SABOTAGE

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Replies

  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    wandajnevills wrote: »
    Confidence and accountability are great, but some of these comments are just plain smug and condescending. By sabotage we are generally thinking of those people who *know* that we really struggle with eating healthy and resisting temptation (yes, some of us genuinely struggle with it in serious way) but they constantly go out of their way to temp us with "oh just try it, just one bite, look at it, smell it, it smells amazing, its so delicious, I made it myself you have to try it," etc. For some of us it takes an incredibly huge effort to resist in the first place, where with others it just doesn't take that much effort.

    I somewhat agree with this. Obviously, sabotage implies some nefarious motive, so it's not necessarily the right word, but there are people out there who seem oblivious to the stress they are causing others when trying to lose weight.

    Almost 5 years ago, I quit smoking. Getting over the nicotine was easy. After a few days, that urge was gone. The hard part was learning to adjust to a life without cigarettes. I would smoke when I was stressed. After eating. While driving, especially when sitting in traffic. In social situations where I was nervous. Adapting to not having cigarettes in those situations was the toughest part, because I basically had to create new behaviors and train myself to follow those. If I had a person offering me a cigarette at those time, especially in the early days, I'm not sure I would have been successful at quitting.

    Adjusting to a diet is no different. You're training yourself to eat smaller portions, but it's not simply a matter of just eating less. In some cases, it's an even bigger change like not eating at restaurants, eating certain foods less frequently, or learning how to cope with social situations involving food. It can be learning how to handle stress at work without getting elbow deep into the candy dish, and engage in activities like watching TV or playing on the computer without also eating mindlessly.

    Yes, individuals have to learn how to cope with challenging situations if they want to be successful in weight loss. I don't think anyone is handing over responsibility for themselves to others. But it is a bit perturbing when the people in your life, who are supposed to love and support you, continue to engage in behavior that makes someone trying to make a positive change even more of a struggle. Sometimes it takes people awhile to gain confidence in dieting to feel like they have a cookie or treat and stay on track, and it's not up to someone else to decide when they should be able to do it.

    To put it in perspective - if you had a friend who was trying to quit smoking, and another friend continued to offer the person cigarettes and smoke right next to them, blowing smoke in their face, would you think that person was "being helpful by trying to strengthen the other friend's resolve," or would you think they were being a massive jerk?

    I think most people would say latter- so why would it be any different with a person who continues to offer foods the other person struggles to moderate?
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Of course
  • SurfCityBeachGuy
    SurfCityBeachGuy Posts: 50 Member
    zoeysasha37 wrote: »
    Yes please send all unwanted donuts to me too! I'll gladly take them!

    You are 2 Funny ZoeySasha37. You just made me laugh. Will you be my Friend ?
  • SurfCityBeachGuy
    SurfCityBeachGuy Posts: 50 Member
    I agree with one of my Friends. They just do not want to admit that "It is" a Form of Sabotage. I found the Sabotage info in Dr. Phils Diet book. I think people can be Vulnerable at times with food because we tend to eat with our emotions at times when we are down & out or weak. I would say its a Red Flag when someone walks up with cookies, Candy Bar, Cake or Pie with Ice Cream & they say..." Just have a little bite... it wont hurt you " Red Flag...Red Flag...! LOL
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    SurfCityBeachGuy wrote: »
    I agree with one of my Friends. They just do not want to admit that "It is" a Form of Sabotage. I found the Sabotage info in Dr. Phils Diet book. I think people can be Vulnerable at times with food because we tend to eat with our emotions at times when we are down & out or weak. I would say its a Red Flag when someone walks up with cookies, Candy Bar, Cake or Pie with Ice Cream & they say..." Just have a little bite... it wont hurt you " Red Flag...Red Flag...! LOL

    Sorry, I didn't really contribute much to the original point of the thread. I think that much of our society revolves around food. I see families visiting their loved ones in the hospital and one of the things that helps them feel better is bringing treats for their family member. Treats are a particularly big part of this. People love bringing in baked goods as a way to say "I like and appreciate you." They get a little boost of confidence to see someone eating their goods, and commenting on how much they like it and appreciate it. They aren't always aware of your goals to lose weight. Calling it sabotage is suggesting that they have ill intent. I know very few people who truly have interest in causing others harm. They are sharing something that is special to them, in an attempt to see others happy. Politely say "no thank you." You don't owe them an explanation. If they continue to push, "I'm full," "I have a fantastic lunch planned, and don't wish to spoil it," "I will have a little bit, but that's all," "It looks delicious, thank you." If they still continue to push, *evil eye* "I said, no. Thank you." If again, just stare at them until they are uncomfortable and leave you alone (it shouldn't get this far).
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    I have a friend who was trying to lose weight with her husband. It was more of a contest to see who could lose the weight the fastest. The husband cheated by replacing her protein powder with a weight gain protein powder. This is real SABOTAGE!!

    This is a horrible story, and I feel a little guilty for giggling at it. At what point did she figure it out?
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    I have a friend who was trying to lose weight with her husband. It was more of a contest to see who could lose the weight the fastest. The husband cheated by replacing her protein powder with a weight gain protein powder. This is real SABOTAGE!!

    This is a horrible story, and I feel a little guilty for giggling at it. At what point did she figure it out?

    The contest was only one month long, so for one long month she ended up adding some weight not much but her husband dumped, I think, 11 or 12 pounds. She laughs about it now but when it happened she was pissed. The details are fuzzy, it was a long time ago. I will need to ask her when I talk to her again. An yes, they are still happily married :)
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    I have a friend who was trying to lose weight with her husband. It was more of a contest to see who could lose the weight the fastest. The husband cheated by replacing her protein powder with a weight gain protein powder. This is real SABOTAGE!!

    This is a horrible story, and I feel a little guilty for giggling at it. At what point did she figure it out?

    The contest was only one month long, so for one long month she ended up adding some weight not much but her husband dumped, I think, 11 or 12 pounds. She laughs about it now but when it happened she was pissed. The details are fuzzy, it was a long time ago. I will need to ask her when I talk to her again. An yes, they are still happily married :)

    That's sabotage! I'm glad she's able to laugh about it now. :laugh:
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    Not really sure I would be looking to Dr. Phil for advice on anything. Some of his "advice" makes me want to slam my head into a wall.
  • llbrixon
    llbrixon Posts: 964 Member
    When it comes to food, I am my own worst enemy! No one is forcing me to put food in my mouth except me!
  • cathed42
    cathed42 Posts: 88 Member
    I generally don't find that people are particularly supportive it's almost as though they hate it when someone tries to improve themselves - as though they want you to fail, I've lost 27lbs since February and damn proud of it too, but it's all been my own doing - single minded focus
  • SurfCityBeachGuy
    SurfCityBeachGuy Posts: 50 Member
    llbrixon wrote: »
    When it comes to food, I am my own worst enemy! No one is forcing me to put food in my mouth except me!

    You can do it ! Stay Focused !
  • thenewkayla
    thenewkayla Posts: 313 Member
    malibu927 wrote: »
    Nobody. It's my decision whether or not I eat what is offered.

    This!!! You can't make anyone change but yourself.. my boyfriend sure isn't jumping on the Healthy train but that's his choice not mine
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