Am I ready to lose weight again?
bbell1985
Posts: 4,572 Member
Posting because I need to get a few things off of my chest, and also looking for some insight on a few things as far as weight loss is concerned.
I understand CICO. I train hard, grasp the concept of needing to use a food scale, understand TDEE, NEAT, macros, and yadda yadda yadda...
I've lost my weight. I bulked and sucked at cutting, gained some back and then some.
Here I am, thinking I know what to do, never understanding how people gain weight back but I weigh 20 more lbs than I did last year at this time (yes, I did gain 14 purposefully during the bulk). But still.
Probably since July I have been dealing with the highest amount of stress I have ever had in my adult life. I've never spent so much time crying. It got bad enough to miss a few months of my period, and now I feel my body responding in different ways. For example, my psoas is SO tight. I can't use the restroom most of the week and wonder if this is why and if the tight psoas is related to stress. I wonder if this is slowing down the scale as well. I just feel like my whole body is constantly strained.
I've also developed a disordered way of thinking about food and eating. And that adds to the stress and pain I'm feeling now. I am searching for a therapist.
On top of that I feel fat, which makes the stress of beginning to date again at 31 in NYC even worse.
So I need to stop shoving animal crackers in my face at work, right? I need to reduce stress and hopefully let go of some water weight.
I guess I want the world to tell me "it's okay, stress is the reason you're not losing weight", but I know better...and that makes me sad all over again.
Anyway, I finally went to get some blood work done and will hear back next week about thyroid and cortisol. I'm probably looking for excuses.
Has anyone been able to be successful at losing weight while their life is messy? Or have you had to put it on the back burner for awhile?
I understand CICO. I train hard, grasp the concept of needing to use a food scale, understand TDEE, NEAT, macros, and yadda yadda yadda...
I've lost my weight. I bulked and sucked at cutting, gained some back and then some.
Here I am, thinking I know what to do, never understanding how people gain weight back but I weigh 20 more lbs than I did last year at this time (yes, I did gain 14 purposefully during the bulk). But still.
Probably since July I have been dealing with the highest amount of stress I have ever had in my adult life. I've never spent so much time crying. It got bad enough to miss a few months of my period, and now I feel my body responding in different ways. For example, my psoas is SO tight. I can't use the restroom most of the week and wonder if this is why and if the tight psoas is related to stress. I wonder if this is slowing down the scale as well. I just feel like my whole body is constantly strained.
I've also developed a disordered way of thinking about food and eating. And that adds to the stress and pain I'm feeling now. I am searching for a therapist.
On top of that I feel fat, which makes the stress of beginning to date again at 31 in NYC even worse.
So I need to stop shoving animal crackers in my face at work, right? I need to reduce stress and hopefully let go of some water weight.
I guess I want the world to tell me "it's okay, stress is the reason you're not losing weight", but I know better...and that makes me sad all over again.
Anyway, I finally went to get some blood work done and will hear back next week about thyroid and cortisol. I'm probably looking for excuses.
Has anyone been able to be successful at losing weight while their life is messy? Or have you had to put it on the back burner for awhile?
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Replies
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I had to put it on the back burner. I'm slowly moving toward cutting calories but it will be very low key.1
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I have no idea what psoas is.
But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.5 -
I would probably think it would be best to work on the other parts of your life before actively trying to lose weight. Stress and medical stuff can make it harder. Adding the stress of dieting, along with your disordered thinking, will make it even more stressful. If anything, I would continue to workout hard and make smarter decisions when it comes to food. So whole foods, fruits, veggies, leaner proteins, whole grains/oats and dairy occasionally. I would also try to stay away from any trigger foods if you have any.2
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Ugh.. @psuLemon always with words of wisdom. I'm gonna give it another go though. I feel motivated again. Just like I do every two weeks after I crash and burn.
So you can always cycle. Get in a deficit for a few weeks and then move to maintenance. You can even do that throughout the week. Some days you set at a deficit (even aggressive) and other days, closer to maintenance. This may make it easier for you to achieve a weekly deficit.8 -
Ugh.. @psuLemon always with words of wisdom. I'm gonna give it another go though. I feel motivated again. Just like I do every two weeks after I crash and burn.
So you can always cycle. Get in a deficit for a few weeks and then move to maintenance. You can even do that throughout the week. Some days you set at a deficit (even aggressive) and other days, closer to maintenance. This may make it easier for you to achieve a weekly deficit.
lol. I get that. I already "do" that. Obviously I need better control on my "maintenance" days.
I just used to be so good at this *kitten*! What happened?1 -
I think you're adding stress to yourself thinking about this too much. Baby steps maybe?
I like psuLemon's idea of cycling. Set small goals of maybe eating at deficit just a few days... just something small and manageable for you to do.
Your other issues sound more like top priority.2 -
GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »I think you're adding stress to yourself thinking about this too much. Baby steps maybe?
I like psuLemon's idea of cycling. Set small goals of maybe eating at deficit just a few days... just something small and manageable for you to do.
Your other issues sound more like top priority.
Yeah. They are...but at the same time I don't want to be out of control/touch because I CANNOT gain anymore weight. Baby steps is right maybe.0 -
Ugh.. @psuLemon always with words of wisdom. I'm gonna give it another go though. I feel motivated again. Just like I do every two weeks after I crash and burn.
So you can always cycle. Get in a deficit for a few weeks and then move to maintenance. You can even do that throughout the week. Some days you set at a deficit (even aggressive) and other days, closer to maintenance. This may make it easier for you to achieve a weekly deficit.
^This is awesome advice, OP. You will be less likely to stress if you think in terms of purposeful maintaining in between. Not gaining is also succeeding. Try to stay positive and focus on what things are going well in your life. I can sympathize as I live under stress also. It isn't something that I can remove so that makes it all the more difficult.0 -
Stress is a killer- is there any way to reduce the stress in your life? I would start with that. I'd also suggest just a mild deficit and eat within your calories but not go full bore on major weight loss goals- just do it kind of slow & steady and in a low stress kind of way, meaning no deep deficit, working out to relieve stress not with the direct intention of getting super lean, not having any forbidden foods but do try to eat healthier lots of veggies & fiber so you feel better on a daily basis, etc.
I'd also suggest putting dating aside for now. Your main priority should be you and your health. Get that stress under control, simplify, eat well, drink water, go get a massage or something, try to get away from the city & out into nature as much as possible... 31 is actually really young, you have time, relax.
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Courtney's advice is spot on also, especially the part about calorie deficit. Maybe you can take the pressure off by going for a 1/2 pound a week goal? Try to be satisfied with a slower weight loss.1
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I continued to lose while going though extreme stress (death of my mother followed three weeks later by the death of my husband - and things went downhill from there), but that doesn't mean it will work for you. I found it kind of comforting to take care of my body and feel in control of one part of my life when everything else was falling apart (I don't recommend this if you have a history of ED. I'm just a control freak). Exercise helped burn off some of the emotions. I agree with the advice to just take baby steps. Don't overwhelm yourself. Maybe make it just something you do rather than an additional stressor in your life. And good luck!5
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It sounds like you are dealing with a whole lot of stresses at once and are pretty unhappy with yourself. It *is* ok. Life is very hard sometimes and we all deal with that in different ways (and on this particular forum, many of us deal with it in the same way). The fact that you are here means you are ready to do something about it. Well done! Let's get started. You got this.
I have been overweight for a long time, with similar stress/food issues. It was only after I started to sort out my work and relationship stresses, and my self-defeating ways of dealing with them, that I was able to adjust my relationship with food and my body in a way that made losing weight fairly easy. I have now been working out regularly for the past 18 months, I have lost ~30 pounds in the last 9 months, and I am confident that I will hit my target (~20 to go) and keep it off.
Rather than worrying about your weight, I recommend that you focus on taking care of yourself emotionally and physically. You deserve it! Eat well. Sleep well. Get a reasonable amount of exercise. Love yourself and do things that are good for you. Do things to decrease your stress and increase your happiness. Make small changes in the right direction and forgive yourself when you don't live up to your ideals. When you are able, track your calories and shoot for a modest deficit. If you do those things, you will feel better and your weight will naturally begin to go back down.
A good therapist can be a huge help in sorting these things out. Good luck with it. You will get through this and things will get easier.6 -
I lost 78 pounds or so. But yeah, you have to be in the mental state to do it, and it's just not easy to get there. I honestly don't think there's any way to convince someone to do it... you got to be ready.
But what I meant is that when things are stressful and out of your control, what you eat IS something you can control. If you go to food for comfort... make healthier versions of what you crave.
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I have no idea what psoas is.
But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.
https://www.yoganatomy.com/psoas-resources/
@bbell1985 because you do know about the psoas muscle, I wonder if you practice yoga and have kept up your practice during this time? What's your exercise routine in general?
Exercise has been a lifesaver for me to deal with stress, rather than my former coping mechanism, food. If I'm stressed I can't just jump onto my yoga mat - I'll do some mindless cardio before I am ready for a mindful practice.
Spending time in nature is especially good for destressing. Since you're in NYC it's more challenging for you than it is for me, but not impossible.
However, being in NYC you have more access to mind-body resources. I had a fantastic yoga therapist for a while who was just amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away.
I've just completed moving in with my OH and unpacking, which has been quite stressful. I've been trying to eat at maintenance, but have been going over, and have gained three pounds since August. I'm ok with that though, and am ready to get back on track.
{{{{{ hugs }}}}}
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How does putting weight loss on the back burner feel? I have mixed feelings on it. On one hand, I have been relieved because I know that it has meant that I am taking better care of myself. Stressing less over my food has been nice. Being able to lift more (I don't get stronger when cutting at this point) is nice. Recovering from an injury and getting my period back has been nice (I'm old enough that I worry about doing something to cause permanent bone loss.)
But I do admit to recurring thoughts of not deserving to stop working on fat loss. I am in fat loss purgatory and have body image problems that I never had when I was fat so I feel like I went from feeling fine about my body to feeling terrible and my only options are to get leaner or fatter and I'd rather not do the latter. The former, though, has become exceedingly difficult.
FWIW, when I start cutting calories again I am going to start with only cutting calories two days a week. I'll probably eat at maintenance 5 days and at 1200 2 days.0 -
Hi bbell. The short answer to your question is yes. Since Jan 1 of this year I have lost weight while be under a horrendous amount of stress. There are some specific things I did that have allowed that to happen.
First, I made an active decision that this year I had to focus on my health. Inspite of having kids, homeschooling, taking care of property, my marriage, etc., I HAD to take care of myself. I also knew that having almost a hundred pounds to lose was the result of some severe emotional trauma. On top of that, I had someone close to me verbalizing their disgust with my weight. I also had a long history of an eating disorder as a teen. While I have long since dealt with that, their are some mental aspects of that that are hard to get rid of (I never have. I just tend to ignore them knowing they are not healthy).
With all of that and more, I started by just logging my meals. Once I got decent at doing that I actually tried to stay at ANY amount of deficit I could. Some days that was 100 cals and some days it was more. I made my goal not so much to lose a certain number of pounds, but to just keep losing or maintaining and not gain. While I worked on the food part (I already knew how to eat healthy. Portion control was my thing) I knew I had to learn to no longer be an emotional eater. Literally hundreds of hours of counsel and journaling later most of the emotional issues have been dealt with and I'm way more aware of eating intentionally for fuel not comfort. I also have been working my way through the book the beck diet solution which is a guide on using cognitive behavioral therapy to learn to not overeat. I have had my share of ups and downs and honestly, for the first six months I lost very little. Maybe a couple of pounds. But I didn't gain either. Sometimes I would get discouraged when I'd come here and someone would have lost 50#'s in the same amount of time I lost 5. I would remind myself that success for me this year is being honest with myself and dealing with the emotional garbage, learning to ignore any unhealthy thoughts about food, exercising for stress relief not weight loss, and ending my year healthier then I started it. When I looked at my personal goals I realized that I was succeeding. Did I lose a ton this year? No. By the end of December I will have lost about 20#'s or just over that. That comes out to less then half a pound a week. But it's less then I started the year at. I'm in such a different place then 11 months ago and am going into 2017 more able to go at the weight loss at a faster pace (read 1-1.5#'s a week).
My suggestion to you is to focus on getting your emotional house in order. Seek to maintain or lose at a very slow rate. Log your days honestly and without condemnation of yourself (this can be hard). Consider the book on cognitive behavioral therapy. Forget about dating right now. You have bigger fish to fry.
There is a great thread on here that is sayings that helped people on their journey. I'm on my phone and can't search for the link for you right now. I printed those off and kept them in our bathroom. I would use a dry erase marker and write a new one each week on the top of my bathroom mirror. I read them daily. The one that helped me probably the most is something about the time is going to pass no matter what. I can be in the same place or a better place next year. It helped me choose to work towards being in a better place.
Emotional stuff is HARD work. But in the end, dealing with it will ultimately make your weight loss so much easier.
If you made it through this book then you are a super hero.7
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