Am I ready to lose weight again?

ronjsteele1 · November 2016

Ack! There's a length limit on posts. Lol.

I wanted to wish you well. May you end 2017 in a healthier place then you're starting at. You can do this. Baby steps and lots of grace with yourself.

everher · November 2016

My advice ? Take care of yourself mentally and emotionally first. Just reading your post made me feel stressed. It seems like you have a lot going on and have been through a lot this year and weight loss is just becoming another stressful thing. I would focus on maintaining for now until you are in a much better mind frame to succeed. I feel like right now it's impossible for you to really focus on weight loss with you being so stressed and when you fail it's going to just make you feel worse.

Earlier this year I decided to change my life for the better and start eating better and lose the weight I had slowly put on over the years putting me near my highest weight ever. Well, I began having a lot of financial difficulties and then my mother passed away. It was impossible to maintain. I was barely functioning as a human being less alone able to track meals, control my eating, and exercise as I should.

Five months later and I'm back. Yes, I put on a bit of weight that I had lost, but in five weeks time I'm almost back to where I was. I say all this to say that it was a set back yes, but just a setback for a comeback.

Take care of you first and foremost. You do that and the weight loss will follow later when your mind is clear.

Traveler120 · November 2016

bbell1985 wrote: »

...I guess I want the world to tell me "it's okay, stress is the reason you're not losing weight", but I know better...and that makes me sad all over again.

Anyway, I finally went to get some blood work done and will hear back next week about thyroid and cortisol. I'm probably looking for excuses. ...

Yeah, stress is just an excuse. I've scrolled though images of refugees and only saw a couple of them who were overweight. The rest look normal and slim. And who's more stressed than people fleeing conflict nations?

So, stress in and of itself is not a reason for not losing. Sure, it may make you eat mindlessly and snack on pleasurable/high calorie foods, but you have a choice to reach for more reasonable, less calorie dense snacks instead.

bbell1985 · November 2016

Ah guys I'm reading though these and am in tears (once again, big surprise). I'll respond more in depth when I get home. I was nervous to post because I didn't want to be judged so that you all for being cool and supportive

ClosetBayesian · November 2016

Traveler120 wrote: »

bbell1985 wrote: »

...I guess I want the world to tell me "it's okay, stress is the reason you're not losing weight", but I know better...and that makes me sad all over again.

Anyway, I finally went to get some blood work done and will hear back next week about thyroid and cortisol. I'm probably looking for excuses. ...

Yeah, stress is just an excuse. I've scrolled though images of refugees and only saw a couple of them who were overweight. The rest look normal and slim. And who's more stressed than people fleeing conflict nations?

So, stress in and of itself is not a reason for not losing. Sure, it may make you eat mindlessly and snack on pleasurable/high calorie foods, but you have a choice to reach for more reasonable, less calorie dense snacks instead.

This is, at best, a crappy analogy. Refugees frequently have less access to food. Less food = fewer calories. This also discounts cortisol when food access is not an issue: high levels of cortisol can also be a factor in slow or nonexistent weight loss.

OP, see if you can get your stress in order, first. You've used a few phrases which are concerning (i.e, "not deserving to stop working on fat loss"). Above all, you deserve to give yourself some peace. Here's another vote for eat at maintenance while taking the time to treat yourself with care.

bbell1985 · November 2016

kshama2001 wrote: »

Francl27 wrote: »

I have no idea what psoas is.

But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.

https://www.yoganatomy.com/psoas-resources/

@bbell1985 because you do know about the psoas muscle, I wonder if you practice yoga and have kept up your practice during this time? What's your exercise routine in general?

Exercise has been a lifesaver for me to deal with stress, rather than my former coping mechanism, food. If I'm stressed I can't just jump onto my yoga mat - I'll do some mindless cardio before I am ready for a mindful practice.

Spending time in nature is especially good for destressing. Since you're in NYC it's more challenging for you than it is for me, but not impossible.

However, being in NYC you have more access to mind-body resources. I had a fantastic yoga therapist for a while who was just amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away.

I've just completed moving in with my OH and unpacking, which has been quite stressful. I've been trying to eat at maintenance, but have been going over, and have gained three pounds since August. I'm ok with that though, and am ready to get back on track.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

I don't practice yoga. I have considered adding it to my routine but with working 6:30 am to 5 pm and my weight training already taking up 9 hours per week...I don't know if I feel like adding it honestly.

Still, my psoas hates me right now. I should really go get a massage because there's only so much I can do with a tennis ball.

bbell1985 · November 2016

I get the maintenance suggestions, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel like I at least need to TRY to maintain a .5lb per week loss. I constantly struggle with the idea that I can't do anything, or that I can DO IT ALL.

bbell1985 · November 2016

ronjsteele1 wrote: »

Hi bbell. The short answer to your question is yes. Since Jan 1 of this year I have lost weight while be under a horrendous amount of stress. There are some specific things I did that have allowed that to happen.

First, I made an active decision that this year I had to focus on my health. Inspite of having kids, homeschooling, taking care of property, my marriage, etc., I HAD to take care of myself. I also knew that having almost a hundred pounds to lose was the result of some severe emotional trauma. On top of that, I had someone close to me verbalizing their disgust with my weight. I also had a long history of an eating disorder as a teen. While I have long since dealt with that, their are some mental aspects of that that are hard to get rid of (I never have. I just tend to ignore them knowing they are not healthy).

With all of that and more, I started by just logging my meals. Once I got decent at doing that I actually tried to stay at ANY amount of deficit I could. Some days that was 100 cals and some days it was more. I made my goal not so much to lose a certain number of pounds, but to just keep losing or maintaining and not gain. While I worked on the food part (I already knew how to eat healthy. Portion control was my thing) I knew I had to learn to no longer be an emotional eater. Literally hundreds of hours of counsel and journaling later most of the emotional issues have been dealt with and I'm way more aware of eating intentionally for fuel not comfort. I also have been working my way through the book the beck diet solution which is a guide on using cognitive behavioral therapy to learn to not overeat. I have had my share of ups and downs and honestly, for the first six months I lost very little. Maybe a couple of pounds. But I didn't gain either. Sometimes I would get discouraged when I'd come here and someone would have lost 50#'s in the same amount of time I lost 5. I would remind myself that success for me this year is being honest with myself and dealing with the emotional garbage, learning to ignore any unhealthy thoughts about food, exercising for stress relief not weight loss, and ending my year healthier then I started it. When I looked at my personal goals I realized that I was succeeding. Did I lose a ton this year? No. By the end of December I will have lost about 20#'s or just over that. That comes out to less then half a pound a week. But it's less then I started the year at. I'm in such a different place then 11 months ago and am going into 2017 more able to go at the weight loss at a faster pace (read 1-1.5#'s a week).

My suggestion to you is to focus on getting your emotional house in order. Seek to maintain or lose at a very slow rate. Log your days honestly and without condemnation of yourself (this can be hard). Consider the book on cognitive behavioral therapy. Forget about dating right now. You have bigger fish to fry.

There is a great thread on here that is sayings that helped people on their journey. I'm on my phone and can't search for the link for you right now. I printed those off and kept them in our bathroom. I would use a dry erase marker and write a new one each week on the top of my bathroom mirror. I read them daily. The one that helped me probably the most is something about the time is going to pass no matter what. I can be in the same place or a better place next year. It helped me choose to work towards being in a better place.

Emotional stuff is HARD work. But in the end, dealing with it will ultimately make your weight loss so much easier.

If you made it through this book then you are a super hero.

Thank you for this detailed response! I'm happy you are doing better. You're right...I have some emotional crap to deal with.

I've considered the CBT book but really feel like I need to hash things out in person with someone. I'm still looking for a therapist.

And you're right. I've deleted my dating profiles. I'm focusing on rest and my (school) work on the weekend. I'm also going to stop drinking for a little bit.

jemhh · November 2016

bbell1985 wrote: »

kshama2001 wrote: »

Francl27 wrote: »

I have no idea what psoas is.

But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.

https://www.yoganatomy.com/psoas-resources/

@bbell1985 because you do know about the psoas muscle, I wonder if you practice yoga and have kept up your practice during this time? What's your exercise routine in general?

Exercise has been a lifesaver for me to deal with stress, rather than my former coping mechanism, food. If I'm stressed I can't just jump onto my yoga mat - I'll do some mindless cardio before I am ready for a mindful practice.

Spending time in nature is especially good for destressing. Since you're in NYC it's more challenging for you than it is for me, but not impossible.

However, being in NYC you have more access to mind-body resources. I had a fantastic yoga therapist for a while who was just amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away.

I've just completed moving in with my OH and unpacking, which has been quite stressful. I've been trying to eat at maintenance, but have been going over, and have gained three pounds since August. I'm ok with that though, and am ready to get back on track.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

I don't practice yoga. I have considered adding it to my routine but with working 6:30 am to 5 pm and my weight training already taking up 9 hours per week...I don't know if I feel like adding it honestly.

Still, my psoas hates me right now. I should really go get a massage because there's only so much I can do with a tennis ball.

My employer offers "relaxing noon time yoga" as a free benefit. I tried it and ended up injuring myself, lol. However, I founded physical therapy extremely relaxing and refreshing so I suppose the yoga helped indirectly.

bbell1985 · November 2016

jemhh wrote: »

bbell1985 wrote: »

kshama2001 wrote: »

Francl27 wrote: »

I have no idea what psoas is.

But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.

https://www.yoganatomy.com/psoas-resources/

@bbell1985 because you do know about the psoas muscle, I wonder if you practice yoga and have kept up your practice during this time? What's your exercise routine in general?

Exercise has been a lifesaver for me to deal with stress, rather than my former coping mechanism, food. If I'm stressed I can't just jump onto my yoga mat - I'll do some mindless cardio before I am ready for a mindful practice.

Spending time in nature is especially good for destressing. Since you're in NYC it's more challenging for you than it is for me, but not impossible.

However, being in NYC you have more access to mind-body resources. I had a fantastic yoga therapist for a while who was just amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away.

I've just completed moving in with my OH and unpacking, which has been quite stressful. I've been trying to eat at maintenance, but have been going over, and have gained three pounds since August. I'm ok with that though, and am ready to get back on track.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

I don't practice yoga. I have considered adding it to my routine but with working 6:30 am to 5 pm and my weight training already taking up 9 hours per week...I don't know if I feel like adding it honestly.

Still, my psoas hates me right now. I should really go get a massage because there's only so much I can do with a tennis ball.

bbell1985 wrote: »

kshama2001 wrote: »

Francl27 wrote: »

I have no idea what psoas is.

But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.

https://www.yoganatomy.com/psoas-resources/

@bbell1985 because you do know about the psoas muscle, I wonder if you practice yoga and have kept up your practice during this time? What's your exercise routine in general?

Exercise has been a lifesaver for me to deal with stress, rather than my former coping mechanism, food. If I'm stressed I can't just jump onto my yoga mat - I'll do some mindless cardio before I am ready for a mindful practice.

Spending time in nature is especially good for destressing. Since you're in NYC it's more challenging for you than it is for me, but not impossible.

However, being in NYC you have more access to mind-body resources. I had a fantastic yoga therapist for a while who was just amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away.

I've just completed moving in with my OH and unpacking, which has been quite stressful. I've been trying to eat at maintenance, but have been going over, and have gained three pounds since August. I'm ok with that though, and am ready to get back on track.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

I don't practice yoga. I have considered adding it to my routine but with working 6:30 am to 5 pm and my weight training already taking up 9 hours per week...I don't know if I feel like adding it honestly.

Still, my psoas hates me right now. I should really go get a massage because there's only so much I can do with a tennis ball.

My employer offers "relaxing noon time yoga" as a free benefit. I tried it and ended up injuring myself, lol. However, I founded physical therapy extremely relaxing and refreshing so I suppose the yoga helped indirectly.

OMG. Sorry

Your employer offers noontime yoga?!?! And here I am eating my lunch in 5 minutes standing up. Can I come work with you?

bbell1985 · November 2016

I had an okay today. I went to my first Buddhist meeting, got a manicure, did my workout, and hit my macros. Baby steps.

cerise_noir · November 2016

In all honesty..

After my mom died and crap started happening in the family, I was incredibly stressed. My period stopped and my hair started falling out. I was no eating below my calories. I maintained for a while, then started gaining. I gained 10lbs due to this. The stress of keeping a deficit was more stress added to my plate. I had a diet break. A break from countng calories, a break for deficits. I started tacklng the root cuases of my stress through cognitive therapy (both online sources and with the Beck diet Solution-fantastic CBT book!) and one by one, I was able to manage my stress anxiety and depression causes. I was able to seperate them and work on them individually. It wasn't until I felt truly comfortable that I began just by eating at maintenance for while. Now, I am at a 250-300 cal deficit and have kept it for a week (which is unusaly for me). Cardio (walking) does help with the anxiety a bit, too.

I am glad that you're considering seeing a therapist. Do what feels comfortable to you and don't force anything. Take some time out for YOU. You are imprtant, too. You have a stressful job and weigh train a lot... that's a lot of stress right there.

ronjsteele1 · November 2016

I did the CBT book along with the talking/journaling with my healthcare provider. I found the CBT complimented what I was trying to learn from this website. I used the talking, etc. with my provider to just deal with the emotional garbage. I found that hitting this from multiple disciplines was what I needed to keep me going. I found keeping things at 1/2# loss per week was manageable. If I was able to keep more of a deficit then I considered that a bonus. Even small amounts down kept me mentally in the game. I think if you set yourself for 1/2# you'll do fine. The biggest thing (and this goes for any weight loss not just with the going slower version), you are going to have weeks where you won't lose. My eating disordered brain had a hard time with that (especially when I knew I was in a deficit). You will still have to deal with those weeks.

GottaBurnEmAll · November 2016

bbell1985 wrote: »

I get the maintenance suggestions, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel like I at least need to TRY to maintain a .5lb per week loss. I constantly struggle with the idea that I can't do anything, or that I can DO IT ALL.

But something has to give because you can't keep going like this.

This all or nothing mentality is adding to your stress and is completely counter-productive.

I'm glad you're looking into therapy, but you need to do something as a stop gap until you find someone.

Would it help to think of a caloric deficit as a weekly thing in doing that cyclical deficit that was suggested upthread? Just try to cut a small amount of calories a week and consider that all you can do. For now.

jemhh · November 2016

bbell1985 wrote: »

jemhh wrote: »

bbell1985 wrote: »

kshama2001 wrote: »

Francl27 wrote: »

I have no idea what psoas is.

But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.

https://www.yoganatomy.com/psoas-resources/

@bbell1985 because you do know about the psoas muscle, I wonder if you practice yoga and have kept up your practice during this time? What's your exercise routine in general?

Exercise has been a lifesaver for me to deal with stress, rather than my former coping mechanism, food. If I'm stressed I can't just jump onto my yoga mat - I'll do some mindless cardio before I am ready for a mindful practice.

Spending time in nature is especially good for destressing. Since you're in NYC it's more challenging for you than it is for me, but not impossible.

However, being in NYC you have more access to mind-body resources. I had a fantastic yoga therapist for a while who was just amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away.

I've just completed moving in with my OH and unpacking, which has been quite stressful. I've been trying to eat at maintenance, but have been going over, and have gained three pounds since August. I'm ok with that though, and am ready to get back on track.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

I don't practice yoga. I have considered adding it to my routine but with working 6:30 am to 5 pm and my weight training already taking up 9 hours per week...I don't know if I feel like adding it honestly.

Still, my psoas hates me right now. I should really go get a massage because there's only so much I can do with a tennis ball.

bbell1985 wrote: »

kshama2001 wrote: »

Francl27 wrote: »

I have no idea what psoas is.

But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.

https://www.yoganatomy.com/psoas-resources/

@bbell1985 because you do know about the psoas muscle, I wonder if you practice yoga and have kept up your practice during this time? What's your exercise routine in general?

Exercise has been a lifesaver for me to deal with stress, rather than my former coping mechanism, food. If I'm stressed I can't just jump onto my yoga mat - I'll do some mindless cardio before I am ready for a mindful practice.

Spending time in nature is especially good for destressing. Since you're in NYC it's more challenging for you than it is for me, but not impossible.

However, being in NYC you have more access to mind-body resources. I had a fantastic yoga therapist for a while who was just amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away.

I've just completed moving in with my OH and unpacking, which has been quite stressful. I've been trying to eat at maintenance, but have been going over, and have gained three pounds since August. I'm ok with that though, and am ready to get back on track.

{{{{{ hugs }}}}}

I don't practice yoga. I have considered adding it to my routine but with working 6:30 am to 5 pm and my weight training already taking up 9 hours per week...I don't know if I feel like adding it honestly.

Still, my psoas hates me right now. I should really go get a massage because there's only so much I can do with a tennis ball.

My employer offers "relaxing noon time yoga" as a free benefit. I tried it and ended up injuring myself, lol. However, I founded physical therapy extremely relaxing and refreshing so I suppose the yoga helped indirectly.

OMG. Sorry

Your employer offers noontime yoga?!?! And here I am eating my lunch in 5 minutes standing up. Can I come work with you?

Yeah, my employer has some great health initiatives and is a good place in general. I've had a crappy year work stress -wise due to a very specific issue that I had to wait out due to various regulations but overall I love my job/employer.

bbell1985 · November 2016

ronjsteele1 wrote: »

I did the CBT book along with the talking/journaling with my healthcare provider. I found the CBT complimented what I was trying to learn from this website. I used the talking, etc. with my provider to just deal with the emotional garbage. I found that hitting this from multiple disciplines was what I needed to keep me going. I found keeping things at 1/2# loss per week was manageable. If I was able to keep more of a deficit then I considered that a bonus. Even small amounts down kept me mentally in the game. I think if you set yourself for 1/2# you'll do fine. The biggest thing (and this goes for any weight loss not just with the going slower version), you are going to have weeks where you won't lose. My eating disordered brain had a hard time with that (especially when I knew I was in a deficit). You will still have to deal with those weeks.

Ah, I just figured the therapist would like...do CBT with me. See how much I know?

bbell1985 · November 2016

cerise_noir wrote: »

In all honesty..

After my mom died and crap started happening in the family, I was incredibly stressed. My period stopped and my hair started falling out. I was no eating below my calories. I maintained for a while, then started gaining. I gained 10lbs due to this. The stress of keeping a deficit was more stress added to my plate. I had a diet break. A break from countng calories, a break for deficits. I started tacklng the root cuases of my stress through cognitive therapy (both online sources and with the Beck diet Solution-fantastic CBT book!) and one by one, I was able to manage my stress anxiety and depression causes. I was able to seperate them and work on them individually. It wasn't until I felt truly comfortable that I began just by eating at maintenance for while. Now, I am at a 250-300 cal deficit and have kept it for a week (which is unusaly for me). Cardio (walking) does help with the anxiety a bit, too.

I am glad that you're considering seeing a therapist. Do what feels comfortable to you and don't force anything. Take some time out for YOU. You are imprtant, too. You have a stressful job and weigh train a lot... that's a lot of stress right there.

Hey! I'm sorry I didn't respond to your message the other week. It was really nice of you to reach out, so thank you.

This is the third time I'm reading about the Beck Diet Solution...hmmm...

ronjsteele1 · November 2016

bbell1985 wrote: »

ronjsteele1 wrote: »

I did the CBT book along with the talking/journaling with my healthcare provider. I found the CBT complimented what I was trying to learn from this website. I used the talking, etc. with my provider to just deal with the emotional garbage. I found that hitting this from multiple disciplines was what I needed to keep me going. I found keeping things at 1/2# loss per week was manageable. If I was able to keep more of a deficit then I considered that a bonus. Even small amounts down kept me mentally in the game. I think if you set yourself for 1/2# you'll do fine. The biggest thing (and this goes for any weight loss not just with the going slower version), you are going to have weeks where you won't lose. My eating disordered brain had a hard time with that (especially when I knew I was in a deficit). You will still have to deal with those weeks.

Ah, I just figured the therapist would like...do CBT with me. See how much I know?

Depends on what type of therapist you choose. If you specifically choose a CBT Psychologist then it's more likely they would do it with you. Otherwise, most will not. They'll just talk with you about your emotional state.

bbell1985 · November 2016

GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »

bbell1985 wrote: »

I get the maintenance suggestions, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel like I at least need to TRY to maintain a .5lb per week loss. I constantly struggle with the idea that I can't do anything, or that I can DO IT ALL.

But something has to give because you can't keep going like this.

This all or nothing mentality is adding to your stress and is completely counter-productive.

I'm glad you're looking into therapy, but you need to do something as a stop gap until you find someone.

Would it help to think of a caloric deficit as a weekly thing in doing that cyclical deficit that was suggested upthread? Just try to cut a small amount of calories a week and consider that all you can do. For now.

I've been doing that for years...calorie cycling. It's not really news to me. I'm just failing at it now.

Traveler120 · November 2016

ClosetBayesian wrote: »

Traveler120 wrote: »

bbell1985 wrote: »

...I guess I want the world to tell me "it's okay, stress is the reason you're not losing weight", but I know better...and that makes me sad all over again.

Anyway, I finally went to get some blood work done and will hear back next week about thyroid and cortisol. I'm probably looking for excuses. ...

Yeah, stress is just an excuse. I've scrolled though images of refugees and only saw a couple of them who were overweight. The rest look normal and slim. And who's more stressed than people fleeing conflict nations?

So, stress in and of itself is not a reason for not losing. Sure, it may make you eat mindlessly and snack on pleasurable/high calorie foods, but you have a choice to reach for more reasonable, less calorie dense snacks instead.

This is, at best, a crappy analogy. Refugees frequently have less access to food. Less food = fewer calories. This also discounts cortisol when food access is not an issue: high levels of cortisol can also be a factor in slow or nonexistent weight loss.

So cortisol levels are going to be different depending on whether you have access to food? It doesn't make sense. The only rational explanation for slow weight loss is that the person with unlimited access to food is helping themselves a little more than they should. I've lost weight during a very stressful period and it leads me to comfort eating. But I CHOOSE to comfort eat foods that still leave me in a deficit. Cortisol levels can't magically overide calorie deficit.

Am I ready to lose weight again?

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