Negative comments

sammi_j
sammi_j Posts: 12 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
How do you all cope with negative comments?
My ex puts me down all the time, I know he's doing it just to degrade me but its hurts non the less.
He says I'm saggy & I don't have the figure before my kids, 2 in 18 months.
I know I'm no model but I don't think I look too bad after having 2 kids in a short amount of time?
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Replies

  • Willbenchforcupcakes
    Willbenchforcupcakes Posts: 4,955 Member
    I use them as fuel! Although if I had heard something like that come out of my husbands mouth, he would have been slapped and sleeping on the couch. My girls are 9 days shy of 18 months apart, and never once did he say anything hurtful about my shape. Sounds like he is your ex for multiple reasons though.

    But seriously, don't take his comments to heart, just use them to fuel your workouts.
  • AJinBirmingham
    AJinBirmingham Posts: 497
    The next time he says something like that, ask him what he hoped to achieve by saying it. Then let him know what he's actually achieving (making you feel bad.) If he doesn't realize he's being mean, he may think about it and stop.
  • herblackwings39
    herblackwings39 Posts: 3,930 Member
    How do you all cope with negative comments?
    My ex puts me down all the time, I know he's doing it just to degrade me but its hurts non the less.
    He says I'm saggy & I don't have the figure before my kids, 2 in 18 months.
    I know I'm no model but I don't think I look too bad after having 2 kids in a short amount of time?

    I'd probably wait till the kids weren't in the room then let lose a string of profanity toward him that would make his grandmother faint, sailors blush, and the heavens rain down fire. If he had anything to do with 2 kids in 18 months just tell him to bugger off.
  • john0_0
    john0_0 Posts: 1
    I told my detractor "your comment hurt my feelings".
    He apologized and we moved on.
  • _EndGame_
    _EndGame_ Posts: 770 Member
    Wow, your ex sounds like a low life. On the bright side, he is your ex, so you shouldn't care what negativity he has to throw your way. He's probably just jealous that you are getting your affairs in order, seeing you succeed and be happy will no doubt make him miserable.

    Keep up the good work and let him keep hating. The more he hates, the better you must be doing. Try look at it like that!
  • AJinBirmingham
    AJinBirmingham Posts: 497
    OR . . . you could take the low road and say, "Yeah, but if I just give up and get morbidly obese, I won't have anyone to date but guys like you."
  • dlbredesen
    dlbredesen Posts: 122 Member
    Tell him you have a different level of maturity after having two children.
  • Zebusz
    Zebusz Posts: 37 Member
    I've always felt that people make mean and negative comments because they are battling their own issues, whatever they may be. I may be wrong, but I personally feel that jealously plays a big role in this. Congratulations on taking charge of your own life and keep moving forward and closer to your goals. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
  • Living91
    Living91 Posts: 27
    OR . . . you could take the low road and say, "Yeah, but if I just give up and get morbidly obese, I won't have anyone to date but guys like you."

    ZING!
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Ignore it. No one can make you feel anything (minus physical pain). If he's "making" you feel insecure, etc...that's because you are letting him do it.
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
    I don't share personal things with my ex, we only interact about things to do with the children. Don't give him the chance to hurt you by sharing things with him, find another, more supportive network.

    XX GG
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    He's your EX, right? Then why does he even care? And why do you let him talk to you like that?
  • jewel22887
    jewel22887 Posts: 72
    When I was a teenager I was a big girl (which I still am), and often had to deal with teasing from my siblings and their friends about my weight especially since they were all skinny kids. My mother had me write a journal every day of things that made me happy and I was proud of myself for, it really helped my self esteem out.
  • kellzi89
    kellzi89 Posts: 65 Member
    He is obviously so jealous because he let someone like you slip through his fingers!
  • fatmomsuzie
    fatmomsuzie Posts: 5 Member
    :smile: hes your ex for a reason ..now move past him and get the new you..!!!!
  • MariG25
    MariG25 Posts: 89 Member
    I totally agree with fat mom Suzie! What does it matter what he thinks he's your ex for a reason!!
  • nyrina4life
    nyrina4life Posts: 196 Member
    OR . . . you could take the low road and say, "Yeah, but if I just give up and get morbidly obese, I won't have anyone to date but guys like you."

    Good line!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,974 Member
    He's your ex. Why does his opinion matter any more?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • maab12
    maab12 Posts: 65 Member
    when ever someone in my family makes a comment like that I go to the gym and work on the punching bags and picture him in the center of the bag and I just keep hitting making sure I see their face right there.
    It gets the anger and hurt out and gives a great endorphin kick
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
    I love the response "What are you trying to accomplish by saying those things to me?" It puts the person's actions right back on them. I wouldn't tell that person that they hurt you but I would address their behavior...ie "I really find it sad that you think it is ok to say hurtful things to me" or "wow, there is a severe lack of maturity behind your comments."

    Beyond that i would just keep my interactions with this peach to a bare minimum.
  • cnave99
    cnave99 Posts: 63 Member
    Why on earth are you and your ex discussing your weight?? Boundaries! Thats off the table.

    As for your question, I try not to let anyone's opinion get in my way. After all- you can't control or change what anyone says, or how they act, or what they think.

    All you can do is be you. :)
  • Jessica_D_Shadow
    Jessica_D_Shadow Posts: 138 Member
    How do you all cope with negative comments?
    My ex puts me down all the time, I know he's doing it just to degrade me but its hurts non the less.
    He says I'm saggy & I don't have the figure before my kids, 2 in 18 months.
    I know I'm no model but I don't think I look too bad after having 2 kids in a short amount of time?

    Heya. I'm assuming you have to deal with your ex regularly. Is he the kids father?
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    The only opinion that truly matters is your own. If someone's being a douchopotamus, tune him out, especially since it's someone whose opinion shouldn't matter at all. Don't let him continue poisoning the well.
  • juliemouse83
    juliemouse83 Posts: 6,663 Member
    :smile: hes your ex for a reason ..now move past him and get the new you..!!!!

    Beat me to it...if he's your ex, laugh it off, and then consider him an annoyance much like a mosquito buzzing in your ear.

    My ex has been my ex for twelve years, and he's STILL an @$$hat...It's mind over matter...when he says something ignorant (read: hurtful), I don't mind, because he doesn't matter. The only thing he's doing is showing the rest of the world that it doesn't matter WHO he's with, he's still a pompous @$$, LOL... :laugh:
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
    I use them as fuel! Although if I had heard something like that come out of my husbands mouth, he would have been slapped and sleeping on the couch. My girls are 9 days shy of 18 months apart, and never once did he say anything hurtful about my shape. Sounds like he is your ex for multiple reasons though.

    But seriously, don't take his comments to heart, just use them to fuel your workouts.


    I totally agree with you on that. Even with family and friends I use their negative comments to push me onto the next goal - say losing another 10 pounds. I have already bought my outfit that I will be wearing to on the day I make my grand entrance. It is hard, but sometimes you have to grow thick skin, otherwise you will end up in the kitchen, opening the cupboards and fridge looking for food to comfort you.

    If he is at your place commenting negatively, get the kids together and go for a walk with them, tell him you are going and no matter how he *****es and moan, stick to you guns and leave. He is nothing but a bully who is preying your weakness. Once he realizes that you are not taking him on, the sweetness will come out, but that is another question.
  • singlefemalelawyer
    singlefemalelawyer Posts: 382 Member
    The only opinion that truly matters is your own. If someone's being a douchopotamus, tune him out, especially since it's someone whose opinion shouldn't matter at all. Don't let him continue poisoning the well.

    QFT - and my new favorite word is douchopotamus
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
    This may seem a little strange but I think of words in terms of 'value." For example, when a true friend tells me something that hurts my feelings (or maybe just my pride) but her real intent was to help me, those words are valuable to me. I take them in without offense and appreciate them because I know they came from a caring heart.

    When someone says something to me that is just meant to be hurtful or tear me down, those words have no value to me at all so I disregard them or throw them in the trash, so to speak. I don't let them reach my heart where they can do damage because they mean nothing to me.
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    Sounds like he is your ex for a good reason. He's probably saying these things out of resentment or jealousy. Just ignore him :-)
  • onematch
    onematch Posts: 241 Member
    You need to tell him that those comments are hurtful. You need to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. It is not helpful to be put down. You need to be lifted up.

    He sounds like a jerk.
  • retiree2006
    retiree2006 Posts: 951 Member
    I think I'd just calmly tell him, "You DO know your opinion doesn't mean anything to me anymore?" I might even add, "These two beautiful children are so worth it."

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