Negative comments

13

Replies

  • Nachise
    Nachise Posts: 395 Member
    It takes two to tango. The abuser needs someone to abuse. My suggestion is to stop being the goat. He is your Ex, right? You need to see yourself as someone of value, and I would wager that one of the reasons he is your ex is because he keeps discounting you. You need validation, and he has none to offer.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    How do you all cope with negative comments?
    My ex puts me down all the time, I know he's doing it just to degrade me but its hurts non the less.
    He says I'm saggy & I don't have the figure before my kids, 2 in 18 months.
    I know I'm no model but I don't think I look too bad after having 2 kids in a short amount of time?

    He is your ex for a reason right? Why give him any power over how you feel. It is interesting to me that you would even care what he thinks of you now that you're not together. Move on and put him behind you.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    He's your ex for christmas sake. Tell him to take a flying leap off a very tall building and move on. You are letting the ex affect you in ways an ex should never have the power to. At this point you have two things you can do, 1. Use it as fuel to get back to (or better than) you were before those two kids or 2. sit down and feel sorry for yourself because your ex thinks you look bad. Me personally I'd like to look better than before and show him EXACTLY what he's missing, but in reality he'll always have something negative to say about you because it makes HIM feel all big and bad and he truly thinks he's better than you and always will. Stop letting his words hurt you, the best thing you can do is smile at him, don't let him know his words hurt you because that's what he wants to do, hurt you and your letting him, congrats
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    Tbh I can totally see his point of view. I mean after all, all you had to do was carry those kids around for a combined 18 months and then give birth, while he had the awfully difficult job of impregnating you. You should be making the effort to get back to your exact pre-pregnancy body just to please him. :angry:
  • briannaaclark1
    briannaaclark1 Posts: 31
    What a jerk. Where does he come off talk to you like that? You gave him his children for crying out loud! He should be worshipping you! Thanking you!
    Just use his negative words (and personality) as a motivator so that when you reach your goal it is even more satisfying :]
  • ghostrider1970
    ghostrider1970 Posts: 127 Member
    "yes, I'm saggy, but I can get in good shape... You will always be a mor*n"
  • sukiwabi
    sukiwabi Posts: 221 Member
    him: blah blah blah blah blah i'm such a douche...oh and here, to remind you of why you got rid of me i'll hit below the belt and lash out with any crappy comment i can that i know will get under your skin. (read as: i'm going to put you down because you're working toward a goal to make yourself look better, feel better, and be a healthier person and i'm jealous)

    you: and THAT is reason number eleventy why you're my ex!
    So...blah blah blah change the subject to the kids, which should obviously be your only concern at this point.
  • Tony_Brewski
    Tony_Brewski Posts: 1,376 Member
    It's fuel baby! I use my self esteem issues as fuel at the gym. Sounds lame but it works. I take all my self hate and self doubt bottle it up and burn it off at the gym. POW! Push, push and push harder!
  • jhandur
    jhandur Posts: 19 Member
    Maybe your ex knows you're on the weightless path or possibly has seen a change in you and is trying to sabotage your future happiness. Because if the only major thing he can pick on you about is your weight and you loose the weight, then all he'll be left with is his negativity with no one to project it onto.
    If you can't avoid him the best thing to do would be not to acknowledge him when he makes those comments because its not worth your time.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,779 Member
    He's your EX, right? Then why does he even care? And why do you let him talk to you like that?

    Yeah, this.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Repeat after me: "That's none of your business anymore."

    Quickly followed by "And what you think of me is none of my business anymore."
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    How do you all cope with negative comments?
    My ex puts me down all the time, I know he's doing it just to degrade me but its hurts non the less.
    He says I'm saggy & I don't have the figure before my kids, 2 in 18 months.
    I know I'm no model but I don't think I look too bad after having 2 kids in a short amount of time?

    So, are you maintaining a communicating relationship just for the verbal/emotional abuse, or do y'all actually have stuff in common?
  • OhLeita
    OhLeita Posts: 99 Member
    I told my detractor "your comment hurt my feelings".
    He apologized and we moved on.

    There's a lot of power in this statement.
  • Armyantzzz
    Armyantzzz Posts: 214 Member
    There's only one response I like to use when someone comments negatively towards me....THANK YOU FOR SHARING:laugh: :laugh: Then I get to see the look of surprised confusion on their face:wink:
  • Basia_and4345
    Basia_and4345 Posts: 61 Member
    OR . . . you could take the low road and say, "Yeah, but if I just give up and get morbidly obese, I won't have anyone to date but guys like you."

    Actually, I REALLY LIKE this response. LOL
  • Basia_and4345
    Basia_and4345 Posts: 61 Member
    There's only one response I like to use when someone comments negatively towards me....THANK YOU FOR SHARING:laugh: :laugh: Then I get to see the look of surprised confusion on their face:wink:

    Okay, I have to admit you are right. The funny thing is this is what I tell my kids to say when classmates are being mouthy... but when it comes to an ex, it's just so hard to think straight.
  • josephinabonetto
    josephinabonetto Posts: 253 Member
    I would be inclined to say the following:

    "The fact that you feel the need to say that to me says far more about you than it does about me."
  • RockClimber69
    RockClimber69 Posts: 82 Member
    You say: "Maybe so, but I'm getting in shape and soon I'll be hot....but you'll still be an @$$hole!"

    Just kidding....don't respond. His opinion does not matter. You are doing a fantastic job and I agree: He's your ex for a reason.
  • Cyclingbonnie
    Cyclingbonnie Posts: 413 Member
    Okay ... as many have said he is your ex. I'm sure, even though he is your ex, his opinion still packs a wallop. No matter how much it hurts you can not let him know that. If he gets a reaction he will continue the assault.

    Also, as many have said, he is probably jealous ... you are taking care of yourself and I'm sure you appearance is improving and he knows he does not stand a chance.

    I agree with setting boundaries, even if he doesn't care about how it effects you, he may care how it effects his children. Only address this issue from that stand point. When the children are not in the room and cannot over hear the conversation. Explain to him that his opinion of your body is not your concern. Tell him to keep his comments to himself and that they have no effect on you (weather they do or not, you must take the stand that they do not). However, they may have a long lasting bad effect on the children, and for that reason he must keep his opinion to himself.

    Good luck, and remember he is not your husband anymore. Move on.
  • Basia_and4345
    Basia_and4345 Posts: 61 Member
    How do you all cope with negative comments?
    My ex puts me down all the time, I know he's doing it just to degrade me but its hurts non the less.
    He says I'm saggy & I don't have the figure before my kids, 2 in 18 months.
    I know I'm no model but I don't think I look too bad after having 2 kids in a short amount of time?

    My ex also had a tendency to be verbally abusive, so i have some idea of the pain you go through. Since you share two babies it will be awhile until you won't have to deal with him ever again (I just reached that mile stone, YEAH!) But honestly, you need to always remind yourself 1) you are better than he makes you feel. You have two beautiful babies that will always call you MOM, and they are the only ones that matter. 2) Your Body today is temporary ... the one you are working to have is the one he will miss when you make your goal. So just remember one day he will be eating his sour words. Don't give him the satisfaction to know he has emotional power over you ... that power will go away when you remember he does not matter anymore. Be Well.

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