Ug. How do I avoid/lose "boyfriend weight"?
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@bouakihabara you may have to just cook your nice food for yourself and let him have his burger. Just because he chooses fast food doesn't mean you have to.1
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@CattOfTheGarage my food often looks better then his but it doesn't taste as good.
yeah i have been telling him to go out and get himself food but he expects me to come with him.
thats the real test of a diet right there. (laughs)0 -
Yes, that is tough, but I think you have no option but to say "no thanks". It doesn't have to be a total fast food ban, you could reserve a treat night for fast food, but if he's wanting to go too often for your health goals then he's going to have to go on his own! It's not the end of the world, if he brings it home you can still eat together.0
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i have talked to him about the "high end" of fast food like eating chick fi le instead of 20 macnuggets.
he often brings me burger king at night cuz its the only thing open at 11 around here.0 -
i work at night.....0
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Some of y'all in this thread really have to be"right". Wow0
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I think a lot of it comes down to personal choice. if i choose to stay away from something at a party or a night out, that's my choice. i'm not the type of person to ask my family or friends not to provide something because i can't say no to it. when i say 'kind of person' I mean i'm not very good at projecting myself that way. my mum is quite good these days, seeing how much i've done, to keep me out of temptation's way, but i, personally, feel my journey is my journey. it's not for other people to miss out on something for my benefit. i'd rather battle that particular 'demon' as it were and let others enjoy it on my behalf. That said we all get support from our friends and family in different ways and if this helps and they are prepared to help in that way, great.
we all travel our journey differently.1 -
ya, I understand it can be difficult. Mine is 6 ft tall and very energetic even though he does no formal excersize.
Thanks g_d, I'm not thrown off by it when he eats bowls of chips and cheese, huge slices of fresh bakery toast and jam for breaks, two plus cups of rice for a side and humungus mounds of pasta with unlimited, unmeasured olive oil swirld over it at the dinner table, plus th veg and meat dishes also.
We each have a choice. So keep on keepin on. Foot forward!
Forgot to add to this; he's never been overweight, not even close!0 -
It is certainly awesome that my wife and I do this all together. We workout together, meal prep, and each others biggest coach and cheerleader.1
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CasperNaegle wrote: »It is certainly awesome that my wife and I do this all together. We workout together, meal prep, and each others biggest coach and cheerleader.
See, this is cool. That's how my partner and I are as well.0 -
bouakihabara wrote: »i have talked to him about the "high end" of fast food like eating chick fi le instead of 20 macnuggets.
he often brings me burger king at night cuz its the only thing open at 11 around here.bouakihabara wrote: »i work at night.....
Planning ahead will eliminate the issue of Burger King being your only option. I used to make a big batch of food on Sundays that would get me through lunches and dinner Monday - Wednesday or Thursday.1 -
CasperNaegle wrote: »It is certainly awesome that my wife and I do this all together. We workout together, meal prep, and each others biggest coach and cheerleader.
I'm enjoying the support right now also. My husband likes the low carb plan and is losing weight. I don't have the carb snack foods around anymore, so it is a joy.1 -
I never said I did things on my own, and I never implied that I do anything great on my own either. It seems to me you are throwing out barbs and dancing around the core issue that I and others have addressed. To summarize:
It is not another person's responsibility to do for us what we can do for ourselves. In this context, that means we are 100% responsible for the behaviors we choose around weight management.
In other words, the beau/husband/any other person is never responsible for my choices around food, I am.
I find it funny you don't think someone taking the steps to remove a trigger food from easy access isn't taking responsibility for their behavior regarding weight management. They obviously know themselves and what does and doesn't work for them.
Moderation worked for you, gold stars and cart wheels. For other, they find is easier to remove temptation than resist or moderate.
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I am in a similar situation. I discussed with my boyfriend, and so far he has been supportive. He reminds me that I don't want to eat late night when he does, and puts the chips/salsa and bread basket on his side of the table when I ask him to. He comes when I invite him to do activities like tennis and hiking and biking. I haven't lost any of my 10lbs of boyfriend weight, but I stopped gaining which is a good first step....3
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BillMcKay1 wrote: »
I never said I did things on my own, and I never implied that I do anything great on my own either. It seems to me you are throwing out barbs and dancing around the core issue that I and others have addressed. To summarize:
It is not another person's responsibility to do for us what we can do for ourselves. In this context, that means we are 100% responsible for the behaviors we choose around weight management.
In other words, the beau/husband/any other person is never responsible for my choices around food, I am.
I find it funny you don't think someone taking the steps to remove a trigger food from easy access isn't taking responsibility for their behavior regarding weight management. They obviously know themselves and what does and doesn't work for them.
Moderation worked for you, gold stars and cart wheels. For other, they find is easier to remove temptation than resist or moderate.
Did you read the entire conversation?
I advocate taking care of ourselves around food, not asking someone else to take care of us. I mean, this concept is everywhere in my replies
In other words, don't ask anyone else to not buy foods we are triggered by, and don't ask them to hide said foods so we can't get to them. Don't ask someone else to not have any sweets at the party, or potato chips in the house, or a night out with us where bon bons are involved.
Also, in other words, when someone that certain food home, simply avoid it if you are triggered by it, or put it away ourselves, or have some in moderation. When that party comes around that has plenty of sweets, stay away from the sweet table or work on moderation.
Taking care our ourselves food is our responsibility.1 -
I have been through the same exact thing. I think people on tese forums sometime try to get on their high horse. Its really easy to slack off on counting your calories when you are in a relationship. Especially a new relationship with a lot of dates and junk food gifts lol
After losing weight last year and entering a new relationship, my new boyfriend just had to get used to the fact that i was going to eat my meal prepped meal regardless of what he wanted to eat. I don't keep junk food in my apartment and if he wanted snacks, he could bring his own and i wouldn't touch them. It also helps to have someone who understands what you have gone through to get to where you are. He's very understanding and forces me to go to the gym with him regularly. Part of it is you being strong in who you are trying to become and the other part is him showing his support by not encouraging bad habits0 -
I've put on around 20 lbs in the five years since I met my husband. For me it was a combination of eating bigger portions and indulging in the same snacks and treats as he did. Plus I think there was an element of us both being comfortable and enjoying our food and getting a bit carried away enjoying ourselves with too many good meals and bottles of wine! My husband is 6 ft 4 and has an active job so will need to eat a lot more calories than me to maintain or even to lose. My tips echo what others have said above: get a smaller plate and have a smaller portion than your bf, I usually have a smaller portion of carbs and more salad or veggies. Cut out the extras - my husband has bread with every meal so I've cut that out, I'll miss out the cheese on a burger or on pasta (if I don't have the calories for it) and things like butter on potatoes or sauces etc. Have some healthy snacks that you can snack on whilst he has his chips - flavoured rices cakes, hummus and crudites, popcorn - and have some lighter drink choices available too. We have a brand of alcohol free beer in the UK called Becks Blue which is only 38 calories so I have a few of those in the fridge or I will have a diet soda.0
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why does it matter what he eats? my boyfriend and i live together. he pretty much eats whatever he wants and i eat what i need to in order to meet my macro goals. the food he eats has no impact on me. i never tell him to not bring home certain foods, etc. you need to take responsibility for yourself. does it suck sometimes when he's eating something i would also like to have, but can't fit in my day? yes, but i have goals so i suck it up.
ETA: my boyfriend KNOWS i have goals and fully supports them so he never pushes food or drinking on me.0 -
BillMcKay1 wrote: »
I never said I did things on my own, and I never implied that I do anything great on my own either. It seems to me you are throwing out barbs and dancing around the core issue that I and others have addressed. To summarize:
It is not another person's responsibility to do for us what we can do for ourselves. In this context, that means we are 100% responsible for the behaviors we choose around weight management.
In other words, the beau/husband/any other person is never responsible for my choices around food, I am.
I find it funny you don't think someone taking the steps to remove a trigger food from easy access isn't taking responsibility for their behavior regarding weight management. They obviously know themselves and what does and doesn't work for them.
Moderation worked for you, gold stars and cart wheels. For other, they find is easier to remove temptation than resist or moderate.
Did you read the entire conversation?
I advocate taking care of ourselves around food, not asking someone else to take care of us. I mean, this concept is everywhere in my replies
In other words, don't ask anyone else to not buy foods we are triggered by, and don't ask them to hide said foods so we can't get to them. Don't ask someone else to not have any sweets at the party, or potato chips in the house, or a night out with us where bon bons are involved.
Also, in other words, when someone that certain food home, simply avoid it if you are triggered by it, or put it away ourselves, or have some in moderation. When that party comes around that has plenty of sweets, stay away from the sweet table or work on moderation.
Taking care our ourselves food is our responsibility.
I'm going to soften "hide" to "put out of sight" and say that there's nothing wrong with asking your OH to do this with a trigger food. Heck, I do this for myself. Each time we see something we make a decision whether or not to eat it and it's easier for many of us to not have to see it all the time. Studies confirm that people eat less sweets when they are out of sight or harder to reach.1 -
OP I know what you mean. My husband used to bring in tempting things and eat them in front of me. He is currently working to lose weight so I don't have to deal with that for now, thankfully. But when I am trying to keep off weight and he isn't I have the same problem as you. I tell him not to bring it into the house or if he must to please put it in the pantry in the basement. I don't want it at eye level in the cupboard or on the counter top. Your boyfriend may not understand your predicament unless you bring it up to him.
Deb, I am going to play Devil's advocate.
Why should our family member not bring foods into the house that they like? It's not their problem that we are afraid we will eat something that we feel might not be good for us at this time.
Isn't it up to us to learn how to control what we put in our mouth in the face of anything? Isn't it up to us to learn portion control and to learn how to control what we put into our mouths?
I used to tell my ex-husband and my current partner not to bring certain foods in the house because I was pretty sure I couldn't keep my hands off of said food. Now, flash forward many years-I have all the foods I love in the house and so does my partner, and I don't eat any of it unless I want to. I weigh out a portion, put bag away and enjoy.
The only way I was able to get to this point is to understand that I have power over food, it does not have power over me.
I never got devil's advocate. Either you actually believe it, in which case you're using the phrase to imply you don't actually believe what you believe, or you don't, in which case you probably shouldn't be making the argument.
Anyway there are dozens of ways in which we make our journeys easier. This is an argument I've seen come up a few times on the forums, that everyone in the world should be perfect paragons of willpower and thus their family and friends should never have to offer support by not bringing certain foods around them. In reality, we are all creatures living within a social environment with our own strengths and weaknesses. For example, my willpower for food is iron, so I would never have to worry about someone bringing in food I'm craving and leaving it on the counter. However, my staying power is less strong and it's helpful to me to have feedback that my weight loss is noticeable. In an ideal world, everyone would be strong in every aspect of getting healthy and no one would ever need to help them because they understand all the concepts and can put them into application with no trouble. But we don't live in that world - we live in reality. And in reality people need social support systems in various ways to help them reach various goals.
And frankly I hope my family dynamic isn't based on "your problem isn't my problem". That seems a very non-familial way to set up a family; how many issues does that apply to? Are all my problems things I need to solve myself without any help from my SO because it's not his/her problem and it's up to me to fix it? Part of having someone for many people, myself included, is to have someone that I can rely on when things get tough and I need someone to be there to support me (and vice versa). I understand not every setup is like that, but this seems common enough that it doesn't seem to need much questioning.
Mentali,
When I play devil's advocate, this means I am bringing up the point of view that nobody else is addressing, which is core to the issue. I used to believe that I could not keep certain foods in the house, but that belief was killed when I learned that I truly can eat whatever I like and keep it within my calorie goals to lose weight.
I see your point of view, just as I see Deb's, but there is a bigger picture here. I used to put a lot of power in certain types of food, which I used to tell others not to bring into my home, and which I never brought into my home either. I was convinced that I could not stop myself from overeating those certain foods, which I had labeled as fattening
You're right, there are a multitude of ways to make our journeys easier, which is individual as to choice and the journey itself. The part I have a problem with is the notion of asking someone else, no matter who they are, to take care of us (us in the general sense) around our inability to self-moderate certain food.
Okay, I am going to go out on a limb here. What I struggle with is learning not to overindulge in foods in social situations, and this has been ongoing for quite some time. At the parties we attend, and we attend a lot because of the nature my partner's career and his very social family, there are sweets everywhere. I have a history of overindulging in the sweets to compensate for my weak social skills. It's gotten better but it's something I work on...
You appear to be projecting whatever your personal views are over to me. Based on experience, I should not eat potato chips unless they are in a single serving bag. I love them! But I hate the feeling afterward so I stay away from them. I can stay away from most things, but if he brings home Ritz crackers, Cheetos, or potato chips I will want to have them. So I just keep them out of immediate view.
Deb, you really need to do what's best working or you. What works for someone else it's not necessary it will make you feel in a comfortable situation.
There are certain foods I do not buy b'coz
1) Their calorie content and amount I can fit in my daily content is not worth.
2) I save money.
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Runner 475, I normally don't get embroiled in those types of conversations. Lesson learned. Anyhow, I'm fine with doing what I need to do. It works well for me.0
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At day's end - the only person who can lose that 15 pounds is YOU. I'd explain (once) to your boyfriend what you're trying to do and it's in his interest you get to a healthy weight. If he can't respect your choice, then he's not much of a boyfriend, and I'd look for another. OH - easiest way to eat clean is to shop clean. Easiest way to shop clean is to stick to the store perimeter, avoid the middle aisles0
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kshama2001 wrote: »BillMcKay1 wrote: »
I never said I did things on my own, and I never implied that I do anything great on my own either. It seems to me you are throwing out barbs and dancing around the core issue that I and others have addressed. To summarize:
It is not another person's responsibility to do for us what we can do for ourselves. In this context, that means we are 100% responsible for the behaviors we choose around weight management.
In other words, the beau/husband/any other person is never responsible for my choices around food, I am.
I find it funny you don't think someone taking the steps to remove a trigger food from easy access isn't taking responsibility for their behavior regarding weight management. They obviously know themselves and what does and doesn't work for them.
Moderation worked for you, gold stars and cart wheels. For other, they find is easier to remove temptation than resist or moderate.
Did you read the entire conversation?
I advocate taking care of ourselves around food, not asking someone else to take care of us. I mean, this concept is everywhere in my replies
In other words, don't ask anyone else to not buy foods we are triggered by, and don't ask them to hide said foods so we can't get to them. Don't ask someone else to not have any sweets at the party, or potato chips in the house, or a night out with us where bon bons are involved.
Also, in other words, when someone that certain food home, simply avoid it if you are triggered by it, or put it away ourselves, or have some in moderation. When that party comes around that has plenty of sweets, stay away from the sweet table or work on moderation.
Taking care our ourselves food is our responsibility.
I'm going to soften "hide" to "put out of sight" and say that there's nothing wrong with asking your OH to do this with a trigger food. Heck, I do this for myself. Each time we see something we make a decision whether or not to eat it and it's easier for many of us to not have to see it all the time. Studies confirm that people eat less sweets when they are out of sight or harder to reach.
And there have been studies that have shown we have limited willpower! So why make it harder for yourself by telling yourself you're not taking responsibility if you make it easier on yourself by asking for more support?0 -
Actually, there has been a study which says that willpower is unlimited. It also showed that people who thought it was unlimited could push their selves further. On the contrary, people who thought it wasn't tend to give up quicker.0
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Actually, there has been a study which says that willpower is unlimited. It also showed that people who thought it was unlimited could push their selves further. On the contrary, people who thought it wasn't tend to give up quicker.
Can you cite that study? I'll show you mine if you show me yours
https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/willpower-limited-resource.pdf This has a citation of both the original study I read myself to learn that, and other studies that also come to the same conclusion. It does in fact cite the study that you mention...right after all the studies that say the opposite.0 -
@Mentali
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26863227 --> "No Evidence of the Ego-Depletion Effect across Task Characteristics and Individual Differences: A Pre-Registered Study."
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25333564 --> "Failure to replicate depletion of self-control."
Ego-depletion is the idea that willpower is a limited resource. The classic setup for these kind of studies is: deplete the participents willpower and after that, let him peform a effortfull task. You would think the participent performed worse, but the above studies found that it didn't affect him.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25844577 --> "Implicit theories about willpower predict self-regulation and grades in everyday life."
This study showed that students who believed their willpower was unlimited could power on. While those who didn't, used that as an "excuse" to rest after finishing a task.
People say that this idea of ego-depletion is a self fulfilling prophecy and that there's publication bias regarding this topic. Some people tend to choose studies with a desired outcome, while there could be lots of other studies proving the contrary.
But honestly, we shouldn't let these studies decide how we feel about ourselves and how we change our lifes. If you want to put stuff out of your eyesight, then do it. If you don't want to, then don't. Just do whatever works for you and makes you happy. I only replied because I'm a student myself and am naturally busy with science and their publications. And I saw people discussing recent publications about willpower, so I wanted to share that with you.1 -
SophieSmall95 wrote: »Once my ex and I broke up, I lost 15-20 pounds. Now that I'm in a relationship again, I've pretty much gained it all back within a year. SO FRUSTRATING!
My boyfriend is naturally thin so eating healthy and working out isn't as important to him as it is for me, a very curvy, short, endomorph.
20 pounds lighter was the perfect, healthy, weight for me and I want to get back down to it in a way that's healthy and more importantly, sustainable (which my last method wasn't). I think a large culprit is being around him and his unhealthy eating and drinking habits.
Any tips for not letting myself be affected by his choices? While I'd love for us to be healthy together, I can't blame the guy for eating potato chips and a beer. If I could get away with it and be thin....I would too!
First you need to fix your misconceptions about weight.
There is no such thing as "naturally thin".
And the somatotypes like endmorphs biologically are complete bunk, they're good at describing how a person looks but that is literally it. Your "somatotype" doesn't stop you losing weight or staying a healthy weight or gaining muscle etc.
You gained weight because you ate more calories than your body burns (more than your TDEE, google TDEE calculator to find out yours). To lose weight figure out your TDEE and eat less than it and you will lose weight. It's incredibly simple. Alternatively you ca use MFPs calorie goals, exact same principle it just works out the calories for you.
I didn't know this - so someone who is very slim and can eat loads is just lucky as there body uses more calories ?0 -
Someone who is very slim and can "eat loads" when you're with them is either (a) getting a lot of physical activity, (b) not actually eating that much the rest of the time or (c) has a condition like hyperthyroid. It may seem like they're only eating junk food, but if they just eat half a burger and a few fries, that could easily work into a normal calorie budget.
I disagree that there's no such thing as "naturally thin" though. There's not a huge disparity in metabolic rate (barring medical conditions like hypothyroid and hyperthyroid), but different people have very different desires for food, and it is much much easier for people with low desire for food to be thin than for supertasters* to be thin. (Not that the second group can't. It's just harder.) I knew a woman once who didn't enjoy eating and could forget to eat for hours or even days. She was very thin and I think the term "naturally thin" applies perfectly to people like her.
*This is not a term I made up. There is scientific literature on the phenomenon, but it's been a while since I read it so don't have the links onhand.0
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