My 14 yr old daughter is over-weight and I need advice

julslenae

mccokat wrote: »

As someone who just graduated from high school, and am still kinda in the same age range as your daughter, here's my two cents.
I was over weight at 14, and with calorie counting, got myself from 185 to 167 pounds while standing at 5'9". I then stopped counting and four years later, when I checked again, I was at 215 at 5'11". Calorie counting worked for me, but I gave myself a generous total calories, because at 14, and even today, I'm still growing, so I had to be careful.
The important thing though, was that I was the one choosing to lose weight both times. I hated how I looked, and how I couldn't sleep, or run as long as I wanted to, and then I started to lose weight. But it was my decision. My parents are incredibly supportive of that decision, but it was still mine to make, not my parents.
Also, there is so much food at school. This week I had crepes one day and a cookie the next. I also turned down freezies, chips, pizza, cupcakes, pop, more cookies, and nachos. All of those were actually offered to me within the past week.
Also, I tend to eat a lot of junk food with friends. I'll hang out with my best friend, who is a thin but emotional eater, and I'll have needed to work out enough calories to hang out with him. My other friends love ice cream and cheesy pastas, and parties have a lot of sugar. I don't know if your daughter drinks or not (no judgement) but alcohol also has a lot of calories.
During exams and tests and midterms and friend drama, it is so easy to turn to food. And it's easy to do it with alarming frequency. She has to learn other ways of stress management. I like guitar and running and baths. But it took me a while to learn that.
Also, I would encourage the notion of savouring her food. The crepes I had two days ago were the best I'd ever had, even though I know for a fact I've eaten better crepes. A snack size strawberry cheesecake blizzard is plenty of you eat it while actually enjoying it. Learning how to savour food was my biggest help, because now I eat less, but enjoy it more.
Sorry that's a bit of a tangent, but basically tl;dr version is it has to be her choice, I've had success with calorie counting but be careful because she could still be growing, food and friends may eat a lot of junk food, stress management can be done with things other than food, and savouring things makes them better.

Thanks Mccokat! It really helps hearing from people closer in age to my daughter. You totally nailed something. She probably does need to learn stress management. She deals with a lot of friend and family drama and it gets to her. Congrats on what you have accomplished! You must be so proud of yourself. I really appreciate you posting your thoughts.

bellaa_x0

As someone who was overweight in my teens/early twenties (I'm now 27), I can tell you that the worst thing my mom ever did was have a third-party intervene. I was seeing a therapist at the time (for anxiety issues) and one day she "casually" brought up my weight and that I should think about exercising - not in the context of the issues we spoke about. It KILLED me. I remember hating my mom for that. I KNEW I was overweight nor did I like the way my body looked, but until I made the conscious decision to do something about it nothing was going to change that. Your daughter also knows she is overweight. I think the best thing you can do is to make a doctor's appointment for an annual physical - if she is truly overweight, her doctor should express concern. Setting an example for her through your own eating and exercise habits is also a plus. Maybe try encouraging doing things together like going for walks, making a healthy meal together, etc. As others have said - "do as I do, not as I say" is the motto.

icemom011

Seeing a doctor for annual check up, not specifically set up for weight issues, helped my son to realize that he needed to make changes. He was younger, maybe 10 then.They had a chat about good and bad choices, healthy range of weight, etc. He became more aware, even though i always tried to instill and reinforce good habits, but somehow his opinion made a difference. He liked our doctor though. Gave up soda, eat better. And as a family we have progressed too, now my kids are proud advocates for healthy, clean eating.

streamgirl

You mention in your post that she doesn't participate in sports. I grew up not doing any sports, not liking sports, not wanting to be bad at sports, etc. It took me until I was 35 to think of myself as athletic. What about doing a couch to 5k with her? I had to learn that it was ok to keep going when I started to feel tired, for example. That was actually huge for me, to learn to push myself physically. Walking is good, but it would be cool if she could discover her inner athlete. Maybe she'll get it in zumba, but my personal experience was that having a specific goal like a race you've already signed up for is a bigger motivator. Then you can watch 5k times improve. There are some great programs online if this is of interest.

The other big recommendations I've found made the biggest difference for me were to get smaller plates (we have fiestaware luncheon plates) and fill half the plate with veggies at each meal. I like all of these changes because they are all positive. The words "no" or "less" doesn't occur anywhere.

julslenae

streamgirl wrote: »

You mention in your post that she doesn't participate in sports. I grew up not doing any sports, not liking sports, not wanting to be bad at sports, etc. It took me until I was 35 to think of myself as athletic. What about doing a couch to 5k with her? I had to learn that it was ok to keep going when I started to feel tired, for example. That was actually huge for me, to learn to push myself physically. Walking is good, but it would be cool if she could discover her inner athlete. Maybe she'll get it in zumba, but my personal experience was that having a specific goal like a race you've already signed up for is a bigger motivator. Then you can watch 5k times improve. There are some great programs online if this is of interest.

The other big recommendations I've found made the biggest difference for me were to get smaller plates (we have fiestaware luncheon plates) and fill half the plate with veggies at each meal. I like all of these changes because they are all positive. The words "no" or "less" doesn't occur anywhere.

We actually started the C2K program about 2 years ago during the summer. We had to stop when she started back at school because she had to be at the bus stop at 6:30 each morning. Evenings were too chaotic to try. Later that year I was diagnosed with a heart condition that ended my jogging. So far she does love zumba which I'm grateful for. She also has a dr appt set for next month.Thanks for your suggestions.

ladylansdown23

I hope this comes across okay.

Are you overweight? Kids model habits, including eating habits.

When you say you don't keep junk in the house, I don't know what that means, but maybe you could step it up. Go to the next healthy level, whatever that means to you.

Do not give her any money. Pack lunch - lots of lunch- but only highly nutritious food.

Spend an hour or even half an hour exercising with her daily. Walk around, play YouTube exercise videos, etc.

Make health a high priority for your family. I agree that there also may be more serious issues that she might need to talk about.

chevysmommy41

I would recommend as everyone else said to see her dr and discuss your concerns but I would also try to get her involved in something. My sister was always on the bigger side when we were in high school and she wasn't into sports but she started doing show choir and the lbs literally fell off! She lost over 50lbs the first year alone! It was amazing!
Swimming is also another sport that people don't tend to think of! If she doesn't find something that she likes then you may have to start walking or jogging with her. Show her by example!
Set goals together!

On another note.... Is she getting junk food from somewhere else? Do you think she traded lunches or is buying extra or something and you just aren't aware of it? I only say that because when I worked as a teachers aid, I saw so many children coming in with a packed lunch (Apple, crackers, and water) and trading it for someone's lunch that consisted of pizza, chips, and soda.

I hope you guys can get to the bottom of the issue because the older she gets the harder it will be for her to lose that weight. Good luck!!

MelodyandBarbells

julslenae wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I guess my biggest concern is that no matter what I do, I can't make the decision to get healthy for her and she isn't making that decision herself. She complains about her high weight frequently. She is offered healthy food at home but when she is out of the house she loads up on junk food (raw cookie dough, cookies, chips, pizza, sweet tea, soda). I was thin most of my adult life but gained 20 lbs 3 years ago and have been a junk food natzi since. If it's in the house then I will eat it so it isn't allowed in my house. She has watched me make exercise and good heath a priority and seen me lose the weight. She has been in health classes. We have had multiple conversations over the years about good eating habits, portion control, exercise. I started becoming obsessed with counting calories and had to reign myself back in and I was open and honest with her about that. She knows that is one of the reasons I don't want her to start counting calories either. I honestly think she believes if she finds a way to get enough exercise in then she can keep eating what she wants and I keep telling her that isn't the way it works. Btw, my daughter is very stubborn if you couldn't tell so far.

I would recommend not doing this. If she likes to exercise, I think you guys are onto something here. Encourage and support her as much as you can, and at the very least she's forming some terrific habits for life. If she ever wonders why the exercise alone isn't causing the pounds to melt off, you could then gently explain that health needs to be addressed from so many different angles with being not necessarily being any more important than the other.

kronin23

I heard about sparksteen it might help her

msalicia116

If only I knew then what I know now. Knowledge is empowering. Give her the tools to be healthy. Knowing how to manage your weight is one major factor no one taught me when I was a teenager, and THAT'S what gave me an eating disorder. Also, counseling. There's a very strong possibility there's an emotional component to her over eating.

GL