Well-meaning sabotage.
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cerise_noir wrote: »Perhaps you could work a small portion of what they offer into your calories as weight loss is all about calorie deficit?
I don't eat anything different to my family.. I eat the exact same foods, just less of it.
This. The only foods I avoid are those I am required to avoid due to a medical issue, and lactose intolerance and soy intolerance.1 -
Great - you don't avoid foods. Other people do, and that sounds like what she wants to do.3
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.9 -
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KK perspective. Let's flip the script. What if her husband was trying to lose weight and get fit and take care of his health and she reported that she was snarling at him about rabbit food and shoving temptations directly under his nose, and trying to get him to skip his exercise? Would people be so forgiving then, and say that he just needs to own his weight loss and she can keep right on with those obnoxious behaviors? I think not.11
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I'm truly sorry you don't get the support you need at home and from friends and family. What a great success story you will have when you do get to your goal weight and tell us all how you did this in the face of daily temptation!
All I know to say to you is - never give up! Just keep plugging through and maybe join a class (spin/yoga etc) and find some supportive friends.7 -
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
I agree with u. This behavior of his is way, way off. That's not how a caring husband behaves. If my husband acted like that we would be going at it hammer and tongs because I would be so very angry at the disrespect. As it is my hubby knows that if he wants fattening stuff, he is on his own. As a responsible grown man he gets that. He does work out with me so we have a compromise that works. But I digress, this thread isn't about me.
She sounds a bit like me, like someone who has "trigger foods" that she needs to just plain avoid or else things just go off the rails (op correct me if I am wrong please.) Some people do great with scaled down portions, and some people just can't go there. If you know you can't go there it's best to just act on your knowledge. What OP makes *sounds* like good, pleasant tasting food to me. I love salads, maybe she does too IDK. Ditto well prepared veggies. Still even for those who love the healthy foods, our "animal nature" tries to take over when the hyperpalatable fattening stuff comes out of the kitchen! How she feels having these things literally placed right in front of her, it is very difficult for many people.
The dog makes a good walking friend IMHO. I used to walk Mom's little shih tzu when said dog was in better health.4 -
For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
I agree with u. This behavior of his is way, way off. That's not how a caring husband behaves. If my husband acted like that we would be going at it hammer and tongs because I would be so very angry at the disrespect. As it is my hubby knows that if he wants fattening stuff, he is on his own. As a responsible grown man he gets that. He does work out with me so we have a compromise that works. But I digress, this thread isn't about me.
She sounds a bit like me, like someone who has "trigger foods" that she needs to just plain avoid or else things just go off the rails (op correct me if I am wrong please.) Some people do great with scaled down portions, and some people just can't go there. If you know you can't go there it's best to just act on your knowledge. What OP makes *sounds* like good, pleasant tasting food to me. I love salads, maybe she does too IDK. Ditto well prepared veggies. Still even for those who love the healthy foods, our "animal nature" tries to take over when the hyperpalatable fattening stuff comes out of the kitchen! How she feels having these things literally placed right in front of her, it is very difficult for many people.
The dog makes a good walking friend IMHO. I used to walk Mom's little shih tzu when said dog was in better health.
But if she wants human companionship on her walks- and the support she wants in general- reaching out for likeminded friends is a good option. Clearly her partner isn't going to be the walking guy. Or the diet support guy. So OP should probably get those needs met elsewhere. Whether she is cool with being married to someone who is somewhere in between bafflingly, densely unsupportive and an outright douchecanoe is secondary and outside my pay grade.1 -
For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
No, he's an asshat. And the resulting stress/depression is visible to all in the weight I've put on. For him, it's a control issue. I didn't plan to mention any of this. But yes, I'm in an abusive relationship that i need to leave. But today I'm working on getting back in charge of ME and looking for support as i take my small steps back to control.
Also, I dont restrict what i eat. Im fine with a bacon burger if i have the calories left in my daily allotment. But my favourite meal is grilled chicken in a spinach salad, and i make it once a week.
But again, I live with an asshat.
Thank you, all, for your encouragement and good ideas.7 -
Mess? Really? It's all just food, mess is in the perception.
I don't care whether she or anyone else avoids foods. I'm just participating in an online conversation.
You didn't say she's avoiding certain types of foods, you said she wants to avoid certain food, but her wording indicates otherwise. She called her husband's bacon burger gorgeous, which indicates that it is something she likes. My comments were simply asking if she can eat smaller portions of the foods she likes.
As for me, really....I choose to eat the foods I love in moderation.3 -
For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
No, he's an asshat. And the resulting stress/depression is visible to all in the weight I've put on. For him, it's a control issue. I didn't plan to mention any of this. But yes, I'm in an abusive relationship that i need to leave. But today I'm working on getting back in charge of ME and looking for support as i take my small steps back to control.
Also, I dont restrict what i eat. Im fine with a bacon burger if i have the calories left in my daily allotment. But my favourite meal is grilled chicken in a spinach salad, and i make it once a week.
But again, I live with an asshat.
Thank you, all, for your encouragement and good ideas.
Then that's not well intentioned sabotage, that's just plain old sabotage. I hope you get things straightened out.
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
No, he's an asshat. And the resulting stress/depression is visible to all in the weight I've put on. For him, it's a control issue. I didn't plan to mention any of this. But yes, I'm in an abusive relationship that i need to leave. But today I'm working on getting back in charge of ME and looking for support as i take my small steps back to control.
Also, I dont restrict what i eat. Im fine with a bacon burger if i have the calories left in my daily allotment. But my favourite meal is grilled chicken in a spinach salad, and i make it once a week.
But again, I live with an asshat.
Thank you, all, for your encouragement and good ideas.
I'm sorry, OP. Leaving is hard. You can do it, though. F*** that guy and his lousy burger.
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I've written this on man posts like this.. but I've learned it is best not to talk about weightloss efforts with family or significant other. They almost always sabotage ... we could analyze it to death. We can't leave our family or husbands... they just can't accept the change for one reason or another. bottom line.. take the focus off your efforts.. so they get onto something else. like their own lives. haha.4
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
No, he's an asshat. And the resulting stress/depression is visible to all in the weight I've put on. For him, it's a control issue. I didn't plan to mention any of this. But yes, I'm in an abusive relationship that i need to leave. But today I'm working on getting back in charge of ME and looking for support as i take my small steps back to control.
Also, I dont restrict what i eat. Im fine with a bacon burger if i have the calories left in my daily allotment. But my favourite meal is grilled chicken in a spinach salad, and i make it once a week.
But again, I live with an asshat.
Thank you, all, for your encouragement and good ideas.
All my sympathy. I lived with an asshat for ten years.
It makes everyday life hard when it shouldn't have to be. I'm sorry I can't walk with u because I am hundreds of miles away but if u would like support online I can definitely offer that. 
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elisa123gal wrote: »I've written this on man posts like this.. but I've learned it is best not to talk about weightloss efforts with family or significant other. They almost always sabotage ... we could analyze it to death. We can't leave our family or husbands... they just can't accept the change for one reason or another. bottom line.. take the focus off your efforts.. so they get onto something else. like their own lives. haha.
1950 called. They want their bad advice to stay married no matter what back.13 -
We can totally leave our husbands if they suck. I've been married before. He refused to drive me home from the hospital after major surgery. I divorced him and found a man who knows what love actually consists of, and respects me.16
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Well, dang. Maybe you could've said your husband was an asshat from the get go so we couldve just skipped all the advice giving and gone straight into the support-bashing. So confuse.14
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Alluminati wrote: »Well, dang. Maybe you could've said your husband was an asshat from the get go so we couldve just skipped all the advice giving and gone straight into the support-bashing. So confuse.
Nope. I was genuinely hoping for help from you folks, to get a helpful perspective for myself or a way to help my family be supportive.
Quite a few people responded that they've also struggled with family who make this fight more difficult than it has to be.
I know I'm not alone. That makes a difference.2 -
Yes, it would have been beneficial to have that information right away.6
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