So this guy stares at me at gym....
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A healthy relationship shouldn't have 2 sides vying for more leverage.cwolfman13 wrote: »If he is interested enough he 'll let you know. It's not your job to make the first move so don't. Until he begins to chat with you and extends an invitation to have coffee, don't allow it to occupy your thoughts too much.
Why can't or shouldn't the woman make the first move? It's 2016.
Because it makes a 2016 gal look too eager, and consequently, she'll appear vulnerable or, ahem, a tad too easy. It will probably give him psychological leverage within the budding dynamics of their relationship - leverage she'd be wise to reserve for herself until she understands his character and his intentions.
Idealistic realities and realistic realities. When they compete, the realistic prevail 90% of the time. When rolling the dice, it's best to go with the better odds.
A bird in the bush is worth two in the hand.
Live and let live.
You can't run it up the flag pole to see who salutes if you can't count your chickens before they are hatched.
But don't take any wooden nickels.7 -
saramickeydee wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »If he is interested enough he 'll let you know. It's not your job to make the first move so don't. Until he begins to chat with you and extends an invitation to have coffee, don't allow it to occupy your thoughts too much.
Why can't or shouldn't the woman make the first move? It's 2016.
Because it makes a 2016 gal look too eager, and consequently, she'll appear vulnerable or, ahem, a tad too easy. It will probably give him psychological leverage within the budding dynamics of their relationship - leverage she'd be wise to reserve for herself until she understands his character and his intentions.
Meh, I knew this gal once who made the first move...we're married now for going on 11 years...16 years together total...so way back in 2000 this was fine.
Srsly, what century do you live in?
18 1/2 years married and I made the first move. 21 years together. So way back in 1995 this was fine.
I made the first move in 1986. so I guess it was fine 30 yrs ago too and I was 18 and he was 23 . LOL
My mother made the first move. They've been together since late 1989.
Nothing wrong with women making the first move if they want to.4 -
saramickeydee wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »If he is interested enough he 'll let you know. It's not your job to make the first move so don't. Until he begins to chat with you and extends an invitation to have coffee, don't allow it to occupy your thoughts too much.
Why can't or shouldn't the woman make the first move? It's 2016.
Because it makes a 2016 gal look too eager, and consequently, she'll appear vulnerable or, ahem, a tad too easy. It will probably give him psychological leverage within the budding dynamics of their relationship - leverage she'd be wise to reserve for herself until she understands his character and his intentions.
Meh, I knew this gal once who made the first move...we're married now for going on 11 years...16 years together total...so way back in 2000 this was fine.
Srsly, what century do you live in?
18 1/2 years married and I made the first move. 21 years together. So way back in 1995 this was fine.
I made the first move in 1986. so I guess it was fine 30 yrs ago too and I was 18 and he was 23 . LOL
My mother made the first move. They've been together since late 1989.
Nothing wrong with women making the first move if they want to.
I agree. So many women miss out on great relationships because they were taught that the man should make the first move. My mom taught me and my sister that. I didn't listen to my mom and I am happily married 28 yrs in August. My sister thinks if a man is a "real" man he will pursue her she is still alone at 45.
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saramickeydee wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »If he is interested enough he 'll let you know. It's not your job to make the first move so don't. Until he begins to chat with you and extends an invitation to have coffee, don't allow it to occupy your thoughts too much.
Why can't or shouldn't the woman make the first move? It's 2016.
Because it makes a 2016 gal look too eager, and consequently, she'll appear vulnerable or, ahem, a tad too easy. It will probably give him psychological leverage within the budding dynamics of their relationship - leverage she'd be wise to reserve for herself until she understands his character and his intentions.
Meh, I knew this gal once who made the first move...we're married now for going on 11 years...16 years together total...so way back in 2000 this was fine.
Srsly, what century do you live in?
18 1/2 years married and I made the first move. 21 years together. So way back in 1995 this was fine.
I made the first move in 1986. so I guess it was fine 30 yrs ago too and I was 18 and he was 23 . LOL
My mother made the first move. They've been together since late 1989.
Nothing wrong with women making the first move if they want to.
I agree. So many women miss out on great relationships because they were taught that the man should make the first move. My mom taught me and my sister that. I didn't listen to my mom and I am happily married 28 yrs in August. My sister thinks if a man is a "real" man he will pursue her she is still alone at 45.
This is one reason so many women end up with d-bags. Some of the nicest, most amazing men are the ones who are too shy to approach you.5 -
saramickeydee wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »If he is interested enough he 'll let you know. It's not your job to make the first move so don't. Until he begins to chat with you and extends an invitation to have coffee, don't allow it to occupy your thoughts too much.
Why can't or shouldn't the woman make the first move? It's 2016.
Because it makes a 2016 gal look too eager, and consequently, she'll appear vulnerable or, ahem, a tad too easy. It will probably give him psychological leverage within the budding dynamics of their relationship - leverage she'd be wise to reserve for herself until she understands his character and his intentions.
Meh, I knew this gal once who made the first move...we're married now for going on 11 years...16 years together total...so way back in 2000 this was fine.
Srsly, what century do you live in?
18 1/2 years married and I made the first move. 21 years together. So way back in 1995 this was fine.
I made the first move in 1986. so I guess it was fine 30 yrs ago too and I was 18 and he was 23 . LOL
My mother made the first move. They've been together since late 1989.
Nothing wrong with women making the first move if they want to.
I agree. So many women miss out on great relationships because they were taught that the man should make the first move. My mom taught me and my sister that. I didn't listen to my mom and I am happily married 28 yrs in August. My sister thinks if a man is a "real" man he will pursue her she is still alone at 45.
This is one reason so many women end up with d-bags. Some of the nicest, most amazing men are the ones who are too shy to approach you.
YESSSSSS!!!!!
That would be my sister. Then she dates like every 10 yrs cuz she's built this defensive wall and doesn't trust anyone.
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Nothing wrong with the woman making the first move but OP said she suffers from social anxiety...so I think she's best to go thw simple smile and wave route.1
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What a warped perception of reality you must have if you think two people working with each other (instead of against each other) to build a relationship is unrealistic.
A healthy relationship shouldn't have 2 sides vying for more leverage.cwolfman13 wrote: »If he is interested enough he 'll let you know. It's not your job to make the first move so don't. Until he begins to chat with you and extends an invitation to have coffee, don't allow it to occupy your thoughts too much.
Why can't or shouldn't the woman make the first move? It's 2016.
Because it makes a 2016 gal look too eager, and consequently, she'll appear vulnerable or, ahem, a tad too easy. It will probably give him psychological leverage within the budding dynamics of their relationship - leverage she'd be wise to reserve for herself until she understands his character and his intentions.
Idealistic realities and realistic realities. When they compete, the realistic prevail 90% of the time. When rolling the dice, it's best to go with the better odds.
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I'm just here to point out that if a guy made this post about a girl, it would be full of people telling OP to leave the girl alone, she's not there for romantic relationships, and that he's a creep.
OP - Leave him alone. He's there to work out, not for a romantic relationship. It's kinda creepy.7 -
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_incogNEATo_ wrote: »I'm just here to point out that if a guy made this post about a girl, it would be full of people telling OP to leave the girl alone, she's not there for romantic relationships, and that he's a creep.
OP - Leave him alone. He's there to work out, not for a romantic relationship. It's kinda creepy.
Well shucks I told her that. And it seemed to touch quite a few nerves, both romantically, philosophically and from a social justice angle.
As to your observation regarding how differently the dilemma would be responded to if the genders were reversed - you hit the nail on the head.
Nope. You told her it "makes a 2016 gal look too eager, and consequently, she'll appear vulnerable or, ahem, a tad too easy" @_incogNEATo_ said that there is a double standard as far as hitting on someone at the gym (which there is) and to just leave him to workout. Not the same, just saying.
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OP, I agree with those who say you should smile at him. It will make you seem more approachable and if he was nervous about being turned down, a smile will help him feel more confident about approaching you.
Let us know how it went1 -
As above posters have said.. Smile
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Let one toot next time he stands behind you.
If he's still standing there you've found yourself a soldier!5 -
Yeah he probably finds you attractive. Stare back at him intensely until he looks away. Alternatively just smile.....1
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He wants to show you his hip thrusting exercise .2
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_incogNEATo_ wrote: »I'm just here to point out that if a guy made this post about a girl, it would be full of people telling OP to leave the girl alone, she's not there for romantic relationships, and that he's a creep.
OP - Leave him alone. He's there to work out, not for a romantic relationship. It's kinda creepy.
I thought the creepy one would have been the one staring at the worker outer
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_incogNEATo_ wrote: »I'm just here to point out that if a guy made this post about a girl, it would be full of people telling OP to leave the girl alone, she's not there for romantic relationships, and that he's a creep.
OP - Leave him alone. He's there to work out, not for a romantic relationship. It's kinda creepy.
I thought the creepy one would have been the one staring at the worker outer
That's my point. When a guy writes a post like this, it's "she wasn't staring at you. You're fabricating this story to give yourself an excuse to talk to her. Let it go. She's there to work out and doesn't need you harassing her. You're gross. Do you even lift?"1 -
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Probably because your hot ♨0
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