Does your partner having an interest in fitness matter to you?
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Guns_N_Buns wrote: »I was just talking about this with the hubs. Preface: we always see our neighbor; he's generally out running with his dog or just outside doing yard work or whatever. When they originally moved in we met him and his wife, but we have yet to see his wife since -- and they moved in like a year ago. I can't imagine me being as active as I am and my hubs always on the couch doing nothing. It's one thing if I wanted to run a marathon and he wanted to go fishing, then I wouldn't mind, but as long as he's healthy and not just 'letting himself go' then I'm happy.
ummmm you haven't seen wife because she's probably buried under the garden.
Have you not seen "Rear Window"?
I don't have a partner, but if I did I wouldn't care either way as long as he was a good person who makes me laugh and puts up with my *kitten*.2 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »Why would it matter if your spouse/girlfriend doesn't eat what you eat or workout? Kinda narcissistic isn't it?
How is it narcissistic to want to have things in common with your counterpart? Someone who is active and enjoys fitness activities probably isn't going to get along too long with someone who just wants to sit around watching t.v.
Read the op again it's about fitness trust me theres a lot of fit people out there and stay fit without stepping a foot in a gym or counting calories
I'm not seeing your point...the OP sounds like a gym rat...it would seem logical that he would want a counterpart with similar/same interests. One of my best friends is a total gym rat...so is his wife...it really probably wouldn't work out otherwise.
I also hit the gym, but only a couple of days per week and my wife goes once per week...but we both ride 80 - 100 miles per week...that's what we're into...I'm glad we have that in common and understand that we need time to do that whether it's together or some alone time...someone who likes spending their off time just watching t.v. and movies would fail to understand why I needed to get out there and ride...so again, not really seeing your point here.
I don't count calories either...but I'm not sure what that has to do with anything either.1 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Absolutely, man. The whole premise is bogus. What if the woman has a stillborn and is battling depression. Nooooo, your *kitten* is in the gym with me or you are out. Or if the guy lost a limb and cannot enjoy fitness activities anymore... no, I'm getting a new fella.Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Vain, self admiring, self absorbed so basically I'm like I can't be caught with your fatass no matter what other good qualities you might possess that kind of narcissist
The thing is that people who make statements about similar fitness interests don't know life much. It's just the inexperience of not having been in a long term relationship. Coz you know LIFE happens
Fitness is way down the totem pole when you have more important things in life, like being a responsible parent. Or providing care to someone.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Absolutely, man. The whole premise is bogus. What if the woman has a stillborn and is battling depression. Nooooo, your *kitten* is in the gym with me or you are out. Or if the guy lost a limb and cannot enjoy fitness activities anymore... no, I'm getting a new fella.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Vain, self admiring, self absorbed so basically I'm like I can't be caught with your fatass no matter what other good qualities you might possess that kind of narcissist
Seriously?! I really, really, really hope you're not thinking that this describes me. Since it was my post you quoted where you brought narcissism into the conversation.
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For everybody in this thread who's in a relationship or ever has been: have you ever noticed that when your partner does something that increases their self-confidence, that makes them more attractive to you?
What's sexier: watching your partner slouch in front of Netflix, or watching them use a skill they've honed, especially when they challenge themself and do it with confidence?
Is ambition a good quality? I don't just mean money, I mean as an approach to life?3 -
NorthCascades wrote: »For everybody in this thread who's in a relationship or ever has been: have you ever noticed that when your partner does something that increases their self-confidence, that makes them more attractive to you?
What's sexier: watching your partner slouch in front of Netflix, or watching them use a skill they've honed, especially when they challenge themself and do it with confidence?
Is ambition a good quality? I don't just mean money, I mean as an approach to life?
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AdamAthletic wrote: »So, I've dated a fair number of people with no interest in health and fitness, I really didn't think it'd matter to me.. But, it does!
The sheer amount of time I spend in gyms and outdoors means that unless my other half has similar interests - we would hardly see each other!
What's other people's take?
Does it matter to you?
I guess your situation is a bit extreme, but a little support would be appreciated even if the partner wasn't joining in to all the activities.
I'm no way near as active as you, but I've increased my treadmill routine, as well as my general activity level around the yard and garden recently. My wife does not exercise at all but is losing weight through healthier eating.
My wife is very supportive of my calorie counting, and has made big changes in her cooking and how my meals are apportioned. She doesn't eat all the same things as me, but has always been somewhat careful about her diet.
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When I look at some of the pictures @cwolfman13 just posted, as a guy I'm supposed to be checking out the T&A, but instead the most salient thing I see in these is a can-do attitude. Which is a good thing to have in a life partner. 3
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The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Absolutely, man. The whole premise is bogus. What if the woman has a stillborn and is battling depression. Nooooo, your *kitten* is in the gym with me or you are out. Or if the guy lost a limb and cannot enjoy fitness activities anymore... no, I'm getting a new fella.Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Vain, self admiring, self absorbed so basically I'm like I can't be caught with your fatass no matter what other good qualities you might possess that kind of narcissist
The thing is that people who make statements about similar fitness interests don't know life much. It's just the inexperience of not having been in a long term relationship. Coz you know LIFE happens
Fitness is way down the totem pole when you have more important things in life, like being a responsible parent. Or providing care to someone.
I'm having a hard time believing that these comments are serious. And you two aren't just trying to rile people up with hyperbole. You can't honestly think this. This is stressful to even try to respond to. Like...What?!!?! I don't really have to respond to this...do I....
Come on...
We have had babies. We have had illness. And injury. And tragedies. And we love and will stand by our partners through anything.
Even the people that go through the injuries and tragedies were people that were active before that and wouldn't think or say these things.
I have been with my husband for 18+ years. We are parents. Living a life. We deal with the difficult times together. And support each other to get back on our feet.
Fitness isn't just vanity. It's health. And remaining mobile for as long as we can. For some of us it's part of our job.
People can be happy, do the things they enjoy, have a fully enjoyable relationship. Then when hard times hit they have a deep love, joy, fun, and all of that to carry them through it together.
This whole thing is absurd.
I don't have time for this silliness. Maybe we are being trolled (or whatever the word for this is).3 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.0 -
BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.2 -
BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
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BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
There are billions of people in the world, and none of us will ever date 99% of them. Which is perfectly ok. What matters isn't the people you won't date, but the ones you might and will.
It sounds like your soul mate is unlikely to be a marathon runner. I hope that's not your type! But that doesn't rule everybody out. What about painters, musicians, computer programmers, librarians, and the vast majority of the population who don't love to exercise regularly? You not running marathons won't be a deal breaker to other people who don't run marathons.3 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.
I don't honestly believe that anybody is advocating prejudice.
Were I the manager of a company and were hiring somebody to do a job - I'd look passed things such as disability, fitness level.. Activity, looks.. You get the picture?
As a human and a person that has preferences, the fact that I prefer somebody with an athletic build and that hits the gym as much as me(no, I'm not ashamed to say I have body type ideals - some people don't, I do. And that's fine because it's only me that has to live with those preferences);
To be a person I share my life with.
It has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with preference.
Just because it might not seem fair that people have attractions to different things and that you may not fit into that category for whatever reason (I'm sure I don't fit into a ton of people's ideals - for multiple reasons).
It isn't prejudice, it's preference.
Life may not always be fair but it would be a whole lot more unfair if people got with each other and led them on if they have no true desire to be with them - which seems to be what is being stated.2 -
I'm not the best at exercising but I'd take more of an interest and give serious effort if my SO was into it and wanted to include me.
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NorthCascades wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
There are billions of people in the world, and none of us will ever date 99% of them. Which is perfectly ok. What matters isn't the people you won't date, but the ones you might and will.
It sounds like your soul mate is unlikely to be a marathon runner. I hope that's not your type! But that doesn't rule everybody out. What about painters, musicians, computer programmers, librarians, and the vast majority of the population who don't love to exercise regularly? You not running marathons won't be a deal breaker to other people who don't run marathons.
I didn't necessarily seek outdoorsy or homebody men but my point is that if I had had the time necessary, to find/build a relationship with someone before becoming disabled, I eventually wouldn't have been their preference; if their desire was someone that'd complete marathons with them & that's the problem with making preferences a requirement. Would those that require their SO to participate in recreational activities, leave if their SO couldn't continue to participate?0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also.
Please keep in mind that people come in all shapes and sizes - and so do their preferences.
At least one person in the thread said it's a deal breaker; many others said it's the icing on the cake, and some said it's not important at all. A few even said they prefer their partner not exercise with them all the time, they prefer the alone time. I'm closer to that end of the spectrum.
I'd urge you not to give up at love. But maybe that's exactly the right thing to do. Sometimes it's harder to find when you're looking for it. I don't know. I've been single during my life, and I've been lonely. When you find somebody, Duchess, and I mean somebody who's right for you, it will be all the sweeter because what you're going through now highlights the contrast.1 -
NorthCascades wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also.
Please keep in mind that people come in all shapes and sizes - and so do their preferences.
At least one person in the thread said it's a deal breaker; many others said it's the icing on the cake, and some said it's not important at all. A few even said they prefer their partner not exercise with them all the time, they prefer the alone time. I'm closer to that end of the spectrum.
I'd urge you not to give up at love. But maybe that's exactly the right thing to do. Sometimes it's harder to find when you're looking for it. I don't know. I've been single during my life, and I've been lonely. When you find somebody, Duchess, and I mean somebody who's right for you, it will be all the sweeter because what you're going through now highlights the contrast.
This.
There's somebody out there for everybody!
My OP is regarding my personal preferences and I've always been sure of what I liked in a partner - it has nothing to do with disability.
Someone could be perfectly able and have no interest in hitting the gym and it would fall beyond my interests.
Mine is an extreme example and I'm far from ashamed to admit it but I'm not even for a second saying that my view is universals - my view is one of a very small percentage!1 -
AdamAthletic wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.
I don't honestly believe that anybody is advocating prejudice.
Were I the manager of a company and were hiring somebody to do a job - I'd look passed things such as disability, fitness level.. Activity, looks.. You get the picture?
As a human and a person that has preferences, the fact that I prefer somebody with an athletic build and that hits the gym as much as me(no, I'm not ashamed to say I have body type ideals - some people don't, I do. And that's fine because it's only me that has to live with those preferences);
To be a person I share my life with.
It has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with preference.
Just because it might not seem fair that people have attractions to different things and that you may not fit into that category for whatever reason (I'm sure I don't fit into a ton of people's ideals - for multiple reasons).
It isn't prejudice, it's preference.
Life may not always be fair but it would be a whole lot more unfair if people got with each other and led them on if they have no true desire to be with them - which seems to be what is being stated.
Preferences & requirements aren't the same. Preferences aren't absolute but requirements're. Sort of like with hiring someone. If an employer prefers that and applicant has an associates degree but requires, that they have a high school diploma. They still're able to get the job without, the degree but're unable to, without the diploma.0 -
NorthCascades wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also.
Please keep in mind that people come in all shapes and sizes - and so do their preferences.
At least one person in the thread said it's a deal breaker; many others said it's the icing on the cake, and some said it's not important at all. A few even said they prefer their partner not exercise with them all the time, they prefer the alone time. I'm closer to that end of the spectrum.
I'd urge you not to give up at love. But maybe that's exactly the right thing to do. Sometimes it's harder to find when you're looking for it. I don't know. I've been single during my life, and I've been lonely. When you find somebody, Duchess, and I mean somebody who's right for you, it will be all the sweeter because what you're going through now highlights the contrast.
I've read all of the posts & that's why I had said: "some" & "it's been said" because those wouldn't implicate everyone!0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »AdamAthletic wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.
I don't honestly believe that anybody is advocating prejudice.
Were I the manager of a company and were hiring somebody to do a job - I'd look passed things such as disability, fitness level.. Activity, looks.. You get the picture?
As a human and a person that has preferences, the fact that I prefer somebody with an athletic build and that hits the gym as much as me(no, I'm not ashamed to say I have body type ideals - some people don't, I do. And that's fine because it's only me that has to live with those preferences);
To be a person I share my life with.
It has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with preference.
Just because it might not seem fair that people have attractions to different things and that you may not fit into that category for whatever reason (I'm sure I don't fit into a ton of people's ideals - for multiple reasons).
It isn't prejudice, it's preference.
Life may not always be fair but it would be a whole lot more unfair if people got with each other and led them on if they have no true desire to be with them - which seems to be what is being stated.
Preferences & requirements aren't the same. Preferences aren't absolute but requirements're. Sort of like with hiring someone. If an employer prefers that and applicant has an associates degree but requires, that they have a high school diploma. They still're able to get the job without, the degree but're unable to, without the diploma.
Well you can't force someone to prefer something other than what they do. You wouldn't want a guy to date you bc he felt obliged. Lol. People have preferences. You can't change that.3 -
The point I'm making is wether mine are preferences or requirements in a partner - doesn't make it wrong for me to be such a way.DeficitDuchess wrote: »AdamAthletic wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.
I don't honestly believe that anybody is advocating prejudice.
Were I the manager of a company and were hiring somebody to do a job - I'd look passed things such as disability, fitness level.. Activity, looks.. You get the picture?
As a human and a person that has preferences, the fact that I prefer somebody with an athletic build and that hits the gym as much as me(no, I'm not ashamed to say I have body type ideals - some people don't, I do. And that's fine because it's only me that has to live with those preferences);
To be a person I share my life with.
It has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with preference.
Just because it might not seem fair that people have attractions to different things and that you may not fit into that category for whatever reason (I'm sure I don't fit into a ton of people's ideals - for multiple reasons).
It isn't prejudice, it's preference.
Life may not always be fair but it would be a whole lot more unfair if people got with each other and led them on if they have no true desire to be with them - which seems to be what is being stated.
Preferences & requirements aren't the same. Preferences aren't absolute but requirements're. Sort of like with hiring someone. If an employer prefers that and applicant has an associates degree but requires, that they have a high school diploma. They still're able to get the job without, the degree but're unable to, without the diploma.
My preferences/requirements in a partner are purely that, mine.
That doesn't make me wrong to have that outlook, I have zero requirements/preferences for 'friends' (other than the normal that most people have - no pathological liars, thieves.. Etc).
As a partner, I know what I want in somebody and that has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with my own choices.
2 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »AdamAthletic wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.
I don't honestly believe that anybody is advocating prejudice.
Were I the manager of a company and were hiring somebody to do a job - I'd look passed things such as disability, fitness level.. Activity, looks.. You get the picture?
As a human and a person that has preferences, the fact that I prefer somebody with an athletic build and that hits the gym as much as me(no, I'm not ashamed to say I have body type ideals - some people don't, I do. And that's fine because it's only me that has to live with those preferences);
To be a person I share my life with.
It has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with preference.
Just because it might not seem fair that people have attractions to different things and that you may not fit into that category for whatever reason (I'm sure I don't fit into a ton of people's ideals - for multiple reasons).
It isn't prejudice, it's preference.
Life may not always be fair but it would be a whole lot more unfair if people got with each other and led them on if they have no true desire to be with them - which seems to be what is being stated.
Preferences & requirements aren't the same. Preferences aren't absolute but requirements're. Sort of like with hiring someone. If an employer prefers that and applicant has an associates degree but requires, that they have a high school diploma. They still're able to get the job without, the degree but're unable to, without the diploma.
Well you can't force someone to prefer something other than what they do. You wouldn't want a guy to date you bc he felt obliged. Lol. People have preferences. You can't change that.
I have preferences & requirements, as well; everyone does but preferences're "like to have" & requirements're "must have". When either're beyond realism, that's when it's prejudicial & that isn't okay, regardless of 1's; right to be.0
This discussion has been closed.
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