Dealing with others comments

Gamliela · October 2016

AnnPT77 wrote: »

People are startled by change. They'll become accustomed to the new you.

I also can't speak for you, but I also found that when I first reached goal, even I thought I had some appearance issues - for one example, a little bit of loose skin on my face (I'm old) made me look a bit drawn, and I think that contributed to worries by some. After a few months in maintenance, those things have pretty much resolved. Even a friend (and fitness instructor) whom I respect told me recently that she thought I looked very thin at first, but now (only a few months later) I look strong & fit (and I guarantee, and told her, that I'm not actually stronger & fitter in that few months).

Beyond that sort of thing, these comments are all about issues with the other person's brain-state. That should be their problem; don't let it be your problem.

I like @sijomial's "consider the motivation" idea a lot, in terms of how to respond in the moment.

Not to derail the topic, but thanks Anne for mentioning the drawnness of your face. I have got that recently. Cheers to you and here's hoping things settle over here too in the next months while I begin maintaining and increasing activity.

I've already noticed since adding back in 50 plus calories a day that my energy level is very much better so I feel confident that getting more excersize and fresh air is going to make a big difference.

Maintenance could be... well, fun?

Cutemesoon · October 2016

When people make stupid comments, I usually do this..

Then when they ask what I'm doing, I tell them that I'm trying to remember if I ever I told them I give a rats behind about their opinion of MY BODY!!! That usually pisses them off enough to get them to leave me alone.

Since I tend to give snarky responses to dumb comments, people have stopped making so many idiotic comments. Also, I'm in sort of in maintenance. I think if I started losing any more weight they'd start up again.

I'd also like to mention that since I was NOT listening to their complaints that I should stop losing weight, they started going to my closest friends in the hopes of them "talking some sense into me."

divcara · October 2016

I think some people are just always going to be like that, especially if they remember seeing you a certain way. I had some extremely annoying people outright ask me what I weighed these days. Usually I just don't care or I'll say something like, "I have no idea, I don't weigh myself. What do you weigh?" but I never give them an answer to something that is none of their business. Every now and then I will get flip and give "press conference" type non-answers. "I have an outstanding trainer and we feel very confident I can gain weight, lose weight, or maintain exactly what I am. Anything else for me guys? No? Thanks for your time." That usually shuts them up.

ogtmama · October 2016

I'd try to remember that with approximately 70% of the population overweight, a great many people don't know what healthy looks like...And then I'd try to bite my tongue and avoid giving them my opinion about their body.

onsickmom · October 2016

Wow.....I've been at both ends..your too fat....your too skinny....Body shaming isn't funny..I'm sorry this happened to you

robbhyde · October 2016

I discovered while losing 230 pounds that this is about what I want. Now that I am working to maintain a weight I haven't been since middle school (45 years, friends), I keep thinking that this is something I always wanted, but never really thought I would be. It's mine to keep and treasure.

Most folks commenting that you're too skinny, looking gaunt, or worried about illness, are just expressing that because they care. Thank them for their thoughts, and let them know how much you are enjoying where you are. And how you are taking care of yourself!

emawbey · October 2016

138shades wrote: »

I don't take anything to serious. I mean my own opinion is the only one I accept in all actuality.

Ha I am trying to get more like this day by day, I care so much what others think but why is their opinion more valid than mine?

grenblackall · October 2016

I understand what you're saying. I worked so hard to get thinner and instead of getting praise, I get heat about how thin I look. The fact is that I don't look thin, I just look thinner than I did. I tell people that my BMI is actually right around the average of the normal range, so I'm really not thin. I've been tracking for 1.5 years and have all the weight data and I show people if they really want to know (they don't - I attached it below if you're curious). I think people say stuff like this partly because they wish they were thin too. The only good news is that if you keep it up for a year or so, people start to think that's how you look and the stupid comments go away.

pyro_guy7 · October 2016

@emawbey Do you feel healthy? Does your doctor agree? Yes? Good!

Next person that says you're too thin, ask to see their medical degree that qualifies them to make the judgement! Let see how many of them have the actual knowledge to back it up

cwolfman13 · October 2016

It takes time for people to adjust to seeing a new you, particularly if it's been awhile. Also, being overweight is the norm in a lot of places so seeing someone lean looks odd to a lot of people.

Aaron_K123 · October 2016

Unfortunately I think a lot of people think comments about their appearance will go away if they just achieve X. Fact is people just like to comment. No matter how you look you'll get comments so with that in mind if you are a healthy weight and like the way you look now....may as well get the comments looking the way you want.

Also people tend to be disturbed by change...they will get used to it and comments will die down...somewhat.

rainbow198 · October 2016

It's very frustrating I know. People will always have something to say about anything it seems!

I just give them either a blank stare or my famous "mmmMM" comment (it acknowledges that I heard them, but it doesn't mean I agree). Then I change the subject and turn it around back to them. It works so great!

I'm at a normal BMI, very fit and in perfect health. And that's all what matters to me.

I've learned a lot time ago the less information you give out, the less people have a chance to respond back with.

CindyFooWho · October 2016

I had a friend tell me that I look like I'm 12. I'm 47. I like to think she was going for a compliment and just got the number wrong, but I'm not sure.

ggeise14 · October 2016

I love the "just right" comment - think I will start using that one! Find your comfort zone and congrats on achieving it and try and let the rest go.

RachelElser · October 2016

If it's someone you care about say something like "I am well within my healthy range and my doctor agrees. There is nothing to be concerned about" then change the subject. For someone you don't know, or care for something along the lines of "Until you get a degree in nutrition, keep your opinion to yourself"

tcunbeliever · October 2016

I just assume that there are so many obese people that few people have any idea what healthy really looks like...don't take it personally, it's more a reflection of the other person's warped perception than a reflection of you.

lmew91 · October 2016

I think that we often encounter people who don't know how to properly express what they're thinking. I have received comments that I thought were a little rude, such as "You better not lose any more weight missy!" But, this came from my dear aunt who I love very much and who is not mean-spirited at all, and I don't think she intended it the way it came out. Then there are others who are just jealous and/or dealing with their own personal issues, and any inappropriate comments they make are not a true reflection of you. I do agree that even when a person knows that how they feel is what is important, it can still be challenging to shrug off these types of comments.

Cutemesoon · October 2016

grenblackall wrote: »

...instead of getting praise, I get heat about how thin I look. The fact is that I don't look thin, I just look thinner than I did. I think people say stuff like this partly because they wish they were thin too.

SOOOO much truth here!!!

campfirequeen1 · October 2016

Unfortunately I don't have that problem...YET, but I know it's coming and all these answers have given me something to think about and how I will respond. But, let me say this, I went and looked at your photos and I don't think you look skinny or sick. You look MARVELOUS! BRAVO you!

hmltwin · October 2016

This is something I've just started getting. Interestingly, to me at least, it started after I'd switched to maintainance - not while I was still losing. Most of the people who've said it were honestly concerned. I just thanked them for noticing that I'd lost weight and said I was quite happy at my new size.

Dealing with others comments

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