Dealing with others comments
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Unfortunately I think a lot of people think comments about their appearance will go away if they just achieve X. Fact is people just like to comment. No matter how you look you'll get comments so with that in mind if you are a healthy weight and like the way you look now....may as well get the comments looking the way you want.
Also people tend to be disturbed by change...they will get used to it and comments will die down...somewhat.10 -
It's very frustrating I know. People will always have something to say about anything it seems!
I just give them either a blank stare or my famous "mmmMM" comment (it acknowledges that I heard them, but it doesn't mean I agree). Then I change the subject and turn it around back to them. It works so great!
I'm at a normal BMI, very fit and in perfect health. And that's all what matters to me.
I've learned a lot time ago the less information you give out, the less people have a chance to respond back with.13 -
I had a friend tell me that I look like I'm 12. I'm 47. I like to think she was going for a compliment and just got the number wrong, but I'm not sure.1
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I love the "just right" comment - think I will start using that one! Find your comfort zone and congrats on achieving it and try and let the rest go.0
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If it's someone you care about say something like "I am well within my healthy range and my doctor agrees. There is nothing to be concerned about" then change the subject. For someone you don't know, or care for something along the lines of "Until you get a degree in nutrition, keep your opinion to yourself"2
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I just assume that there are so many obese people that few people have any idea what healthy really looks like...don't take it personally, it's more a reflection of the other person's warped perception than a reflection of you.5
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I think that we often encounter people who don't know how to properly express what they're thinking. I have received comments that I thought were a little rude, such as "You better not lose any more weight missy!" But, this came from my dear aunt who I love very much and who is not mean-spirited at all, and I don't think she intended it the way it came out. Then there are others who are just jealous and/or dealing with their own personal issues, and any inappropriate comments they make are not a true reflection of you. I do agree that even when a person knows that how they feel is what is important, it can still be challenging to shrug off these types of comments.3
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SOOOO much truth here!!!grenblackall wrote: »...instead of getting praise, I get heat about how thin I look. The fact is that I don't look thin, I just look thinner than I did. I think people say stuff like this partly because they wish they were thin too.
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Unfortunately I don't have that problem...YET, but I know it's coming and all these answers have given me something to think about and how I will respond. But, let me say this, I went and looked at your photos and I don't think you look skinny or sick. You look MARVELOUS! BRAVO you!1
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This is something I've just started getting. Interestingly, to me at least, it started after I'd switched to maintainance - not while I was still losing. Most of the people who've said it were honestly concerned. I just thanked them for noticing that I'd lost weight and said I was quite happy at my new size.2
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CindyFooWho wrote: »I had a friend tell me that I look like I'm 12. I'm 47. I like to think she was going for a compliment and just got the number wrong, but I'm not sure.
I was told by a neighbor not to lose anymore weight because I "looked better with your weight on. Some people just look better heavier". I usually ignore comments or try to take them in the spirit they were said in, but I admit that one hurt my feelings. I can take it as a compliment when my sister tells me I'm so skinny. I don't really like to be called skinny but I know she means it as a compliment. But I don't think my neighbor was complimenting me. I'm not sure I'd like to be told I look 12 either. Some people you just have to ignore.0 -
As someone else mentioned, I would just take the motivation of the speaker in mind. If it is someone behaving rudely, I would just look them in the eye and say - pleasantly, but with confidence - "Uh, no, I am not..." - and continue looking them in the eye until they look away.
If it is someone who is just dumb, I would roll my eyes and quickly change the subject. Either way you send the message that the discussion is not welcome.0 -
"I know my body, and I'm not". Or just ignore them. Depends on who they are and your relationship with them. People say stupid things sometimes without thinking about how the words might impact the receiver.2
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A guy at the gym told me that I look great, but then said "Don't lose any more weight or you'll lose your boobs"!
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NM0
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I ignore all comments. Eventually people get used to The New You and stop commenting and life goes on.
The funniest thing is when people who didn't know you before hear people commenting on The New You and how "different" you are. I don't know, for some reason I always find that amusing.4 -
dopeysmelly wrote: »I ignore all comments. Eventually people get used toThe New You and stop commenting and life goes on.
The funniest thing is when people who didn't know you before hear people commenting on The New You and how "different" you are. I don't know, for some reason I always find that amusing.
I like seeing "before & after" photographs. The differences are so stunning that the same person doesn't even look like he or she did in the before. It is mind boggling sometimes.2 -
Since I recently had a physical, I can honestly answer that "my doctor is thrilled" which usually shuts up most people. In fact I am right where the doctor told me me wanted me years ago. I usually preface it with "I'm not sick" since some friends worried that I had some medical issue that caused the loss and they are genuinely concerned for me.1
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One of the good things about growing old is you care less about what others think... see what you have to look forward to!6 -
elleelle03 wrote: »
One of the good things about growing old is you care less about what others think... see what you have to look forward to!
Truth. Every decade that passes this becomes more and more evident. I'm 51, and at this point I give about zero f**ks. Liberating to say the least; wish I was of that mindset in my twenties.3 -
OP... to your Dad... say.. "I love you Dad.. last time i saw you ..you said I was fat. Do you remember that? Now I've gotten healthy, in fact my doctor says I'm at the ideal weight for my height. I know you love me, but it hurts when you make rude comments about my appearance, please don't do that any more."
I think since he is your Dad you may owe him that kindness. However.. other people? not so much.. I'd tell them.. "I'm actually at the ideal weight according to medical chart, and I feel and look wonderful. The reason America is so fat..their perception of what is a healthy weight is skewed... you might want to look up your ideal weight and face the facts."
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I often get told "Why do you bother with gym/eating healthy? You're already thin!"... my reply "exactly"
It's going to the gym and eating well that keeps me like this!
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I just returned to my winter home/community after being away for 6 months. From July 2015 to April 2016, I dropped 60 pounds by eating smart and exercising. I haven't lost any more since I left in the spring, but I'm getting so many comments from those who think I've lost more weight.
My response? No I haven't lost any more weight; it's just moving around. (Which I believe is the case.) I look leaner.......And. I. Feel. Great! End of story.
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When people comment on how others look, how they dress, or how much they weigh, it has more to do with them than it does with you. When you feel beautiful you can find beauty in everyone around you. If you and your doctor are happy with where you are than that's the important thing. If the comments really upset you maybe you could keep a journal to let some of those feelings out so they don't mount up.2
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oops responded to old thread0
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I posted a similar query (with my old MFP account) - the comments were really getting me down. What a few people said turned out to be true - wait it out, people will get used to your thinner size eventually and will stop commenting. I'm pleased to say, that's been the case for me. I rarely get comments now, and when I do, it bothers me less. I know I'm not too thin, I know I'm taking really good care of myself with my diet and my exercise, so the occasional comments slide off me nowadays.0
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This is such a big issue. People have called me every fat name and thin name in the book ever since 4th grade. The judgement from others never stopped hurting, but I stopped reacting to it. I just ignored their comments.
However, I have to add a story I'll never forget. I was in a 2-week training for a new job. The instructor would stand in front of the class and at various times make comments about how skinny a fellow trainee was. The coworker kindly asked that the instructor not make comments like that. She didn't stop, though, and finally one day she made a very condescending, jealous comment about how easy life must be for such skinny, beautiful people. The trainee stood up right there and raised hell. She made stern points about how rude comments are still rude no matter how envious the person is making them. She announced to the whole class that she WAS recovering from a terrible illness, which is why she couldn’t work and just got a new job, and that gaining weight was an important health matter that she struggled with every day. She clearly announced that the instructor had NO RIGHT to make assumptions about her classmates for any reason, especially because of their looks. Her assertiveness amazed the whole class and really put the instructor in her place. I loved this woman’s tantrum, she taught us all a lesson. Her passionate and vulnerable outburst was far more powerful than any harassment lecture we could have every gotten from any HR team.9
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