Support from significant other...

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  • Katie_Y89
    Katie_Y89 Posts: 330 Member
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    It's great to see a majority of users having support from their SO's!!

    My bf isn't supportive. He doesn't encourage me, doesn't compliment me, nothing. He used to bring me candy bars and I would yell at him for it and he would get mad that I didn't want it.
    Now if we are grocery shopping and I want something sweet, he yells at me. Legit yells and tells me I don't need it (which makes me feel even more fat!)

    So I just have myself and my hopes of getting back into my old clothes lol!
  • birgitkwood
    birgitkwood Posts: 486 Member
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    My husband met me when I was relatively thin. He's seen me gain 100lbs, seen me loose 80, gain 60... You get the idea. Throughout he has never once commented! Has never said anything other than that I'm beautiful, sexy, smart, and that he's proud of me. He cares not one tiny whit about food - But prefers it to be relatively healthy. He can't cook, so I do all the cooking and planning our meals. He does not care what I put I front of him as long as it's lite in sodium and not fried. So, yes - he's very supportive in that he never criticizes. But I sure would love for him to take over the whole food thing once in a while ;-)
  • mysteps2beauty
    mysteps2beauty Posts: 494 Member
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    Glad I'm not married.
  • TanyaHooton
    TanyaHooton Posts: 249 Member
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    Mine is 6'3" with a slim athletic build. He is a carpenter so he gets lots of extra calories, double or more some days.

    He prefers a woman with some "shape" to a slim woman with no rear end. But he wants me to be happy, healthy, active and mobile. He used to do MMA fighting so he knows the struggle to manage calories and build muscle. He encourages me to build core strength and climb a wall and shoot a bow and arrow. He's genuinely happy when I announce I've lost inches. He's jealous if his guy friends notice I've lost weight.

    But his relationship to food is not like mine. He brings home doughnuts and pizza and ice cream. He can afford the calories, but he understands when I force myself to sadly say no. I won't ask him to deprive himself of the stuff he loves. I will learn to be better at saying no.

    We have kids for whom I endure there are fruits, veggies, and whole foods. Some days are great, some are less so. I'm just happy my back already hurts less. He is too.
  • JessicaMcB
    JessicaMcB Posts: 1,503 Member
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    My husband is supportive of my efforts at healthiet living (as I am now maintaining) and endures low carb fare for dinner every evening with varying degrees of criticism ;) . He has also always been good about watching the kids when I go run trail.

    In turn every time he asks me to help him get back to keto I do everything I can. He still goes back to a family sized bag of Doritos by the end of every day 1, but I will unendingly back his attempts
  • rebaisett
    rebaisett Posts: 62 Member
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    Would love to hear from the men :)
  • adriennevy
    adriennevy Posts: 53 Member
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    I feel fortunate that my long-term-boyfriend is joining me on the journey to be healthier and more fit. We go to the gym together about half the time (if I'm not hitting up the one right across the street for my work.) We are still working through the diet differences, though. He is 6'3" ~160lbs, so his goal is to gain weight, and my goal is to lose it. His caloric goals are about twice what mine are. We can't eat dinner together anymore, which has been the hardest part.

    When we started, I asked him to be 100% completely honest with me and tell me where I've gained weight in the 4 years since we've been together. I know this sounds like a trap for most men, but I really wanted to know what he saw. He told me I'm just "a little squishier everywhere, but I don't mind." That was motivation enough, haha. And his motivation came when I bought a bathroom scale and he realized that he has lost ~20lbs since we met. Part of that was that he stopped drinking a little over 2 years ago. I knew he had some self-esteem issues his whole life surrounding being "skinny" so I decided to help him out. (For the record, I happen to like his slender frame, but want him to feel good about himself. He is a home remodeling contractor by trade, so he's not weak and sickly looking.) I found an diet/exercise program online called "Bony to Beastly" and sent it to him to check out. He signed up that night.

    I honestly don't know if I'd be able to do it without my partner doing it with me.
  • adriennevy
    adriennevy Posts: 53 Member
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    ars371 wrote: »
    My wife isn't very supportive, at lease in the ways I need her to be....

    Reading your post made my heart hurt a bit. It sounds like your diet isn't the only area of your life where your marriage is struggling. It seems like there has been a real break down in communication between you two. I'm no therapist, but I have attended couples therapy with my SO and it changed both of us immensely. It might be a good idea for you, too. I hope you can get back on the right track and improve communication skills with your wife... the way it's going now is not sustainable. ::hugs::
  • peaceout_aly
    peaceout_aly Posts: 2,018 Member
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    rebaisett wrote: »
    Was curious to know how your significant other is supporting or not supporting you. I am so incredibly lucky and I know it. My husband has never had to worry about his weight. Lucky him. Anyway, every time I go on my weight loss journey he always has my back and is very encouraging. Would love to here your thoughts.

    My S.O. is supportive! He loves to brag about my new PR's at the gym to all his clients and co-workers, I find it hilarious! He enjoys that I'm constantly cooking and making healthy food for him and his brother (who lives with us), and that I live an active lifestyle. His one complaint (that I know I'm guilty of) is that I always make the gym top priority. I will literally events, dates, dinners, just so that I can get a gym session in and make sure I don't go over my macros. I'm slowly improving though. Fitness and nutrition is important and all, but family and friends have to come first still.
  • fatguy_fitness
    fatguy_fitness Posts: 195 Member
    edited September 2016
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    adriennevy wrote: »
    Reading your post made my heart hurt a bit. It sounds like your diet isn't the only area of your life where your marriage is struggling. It seems like there has been a real break down in communication between you two. I'm no therapist, but I have attended couples therapy with my SO and it changed both of us immensely. It might be a good idea for you, too. I hope you can get back on the right track and improve communication skills with your wife... the way it's going now is not sustainable. ::hugs::

    I've thought about it and I think it would be good for us, but right now she's finishing up grad school and doesn't have time for much else besides that. She'll be done in a few months and then I think I'm really going to pursue that with her. Her communication skills have never been the best. We've been together for 15 yrs and married for 11 and not until last summer did she tell me about a traumatic experience(s) she had growing up that has resulted in her having a horrible body image and self confidence even though she tall, thin and quite attractive. So I definitely feel it would be beneficial to start couples therapy. Thanks for your response.
  • adriennevy
    adriennevy Posts: 53 Member
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    ars371 wrote: »
    I've thought about it and I think it would be good for us, but right now she's finishing up grad school and doesn't have time for much else besides that. She'll be done in a few months and then I think I'm really going to pursue that with her. Her communication skills have never been the best. We've been together for 15 yrs and married for 11 and not until last summer did she tell me about a traumatic experience(s) she had growing up that has resulted in her having a horrible body image and self confidence even though she tall, thin and quite attractive. So I definitely feel it would be beneficial to start couples therapy. Thanks for your response.

    It's good to hear that you're already thinking about it. Therapy is extremely taboo to many people. I know it took my SO a few years to tell me about a childhood trauma of his, too, and about his own self-esteem issues, and it only started to come out because of therapy. He started going to therapy first, then I joined him for about 4 months, and he continues to go on his own every week. I truly think we would not be together if it weren't for therapy, and if we were, we absolutely wouldn't be doing as good as we are now! Best of luck to you and your wife.

  • fatguy_fitness
    fatguy_fitness Posts: 195 Member
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    adriennevy wrote: »
    ars371 wrote: »
    I've thought about it and I think it would be good for us, but right now she's finishing up grad school and doesn't have time for much else besides that. She'll be done in a few months and then I think I'm really going to pursue that with her. Her communication skills have never been the best. We've been together for 15 yrs and married for 11 and not until last summer did she tell me about a traumatic experience(s) she had growing up that has resulted in her having a horrible body image and self confidence even though she tall, thin and quite attractive. So I definitely feel it would be beneficial to start couples therapy. Thanks for your response.

    It's good to hear that you're already thinking about it. Therapy is extremely taboo to many people. I know it took my SO a few years to tell me about a childhood trauma of his, too, and about his own self-esteem issues, and it only started to come out because of therapy. He started going to therapy first, then I joined him for about 4 months, and he continues to go on his own every week. I truly think we would not be together if it weren't for therapy, and if we were, we absolutely wouldn't be doing as good as we are now! Best of luck to you and your wife.

    Thanks! My wife also told me after she started seeing a therapist for stress in grad school. I just hope she can share her feelings when we're together. She doesn't like to discuss things like that unfortunately.
  • Hamsibian
    Hamsibian Posts: 1,388 Member
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    ars371 wrote: »
    adriennevy wrote: »
    ars371 wrote: »
    I've thought about it and I think it would be good for us, but right now she's finishing up grad school and doesn't have time for much else besides that. She'll be done in a few months and then I think I'm really going to pursue that with her. Her communication skills have never been the best. We've been together for 15 yrs and married for 11 and not until last summer did she tell me about a traumatic experience(s) she had growing up that has resulted in her having a horrible body image and self confidence even though she tall, thin and quite attractive. So I definitely feel it would be beneficial to start couples therapy. Thanks for your response.

    It's good to hear that you're already thinking about it. Therapy is extremely taboo to many people. I know it took my SO a few years to tell me about a childhood trauma of his, too, and about his own self-esteem issues, and it only started to come out because of therapy. He started going to therapy first, then I joined him for about 4 months, and he continues to go on his own every week. I truly think we would not be together if it weren't for therapy, and if we were, we absolutely wouldn't be doing as good as we are now! Best of luck to you and your wife.

    Thanks! My wife also told me after she started seeing a therapist for stress in grad school. I just hope she can share her feelings when we're together. She doesn't like to discuss things like that unfortunately.

    Therapy will do a ton of good. It will take a while for her to open up about her trauma, so my advice is to continue being patient and supportive with her. I am actually kind of proud that she had the courage to tell you when she did - that's the hardest step. You should be proud of your ongoing success with your health as well. I hope you guys will be able to work things out, good luck with everything.
  • ouryve
    ouryve Posts: 572 Member
    edited September 2016
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    ars371 wrote: »
    My wife isn't very supportive, at lease in the ways I need her to be. To her being supportive is nagging me when I eat too much, or making comments about my eating habits or not exercising, but never in a positive way. It's all negative, with no positive encouragement. When she nags about my eating, it just makes we want to rebel and eat more. I always say that I understand what she's trying to do, but to try to be nice about it. She'll also try to "bribe" me, saying things like, if you lose some weight, maybe I'll want to "be intimate" with you more often. A few years back I dropped 60lbs with offers like that, but when nothing changed in our love life, I kinda said "F-this, I don't care" and gained most of the weight back while emotionally eating. She has no faith in me, whenever I'm eating good and exercising and make claims of not wanting to go back to my old ways, she'll say things like "I've heard that before". I've also asked for her help in planning and preparing meals since I'm the cook in the house, but that doesn't happen either. I'm pretty much on my own when it comes to diet and exercise. It'd be really nice to have motivation in the house. :(

    Sorry to vent, this topic just hit a sore spot and I guess I needed to *kitten*.

    On a positive side note, I just joined a gym and am working out daily and started eating clean again. :smiley:

    You know, I'll say exactly the same to you as I would to a fellow woman and that is that you need to make changes for your won health and well being. If your wife can't be there with you, that's her look out. If she's going to find more excuses to be unkind then you need to consider whether this really is your forever relationship. No one deserves to live with someone who deliberately puts them down.

    Edit - don't want to dismiss her past experiences, but, if she gets nothing out of the therapy, you cannot permanently be her whipping boy.
  • vmtama27
    vmtama27 Posts: 43 Member
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    Incredibly blessed. My husband has been very encouraging! He has supported every single part of my new journey and I'm down 41lbs. He's a cook so when he's at work he looks at the calories on everything and will bring me healthy snacks! My 7 year old has lost 14lbs and IT'S NOT THAT WE PUT HIM ON A DIET but our snacking habits have changed in our household. . . . . Love MFP
  • khanchett08
    khanchett08 Posts: 4 Member
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    Late to this. No, my hubby isn't supportive. I let him know Monday that o was doing this and so far he's tried to. Buy me McDonald, a bunch of soda, ETC. He doesn't understand because he's really skinny.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    khanchett08 wrote: »
    Late to this. No, my hubby isn't supportive. I let him know Monday that o was doing this and so far he's tried to. Buy me McDonald, a bunch of soda, ETC. He doesn't understand because he's really skinny.

    That has nothing to do with support.

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