married chit-chatters?
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Yep. Married 17.... Wait, I gotta check....Yep, 17 years.3
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Married here0
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Together for 15 years and married for 9 years0
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We have no kids, but lots of pets. My wife will come up with a couple names and we'll discuss them, then choose. My problem is that as a teacher, some of the names she comes up with remind me of students I've had that I'd rather like to forget. However, a lot of the names she's suggested have been great: Audrey, Tucker, Violet, Scout, Olduvai, Hadar. My contribution was "Emmitt" for our male cat: years ago I was in a vets examination room and saw a poster of healthy cat weights. Someone had written "Emmitt" above the picture of the fattest cat, and I thought that name was awesome! Our tortoise, however, is named "Willy". When we bought him as a hatchling, we didn't know what gender it was until around 2 years old, so we figured "Willy" could be short for "Williamina" or "William". We figured out after a couple years it was a boy
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I once had a pet snapping turtle, @Redbeard333 . I worked then for a small-town newspaper, and I kept him (her?) in an aquarium in the office. The name was Rigger Mortiss. Well, he was a real ugly baby.
If I had it to do again, I would not have kept it: it was intended to be wild.
I haven't had any indoor pets for years now. I think about it occasionally, but I'm hesitant. The feral cats that come here for food and water fill the gap. We've been able to take @ 12 in to be spayed & neutered and have three kittens and one momma to go.3 -
Ok I have a new topic. I was born and raised in Ontario. We were married 28 years ago both gainfully employed. Two years ago my husband was offered a really good job in Alberta so he relocated. He finally talked me into early retirement and selling our family home to move and look after him. So I have been here a couple of months now and it starts. Well you aren't working so you should be able to ....etc etc etc. Or I need you to do etc etc etc.....well your not working. And when he is home ( he works 14 away 7 home) I feel like a slave, cooking all the meals, doing his laundry , etc etc ( we used to share chores, I cook he does dishes). I am starting to wish I stayed in Ontario. Any suggestions anyone????
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Together for 4 years, married almost 3 years in November.
No kids as we're still deciding if we should have them while my hubby's still in the Navy or wait til he retires, or even at all- I honestly don't like children, but that's mostly just other people's kids. Opinion might change if we have our own, but everyone we know from high school are already having/had kids and we're just over here playing Pokémon GO at 11PM, hahaha. 0 -
It is so hard to move cities, but I suggest you find something meaningful to do that you value more than dishes and chores. Volunteer, go to meetups, make new friends. Then tell him what you need.
My husband is a terrible mind reader. He does more cooking and housework than I do because he works less hours. It isn't an expectation I have though. We both know what needs to be done and do what we can.
I think communication is key here. He has a misperception of your new role. You mentioned it above: you moved and retired to look after him. I'd clear that up. You retired and now get to do all the things you wanted to before but didn't have time for.
My husband used to say he was helping me, and I corrected him every time. He was helping himself or our family. No roles should be defined as mine or his. I hope you can set some clear boundaries and enjoy your early retirement.3 -
terakrantz wrote: »Married here. 9 whole months. Always looking for sarcastic, witty, bearded friends though. Men or women, of course.
I don't have a beard though1 -
terakrantz wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »terakrantz wrote: »Married here. 9 whole months. Always looking for sarcastic, witty, bearded friends though. Men or women, of course.
I don't have a beard though
2 out of 3?
All that, just slightly less hairy! 1 -
Nightshift at work... husband not answering text messages, probably sleeping lol .... who is awake and bored? lol0
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DarleneReid577 wrote: »Ok I have a new topic. I was born and raised in Ontario. We were married 28 years ago both gainfully employed. Two years ago my husband was offered a really good job in Alberta so he relocated. He finally talked me into early retirement and selling our family home to move and look after him. So I have been here a couple of months now and it starts. Well you aren't working so you should be able to ....etc etc etc. Or I need you to do etc etc etc.....well your not working. And when he is home ( he works 14 away 7 home) I feel like a slave, cooking all the meals, doing his laundry , etc etc ( we used to share chores, I cook he does dishes). I am starting to wish I stayed in Ontario. Any suggestions anyone????
@DarleneReid577 I'm sorry for your situation, especially after 28 years of marriage. I agree with Rachelle that communicating clearly is critical although I can't say I believe stating your case is necessarily going to change anything. From the way you describe things, it sounds like your spouse simply feels the partner not working outside the home is by default responsible to support the other's wishes. I will stop short of saying people cannot change but the urge to do so is better when it originates within that person rather than due to an ultimatum.
One bit of advice I would offer is, regardless of the outcome, do not be discouraged or afraid of facing any changes that may result from this new chapter in your life. Embrace the challenge of following through with your decisions once you decide what direction you need to take. Turning a page inevitably leads to a new one with endless possibilities. There has to be something better than feeling like a slave in your own home. Best of luck friend!1 -
My dad instilled in me and my sister the "equal/equal" mantra. For example, when I last drove down to his place in Kentucky, my truck's alternator died. He paid for a new one, 3 drive belts, and installation at his friend's garage. That day, he sent my sister a check for the same amount.
**vent** My philosophy for my marriage (though my wife doesn't subscribe to it) is the same. I leave the house at 5:45am and get home ~7pm, and some days the only break I have is 20 minutes for lunch. Every opportunity that is presented to me to make some extra money at work I take (covering classes on my prep, teaching afternoon classes, being a club advisor). Ideally, my wife would take care of the house, but, oftentimes, it's in the same or worse condition when I get home. With my OCD, I *know* the house would be cleaned and vacuumed if the work situations were reversed. **end vent**3 -
Redbeard333 wrote: »My dad instilled in me and my sister the "equal/equal" mantra. For example, when I last drove down to his place in Kentucky, my truck's alternator died. He paid for a new one, 3 drive belts, and installation at his friend's garage. That day, he sent my sister a check for the same amount.
**vent** My philosophy for my marriage (though my wife doesn't subscribe to it) is the same. I leave the house at 5:45am and get home ~7pm, and some days the only break I have is 20 minutes for lunch. Every opportunity that is presented to me to make some extra money at work I take (covering classes on my prep, teaching afternoon classes, being a club advisor). Ideally, my wife would take care of the house, but, oftentimes, it's in the same or worse condition when I get home. With my OCD, I *know* the house would be cleaned and vacuumed if the work situations were reversed. **end vent**
@Redbeard333 I find the way your father practices the "equal/equal" philosophy very interesting and the first I have ever heard of a parent compensating a child monetarily because of help he gave another child. Thanks for sharing that. I am curious how you would feel if he were to not do that?2 -
#clapping Good board, good post, so true.0
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Lonestar5715 wrote: »@Redbeard333 I find the way your father practices the "equal/equal" philosophy very interesting and the first I have ever heard of a parent compensating a child monetarily because of help he gave another child. Thanks for sharing that. I am curious how you would feel if he were to not do that?
It's kind of weird. I think it has 2 root causes: first, he left my mom when we were kids, so this equal/equal is likely a way to still make up for something that happened over 30 years ago. Secondly, he and I have talked about my diagnosis of OCD, and I can see his equal/equal philosophy being directly related to it. I'm the same way when I interact with my dogs and cats, too!3 -
Lonestar5715 wrote: »Redbeard333 wrote: »My dad instilled in me and my sister the "equal/equal" mantra. For example, when I last drove down to his place in Kentucky, my truck's alternator died. He paid for a new one, 3 drive belts, and installation at his friend's garage. That day, he sent my sister a check for the same amount.
**vent** My philosophy for my marriage (though my wife doesn't subscribe to it) is the same. I leave the house at 5:45am and get home ~7pm, and some days the only break I have is 20 minutes for lunch. Every opportunity that is presented to me to make some extra money at work I take (covering classes on my prep, teaching afternoon classes, being a club advisor). Ideally, my wife would take care of the house, but, oftentimes, it's in the same or worse condition when I get home. With my OCD, I *know* the house would be cleaned and vacuumed if the work situations were reversed. **end vent**
@Redbeard333 I find the way your father practices the "equal/equal" philosophy very interesting and the first I have ever heard of a parent compensating a child monetarily because of help he gave another child. Thanks for sharing that. I am curious how you would feel if he were to not do that?
Yes, that is very interesting. I've never heard of that either. My parents helped one of my brothers a lot more than the other three of us because he always needed helping. They paid his bills to keep his lights/heat on, bought him food so his kids wouldn't starve, gave him a down payment for a house, etc. My oldest brother is very resentful of that brother and would have appreciated something closer to 50/50. I feel like it would have been nicer if my brother had taken better care of his own family and left my parents to spend their money on themselves or their retirement (they are not wealthy).
My husband is a clean freak who can't stand clutter. He cleans more than most men. He asked me gently to make the bed in the morning shortly after we got married (20 years ago), something I never cared about. Now I do it automatically if I'm the last one up. The only exception is he hates cleaning bathrooms. He'd happily spend 2 hours dusting and vacuuming and I'd rather spend 50 mins cleaning the bathrooms.
When I worked less, I did most of the cooking and cleaning. Once I had to work more (12-14 hours a day like you), he had to start picking up my slack. The cooking required a great deal of communication at first as I had to help him learn. Now, he's a better cook than me and often doesn't want me in "his" kitchen lol.
If a mess doesn't bother your wife, it is probably hard for her to make it a priority. If you have weekends free, maybe you could spend a couple hours cleaning house together, listing off the tasks and letting her pick first. That way you'll get to know what she doesn't mind doing and, soon enough, she may start doing those tasks on her own schedule when you're at work.3 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Some women can grow a beard.BinaryPulsar wrote: »terakrantz wrote: »Married here. 9 whole months. Always looking for sarcastic, witty, bearded friends though. Men or women, of course.
I don't have a beard though
I think I could
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Hello fellow married mfp'rs how are y'all today?1
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