Long time maintainer, and sometimes I want to quit.

kommodevaran

redcoloredstars07 wrote: »

crayonbreakywillow wrote: »

But lately it's been a struggle. For some reason the scale has been fighting us, even though we are more active than ever. And, I find myself obsessing over it to the point where I feel like it consumes me and I get cranky when anything "interferes" with my planned calories.

And, sometimes I just want to stop. I don't want to regain the weight, but part of me wants to go back to seeing food in all its pure deliciousness and not seeing numbers when I look at it. I love food and it's something I'm passionate about. We don't deprive ourselves of the things we enjoy, but I get tired of feeling like I have to feel guilty when we overindulge. And I get jealous of how the rest of the world just eats what they want, when they want without stressing over it.

I've thought of taking a break, but honestly I'm afraid. And, I'm quite proud of my 1,528 day streak. I feel like if we stopped logging, we may lose control and gain all we've lost. I'm also afraid I wouldn't be able to look at food without seeing numbers anyway because I'm so used to knowing the calorie count of everything. Can anyone relate to this? Has anyone successfully stopped logging? Am I doomed to log the rest of my life? I worry that one day I will look back with regret because I allowed myself to be so obsessed with logging that I missed out on enjoying life to the fullest.

I feel like all I ever hear are the people who say "It got so much easier the more weight I lost! It became second nature to me! Counting calories barely takes up any time!" For me, it's totally the opposite. It got so much harder as it went on. The last 20 pounds or so were a real struggle (and the last 10 have been borderline torture.) Cooking has become a complete chore. I eat the same things over and over for ease. I spend SO much time thinking about food, planning out meals, measuring out breakfasts and lunches to the gram...and I sometimes feel like the only one who is struggling because I don't see a lot of people talking about it.

Maybe you don't need to lose those "last" pounds? Or micromanaging your food intake? It's that 80/20 rule - we tend to invest 80 percent of our recources on 20 percents of the outcome. That is not good management. Sometimes it's better to just let it go.

Cooking will be a chore when you cook boring food, and eating the same things over and over, is boring. You don't have to. And I really don't understand how that rhymes with spending time to plan meals - if you are eating the same over and over, the plan is fixed and no more planning needed. For me, meal planning has become a hobby, and it feels like a strange hobby to have, but I think it's rewarding because it lets me eat varied and balaced while I save money and have fun cooking good food. (Not to sound superior, but I'd like to give you a different view.)

(I'm not thinking so much about calories anymore, and I'm shrinking; lately I've been somewhat below "my" range and right now I weigh the same as when I was 12 Not intentionally, but I feel so satisfied and don't want to eat when I'm not hungry.)

Tweaking_Time

crayonbreakywillow wrote: »

I've been on MFP for over four years now, haven't missed a day. I've been on maintenance for three years after successfully losing 90ish pounds. From the beginning, I've loved the control I have over what I eat. Counting calories made sense to me and it worked! My husband and I started MFP together and I love that it's something we share. We are active and walk, bike ride and now run together.

But lately it's been a struggle. For some reason the scale has been fighting us, even though we are more active than ever. And, I find myself obsessing over it to the point where I feel like it consumes me and I get cranky when anything "interferes" with my planned calories.

And, sometimes I just want to stop. I don't want to regain the weight, but part of me wants to go back to seeing food in all its pure deliciousness and not seeing numbers when I look at it. I love food and it's something I'm passionate about. We don't deprive ourselves of the things we enjoy, but I get tired of feeling like I have to feel guilty when we overindulge. And I get jealous of how the rest of the world just eats what they want, when they want without stressing over it.

I've thought of taking a break, but honestly I'm afraid. And, I'm quite proud of my 1,528 day streak. I feel like if we stopped logging, we may lose control and gain all we've lost. I'm also afraid I wouldn't be able to look at food without seeing numbers anyway because I'm so used to knowing the calorie count of everything. Can anyone relate to this? Has anyone successfully stopped logging? Am I doomed to log the rest of my life? I worry that one day I will look back with regret because I allowed myself to be so obsessed with logging that I missed out on enjoying life to the fullest.

hahaha - OP, you nailed it! I felt the same way - again - this morning. But a spicy chicken biscuit at Chic fil A helped.

Like you I lost 75 pounds and had a similar length streak. Then I rage-quit when I had an injury requiring some surgeries and months of 10 pound weight restrictions. I gained about 12 pounds and, when I came back, I seriously regretted ever canceling my old account (Go_Mizzou99).

Take a break but not from the scale. Break your streak (it was actually quite liberating). Come back when you need tune ups - or as in my case - "tweaks". I normally only log breakfast and lunch now and never supper as I know how much "room" I have left.

Francl27

redcoloredstars07 wrote: »

crayonbreakywillow wrote: »

But lately it's been a struggle. For some reason the scale has been fighting us, even though we are more active than ever. And, I find myself obsessing over it to the point where I feel like it consumes me and I get cranky when anything "interferes" with my planned calories.

And, sometimes I just want to stop. I don't want to regain the weight, but part of me wants to go back to seeing food in all its pure deliciousness and not seeing numbers when I look at it. I love food and it's something I'm passionate about. We don't deprive ourselves of the things we enjoy, but I get tired of feeling like I have to feel guilty when we overindulge. And I get jealous of how the rest of the world just eats what they want, when they want without stressing over it.

I've thought of taking a break, but honestly I'm afraid. And, I'm quite proud of my 1,528 day streak. I feel like if we stopped logging, we may lose control and gain all we've lost. I'm also afraid I wouldn't be able to look at food without seeing numbers anyway because I'm so used to knowing the calorie count of everything. Can anyone relate to this? Has anyone successfully stopped logging? Am I doomed to log the rest of my life? I worry that one day I will look back with regret because I allowed myself to be so obsessed with logging that I missed out on enjoying life to the fullest.

I could have written this post...especially the stuff in bold. I'm now hitting a point where I have lost a significant amount but I'm not where I want to be. I don't know if losing any more is worth it, but I'm terrified of the prospect of maintenance. I don't have much to add or have much advice for you because I am still struggling with this myself (9 years an 100 pounds later) but I really wanted to thank you for sharing. And for everyone here for sharing.

I feel like all I ever hear are the people who say "It got so much easier the more weight I lost! It became second nature to me! Counting calories barely takes up any time!" For me, it's totally the opposite. It got so much harder as it went on. The last 20 pounds or so were a real struggle (and the last 10 have been borderline torture.) Cooking has become a complete chore. I eat the same things over and over for ease. I spend SO much time thinking about food, planning out meals, measuring out breakfasts and lunches to the gram...and I sometimes feel like the only one who is struggling because I don't see a lot of people talking about it.


One thing I'd like to mention (and not saying this is something you should/need to do) is that if the obsessive thoughts get too much and really start controlling your life, I'd suggest talking to a professional...a counselor or a therapist.Things got bad enough with me and my thought patterns about food and weight (which, honestly, has been a life long issue) that I decided to seek out someone who specifically focuses on patients who are dealing with weight loss, weight management, eating disorders, etc. We haven't made a ton of progress but it's a lot to chip away at and hopefully we'll be able to!

You are SO not alone! Most days even cooking is a chore too... but then my meals kinda suck and I don't feel satisfied, so it's a vicious cycle. When I spend more time making meals I enjoy, it's MUCH easier to stay on track (except those days when I'm starving. Ugh).

I'm sure I could use some professional help too, just wouldn't even know where to look for someone who's qualified and covered by my insurance. But yeah, I see fat people who seem much happier than I am (not that I was happy when I was fat, mind you, but at least I wasn't stressing out about gaining weight back all the time).

And I've been told not to obsess over my last 5 pounds too... but I'm still not happy with how I look... so it doesn't help either. I just wish I wasn't so damn HUNGRY 2 weeks a month!

redcoloredstars07

kommodevaran wrote: »

Maybe you don't need to lose those "last" pounds? Or micromanaging your food intake? It's that 80/20 rule - we tend to invest 80 percent of our recources on 20 percents of the outcome. That is not good management. Sometimes it's better to just let it go.

Cooking will be a chore when you cook boring food, and eating the same things over and over, is boring. You don't have to. And I really don't understand how that rhymes with spending time to plan meals - if you are eating the same over and over, the plan is fixed and no more planning needed.

It's hard to let it go and not feel like you need to lose those last few pounds when you're still technically overweight.

And as for how eating the same things over and over AND spending a lot of time meal planning can happen at once...they certainly do for me. I have a few dozen go to recipes that I make over and over, yes, but there's picking which ones I'm going to do ahead of time so I know how they fit in my week, shopping for the ingredients I might need, cooking, weighing everything into portions once I'm done. It takes up a lot of time and brain space when I'd much rather just cook whatever I wanted when I wanted and not have to put in all the leg work ahead of time.

PinkPixiexox

I can relate to this - and thank you so much for posting.

I am currently in ED recovery. I joined MFP in 2015 after being told by my doctor that I was over-weight. I threw myself in to weight loss - head first. It wasn't long before I was dropping the excess weight and feeling fantastic. Once I hit the 'healthy' mark, I felt amazing however from there? It went downhill. I lost my friends because I could not justify consuming calories that weren't already accounted for (I would pre log my days) - I would cancel every social situation. I would stop spending time with my boyfriend despite us living together because I was irritable and hungry and just wanted to be left alone. I couldn't fathom being intimate with him and we ate seperatly in the evenings as he would eat fattening food and I would be sitting there with my plate of vegetables. I nearly lost him. It got to the point where my life was about food - about the numbers, about eating. I was addicted to food yet didn't want to be anywhere near it.

I have to stress that I was never under weight - I was always 'healthy'. Yet my mind most certainly was not. When I reached my goal weight, I didn't ease up on myself. Instead, I found myself worrying more about the scale and the calorie burns and the numbers. My whole day was spent adding and calculating. I would make excuses to leave work early so I could go to the gym - I have an office job so couldn't contemplate sitting down all day.

It was only a few months ago that I realised I was mentally very unwell. I went to my doctor for help - she referred me to the eating disorder clinic. A few weeks later, I received a letter from the clinic saying I wasn't light enough for treatment - In other words, I was too heavy. I saw this as a failure and I just wanted to be away from this life of counting and adding and being afraid of food yet wanting it so badly.

I was referred to counselling and gradually my relationship with food eased. I still have to fight the urge to count and add and obsess and worry - and I still look at other people and feel envy that they can eat without a thought spared. I weighed myself last week and I have gained 7 pounds - I am nearly 'overweight' again. But I had to gain those pounds to ease up on the rigid structure that my life had become ruled by.

What I'm trying to say is - you don't have to live in fear of numbers. You don't have to beat yourself up over an indulgence and you don't have to have the constant battle. I believe it's all about finding that inner peace.

vicky1947mfp

I am the same way! But I would rather obsess over counting calories than the way I was before with being obsessed with overeating until I had an upset stomach many nights.

I have just never thought about it as an eating disorder before. But then again, it has never gotten in the way of my social life. Glad you got some help and are creating more balance in your life.

Francl27

vicky1947mfp wrote: »

I am the same way! But I would rather obsess over counting calories than the way I was before with being obsessed with overeating until I had an upset stomach many nights.

I have just never thought about it as an eating disorder before. But then again, it has never gotten in the way of my social life. Glad you got some help and are creating more balance in your life.

The whole 'eating disorder' thing is a really fine line though. The problem is that most of us have never had a good relationship with food - so stuffing our face and getting overweight/obese was an eating disorder too, in a way.

The problem is that once you start thinking of counting calories/watching what you eat/feeling guilty when you eat too much/feeling frustrated that you can't eat as much as you want as an eating disorder, well... what's the alternative, really? Not caring anymore and getting fat again? I mean, I'm no expert in what people do once they reach their goal weight, but most people who ended up trying to 'let go' of the stress ended up 'fatter but happier' and it's just really not what I'm aiming for.

I mean, sheesh, I still think that I look fat and it's a huge struggle already to maintain the weight - there's no doubt in my mind that if I started getting less obsessed about the food I eat (or don't eat), I'd end up gaining weight back.

So.. damned if you do, damned if you don't.

But I supposed I don't really let it be an obstacle in my social life, but I do struggle when I have to eat high calorie/non filling foods and end up hungry (or overeating) as a result (I'm sadly not someone who can make do with small portions of high calorie foods, lol). So I suppose it's a good thing I don't have much of a social life.

Godan2b

Great topic, I asked myself this question all the time. I'm 37 days away from 2,000 days straight and have been doing maintenance for about a year or so. Truthfully my smartphone is the first thing I pick up in the morning to get a vague idea of what my day will consist of so I can plan on what to eat. A lot of it now doesn't have some much to do with what I am eating but more of am I getting enough exercise in. I get way more benefit from that this far into it.

For now I will keep logging but all things come to an end, so some day who knows.

Keep after it and congrats on your progress to date.