Anyone celibate?
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There are people that are asexual. And people that are demisexual (it's a low sex drive). And sometimes (definitely not all) people with aspergers can fall into that category. Some asexual people want non-sexual companionship with other asexual people. And others don't. People are diverse and free to live in the way that makes them happy. Being aware and upfront. So, they know what they want and what they don't want. And to connect (or not connect) with compatible people. Just like you wouldn't encourage a gay man to meet a woman or a lesbian to meet a man.5
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I'm not, but I think all the girls that I know are....0
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Not by choice. Just too fat to get the attraction.1
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I am celibate. I have been celibate for a total of 8 years... well 5 at one time and now I'm going on 3 years. I want to wait until I'm married. We shall see.4
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I have been celibate for almost 20 years, and it's been working fine for me.3
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Yes I'm celibate by choice1
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No flippin' way...I love giving my wife a good poke and in turn she likes riding me like a cowgirl...3
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Maxematics wrote: »Thanks for your insight, but why is it assumed I have a shell as if I never have fun or have never even explored that realm of possibilities? I'm definitely already busy, as I have hobbies, a career, friends, and family to spend time with; I've just never seen sex as an area of interest/priority. In 31 years of life, I've been able to figure myself out in that regard. Besides, if I were to fall in love with someone, who says it would be a dude?
Have you ever tried it? Sometimes people are surprised by what they enjoy. Other times, people are surprised that an activity isn't what they expected it to be like. Still other times, they learn that they were right all along.0 -
I'm not celibate. I just have toddlers.2
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NorthCascades wrote: »Maxematics wrote: »Thanks for your insight, but why is it assumed I have a shell as if I never have fun or have never even explored that realm of possibilities? I'm definitely already busy, as I have hobbies, a career, friends, and family to spend time with; I've just never seen sex as an area of interest/priority. In 31 years of life, I've been able to figure myself out in that regard. Besides, if I were to fall in love with someone, who says it would be a dude?
Have you ever tried it? Sometimes people are surprised by what they enjoy. Other times, people are surprised that an activity isn't what they expected it to be like. Still other times, they learn that they were right all along.
Ugh, I bet she hears this all the time, and I bet it's exhausting, and I bet you have no idea how potentially offensive this question is. Can people please stop trying to "convert" her to sexuality? She's asexual in a sex-obsessed society, pretty sure she knows how she feels about it.8 -
Not on purpose but been two months so shoot me now please!1
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I was for three years while married, but no longer. That's no fault of my (now) ex-wife's, and more just a reflection on how relationships can die without conclusion for far too long.0
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ArcturusPrime wrote: »I was for three years while married, but no longer. That's no fault of my (now) ex-wife's, and more just a reflection on how relationships can die without conclusion for far too long.
No sex in 3 years while married? That's why I got married. You are a good man because after 2 weeks, I would be out. I'm pissed after no sex in 3 days and I can't imagine 3 years.2 -
I am because of my religious beliefs, although it's a lot harder than I ever thought and I've compromised a bit more than I should. But I still plan on saving going all the way for marriage.2
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I might as well be, but not willingly1
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NorthCascades wrote: »jtcedinburgh wrote: »perhaps, after a while, you stop thinking about it and can devote mental energies to other stuff.
The times when I stop thinking about sex and have the mental clarity to focus on other things ... tend to be right after I've had sex. I predict that not having sex will lead to thinking about nothing else.
You would be correct, at least in my case. My husband never wants it anymore, I still do .. and. it. is. driving. me. bonkers!0 -
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mskessler89 wrote: »pretty sure she knows how she feels about it.
I've been pretty sure I knew how I felt about things, too, and then pretty surprised when I actually tried them. That's not a sex thing, it's a truth about life.0 -
NorthCascades wrote: »mskessler89 wrote: »pretty sure she knows how she feels about it.
I've been pretty sure I knew how I felt about things, too, and then pretty surprised when I actually tried them. That's not a sex thing, it's a truth about life.
This isn't green eggs and ham. This is part of her identity. I know you have a girlfriend, so I wouldn't ask you "Hey, have you tried sex with men? Sometimes people are surprised by what they enjoy!" Maybe you have, and that's fine, but it's not information I've ever seen you volunteer and it's not my business. Going by percentages, odds are you're straight and have no interest in men. How would you feel if people pestered you about doing it with a guy? How would you feel if it was common to hear "Oh, if you don't enjoy sex with men, you just haven't been with the right man yet" or "Don't give up on having a fulfilling relationship with a man!" Because that's stuff that people who don't align with sexual norms deal with all the time. It's rude and narrow-minded to imply they don't know themselves.
Oh, and a lot of asexuals find out they're not interested in sex by having it and not getting what the big deal is. Maybe before you question her about her private life, you could read up on asexuality and try to understand it a bit.7 -
mskessler89 wrote: »NorthCascades wrote: »mskessler89 wrote: »pretty sure she knows how she feels about it.
I've been pretty sure I knew how I felt about things, too, and then pretty surprised when I actually tried them. That's not a sex thing, it's a truth about life.
This isn't green eggs and ham. This is part of her identity. I know you have a girlfriend, so I wouldn't ask you "Hey, have you tried sex with men? Sometimes people are surprised by what they enjoy!" Maybe you have, and that's fine, but it's not information I've ever seen you volunteer and it's not my business. Going by percentages, odds are you're straight and have no interest in men. How would you feel if people pestered you about doing it with a guy? How would you feel if it was common to hear "Oh, if you don't enjoy sex with men, you just haven't been with the right man yet" or "Don't give up on having a fulfilling relationship with a man!" Because that's stuff that people who don't align with sexual norms deal with all the time. It's rude and narrow-minded to imply they don't know themselves.
Oh, and a lot of asexuals find out they're not interested in sex by having it and not getting what the big deal is. Maybe before you question her about her private life, you could read up on asexuality and try to understand it a bit.
You bring up a fair point. On the flip side though there are some rather derogatory things said in this thread regarding "obsession" with sex. As someone with what I'll conservatively call a "high" sex drive, I will say it is a necessity for some. I'd rather skip meals than go without. Perhaps people can learn to accept that some of our genetic differences are real. I have no interest in what someome else does in their private life so long as they leave me alone about mine. Maybe a few people will learn something here.2 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »mskessler89 wrote: »NorthCascades wrote: »mskessler89 wrote: »pretty sure she knows how she feels about it.
I've been pretty sure I knew how I felt about things, too, and then pretty surprised when I actually tried them. That's not a sex thing, it's a truth about life.
This isn't green eggs and ham. This is part of her identity. I know you have a girlfriend, so I wouldn't ask you "Hey, have you tried sex with men? Sometimes people are surprised by what they enjoy!" Maybe you have, and that's fine, but it's not information I've ever seen you volunteer and it's not my business. Going by percentages, odds are you're straight and have no interest in men. How would you feel if people pestered you about doing it with a guy? How would you feel if it was common to hear "Oh, if you don't enjoy sex with men, you just haven't been with the right man yet" or "Don't give up on having a fulfilling relationship with a man!" Because that's stuff that people who don't align with sexual norms deal with all the time. It's rude and narrow-minded to imply they don't know themselves.
Oh, and a lot of asexuals find out they're not interested in sex by having it and not getting what the big deal is. Maybe before you question her about her private life, you could read up on asexuality and try to understand it a bit.
You bring up a fair point. On the flip side though there are some rather derogatory things said in this thread regarding "obsession" with sex. As someone with what I'll conservatively call a "high" sex drive, I will say it is a necessity for some. I'd rather skip meals than go without. Perhaps people can learn to accept that some of our genetic differences are real. I have no interest in what someome else does in their private life so long as they leave me alone about mine. Maybe a few people will learn something here.
If this is a reference to my "sex-obsessed society" comment, I meant what we're exposed to, not what individuals do. I didn't mean to cause offense by suggesting there's something wrong with wanting a lot of sex - there's not. I have a pretty high sex drive too, but I try to put myself in someone else's shoes. There's a sex scene or implied sex in just about every movie. Songs on the radio are about sex, or about love with reference to sex. It's all over the Internet. People make sex jokes, everyone giggles. What if these are things you don't relate to at all? It seems normal, enjoyable, and entertaining to me, but I imagine it can be overwhelming, irritating, or alienating if you're not interested in sex. It would also make it clear that you're "different" if you find none of this appealing.3 -
mskessler89 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »mskessler89 wrote: »NorthCascades wrote: »mskessler89 wrote: »pretty sure she knows how she feels about it.
I've been pretty sure I knew how I felt about things, too, and then pretty surprised when I actually tried them. That's not a sex thing, it's a truth about life.
This isn't green eggs and ham. This is part of her identity. I know you have a girlfriend, so I wouldn't ask you "Hey, have you tried sex with men? Sometimes people are surprised by what they enjoy!" Maybe you have, and that's fine, but it's not information I've ever seen you volunteer and it's not my business. Going by percentages, odds are you're straight and have no interest in men. How would you feel if people pestered you about doing it with a guy? How would you feel if it was common to hear "Oh, if you don't enjoy sex with men, you just haven't been with the right man yet" or "Don't give up on having a fulfilling relationship with a man!" Because that's stuff that people who don't align with sexual norms deal with all the time. It's rude and narrow-minded to imply they don't know themselves.
Oh, and a lot of asexuals find out they're not interested in sex by having it and not getting what the big deal is. Maybe before you question her about her private life, you could read up on asexuality and try to understand it a bit.
You bring up a fair point. On the flip side though there are some rather derogatory things said in this thread regarding "obsession" with sex. As someone with what I'll conservatively call a "high" sex drive, I will say it is a necessity for some. I'd rather skip meals than go without. Perhaps people can learn to accept that some of our genetic differences are real. I have no interest in what someome else does in their private life so long as they leave me alone about mine. Maybe a few people will learn something here.
If this is a reference to my "sex-obsessed society" comment, I meant what we're exposed to, not what individuals do. I didn't mean to cause offense by suggesting there's something wrong with wanting a lot of sex - there's not. I have a pretty high sex drive too, but I try to put myself in someone else's shoes. There's a sex scene or implied sex in just about every movie. Songs on the radio are about sex, or about love with reference to sex. It's all over the Internet. People make sex jokes, everyone giggles. What if these are things you don't relate to at all? It seems normal, enjoyable, and entertaining to me, but I imagine it can be overwhelming, irritating, or alienating if you're not interested in sex. It would also make it clear that you're "different" if you find none of this appealing.
There were a few comments made after the fun on page 3. I like page 3 better.
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Was celibate for 5 years.
Then divorced the twunt.1 -
Thank you @mskessler89. Everything you've written has been spot on thus far. I wasn't going to comment again because, yes, it gets annoying when someone thinks they're the first person in life to suggest I "try" something to see if I like it as if I'm simply choosing not to try a certain flavor of ice cream. Sadly, it is usually men that have this position and it happened several times in this thread alone.
As for the current exchange, I'm usually not this direct on the forum but I'm not an idiot. Your "fun" from page 3 that ended when comments were made on the next page was when I first commented. Sorry that a person who is actually celibate had the nerve to enter a thread that specifically asked if anyone was celibate to state they were celibate and why. There was a thread on the front page about sex at the same time. I could understand the disdain had I posted there about a sex-obsessed culture, but that didn't occur. I never said anything bad about sex in general or people who enjoy it, although I did mention why I understand people who choose celibacy in a sex-obsessed culture. You're whining that your sexual innuendo fun ended due to comments in a thread about celibacy and you think that the comments were derogatory in some way and somehow targeted your private life? That's a leap across the Grand Canyon right there. The lack of self-awareness is astounding.6 -
Maxematics wrote: »Thank you @mskessler89. Everything you've written has been spot on thus far. I wasn't going to comment again because, yes, it gets annoying when someone thinks they're the first person in life to suggest I "try" something to see if I like it as if I'm simply choosing not to try a certain flavor of ice cream. Sadly, it is usually men that have this position and it happened several times in this thread alone.
As for the current exchange, I'm usually not this direct on the forum but I'm not an idiot. Your "fun" from page 3 that ended when comments were made on the next page was when I first commented. Sorry that a person who is actually celibate had the nerve to enter a thread that specifically asked if anyone was celibate to state they were celibate and why. There was a thread on the front page about sex at the same time. I could understand the disdain had I posted there about a sex-obsessed culture, but that didn't occur. I never said anything bad about sex in general or people who enjoy it, although I did mention why I understand people who choose celibacy in a sex-obsessed culture. You're whining that your sexual innuendo fun ended due to comments in a thread about celibacy and you think that the comments were derogatory in some way and somehow targeted your private life? That's a leap across the Grand Canyon right there. The lack of self-awareness is astounding.
Stop trying to be a vicitm. You're not the OP and the OP was a bit fun with the post. It was bound to invite a variety of views. If you want to be celibate then embrace it. No one really cares (or should care) what anyone else is doing there, but yes it's fun to discuss. As for your "sex obsessed culture" comment, guess what? Show respect if you want respect. It goes a long way.0 -
Does a loveless marriage count?1
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Longer than I care to admit.
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Maxematics wrote: »Thank you @mskessler89. Everything you've written has been spot on thus far. I wasn't going to comment again because, yes, it gets annoying when someone thinks they're the first person in life to suggest I "try" something to see if I like it as if I'm simply choosing not to try a certain flavor of ice cream. Sadly, it is usually men that have this position and it happened several times in this thread alone.
As for the current exchange, I'm usually not this direct on the forum but I'm not an idiot. Your "fun" from page 3 that ended when comments were made on the next page was when I first commented. Sorry that a person who is actually celibate had the nerve to enter a thread that specifically asked if anyone was celibate to state they were celibate and why. There was a thread on the front page about sex at the same time. I could understand the disdain had I posted there about a sex-obsessed culture, but that didn't occur. I never said anything bad about sex in general or people who enjoy it, although I did mention why I understand people who choose celibacy in a sex-obsessed culture. You're whining that your sexual innuendo fun ended due to comments in a thread about celibacy and you think that the comments were derogatory in some way and somehow targeted your private life? That's a leap across the Grand Canyon right there. The lack of self-awareness is astounding.
Stop trying to be a vicitm. You're not the OP and the OP was a bit fun with the post. It was bound to invite a variety of views. If you want to be celibate then embrace it. No one really cares (or should care) what anyone else is doing there, but yes it's fun to discuss. As for your "sex obsessed culture" comment, guess what? I don't respect you because you refuse to respect others.
Never once did I claim to be a victim nor do I consider myself one. I read every comment in this thread and none of them affected me if they didn't address me directly, even ones that said they didn't get why anyone would want to be celibate. Actually, I found them to be humorous and agreed to a point. I really don't see how you made the erroneous connection that I look down upon people who like sex. I do embrace my celibacy which is why I commented about it and continued to defend my stance when it directly came into question by posters a few times in this thread. Other than that, it's live and let live which is exactly what I stated when I said I have friends who want to know what this is like for me and I equally want to know how their feelings are for them.
I couldn't care less if you don't respect me; we don't know one another so there is no respect to be established between us. Stating that a culture is, on a whole, sex-obsessed doesn't mean I do not respect people and their choices. I have friends and family who all have varying degrees of sex lives and I don't judge any of them because I have no right or reason to. I don't even think negatively of them; they are people doing what they enjoy. Sex is a basic human function and I wouldn't be alive without sex.
Declaring a culture as sex-obsessed is stating what is evident in society. As Mskessler stated earlier, everywhere you turn sexual innuendo is present. I can understand and make jokes of that nature myself and that's not part of what I consider to be a detriment about it. It's how far some people go just for a sexual experience, potentially hurting the feelings of others in the process and having all of their judgment fly out the window, that make me think "Okay, maybe now I can see why some people would actually be celibate by choice." I really don't get the level of anger and disconnect.2
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