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What's on your mind?

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Replies

  • Grey_1
    Grey_1 Posts: 1,139 Member
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    for what it's worth, it took me 40 years to forgive mine. It made a difference though.
  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    Why if I can ask D:

    I'm pissy with my mom about TG too but my bf and her ganged up on me so I'll never prove that I was right
  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    Grey_1 wrote: »
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    for what it's worth, it took me 40 years to forgive mine. It made a difference though.

    He's 72 and in poor health. I know time is not on my side and I don't want to lose him and still be holding on to anger. But he verbally attacked me and my children in my own kitchen. Then packed his bags and left when I stood up for myself. Threw a tantrum that rivals any 5 year old. The things he said, I can never unhear and knowing that's how he feels about us has been so traumatic that a week later, I still am in disbelief

    Wow
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    Grey_1 wrote: »
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    for what it's worth, it took me 40 years to forgive mine. It made a difference though.

    He's 72 and in poor health. I know time is not on my side and I don't want to lose him and still be holding on to anger. But he verbally attacked me and my children in my own kitchen. Then packed his bags and left when I stood up for myself. Threw a tantrum that rivals any 5 year old. The things he said, I can never unhear and knowing that's how he feels about us has been so traumatic that a week later, I still am in disbelief

    sounds just like my scenario.. I threw in the towel 30 years ago.. could not and cannot win by standing up for myself.. its always back to me that I have the real problem..

    trust me, give in and forgive (don't forget), but better to amend this as best you can and deal with your own personal feelings secretly and not in the open. Parents are too old, you can only change yourself.

    this probably helps in no way!
  • Badger_Girl99
    Badger_Girl99 Posts: 2,220 Member
    I thought it was Tuesday today. So I either gained or lost a day, and this perplexes me.
  • Grey_1
    Grey_1 Posts: 1,139 Member
    Grey_1 wrote: »
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    for what it's worth, it took me 40 years to forgive mine. It made a difference though.

    He's 72 and in poor health. I know time is not on my side and I don't want to lose him and still be holding on to anger. But he verbally attacked me and my children in my own kitchen. Then packed his bags and left when I stood up for myself. Threw a tantrum that rivals any 5 year old. The things he said, I can never unhear and knowing that's how he feels about us has been so traumatic that a week later, I still am in disbelief

    Mine was 75 when he passed a couple of years ago, and he was 73 when I forgave him. It was hard to do that, but, and this is selfish, forgiving him let me off the hook, took away my burden. That said though, even now I could still get angry if I let myself. The things he did to my mom, my brothers and I before I was old enough to defend us were, I thought, unforgivable.

    I feel ya, I really do. You'll make the right call for you and your family. You will.
  • Grey_1
    Grey_1 Posts: 1,139 Member
    RoxieDawn wrote: »
    Grey_1 wrote: »
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    for what it's worth, it took me 40 years to forgive mine. It made a difference though.

    He's 72 and in poor health. I know time is not on my side and I don't want to lose him and still be holding on to anger. But he verbally attacked me and my children in my own kitchen. Then packed his bags and left when I stood up for myself. Threw a tantrum that rivals any 5 year old. The things he said, I can never unhear and knowing that's how he feels about us has been so traumatic that a week later, I still am in disbelief

    sounds just like my scenario.. I threw in the towel 30 years ago.. could not and cannot win by standing up for myself.. its always back to me that I have the real problem..

    trust me, give in and forgive (don't forget), but better to amend this as best you can and deal with your own personal feelings secretly and not in the open. Parents are too old, you can only change yourself.

    this probably helps in no way!

    It's good advice Roxie....
  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    Karb_Kween wrote: »
    Grey_1 wrote: »
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    for what it's worth, it took me 40 years to forgive mine. It made a difference though.

    He's 72 and in poor health. I know time is not on my side and I don't want to lose him and still be holding on to anger. But he verbally attacked me and my children in my own kitchen. Then packed his bags and left when I stood up for myself. Threw a tantrum that rivals any 5 year old. The things he said, I can never unhear and knowing that's how he feels about us has been so traumatic that a week later, I still am in disbelief

    Wow

    I am too damn old to keep toxic people in my life. I have been chewed up and spit out enough. But what do you do when it's your family doing the chewing?

    I guess it depends on how you regard your father. My family are basically on non speaking terms with one another. I just invite my mom for holidays because she raised me
  • Grey_1
    Grey_1 Posts: 1,139 Member
    Grey_1 wrote: »
    Grey_1 wrote: »
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    for what it's worth, it took me 40 years to forgive mine. It made a difference though.

    He's 72 and in poor health. I know time is not on my side and I don't want to lose him and still be holding on to anger. But he verbally attacked me and my children in my own kitchen. Then packed his bags and left when I stood up for myself. Threw a tantrum that rivals any 5 year old. The things he said, I can never unhear and knowing that's how he feels about us has been so traumatic that a week later, I still am in disbelief

    Mine was 75 when he passed a couple of years ago, and he was 73 when I forgave him. It was hard to do that, but, and this is selfish, forgiving him let me off the hook, took away my burden. That said though, even now I could still get angry if I let myself. The things he did to my mom, my brothers and I before I was old enough to defend us were, I thought, unforgivable.

    I feel ya, I really do. You'll make the right call for you and your family. You will.

    Thank you grey! I know you are right. Just having trouble swallowing this lump in my throat.

    It's not easy, I won't blow smoke at you and lie. There's still bitterness, but I choke it down for the remaining family, my mom. "They" tell me it's the right thing to do lol. So far, to be honest, it has been. Step back, breath, pray if you do, and you'll do the right thing for yourself. *non-awkward side hug* :)

    PS - if you want to chat privately, I'm a good listener, and I know that hurt intimately. Peace to you littlemissbgiff <3
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited November 2016
    RoxieDawn wrote: »
    Grey_1 wrote: »
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    for what it's worth, it took me 40 years to forgive mine. It made a difference though.

    He's 72 and in poor health. I know time is not on my side and I don't want to lose him and still be holding on to anger. But he verbally attacked me and my children in my own kitchen. Then packed his bags and left when I stood up for myself. Threw a tantrum that rivals any 5 year old. The things he said, I can never unhear and knowing that's how he feels about us has been so traumatic that a week later, I still am in disbelief

    sounds just like my scenario.. I threw in the towel 30 years ago.. could not and cannot win by standing up for myself.. its always back to me that I have the real problem..

    trust me, give in and forgive (don't forget), but better to amend this as best you can and deal with your own personal feelings secretly and not in the open. Parents are too old, you can only change yourself.

    this probably helps in no way!

    Lol. I am the black sheep of the family. My father was the only one who didn't disown me after my divorce. But knowing how he really feels about me is haunting me. He broke my heart and I don't know if I can just roll over.

    I get this.. my mother hurt me so bad that I have still not forgiven her. I have been disowned, went back, disowned again, and the cycle just went over and over again. I am embarrassed to say where my relationship is with them. Long story..

    There is a great deal of regrets I have to this day and I can do nothing about it..

    Just ask your self the regrets you can live with within yourself and do the best you can to work on the right or comfortable amends for you because this is really about you and really not him. Think about this for a second. Your dad has been "dad" all along, rather it be the dad you have always wanted, or want him to be or say things differently, this is about you in its own right.

    Take the time to reflect on the real issue, dig deep within yourself, the answer is there!!! I am a good listener too.
  • Lucy1752
    Lucy1752 Posts: 499 Member

    I am too damn old to keep toxic people in my life. I have been chewed up and spit out enough. But what do you do when it's your family doing the chewing?

    Toxic people - no thank you. No patience for that anymore.
    Religious upbringing here - divorce and insisting that I, not my parents, raise my son was the kicker for them to write me off. They chose not to be in our lives when I drew the line in the sand.

    @RoxieDawn is right to forgive (don't forget). It will heal you.

    I've reached out to amend, but they do not reciprocate. I can sleep at night and know that I set the right example for my son on not giving up, but standing your ground.

    Doesn't make their rejection any easier.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    My new old dog pooped on my carpet while we were sleeping. And when I say poop, I mean he left a MONSTER in front of the door! Does anyone know how I can train him out of this? It's the second time since Friday, and I have been walking him 4-5 times EVERY day!!! Tricks, tips anyone can share? Cleaning poop at 5 am, after getting one toe in it, SUCKS!

    If he's a puppy you he probably needs to go out every 3-5 hours. Which means you have to wake up in the middle of the night to take him out, depending on how young he is. But when he gets older he should be able to hold it. Always praise a puppy when he goes to the bathroom outside.

    Some helpful tips that I have found to work.

    1. Take time off to house train your puppy.

    2. Start using a crate the day you bring her home.

    3. Take your puppy outside for a bathroom break every one to two hours during the day.

    4. Plan a middle-of-the-night potty run for young puppies.

    5. Shower her with treats and praise when she does a good job.

    6. Don’t punish your pup for accidents you haven’t seen.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    Still bitter about how my thanksgiving went. Trying to figure out how to forgive my father and salvage Christmas.

    I'm sorry to hear it :( sending positive thoughts your way

    Thank you. If I don't stand up for myself, I will continue to be the doormat. If I do stand up for myself, the war with my family that I've avoided for 5 years will begin. Decisions decisions.

    I'm glad you're putting good thought into your decision!!

    I was estranged from my dad for years, out of a sense of pride...Unfortunately, he died two years ago, and I never got to say goodbye, or talk to him, or find out how he felt about me. I didn't have a chance to let him know my granddaughter (his great granddaughter)..and I have SO much REGRET now.

    I'm not telling you what to do, I know how important it is for us to stand up for ourselves; I just wanted to remind you that life is way too short. And regret SUCKS.

    xo
  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    Wasn't there a What are your plans for the day thread?
  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    ^^If anybody quotes him I will block all of you
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    _unsteady_ wrote: »
    My new old dog pooped on my carpet while we were sleeping. And when I say poop, I mean he left a MONSTER in front of the door! Does anyone know how I can train him out of this? It's the second time since Friday, and I have been walking him 4-5 times EVERY day!!! Tricks, tips anyone can share? Cleaning poop at 5 am, after getting one toe in it, SUCKS!

    I always walk mine a few min after he has eaten or drank water and before going to sleep

    Perhaps you can kennel train him? My dogs love their kennel and sleep in there at night. It's their "house" and they go in there on their own since it's their "safe place" away from the kids and their own territory. Plus they don't poop unless somebody is sick

    That'll be the next option, if we can't stop it from happening. Tomorrow I have to be gone to take care of my mom all day (9-4), so I'm going to be praying he doesn't leave 4 piles...I'll take him for a super long walk before I leave, and cross my fingers! I'm hoping when hubs brings him to meet my parents he's as docile as he has been for us, then I will bring him with me next week.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    cee134 wrote: »
    My new old dog pooped on my carpet while we were sleeping. And when I say poop, I mean he left a MONSTER in front of the door! Does anyone know how I can train him out of this? It's the second time since Friday, and I have been walking him 4-5 times EVERY day!!! Tricks, tips anyone can share? Cleaning poop at 5 am, after getting one toe in it, SUCKS!

    If he's a puppy you he probably needs to go out every 3-5 hours. Which means you have to wake up in the middle of the night to take him out, depending on how young he is. But when he gets older he should be able to hold it. Always praise a puppy when he goes to the bathroom outside.

    Some helpful tips that I have found to work.

    1. Take time off to house train your puppy.

    2. Start using a crate the day you bring her home.

    3. Take your puppy outside for a bathroom break every one to two hours during the day.

    4. Plan a middle-of-the-night potty run for young puppies.

    5. Shower her with treats and praise when she does a good job.

    6. Don’t punish your pup for accidents you haven’t seen.

    Hi, thanx so much for the tips!! Harley is a 6 yr old dog, very well trained, other than the two accidents in the last four days. Unfortunately his owner died, and he was taken from the other two dogs he was living with, so I think he's having some abandonment issues too...

    If we have to, we'll purchase a crate...but I'd like to not do that if possible, just because it doesn't seem he was ever caged up before now, and he really is SO well mannered.
  • Sinistrous
    Sinistrous Posts: 5,589 Member
    Thinking about convincing my cat to go bck into one of his tote bags so I can use his heavy behind as a weight and let him have some fun elevator bag time. If he's good, I'll even let him sit in my office chair and give him a few spins (yay my cat has a human powered amusement park)..
    If all else fails, I can always put him in a shoebox and drag it around with a shoelace.
  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    Maximus wrote: »
    ^^If anybody quotes him I will block all of you

    Wait, how can you see it if you "ignored" me? y_thinking.gif

    Curiosity killed the cat
  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member