Does your partner having an interest in fitness matter to you?
Replies
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DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »AdamAthletic wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.
I don't honestly believe that anybody is advocating prejudice.
Were I the manager of a company and were hiring somebody to do a job - I'd look passed things such as disability, fitness level.. Activity, looks.. You get the picture?
As a human and a person that has preferences, the fact that I prefer somebody with an athletic build and that hits the gym as much as me(no, I'm not ashamed to say I have body type ideals - some people don't, I do. And that's fine because it's only me that has to live with those preferences);
To be a person I share my life with.
It has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with preference.
Just because it might not seem fair that people have attractions to different things and that you may not fit into that category for whatever reason (I'm sure I don't fit into a ton of people's ideals - for multiple reasons).
It isn't prejudice, it's preference.
Life may not always be fair but it would be a whole lot more unfair if people got with each other and led them on if they have no true desire to be with them - which seems to be what is being stated.
Preferences & requirements aren't the same. Preferences aren't absolute but requirements're. Sort of like with hiring someone. If an employer prefers that and applicant has an associates degree but requires, that they have a high school diploma. They still're able to get the job without, the degree but're unable to, without the diploma.
Well you can't force someone to prefer something other than what they do. You wouldn't want a guy to date you bc he felt obliged. Lol. People have preferences. You can't change that.
I have preferences & requirements, as well; everyone does but preferences're "like to have" & requirements're "must have". When either're beyond realism, that's when it's prejudicial & that isn't okay, regardless of 1's; right to be.
If they're beyond realism then surely that is just negative to ones self?
I have pretty strict requirements to what I look for in a partner, some people would say 'beyond realism' - yet, I've always seemed to manage to find the kind of person I prefer to date.
There is no prejudice, it's just an unfair part of life that not everybody that you like or would like to be with will feel a mutual way - regardless of reason.
There will however be plenty that do!0 -
I wouldn't want to be with someone that didn't want to be with me. Them wanting to be with me is my requirement.
I have requirements like: no abuse.
And preferences.
My husband has preferences.
But, I am flexible. And we love each other unconditionally.
I'm a dancer, that's really important to me. I have had pain conditions since I was 14 as well. And major injury events. And that presented many challenges as a dancer. It hasn't been easy. But, I deal with it. But, I know other people have worse pain and disability. Though most dancers don't. I have had limitations. So, my husband went running without me because it's not wise for me to go running. Somedays I look like a person who has trouble walking, other days I am dancing as if I have no pain. It varies. It's something I live with and manage. It influences some of my choices, it makes some choices for me, and I choose things even though they aren't the "easy" choice for me, but for me it's worth it.3 -
BinaryPulsar wrote: »I wouldn't want to be with someone that didn't want to be with me. Them wanting to be with me is my requirement.
I have requirements like: no abuse.
And preferences.
My husband has preferences.
But, I am flexible. And we love each other unconditionally.
I'm a dancer, that's really important to me. I have had pain conditions since I was 14 as well. And major injury events. And that presented many challenges as a dancer. It hasn't been easy. But, I deal with it. But, I know other people have worse pain and disability. Though most dancers don't. I have had limitations. So, my husband went running without me because it's not wise for me to go running. Somedays I look like a person who has trouble walking, other days I am dancing as if I have no pain. It varies. It's something I live with and manage. It influences some of my choices, it makes some choices for me, and I choose things even though they aren't the "easy" choice for me, but for me it's worth it.
It sounds like you have a fantastic relationship to me!
Couldn't be happier for you, that's the kind of thing life's all about.
Sharing the good and making the bad not seem quite so bad!1 -
Thanks
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I've always been into fitness; my mate of 23 years has never had even the slightest interest in working out or nutrition. He smokes like a chimney, drinks and eats takeout quite a bit. We're polar opposites!! BUT, over the years, he has put together a great home gym for me, he always supports any new thing I want to try or go to, and has never complained about my blablabla-ing about those things either. We each just let the other Be.
But that said, there's nothing wrong with choosing a partner based on your likes and preferences, and avoiding dating people who don't meet those. It's your life to live!3 -
I just can't wrap my head around why anyone thinks they have the right to tell someone else who they should be attracted to or want to share a life with. Not one of us is everyones cup of tea. Everyone has preferences in a partner. What's it to me if Adam wants a partner who hits the gm 7 days a week? What's it to anyone here if I want a partner who shares my lifestyle choices? I don't go to bars on a regular basis, I'm not a big drinker. Whats wrong with saying that I don't want a partner that wants to go out most nights or drinks most nights? Let that person find someone who wants to do the same. I wouldn't knock them for that. So why are so many knocking us?4
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DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »AdamAthletic wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.
I don't honestly believe that anybody is advocating prejudice.
Were I the manager of a company and were hiring somebody to do a job - I'd look passed things such as disability, fitness level.. Activity, looks.. You get the picture?
As a human and a person that has preferences, the fact that I prefer somebody with an athletic build and that hits the gym as much as me(no, I'm not ashamed to say I have body type ideals - some people don't, I do. And that's fine because it's only me that has to live with those preferences);
To be a person I share my life with.
It has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with preference.
Just because it might not seem fair that people have attractions to different things and that you may not fit into that category for whatever reason (I'm sure I don't fit into a ton of people's ideals - for multiple reasons).
It isn't prejudice, it's preference.
Life may not always be fair but it would be a whole lot more unfair if people got with each other and led them on if they have no true desire to be with them - which seems to be what is being stated.
Preferences & requirements aren't the same. Preferences aren't absolute but requirements're. Sort of like with hiring someone. If an employer prefers that and applicant has an associates degree but requires, that they have a high school diploma. They still're able to get the job without, the degree but're unable to, without the diploma.
Well you can't force someone to prefer something other than what they do. You wouldn't want a guy to date you bc he felt obliged. Lol. People have preferences. You can't change that.
I have preferences & requirements, as well; everyone does but preferences're "like to have" & requirements're "must have". When either're beyond realism, that's when it's prejudicial & that isn't okay, regardless of 1's; right to be.
Gah. You're gonna get a semicolon ban, missy
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DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »AdamAthletic wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.
I don't honestly believe that anybody is advocating prejudice.
Were I the manager of a company and were hiring somebody to do a job - I'd look passed things such as disability, fitness level.. Activity, looks.. You get the picture?
As a human and a person that has preferences, the fact that I prefer somebody with an athletic build and that hits the gym as much as me(no, I'm not ashamed to say I have body type ideals - some people don't, I do. And that's fine because it's only me that has to live with those preferences);
To be a person I share my life with.
It has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with preference.
Just because it might not seem fair that people have attractions to different things and that you may not fit into that category for whatever reason (I'm sure I don't fit into a ton of people's ideals - for multiple reasons).
It isn't prejudice, it's preference.
Life may not always be fair but it would be a whole lot more unfair if people got with each other and led them on if they have no true desire to be with them - which seems to be what is being stated.
Preferences & requirements aren't the same. Preferences aren't absolute but requirements're. Sort of like with hiring someone. If an employer prefers that and applicant has an associates degree but requires, that they have a high school diploma. They still're able to get the job without, the degree but're unable to, without the diploma.
Well you can't force someone to prefer something other than what they do. You wouldn't want a guy to date you bc he felt obliged. Lol. People have preferences. You can't change that.
I have preferences & requirements, as well; everyone does but preferences're "like to have" & requirements're "must have". When either're beyond realism, that's when it's prejudicial & that isn't okay, regardless of 1's; right to be.
Gah. You're gonna get a semicolon ban, missy
0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »AdamAthletic wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »The disconnect with some of these comments, that someone might only be interested in being healthy or not but yet also be unable to support, their significant other's health or fitness goals, is astonishing!
Just because I am physically unable to do a marathon, doesn't mean that I'd rather sit at home; on my chaise all day & watch television. My desire'd be to be at the finish line, to congratulate my SO (if I had 1); for his accomplishment & have a towel, water, snack, etc., for him.
That's not what they are talking about. They are talking about healthy and able people making choices. They aren't talking about people dealing with illness and health challenges.
Some're indeed, they're "requiring"; that their SO's be fit! be "able" to participate & "keep up", with them!
That's not how I perceived it. I don't see these responses as black and white. But, just life and all the shades of grey.
ETA: But, the only relationship that is my concern is my own. And we are happy and do well in the fun times and challenging times. And always keep laughing and smiling. Other people's relationships are not my concern.
It's been said, in this thread; that it's a "deal breaker" also. So no, these aren't just preferences; to share an interest. This is also the story of my life & why I am single. Unfortunately becoming disabled at 14 years old, didn't grant me the years necessary to find a SO 1st; to enjoy my once ideal health with. So while it's easy for me, to attract men that'd like to use me; especially since I have an invisible illness. Finding 1 whom'd deal with me, was impossible & thus I've since had to, admit defeat. Possibly if I became disabled a decade or so later, after being married, having a career & children, it might've been possible; for me to keep a relationship rather than begin 1.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this. But, other people's relationships and choices shouldn't get you down. So, those people wouldn't be the right person for you. But, there are others that could be. But, I know it's not easy. Not saying it is. I understand how challenging it must be, on many different levels. I understand this is bringing up difficult feelings for you. And I know what that feels like.
Thank you but the consequences of prejudice, is societal & therefore it concerns me, whether I am the target; of it or not.
I don't honestly believe that anybody is advocating prejudice.
Were I the manager of a company and were hiring somebody to do a job - I'd look passed things such as disability, fitness level.. Activity, looks.. You get the picture?
As a human and a person that has preferences, the fact that I prefer somebody with an athletic build and that hits the gym as much as me(no, I'm not ashamed to say I have body type ideals - some people don't, I do. And that's fine because it's only me that has to live with those preferences);
To be a person I share my life with.
It has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with preference.
Just because it might not seem fair that people have attractions to different things and that you may not fit into that category for whatever reason (I'm sure I don't fit into a ton of people's ideals - for multiple reasons).
It isn't prejudice, it's preference.
Life may not always be fair but it would be a whole lot more unfair if people got with each other and led them on if they have no true desire to be with them - which seems to be what is being stated.
Preferences & requirements aren't the same. Preferences aren't absolute but requirements're. Sort of like with hiring someone. If an employer prefers that and applicant has an associates degree but requires, that they have a high school diploma. They still're able to get the job without, the degree but're unable to, without the diploma.
You have requirements too, one of them being that whoever you partner with "sees" and understands your disability, right? I'm sure your disability has shaped some of your interests; you wouldn't want to be with someone who dismissed the things you like to do and told you to spend more time doing what they were doing, right? It's your history, it's who you are.
People are passionate about fitness for a variety of reasons. Maybe they grew up with it and don't know life without it. Maybe finding a sport they loved helped them shed 100 lbs and get healthy, increasing their quality and length of life. Maybe they were in an abusive relationship, and hitting the gym helped them build the confidence to get out (me). Maybe exercise helps them manage anxiety, depression, or an eating disorder (me again). Maybe it gives them motivation to get out of bed every day. I understand fitness is a choice and your disability isn't, but the reasons why fitness is important to a person can very much be a component of who they are. It helps immensely to partner with someone who respects your passion for fitness and the time it takes, and some people *need* to share that time with a partner.
If fitness is so important to someone that it's a huge component of their life, it can be a deal breaker if a partner is unsupportive, or if they can't share quality time running/lifting/biking/hiking together. There's nothing wrong with that, it just means you specifically are incompatible with someone who really, really wants a partner to run marathons with. And why waste your energy what-iffing about meeting a partner before your disability set in? (Theoretically, if you had been with a fitness buff, you would 1) understand how important fitness is to them and let them continue in their activities, and 2) still be loved by your partner because you had already built a relationship. But that's not how life turned out for you.) If you want a relationship, focus on finding someone who appreciates you as you are rather than suggesting people they should change who they are to accommodate you. I know your situation is HARD, really I do. I'm sorry if you've faced prejudice from people, but I'm not seeing it exhibited here - it's not prejudiced for people to want to be with someone who "gets" them, no matter the circumstances.
All the best 4 -
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I don't really have celebrity crushes, but Krysten Ritter has pretty eyes.0
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Yes. Fitness is very important to me. I'm looking for someone who is:
Intelligent
Funny
Cute
Adventurous
Kind
And has a passion for fitness.
Yes. I'm still single. Lol0 -
Ok, I guess I shouldn't be responding because your comments most likely are not directed at me. My husband doesn't look anything like the situation. He has legs like a soccer player. And he rides his bike. He's a physicist (which I have mentioned too many times). So, we have interesting conversation.0
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chocolate_owl wrote: »People are passionate about fitness for a variety of reasons. ... Maybe exercise helps them manage anxiety, depression ...
That's me.
Also, some of my favorite forms of exercise (hiking in mountains above tree line) make me feel fulfilled. Like I'm living my life properly, according to my own standards. Also, it's pretty cool to see a majestic creature like a mountain goat or the occasional bear, on its own terms, not at the zoo.2 -
I only date girls that are into fitness.1
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This is just an example Who would you likely connect with?
Him
Or him
Do I like the way the first guy looks? Well sure, he's got a great body. But one conversation and he wouldn't even be considered. Do you think just because someone wants someone fit and active that they don't care about intelligence? I don't know why this is so hard for some people to grasp. We're not just talking about looks. As for Johnny Depp, I'm not really into him, but I'll take a scruffy Chris Evans any day.
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Chris Hemsworth is attractive. I liked him in The Huntsman: Winter's War. Three attractive leading ladies in that movie as well.1
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BinaryPulsar wrote: »Chris Hemsworth is attractive. I liked him in The Huntsman: Winter's War. Three attractive leading ladies in that movie as well.
Yep, he's hot too.
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I was like why was I mentioned in this thread 5x . Damn copy and paste features lol. This thing turned into somewhat a train wreck. To further what I said. I have many interests one being fitness. If I excluded women for lack of a fitness lifestyle I'd be short selling myself on what's important to me. Also it seems a linkage to fitness and eating habits was linked. They are not necessarily conjoined twins. One not in the fitness lifestyle clearly can still eat as if they were . I've been in the gym with a SO and we did our own things and rarely worked out together. I lifted for gains she exercised for different goals.0
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