Does your partner having an interest in fitness matter to you?
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They don't need to be a gym-obsessed health nut, but yes, my potential partner caring about their general health and appearance is important to me. If anything, it says a thing or two about their character - if someone is willing to put in some effort into their fitness, it tells me they're (most likely) not negligent or lazy, and it ups the odds of them having some sort of aspirations in life beyond simply "making it".1
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What about all those arranged marriages which never seem to end in divorce? Like, they didn't even know each other and the parents brokered the deal. And they don't even seem to be fit people. They're like, thin, but flabby too. Maybe getting a bit paunchy in middle age, but no big deal. Causal or correlative?
This is cultural and causal from the two families brokering the deal. Both families (optimally) are looking out for the best interests of their children to find compatible factors. Fitness and other interests are considered in successfully arranged marriages.1 -
Wow how did having a partner that liked to work out and be fit turn into this??1
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This is interesting and I wonder how many couples really think about this before committing themselves.
For me fitness was very important - I was very fit and always into football, track, swimming, & biathlon. This served me greatly in a military career. When I met my wife it was at university and my primary interest was more intellectual compatibility than physical. I was much more into fitness than my wife at that time, but this has shifted with her becoming much more interested and confident in her abilities. For years she did not think she could run, but now runs daily. Now we are looking to do OCRs together and getting our children involved with our activities.
While this is not critical having similar interests and pursuits has strengthened our relationship.2 -
The first thing that caught my attention was my husband running up and asking if anyone wanted to go white river rafting. Next time I saw him was at a party. I went up and danced with him until we left to talk all night. I fell in love with him because of our mental/emotional connection. But, the fact that he is so fun and creatively fun was a big part of that. I was in school for dance. And we would do stunts together (I am so glad he didn't drop me...eeek). It's never just one thing. It's the whole package. All the ways we connect, understand each other, enjoy each other.0
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I think it will be fun to have my SO enjoy an active lifestyle. He doesn't and he's not considered fit either. It used to bother me a lot more before, but seeing he's my biggest fan and supporting me in whatever i do, I've learned not to pay attention to what divide us and instead concentrate on all his positive contributions to our relationship and to compromise.4
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My SO doesn't care about fitness, but he rides a bike. That's enough for me.2
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My SO isn't near as active as I am. It used to bug me but she is totally my cheerleader and my brother makes a better workout partner anyway.2
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So a hard working man who stays active doing physical work genetically gifted but doesn't like working out and doesn't eat like you and is devoted to you won't make you happy?
If there's no attraction, that's not the kind of thing you can get a lawyer to file an appeal for. You find somebody else instead.
What kind of basis would it be for a relationship if the two people didn't like each other but had to be together out of fairness?
Also, at least for me, and the way I'm reading this for others, it's not so much about the way your partner looks, it's about having something in common with them, and being able to spend time together. Those are worthy goals in any relationship.2 -
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Guns_N_Buns wrote: »I was just talking about this with the hubs. Preface: we always see our neighbor; he's generally out running with his dog or just outside doing yard work or whatever. When they originally moved in we met him and his wife, but we have yet to see his wife since -- and they moved in like a year ago. I can't imagine me being as active as I am and my hubs always on the couch doing nothing. It's one thing if I wanted to run a marathon and he wanted to go fishing, then I wouldn't mind, but as long as he's healthy and not just 'letting himself go' then I'm happy.
ummmm you haven't seen wife because she's probably buried under the garden.
Have you not seen "Rear Window"?
I don't have a partner, but if I did I wouldn't care either way as long as he was a good person who makes me laugh and puts up with my *kitten*.2 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »Why would it matter if your spouse/girlfriend doesn't eat what you eat or workout? Kinda narcissistic isn't it?
How is it narcissistic to want to have things in common with your counterpart? Someone who is active and enjoys fitness activities probably isn't going to get along too long with someone who just wants to sit around watching t.v.
Read the op again it's about fitness trust me theres a lot of fit people out there and stay fit without stepping a foot in a gym or counting calories
I'm not seeing your point...the OP sounds like a gym rat...it would seem logical that he would want a counterpart with similar/same interests. One of my best friends is a total gym rat...so is his wife...it really probably wouldn't work out otherwise.
I also hit the gym, but only a couple of days per week and my wife goes once per week...but we both ride 80 - 100 miles per week...that's what we're into...I'm glad we have that in common and understand that we need time to do that whether it's together or some alone time...someone who likes spending their off time just watching t.v. and movies would fail to understand why I needed to get out there and ride...so again, not really seeing your point here.
I don't count calories either...but I'm not sure what that has to do with anything either.1 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Absolutely, man. The whole premise is bogus. What if the woman has a stillborn and is battling depression. Nooooo, your *kitten* is in the gym with me or you are out. Or if the guy lost a limb and cannot enjoy fitness activities anymore... no, I'm getting a new fella.Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Vain, self admiring, self absorbed so basically I'm like I can't be caught with your fatass no matter what other good qualities you might possess that kind of narcissist
The thing is that people who make statements about similar fitness interests don't know life much. It's just the inexperience of not having been in a long term relationship. Coz you know LIFE happens
Fitness is way down the totem pole when you have more important things in life, like being a responsible parent. Or providing care to someone.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Absolutely, man. The whole premise is bogus. What if the woman has a stillborn and is battling depression. Nooooo, your *kitten* is in the gym with me or you are out. Or if the guy lost a limb and cannot enjoy fitness activities anymore... no, I'm getting a new fella.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Vain, self admiring, self absorbed so basically I'm like I can't be caught with your fatass no matter what other good qualities you might possess that kind of narcissist
Seriously?! I really, really, really hope you're not thinking that this describes me. Since it was my post you quoted where you brought narcissism into the conversation.
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For everybody in this thread who's in a relationship or ever has been: have you ever noticed that when your partner does something that increases their self-confidence, that makes them more attractive to you?
What's sexier: watching your partner slouch in front of Netflix, or watching them use a skill they've honed, especially when they challenge themself and do it with confidence?
Is ambition a good quality? I don't just mean money, I mean as an approach to life?3 -
NorthCascades wrote: »For everybody in this thread who's in a relationship or ever has been: have you ever noticed that when your partner does something that increases their self-confidence, that makes them more attractive to you?
What's sexier: watching your partner slouch in front of Netflix, or watching them use a skill they've honed, especially when they challenge themself and do it with confidence?
Is ambition a good quality? I don't just mean money, I mean as an approach to life?
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AdamAthletic wrote: »So, I've dated a fair number of people with no interest in health and fitness, I really didn't think it'd matter to me.. But, it does!
The sheer amount of time I spend in gyms and outdoors means that unless my other half has similar interests - we would hardly see each other!
What's other people's take?
Does it matter to you?
I guess your situation is a bit extreme, but a little support would be appreciated even if the partner wasn't joining in to all the activities.
I'm no way near as active as you, but I've increased my treadmill routine, as well as my general activity level around the yard and garden recently. My wife does not exercise at all but is losing weight through healthier eating.
My wife is very supportive of my calorie counting, and has made big changes in her cooking and how my meals are apportioned. She doesn't eat all the same things as me, but has always been somewhat careful about her diet.
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