Unwanted attention

MissusMoon

2011rocket3touring wrote: »

Last time I lost weight was with a 12 step group. Around 80+ lbs.
I was normally the only guy in my group so the compliments came; and came, and came. At times they were a bit more colorful than they should be; asking me to dance on the table. Being leered at by my wife's coworkers. Some cute, some creepy.
Learned a lot through that experience. To this day I'm extremely hesitant to compliment a woman; unless we are close enough and then I'm somewhat hesitant.

Not only did you learn how it feels to be a woman, you learned that we females are perfectly capable of acting inappropriately toward men. No human should be made to feel that way, male or female.

Thank you for sharing that.

Nuke_64

I find this discussion interesting--the OP asked about:

thereshegoesagain wrote: »

is anyone else experiencing discomfort when being admired by strangers, even though they say or do nothing threatening, or is it just me reacting to my past experiences?

and others have expanded this to cat calls, unwanted physical interaction, and physical attacks. Although I agree gawking is rude, it is not at the same level as the rest. Why are some treating as if they are?

_Waffle_

Nuke_64 wrote: »

I find this discussion interesting--the OP asked about:

thereshegoesagain wrote: »

is anyone else experiencing discomfort when being admired by strangers, even though they say or do nothing threatening, or is it just me reacting to my past experiences?

and others have expanded this to cat calls, unwanted physical interaction, and physical attacks. Although I agree gawking is rude, it is not at the same level as the rest. Why are some treating as if they are?

It's not fun to talk about the normality of men being attracted to women in a healthy manner?

RachelElser

I am just awful remembering people so I am always afraid they know me and I don't recognize them!

thereshegoesagain

Thanks to each of you for your comments, support and sharing your experiences. I have taken several self defense courses over the years and have worked at a hotel where I kept a baseball bat behind my desk to keep out the prostitutes and their pimps. I am very comfortable in being able to protect myself in most situations, even more so now that I am healthy and strong.

I wouldn't say that I really felt threatened, it was more of an uncomfortable feeling. I'm not used to being admired by men who have no ulterior motive. I don't get the feeling every time, but for some reason the 3 guys in the parking lot made me pay attention to what I was feeling at the moment and what I have felt in the past on occasion but may not have paid attention to.

I was trying to get opinions of those who have not experienced sexual abuse so that I can try to determine if my "radar" is different due to my past abuse and recovery. Now that I've typed this, I am reminded that all of our perceptions are a result of experiences, both good and bad and that it's ok. My past has led me to where I am today. I am healthy, happy and a mighty survivor.

Again, thank you for you thoughts.

allenpriest

opalquartz wrote: »

allenpriest wrote: »

JennB629 wrote: »

I'm sorry for what happened, as I have walked these shoes, but you should put your subject as a tigger warning.

What in the world is a"trigger warning"???

A warning that the content following includes a topic of discussion (here, for example tw: assault for OP's first post) that might cause someone with PTSD/anxiety/other disorders to painfully relive a past event. Other examples might be drug use, disordered eating, etc

Like how movie ratings warn for different potentially sensitive content.

Why in the world would that make sense? You would have to read the thing to know what it was about. Sounds like what children are doing on college campuses now-which is why grown up people don't want to hire tge little darlings.

Now back to the topic at hand.

nalinisooknanan

Yes, lots of unwanted attention. started self defence classes, feel a bit better already!

opalquartz

allenpriest wrote: »

Why in the world would that make sense? You would have to read the thing to know what it was about. Sounds like what children are doing on college campuses now-which is why grown up people don't want to hire tge little darlings.

Now back to the topic at hand.

Maybe I didn't explain the concept very well. Google is at your disposal, as always.
I, at least, try to err on the side of kindness, especially since it takes little to no effort on my part. Nobody is saying adding warnings is mandatory. It takes me half a second to add "tw: whatever" if I make a post, which people can then choose to scroll past rather than reading an in-depth discussion of something they may rather not immerse themselves in at the moment. Surely you see the difference between a one-word warning vs. reading the whole thing to know what it's about?

And sure, blame the job crisis on things like trigger warnings, that makes perfect sense. It's got nothing to do with the effects of the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression and hyperinflated costs of a college education. It's those darn oversensitive millennials' own fault that they grew up in an inhospitable economic climate.

Yes, back on topic, after the detour I made to answer your initial, off-topic question.

--

Thanks for your response, OP. You sound like a very strong person!

JaneSnowe

opalquartz wrote: »

allenpriest wrote: »

Why in the world would that make sense? You would have to read the thing to know what it was about. Sounds like what children are doing on college campuses now-which is why grown up people don't want to hire tge little darlings.

Now back to the topic at hand.

Maybe I didn't explain the concept very well. Google is at your disposal, as always.
I, at least, try to err on the side of kindness, especially since it takes little to no effort on my part. Nobody is saying adding warnings is mandatory. It takes me half a second to add "tw: whatever" if I make a post, which people can then choose to scroll past rather than reading an in-depth discussion of something they may rather not immerse themselves in at the moment. Surely you see the difference between a one-word warning vs. reading the whole thing to know what it's about?

And sure, blame the job crisis on things like trigger warnings, that makes perfect sense. It's got nothing to do with the effects of the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression and hyperinflated costs of a college education. It's those darn oversensitive millennials' own fault that they grew up in an inhospitable economic climate.

Yes, back on topic, after the detour I made to answer your initial, off-topic question.

--

Thanks for your response, OP. You sound like a very strong person!

I understand that trigger warnings have their place, but there was no in depth discussion of a triggering topic in the OP.

robininfl

I just wanted to say it's great that you got to the root of your weight gain and were able to face it down. You are strong. Yes it's normal to be uneasy when situations remind you of trauma. Facing it over and over and realizing you don't need to react will help a lot, and if you have a therapist maybe they can give you good strategies for dealing with this.

Congratulations on your weight loss and best wishes on your recovery.

chimaerandi

Yeah, honestly the one downside I've experienced from losing weight is extra male attention. It's pretty normal, especially if you aren't accustomed to it, to feel unease about it, and especially the cultural idea that we're supposed to be flattered by it and if we aren't we're *kittens* or whatever the filter here would change that to.

Tisa76

OP - It's great that you brought this topic up. I think there are many women, and men for that matter, that can relate to what you've experienced. Myself included. Our histories are similar. But for me, it's when someone looks at me in disgust because I'm a bigger woman that triggers the more anxiety than someone giving me a casual glance or smile because they think I'm attractive. As long as it's they aren't leering or making obscene comments, I'm generally ok. Keep your head up and remember that you got healthy for YOU and you didn't let your past keep you from reaching your goal! That's something to be so proud of!

DarrellHodgeLog

As a man, I can't say that the extra attention brothers me. What I find strange and uncomfortable are the women who have been friends only and now flirt. It's really odd.