Fat Shamed at Grocery Stores

CoffeeandCats2

Here's the situation. I am obese based on BMI and I decided to make a change for my health. I just joined a gym and have been going there every week. I have also been cutting out the junk food and making home cooked meals. I was feeling pretty good about this.

I live in a VERY small town. There are 2 grocery stores here. Last month, when I went shopping for food, the cashier told me, "If I were as fat as you, I wouldn't eat at all. They aren't paying me enough to deal with seeing people like you."

After that, I did not feel comfortable going into that store and have been shopping at the other store. Yesterday, I went there to buy bread. That's all I bought - a loaf of bread which seems pretty normal to me. The cashier (I think new) told me, "No wonder you're fat if all you eat is carbs."

Now I feel highly uncomfortable going to both stores. It is an hour's drive to the nearest grocery store. What if the same thing happens there?

Also, fat shaming doesn't make me stop eating (why would I stop eating altogether anyway, it doesn't make any sense). I'm embarrassed, but after what the cashier told me yesterday, I ordered pizza and cake to comfort eat.

Do you get fat shamed too and do you have a thick skin or are there any tricks to avoid this?

tiptoethruthetulips

They are rude. It is not their place to comment to customers as to the way they look or what is in their shopping trolley. Did you complain to management?

I can't say that I have ever been subject to anything like this.

There are no tricks to avoiding this type of rudeness, but if you work on assertiveness skills you can deal with the issue as it arises. You can tell the person directly that their comments are not appropriate and call for the manager to discuss the matter.

CoffeeandCats2

I"m just so embarrassed to go back even to that first store even though it happened a month ago. Actually more like 2 months ago. I know I didn't do anything wrong but I feel so ashamed to go back in there. I guess I do need to be more assertive and confident.

pebble4321

That is horrendous customer service. I would definitely be making their manager aware of this, and let them know that they have lost one customer already and that if this is the usual behaviour of their staff they will certainly lose others. Although that's hard when you don't have many shopping options, I know.

I would also think about an appropriate response to the cashier so you are ready if this happens again (surely you won't be so unlucky or they won't be so rude!). I'd probably try to hold my head high and say something like: "it's none of your business what groceries I buy".

riceiscarb

i would immediately talk to the management, that kind of behavior is unacceptable.

AdrianChr92

Yea I got fat shamed a lot when I was fat. I didn't like it but they were right in some ways. I was fat because I was eating too much. No way around it. It affected me and I decided to make a change. 1 year later I was down 90 pounds and at an almost normal bmi now (26). Some of my friends still tease me but It doesn't affect me anymore. Probably because I am not fat anymore. My advice is to use their shaming as fuel to make a change in your life. In the end it's all for the better. And exercise is a great way to increase your spirit. Feeling sad? Go for a jog. Feeling let down? Go lift some weights. It releases endorphins which elevate your spirit

tiptoethruthetulips

You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and don't let this rude people turn you into a hermit. Develop and practice your responses and requests to speak to the store manager now, go shopping, hold your head high and shop for the groceries you want, not what other people tell you you should be shopping.

StealthHealth

Good on you for making a positive change and responding to this nasty person by shopping elsewhere.

This...

CoffeeandCats2 wrote: »

I live in a VERY small town. There are 2 grocery stores here. Last month, when I went shopping for food, the cashier told me, "If I were as fat as you, I wouldn't eat at all. They aren't paying me enough to deal with seeing people like you."

Is not acceptable and I wold write to the manager of the the store telling them that this is the reason that you are currently not using their store. Owners of shops often do not get this kind of feedback but, if they have any sense, should be concerned enough about the long term prospects of their business to want to do something about it and ensure that this disgusting behaviour does not happen again.

Mapalicious

Holy crap that's ridiculous. I'm sorry you had to experience that, and those scabby dobbers can shove it.

Can you call out their rudeness? I would definitely go back and tell the managers.

If it happens again, maybe 1) loudly repeat back what they said as a question, "DID YOU JUST TELL ME I SHOULDN'T EAT BECAUSE I'M FAT? IS THAT WHAT YOU JUST SAID TO ME?", 2) treat them like the children they are, "OK sweetie, if you're interested in learning a little more about how to healthfully lose weight I know quite a bit about it."

spyro88

This is terrible, I can't believe people can be so rude directly to someone's face. 'They aren't paying me enough to deal with seeing people like you'... What, normal people who don't go round insulting random strangers? They aren't paying YOU enough to shop somewhere like that!

Honestly though, you can't let these stupid people defeat you. You can change your appearance, they will always be awful human beings!

Veryana

I've had my own share of fat shaming in stores. Like usually I buy low fat mince meat (usually has only cow or cow-pork mix) but this time I was buying pork-cow mix from sale since it was 50% off. At cashier a middle aged woman behind me scoffed "no wonder you are so fat when you eat that stuff". I had three packs of that mince meat and a cucumber since I didn't need anything else and I freeze whatever I don't need at that time so I always buy extra from sales... I couldn't say anything.

Other time one woman pointed at me and said to her daughter "See that woman? That's how you will look if you keep wanting chocolate". I couldn't say anything again but I surely felt like choking that woman right there.

There's so many others... "Do a favour to the world and lose weight, fatty!", "I wish you looked as nice as you behave, you would be adorable". Sometimes it happens once a week, sometimes once a year and I never expect it to happen...

I just wish I had something witty to say back, something as insulting. But I just never do and I hate myself for it

Alatariel75

Uhhhh if be right onto the manager and all over their social media pages. If they're chains, I'd be complaining as high as i could take it.

spyro88

I'm also really sorry to hear you comfort ate afterwards. People have no idea the effect of their words sometimes. But honestly, these idiots aren't worth your time or thoughts. If you comfort eat, it's like letting them win, because you won't lose the weight. Pick yourself up and get back on track, you can do it

Wynterbourne

I know it's juvenile, and I'm not suggesting saying it, but the old phrase comes to my mind, “At least I can lose weight, you can't fix ugly.”

143tobe

Wynterbourne wrote: »

I know it's juvenile, and I'm not suggesting saying it, but the old phrase comes to my mind, “At least I can lose weight, you can't fix ugly.”

THIS. And we live in the day of the internet. Although I am normally not a fan of recording strangers with the intent of plastering them on the internet, in both of these ladies cases, I'd make an exception. Go back to both stores you went to and hold your phone as you check out, like you are looking something up as she checks you out. Record every move she makes. If anyone says something out of line like that again, show it to the manager immediately. Then post it on your facebook or Instagram account and she will find out pretty quickly just how ugly her behavior is. Truly heinous. BTW, that would have made me comfort eat too. Don't feel down on yourself.

chrislo2691

Personally I would go to the store and make a complaint to the manager. Tell them that you are unlikely to ever return to their store now because of this incident and tell them that you not only not recommend them to anyone but that you will positively dissuade anyone from using their store.
If they do not treat you favourably, then write to the the regional manager, and repeat till you get a good response.
I had a SAAB 93 some years ago it was low mileage and the power steering ripped the bulkhead broke a steering pipe. It is a design fault. SAAB only wanted to pay 25% of the cost of repair. I gave them 24 hours to give me a better offer. after that time was up I emailed the CEO of SAAB and the Board of GM (who owned SAAB then) taking a punt on their email addresses, including the CEO. 24 hours later SAAB contacted me and paid the full £2,500 worth of repairs.
People like the guy in that store need to know that they can't get away with being offensive.
Don't get mad, don't run away. Teach them a lesson.

On the opposite if I get someone who is exceptional, I will ask to see a supervisor or manager, usually put's the wind up them because they expect a complaint. Telling them something really positive then becomes a bit of a shock. It's fun but good service does deserve to be recognised as well.

rosfk

This makes me so sad. Not only that you were hurt so badly but that people think it is acceptable to make judgements in that way. I can understand the embarrassment that would stop you complaining at the time, but I would urge you complain at some point. Even explaining in your letter that you were too hurt and embarrassed to get in touch sooner. And next time, a simple "Thank you very much for your concern about my health. Have a nice day" may be enough to shut the bullies up. Rise above and do this for you! We're here for support (though I can't get your groceries for you as I live thousands of miles away

SwindonJogger

C'mon, this has to be a wind-up. That kind of behaviour would be an instant dismissal if reported to the management.

oh_happy_day

That's completely unacceptable. Cashiers are paid to check out your groceries not to comment on whatever it is anyone is purchasing! Please complain to management, go as high as you can. If they're corporate chains - call the head offices. It's incredibly poor customer service and it says something very sad indeed about their character.

tiptoethruthetulips

SwindonJogger wrote: »

C'mon, this has to be a wind-up. That kind of behaviour would be an instant dismissal if reported to the management.

I did/do suspect a certain poster but until there evidence indicating as such I am giving the benefit of the doubt.

marm1962

Why oh Why does this crap never happen to me???!!!!

mittenswillet

whoever this person is, go to the mangager IMMEDIATLEY and get them fired. How dare they speak to you like that??? This is so inhumane. That person is there ONLY to serve you, not give out horrible comments about your size.

Good luck, and I hope they get fired, or karma comes their way.

I feel your pain that you had to comfort eat.......that was hell to go through, but next time try your best NOT to comfort eat, don't let them win. You can do this!!! Just imagine in the future when you've got to your goal weight and accidently run into them.........they are unemployed (cause of what they said to you) and your top of your game, healthy, fit and have money. BOOM!!!

darrensurrey

CoffeeandCats2 wrote: »

I live in a VERY small town. There are 2 grocery stores here. Last month, when I went shopping for food, the cashier told me, "If I were as fat as you, I wouldn't eat at all. They aren't paying me enough to deal with seeing people like you."

After that, I did not feel comfortable going into that store and have been shopping at the other store. Yesterday, I went there to buy bread. That's all I bought - a loaf of bread which seems pretty normal to me. The cashier (I think new) told me, "No wonder you're fat if all you eat is carbs."

WTAF!

Definitely report to management.

janetennet

This just makes me so sad, I'm so sorry that you had to have this happen to you.

I really hope that you report both accounts to management, but I also wouldn't let this stop you shopping in the stores. The only way to stand up to this form of bullying aka fat shaming is to literally not go away, go in there, buy all your veggies, your fruit, your meats, your carbs everything and if ANYONE ever says anything to you again then you tell them where to get off.

The Eleanor Roosevelt quote comes to mind "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Don't let them make you feel inferior, let them make you feel motivated to do more and show them exactly how much weight you are going to lose

If you need motivation to keep going there are more than enough people here on MFP that you can friend and who will motivate you to keep going.

wandalula

Keep your head held high! Stupid people are everywhere and don't let them do this to you. I agree with the above. Go to manager. And then go back in there with pride! You deserve to be in there just as much as everyone else. Next time, tell them to mind their own business. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Someone like that would have made fun of your clothes if they couldn't say anything about your weight. Mean people suck.
Good luck to you. Keep on posting here. You will find lots of support!.

Womona

It pains me to hear what you went through. I agree with everyone else, go back in and report to management of both stores- that kind of thing is grounds for dismissal. Also, why should you have to inconvenience yourself by driving a whole hour away to go to the market?

Hold your head high, you are a worthy person regardless of your weight. Besides, that cashier has to look into the mirror every day and see the ugliness in her soul. You don't.

If it happens again, a good comeback line might be "I may be fat, but at least my Mama taught me manners".

harryhole987

CoffeeandCats2 wrote: »

I"m just so embarrassed to go back even to that first store even though it happened a month ago. Actually more like 2 months ago. I know I didn't do anything wrong but I feel so ashamed to go back in there. I guess I do need to be more assertive and confident.

My heart goes out to you. Those 2 should have been fired but I understand not wanting to bring any more attention to the matter. *kitten*!! (Sorry)

tcunbeliever

It's amazing how the phrase "I'd like to speak to your manager" will make people in customer service jobs rethink being rude to customers. I know it's hard to take a stand when you are uncomfortable with the situation, but taking the time to talk to the manager when something like this happens may just save another person from having to be subjected to such dreadful treatment.

nemmer315

Right, first of all you put in a complaint about the pieces of crap that said that to you. That type of behaviour is not acceptable EVER!

Second, just keep at it hun. Don't let two jerks ruin it for you because you're taking steps to be happy and they aren't. There will be setbacks and *kitten* along the way, but keep going. Prove them wrong and you'll be stronger physically and mentally than they ever will.

x x

hypodonthaveme

I understand your feelings. This is what I would do. I would continue going to the gym. I would continue to eat healthy. I would continue to shop in those stores. If it happens again report it right then and there. See as you continue to workout, your progress WILL show. It will! Then one day when you go the same store you have been shopping at they will see the improvement. That being said, there is no room for judgment or rudeness. It is demoralizing, depressing. You are stronger than that. You will rise above this. You will have you're success story. Don't let others ruin your achievements by a few hateful words.

JLG1986

When people say things about me being fat, I just calmly look them straight in the eye and don't say anything. Most people have a conscience, and for some reason, not saying something back makes them think about what they just had the gall to say to another human being.

Also, yes, speak to their managers, that's a totally unacceptable way to speak to someone. Would they dare be so blatantly discriminatory about race, religion, age, or gender? Why is being fat the exception to being polite?

I think there's a place for our friends and family to gently admonish us (which, for the record, would not resemble those horrible cruel comments AT ALL) for our health and wellbeing, but strangers have 0 right to butt in because they know nothing about us.

So sorry this happened to you, and big support from your MFP family. You are making positive changes in your life, don't let those little so-and-sos derail your mission.