Why do people feel the need...

Fursian

amusedmonkey wrote: »

Wow.. I had no idea people were that sensitive.. Makes me think twice before complimenting anyone.. I mean are we actually supposed to come up with a convoluted long winded forced compliment not to offend anyone like "you have always looked great, but now you have this extra glow about you, not that you weren't glowing before, it just that your hard work is paying off and no doubt you are proud of what you have achieved, not assuming or anything, it's just.. bah forget it.. you look great"

You bring up good points and I'd agree, where do we draw the line?, but the "comments" in the OP were not quite a compliment.

yasef13 wrote: »

Hey all,
I have recently reached the 50lbs mark with still about the same to lose.
I've been hearing things from my husband, my mother and some other people that really get to me. They keep insulting my 'former self' to pay a compliment to my 'new self'!!
Does this happen to anyone else? And does it bother anyone else?
My mother just said to me after seeing a pic I posted online, "you look so nice, your face is long again instead of that awful round face you had" !!! Whaaaaah??
My husband keeps saying things like "wow, I was married to a whale before" ! Oookay?!
Am I being too sensitive? I'm still the same person! You can't insult me and expect me to take it as a compliment, just because I look different. I mean I don't even see that big of a difference.
Rant over! But I still would like to hear some insights.

The trouble with all this is that people are maybe *too* nice to say things at the time (when we were overweight/obese), goodness knows I've been presented with such questions before, and for the life of me I couldn't bring myself to *say it*, even though it might *do them some good*. It's difficult, but I get it.

Kimo159

I second the person who said to say "Wow that was mean" and walk away. Some people just say things without thinking about how they come out or how it will perceived by the other person. I wouldn't take it to heart. I would, however, have a conversations with my husband and tell him that his backhanded compliments are really hurtful. He may not even realize what he's saying is rude. Try not to let what they say get to you, I'm sure that's hard because some really hurtful things were said. But it's your body, how you feel in your body is the only thing that matters. Letting people's hurtful comments getting to you is in a way, letting them win. Who cares why they say it anyway. Are they jerks? Are they bad with words? Do they honestly have no idea that what they said was offensive? Trying to dig into the psyche of people is often a waste of time. Water off a ducks back I say.

iecreamheadaches

No, not too sensitive at all. I'd be offended just as much.