding what was most important to me. I decided that sense of humor was most important, and you have demonstrated that you have plenty of that. So you really check all the right boxes with me. Now I want to be totally honest with you, no BS. I was a little surprised by your weight. Your pics seemed to indicate that you were thinner. Is that a show stopper? Not necessarily. It's an issue if it gets out of control. I guess I would like to know if it's something you're working on, is it something you see as important to work on? I don't need you to have a perfect body, I just want a partner who thinks it's important to maintain a healthy weight. I'm not asking you to lose weight for me, that would make me a real *kitten*. I guess I'm asking if you are in the process of losing weight and going in the direction. If so, I definitely want to see more of you. If not, I don't think it would work between us, and that pains me to type because I think you're a really special woman
LMAO, That's awesome1 -
I actually applaud this guy's honesty. He could have just "disappeared", but I always hated the unknown-no-closure-giving-asshats, so at least you got that: closure.0
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You are very beautiful!0
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10/10. Would call in the morning.
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