Am I ready to lose weight again?

24

Replies

  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    I had an okay today. I went to my first Buddhist meeting, got a manicure, did my workout, and hit my macros. Baby steps.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    edited November 2016
    In all honesty..

    After my mom died and crap started happening in the family, I was incredibly stressed. My period stopped and my hair started falling out. I was no eating below my calories. I maintained for a while, then started gaining. I gained 10lbs due to this. The stress of keeping a deficit was more stress added to my plate. I had a diet break. A break from countng calories, a break for deficits. I started tacklng the root cuases of my stress through cognitive therapy (both online sources and with the Beck diet Solution-fantastic CBT book!) and one by one, I was able to manage my stress anxiety and depression causes. I was able to seperate them and work on them individually. It wasn't until I felt truly comfortable that I began just by eating at maintenance for while. Now, I am at a 250-300 cal deficit and have kept it for a week (which is unusaly for me). Cardio (walking) does help with the anxiety a bit, too.

    I am glad that you're considering seeing a therapist. Do what feels comfortable to you and don't force anything. Take some time out for YOU. You are imprtant, too. You have a stressful job and weigh train a lot... that's a lot of stress right there.

  • ronjsteele1
    ronjsteele1 Posts: 1,064 Member
    edited November 2016


    I did the CBT book along with the talking/journaling with my healthcare provider. I found the CBT complimented what I was trying to learn from this website. I used the talking, etc. with my provider to just deal with the emotional garbage. I found that hitting this from multiple disciplines was what I needed to keep me going. I found keeping things at 1/2# loss per week was manageable. If I was able to keep more of a deficit then I considered that a bonus. Even small amounts down kept me mentally in the game. I think if you set yourself for 1/2# you'll do fine. The biggest thing (and this goes for any weight loss not just with the going slower version), you are going to have weeks where you won't lose. My eating disordered brain had a hard time with that (especially when I knew I was in a deficit). You will still have to deal with those weeks.
  • GottaBurnEmAll
    GottaBurnEmAll Posts: 7,722 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    I get the maintenance suggestions, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel like I at least need to TRY to maintain a .5lb per week loss. I constantly struggle with the idea that I can't do anything, or that I can DO IT ALL.

    But something has to give because you can't keep going like this.

    This all or nothing mentality is adding to your stress and is completely counter-productive.

    I'm glad you're looking into therapy, but you need to do something as a stop gap until you find someone.

    Would it help to think of a caloric deficit as a weekly thing in doing that cyclical deficit that was suggested upthread? Just try to cut a small amount of calories a week and consider that all you can do. For now.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    jemhh wrote: »
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    I have no idea what psoas is.

    But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.

    https://www.yoganatomy.com/psoas-resources/

    @bbell1985 because you do know about the psoas muscle, I wonder if you practice yoga and have kept up your practice during this time? What's your exercise routine in general?

    Exercise has been a lifesaver for me to deal with stress, rather than my former coping mechanism, food. If I'm stressed I can't just jump onto my yoga mat - I'll do some mindless cardio before I am ready for a mindful practice.

    Spending time in nature is especially good for destressing. Since you're in NYC it's more challenging for you than it is for me, but not impossible.

    However, being in NYC you have more access to mind-body resources. I had a fantastic yoga therapist for a while who was just amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away.

    I've just completed moving in with my OH and unpacking, which has been quite stressful. I've been trying to eat at maintenance, but have been going over, and have gained three pounds since August. I'm ok with that though, and am ready to get back on track.

    {{{{{ hugs }}}}}

    I don't practice yoga. I have considered adding it to my routine but with working 6:30 am to 5 pm and my weight training already taking up 9 hours per week...I don't know if I feel like adding it honestly.

    Still, my psoas hates me right now. I should really go get a massage because there's only so much I can do with a tennis ball.
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    I have no idea what psoas is.

    But honestly, losing weight and what you put in your mouth is something you can control.

    https://www.yoganatomy.com/psoas-resources/

    @bbell1985 because you do know about the psoas muscle, I wonder if you practice yoga and have kept up your practice during this time? What's your exercise routine in general?

    Exercise has been a lifesaver for me to deal with stress, rather than my former coping mechanism, food. If I'm stressed I can't just jump onto my yoga mat - I'll do some mindless cardio before I am ready for a mindful practice.

    Spending time in nature is especially good for destressing. Since you're in NYC it's more challenging for you than it is for me, but not impossible.

    However, being in NYC you have more access to mind-body resources. I had a fantastic yoga therapist for a while who was just amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away.

    I've just completed moving in with my OH and unpacking, which has been quite stressful. I've been trying to eat at maintenance, but have been going over, and have gained three pounds since August. I'm ok with that though, and am ready to get back on track.

    {{{{{ hugs }}}}}

    I don't practice yoga. I have considered adding it to my routine but with working 6:30 am to 5 pm and my weight training already taking up 9 hours per week...I don't know if I feel like adding it honestly.

    Still, my psoas hates me right now. I should really go get a massage because there's only so much I can do with a tennis ball.

    My employer offers "relaxing noon time yoga" as a free benefit. I tried it and ended up injuring myself, lol. However, I founded physical therapy extremely relaxing and refreshing so I suppose the yoga helped indirectly. :blush:

    OMG. Sorry :*

    Your employer offers noontime yoga?!?! And here I am eating my lunch in 5 minutes standing up. Can I come work with you?

    Yeah, my employer has some great health initiatives and is a good place in general. I've had a crappy year work stress -wise due to a very specific issue that I had to wait out due to various regulations but overall I love my job/employer.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member

    I did the CBT book along with the talking/journaling with my healthcare provider. I found the CBT complimented what I was trying to learn from this website. I used the talking, etc. with my provider to just deal with the emotional garbage. I found that hitting this from multiple disciplines was what I needed to keep me going. I found keeping things at 1/2# loss per week was manageable. If I was able to keep more of a deficit then I considered that a bonus. Even small amounts down kept me mentally in the game. I think if you set yourself for 1/2# you'll do fine. The biggest thing (and this goes for any weight loss not just with the going slower version), you are going to have weeks where you won't lose. My eating disordered brain had a hard time with that (especially when I knew I was in a deficit). You will still have to deal with those weeks.

    Ah, I just figured the therapist would like...do CBT with me. See how much I know?
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    In all honesty..

    After my mom died and crap started happening in the family, I was incredibly stressed. My period stopped and my hair started falling out. I was no eating below my calories. I maintained for a while, then started gaining. I gained 10lbs due to this. The stress of keeping a deficit was more stress added to my plate. I had a diet break. A break from countng calories, a break for deficits. I started tacklng the root cuases of my stress through cognitive therapy (both online sources and with the Beck diet Solution-fantastic CBT book!) and one by one, I was able to manage my stress anxiety and depression causes. I was able to seperate them and work on them individually. It wasn't until I felt truly comfortable that I began just by eating at maintenance for while. Now, I am at a 250-300 cal deficit and have kept it for a week (which is unusaly for me). Cardio (walking) does help with the anxiety a bit, too.

    I am glad that you're considering seeing a therapist. Do what feels comfortable to you and don't force anything. Take some time out for YOU. You are imprtant, too. You have a stressful job and weigh train a lot... that's a lot of stress right there.

    Hey! I'm sorry I didn't respond to your message the other week. It was really nice of you to reach out, so thank you.

    This is the third time I'm reading about the Beck Diet Solution...hmmm...

  • ronjsteele1
    ronjsteele1 Posts: 1,064 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »

    I did the CBT book along with the talking/journaling with my healthcare provider. I found the CBT complimented what I was trying to learn from this website. I used the talking, etc. with my provider to just deal with the emotional garbage. I found that hitting this from multiple disciplines was what I needed to keep me going. I found keeping things at 1/2# loss per week was manageable. If I was able to keep more of a deficit then I considered that a bonus. Even small amounts down kept me mentally in the game. I think if you set yourself for 1/2# you'll do fine. The biggest thing (and this goes for any weight loss not just with the going slower version), you are going to have weeks where you won't lose. My eating disordered brain had a hard time with that (especially when I knew I was in a deficit). You will still have to deal with those weeks.

    Ah, I just figured the therapist would like...do CBT with me. See how much I know?

    Depends on what type of therapist you choose. If you specifically choose a CBT Psychologist then it's more likely they would do it with you. Otherwise, most will not. They'll just talk with you about your emotional state.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    I get the maintenance suggestions, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel like I at least need to TRY to maintain a .5lb per week loss. I constantly struggle with the idea that I can't do anything, or that I can DO IT ALL.

    But something has to give because you can't keep going like this.

    This all or nothing mentality is adding to your stress and is completely counter-productive.

    I'm glad you're looking into therapy, but you need to do something as a stop gap until you find someone.

    Would it help to think of a caloric deficit as a weekly thing in doing that cyclical deficit that was suggested upthread? Just try to cut a small amount of calories a week and consider that all you can do. For now.

    I've been doing that for years...calorie cycling. It's not really news to me. I'm just failing at it now.

  • Traveler120
    Traveler120 Posts: 712 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    ...I guess I want the world to tell me "it's okay, stress is the reason you're not losing weight", but I know better...and that makes me sad all over again.

    Anyway, I finally went to get some blood work done and will hear back next week about thyroid and cortisol. I'm probably looking for excuses. ...

    Yeah, stress is just an excuse. I've scrolled though images of refugees and only saw a couple of them who were overweight. The rest look normal and slim. And who's more stressed than people fleeing conflict nations?

    So, stress in and of itself is not a reason for not losing. Sure, it may make you eat mindlessly and snack on pleasurable/high calorie foods, but you have a choice to reach for more reasonable, less calorie dense snacks instead.

    This is, at best, a crappy analogy. Refugees frequently have less access to food. Less food = fewer calories. This also discounts cortisol when food access is not an issue: high levels of cortisol can also be a factor in slow or nonexistent weight loss.

    So cortisol levels are going to be different depending on whether you have access to food? It doesn't make sense. The only rational explanation for slow weight loss is that the person with unlimited access to food is helping themselves a little more than they should. I've lost weight during a very stressful period and it leads me to comfort eating. But I CHOOSE to comfort eat foods that still leave me in a deficit. Cortisol levels can't magically overide calorie deficit.
  • PeakLiving
    PeakLiving Posts: 9 Member
    First off, props for being so transparent. I could literally feel the struggle. By any chance, do you compete?
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    ...I guess I want the world to tell me "it's okay, stress is the reason you're not losing weight", but I know better...and that makes me sad all over again.

    Anyway, I finally went to get some blood work done and will hear back next week about thyroid and cortisol. I'm probably looking for excuses. ...

    Yeah, stress is just an excuse. I've scrolled though images of refugees and only saw a couple of them who were overweight. The rest look normal and slim. And who's more stressed than people fleeing conflict nations?

    So, stress in and of itself is not a reason for not losing. Sure, it may make you eat mindlessly and snack on pleasurable/high calorie foods, but you have a choice to reach for more reasonable, less calorie dense snacks instead.

    This is, at best, a crappy analogy. Refugees frequently have less access to food. Less food = fewer calories. This also discounts cortisol when food access is not an issue: high levels of cortisol can also be a factor in slow or nonexistent weight loss.

    So cortisol levels are going to be different depending on whether you have access to food? It doesn't make sense. The only rational explanation for slow weight loss is that the person with unlimited access to food is helping themselves a little more than they should. I've lost weight during a very stressful period and it leads me to comfort eating. But I CHOOSE to comfort eat foods that still leave me in a deficit. Cortisol levels can't magically overide calorie deficit.

    We get this. Thanks.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    PeakLiving wrote: »
    First off, props for being so transparent. I could literally feel the struggle. By any chance, do you compete?

    For powerlifting. But I've only done one meet so far.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    As far as the cortisol and stomach issues go, I'm just CURIOUS. I mean, I literally can't poop for 5 days at a time. It clearly shows on the scale and makes things a little confusing.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    In all honesty..

    After my mom died and crap started happening in the family, I was incredibly stressed. My period stopped and my hair started falling out. I was no eating below my calories. I maintained for a while, then started gaining. I gained 10lbs due to this. The stress of keeping a deficit was more stress added to my plate. I had a diet break. A break from countng calories, a break for deficits. I started tacklng the root cuases of my stress through cognitive therapy (both online sources and with the Beck diet Solution-fantastic CBT book!) and one by one, I was able to manage my stress anxiety and depression causes. I was able to seperate them and work on them individually. It wasn't until I felt truly comfortable that I began just by eating at maintenance for while. Now, I am at a 250-300 cal deficit and have kept it for a week (which is unusaly for me). Cardio (walking) does help with the anxiety a bit, too.

    I am glad that you're considering seeing a therapist. Do what feels comfortable to you and don't force anything. Take some time out for YOU. You are imprtant, too. You have a stressful job and weigh train a lot... that's a lot of stress right there.

    Hey! I'm sorry I didn't respond to your message the other week. It was really nice of you to reach out, so thank you.

    This is the third time I'm reading about the Beck Diet Solution...hmmm...

    Do not worry! It's okay.

    That book has helped me SO much. I was in a similar situation to yours for several months. My thoughts were "eff it...what the hell do I really have to lose" after someone recommeded that book. I had to believe the process. So far, I have resisted so many temptations. Today, I did go to maintenance calories even though I had the strong urge to eat everything.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    In all honesty..

    After my mom died and crap started happening in the family, I was incredibly stressed. My period stopped and my hair started falling out. I was no eating below my calories. I maintained for a while, then started gaining. I gained 10lbs due to this. The stress of keeping a deficit was more stress added to my plate. I had a diet break. A break from countng calories, a break for deficits. I started tacklng the root cuases of my stress through cognitive therapy (both online sources and with the Beck diet Solution-fantastic CBT book!) and one by one, I was able to manage my stress anxiety and depression causes. I was able to seperate them and work on them individually. It wasn't until I felt truly comfortable that I began just by eating at maintenance for while. Now, I am at a 250-300 cal deficit and have kept it for a week (which is unusaly for me). Cardio (walking) does help with the anxiety a bit, too.

    I am glad that you're considering seeing a therapist. Do what feels comfortable to you and don't force anything. Take some time out for YOU. You are imprtant, too. You have a stressful job and weigh train a lot... that's a lot of stress right there.

    Hey! I'm sorry I didn't respond to your message the other week. It was really nice of you to reach out, so thank you.

    This is the third time I'm reading about the Beck Diet Solution...hmmm...

    Do not worry! It's okay.

    That book has helped me SO much. I was in a similar situation to yours for several months. My thoughts were "eff it...what the hell do I really have to lose" after someone recommeded that book. I had to believe the process. So far, I have resisted so many temptations. Today, I did go to maintenance calories even though I had the strong urge to eat everything.

    I have temptations, that's one thing. But I also have all these obsessions and rituals around food...when I eat, how I eat it, how I will make it stretch. I never ate like that when I was fat. I was between 155-180lbs from the time I was 12 to 28 years old so it's not like I was being weird with food, just always ate a LITTLE too much.

    That was a bit of a public overshare.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    I get the maintenance suggestions, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel like I at least need to TRY to maintain a .5lb per week loss. I constantly struggle with the idea that I can't do anything, or that I can DO IT ALL.

    But something has to give because you can't keep going like this.

    This all or nothing mentality is adding to your stress and is completely counter-productive.

    I'm glad you're looking into therapy, but you need to do something as a stop gap until you find someone.

    Would it help to think of a caloric deficit as a weekly thing in doing that cyclical deficit that was suggested upthread? Just try to cut a small amount of calories a week and consider that all you can do. For now.

    I agree here. You have to find a way to give yourself a break. It is okay to not be able to do it all. And it is okay even if you were able to do it all in the past or if you see others who are "doing it all" and even if you are not a starving refugee :wink: I firmly believe that we all go through different seasons or phases in our lives and different things have to be dropped/added/increased/decreased as we go through them. If you absolutely cannot stand to not make some fat loss progress, a weekly deficit or every other day diet or two days a week diet may help.
  • PeakLiving
    PeakLiving Posts: 9 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    PeakLiving wrote: »
    First off, props for being so transparent. I could literally feel the struggle. By any chance, do you compete?

    For powerlifting. But I've only done one meet so far.

    Nice. I take it you're well versed in tracking cals so you pretty much know the nutritional value of most foods and how much your body needs from day to day. With that being said, have you considered not "tracking tracking" for a couple days - Just listening to your body, seeing how that feels? On occasions I find stepping away from the analytical side of food and simply eating intuitively with the knowledge gained over the years takes the edge off things. Especially in times of stress.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    jemhh wrote: »
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    I get the maintenance suggestions, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel like I at least need to TRY to maintain a .5lb per week loss. I constantly struggle with the idea that I can't do anything, or that I can DO IT ALL.

    But something has to give because you can't keep going like this.

    This all or nothing mentality is adding to your stress and is completely counter-productive.

    I'm glad you're looking into therapy, but you need to do something as a stop gap until you find someone.

    Would it help to think of a caloric deficit as a weekly thing in doing that cyclical deficit that was suggested upthread? Just try to cut a small amount of calories a week and consider that all you can do. For now.

    I agree here. You have to find a way to give yourself a break. It is okay to not be able to do it all. And it is okay even if you were able to do it all in the past or if you see others who are "doing it all" and even if you are not a starving refugee :wink: I firmly believe that we all go through different seasons or phases in our lives and different things have to be dropped/added/increased/decreased as we go through them. If you absolutely cannot stand to not make some fat loss progress, a weekly deficit or every other day diet or two days a week diet may help.

    I get this. But I'm dropping dating. That's one thing, right? I'm not ready to completely quit on a deficit. I've upped my calories though and I'm going to try NOT cycling them...it's worked for me for a long time but now it's not, so...I'll try adhering to some more calories per day.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    PeakLiving wrote: »
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    PeakLiving wrote: »
    First off, props for being so transparent. I could literally feel the struggle. By any chance, do you compete?

    For powerlifting. But I've only done one meet so far.

    Nice. I take it you're well versed in tracking cals so you pretty much know the nutritional value of most foods and how much your body needs from day to day. With that being said, have you considered not "tracking tracking" for a couple days - Just listening to your body, seeing how that feels? On occasions I find stepping away from the analytical side of food and simply eating intuitively with the knowledge gained over the years takes the edge off things. Especially in times of stress.

    Yes, I did this for awhile. I gained, freaked out, and started logging again.

  • psuLemon
    psuLemon Posts: 38,426 MFP Moderator
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    As far as the cortisol and stomach issues go, I'm just CURIOUS. I mean, I literally can't poop for 5 days at a time. It clearly shows on the scale and makes things a little confusing.

    Have you tried some good probiotics or a yogurt that contains them (like activia).

    Personally, i am just tied of calorie counting and struggling to get under 16%. So now i am juat focusing on solid training sessions and working on cutting some junk food and replace it with more fiber or lean proteins. When i have done this in the past i have found it a lot more beneficial mentally. I think knowing i can eat more calories gives me a reason to do it even when full.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    psuLemon wrote: »
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    As far as the cortisol and stomach issues go, I'm just CURIOUS. I mean, I literally can't poop for 5 days at a time. It clearly shows on the scale and makes things a little confusing.

    Have you tried some good probiotics or a yogurt that contains them (like activia).

    Personally, i am just tied of calorie counting and struggling to get under 16%. So now i am juat focusing on solid training sessions and working on cutting some junk food and replace it with more fiber or lean proteins. When i have done this in the past i have found it a lot more beneficial mentally. I think knowing i can eat more calories gives me a reason to do it even when full.

    I have some probiotics in the refrigerator from when I had strep the other month. I was taking them on and off last week. I think I'm going to try to stick with it this week. I have an appointment to see the gastroenterologist in a week or so.

    I'm the same with knowing I can eat more. I was bulking last year and still wanted to overeat.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    jemhh wrote: »
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    I get the maintenance suggestions, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel like I at least need to TRY to maintain a .5lb per week loss. I constantly struggle with the idea that I can't do anything, or that I can DO IT ALL.

    But something has to give because you can't keep going like this.

    This all or nothing mentality is adding to your stress and is completely counter-productive.

    I'm glad you're looking into therapy, but you need to do something as a stop gap until you find someone.

    Would it help to think of a caloric deficit as a weekly thing in doing that cyclical deficit that was suggested upthread? Just try to cut a small amount of calories a week and consider that all you can do. For now.

    I agree here. You have to find a way to give yourself a break. It is okay to not be able to do it all. And it is okay even if you were able to do it all in the past or if you see others who are "doing it all" and even if you are not a starving refugee :wink: I firmly believe that we all go through different seasons or phases in our lives and different things have to be dropped/added/increased/decreased as we go through them. If you absolutely cannot stand to not make some fat loss progress, a weekly deficit or every other day diet or two days a week diet may help.

    I get this. But I'm dropping dating. That's one thing, right? I'm not ready to completely quit on a deficit. I've upped my calories though and I'm going to try NOT cycling them...it's worked for me for a long time but now it's not, so...I'll try adhering to some more calories per day.

    Oh yeah, that is certainly a thing, especially if it is causing you stress.

    Your comment on food rules you didn't have before is interesting to me. I don't have food rules like that but in many ways I think my previous mental... obliviousness?... was healthier than my constant thoughts about calories right now.
  • Traveler120
    Traveler120 Posts: 712 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    ...I guess I want the world to tell me "it's okay, stress is the reason you're not losing weight", but I know better...and that makes me sad all over again.

    Anyway, I finally went to get some blood work done and will hear back next week about thyroid and cortisol. I'm probably looking for excuses. ...

    Yeah, stress is just an excuse. I've scrolled though images of refugees and only saw a couple of them who were overweight. The rest look normal and slim. And who's more stressed than people fleeing conflict nations?

    So, stress in and of itself is not a reason for not losing. Sure, it may make you eat mindlessly and snack on pleasurable/high calorie foods, but you have a choice to reach for more reasonable, less calorie dense snacks instead.

    This is, at best, a crappy analogy. Refugees frequently have less access to food. Less food = fewer calories. This also discounts cortisol when food access is not an issue: high levels of cortisol can also be a factor in slow or nonexistent weight loss.

    So cortisol levels are going to be different depending on whether you have access to food? It doesn't make sense. The only rational explanation for slow weight loss is that the person with unlimited access to food is helping themselves a little more than they should. I've lost weight during a very stressful period and it leads me to comfort eating. But I CHOOSE to comfort eat foods that still leave me in a deficit. Cortisol levels can't magically overide calorie deficit.

    Could you please just STOP in this thread already. The OP is clearly going through a tough time right now and doesn't need this ish.

    Oops...Sorry! I was just responding to the reply to me. Didn't read the whole thread. Carry on.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    jemhh wrote: »
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    jemhh wrote: »
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    I get the maintenance suggestions, but I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel like I at least need to TRY to maintain a .5lb per week loss. I constantly struggle with the idea that I can't do anything, or that I can DO IT ALL.

    But something has to give because you can't keep going like this.

    This all or nothing mentality is adding to your stress and is completely counter-productive.

    I'm glad you're looking into therapy, but you need to do something as a stop gap until you find someone.

    Would it help to think of a caloric deficit as a weekly thing in doing that cyclical deficit that was suggested upthread? Just try to cut a small amount of calories a week and consider that all you can do. For now.

    I agree here. You have to find a way to give yourself a break. It is okay to not be able to do it all. And it is okay even if you were able to do it all in the past or if you see others who are "doing it all" and even if you are not a starving refugee :wink: I firmly believe that we all go through different seasons or phases in our lives and different things have to be dropped/added/increased/decreased as we go through them. If you absolutely cannot stand to not make some fat loss progress, a weekly deficit or every other day diet or two days a week diet may help.

    I get this. But I'm dropping dating. That's one thing, right? I'm not ready to completely quit on a deficit. I've upped my calories though and I'm going to try NOT cycling them...it's worked for me for a long time but now it's not, so...I'll try adhering to some more calories per day.

    Oh yeah, that is certainly a thing, especially if it is causing you stress.

    Your comment on food rules you didn't have before is interesting to me. I don't have food rules like that but in many ways I think my previous mental... obliviousness?... was healthier than my constant thoughts about calories right now.

    Yes. Agreed.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    ...I guess I want the world to tell me "it's okay, stress is the reason you're not losing weight", but I know better...and that makes me sad all over again.

    Anyway, I finally went to get some blood work done and will hear back next week about thyroid and cortisol. I'm probably looking for excuses. ...

    Yeah, stress is just an excuse. I've scrolled though images of refugees and only saw a couple of them who were overweight. The rest look normal and slim. And who's more stressed than people fleeing conflict nations?

    So, stress in and of itself is not a reason for not losing. Sure, it may make you eat mindlessly and snack on pleasurable/high calorie foods, but you have a choice to reach for more reasonable, less calorie dense snacks instead.

    This is, at best, a crappy analogy. Refugees frequently have less access to food. Less food = fewer calories. This also discounts cortisol when food access is not an issue: high levels of cortisol can also be a factor in slow or nonexistent weight loss.

    So cortisol levels are going to be different depending on whether you have access to food? It doesn't make sense. The only rational explanation for slow weight loss is that the person with unlimited access to food is helping themselves a little more than they should. I've lost weight during a very stressful period and it leads me to comfort eating. But I CHOOSE to comfort eat foods that still leave me in a deficit. Cortisol levels can't magically overide calorie deficit.

    Could you please just STOP in this thread already. The OP is clearly going through a tough time right now and doesn't need this ish.

    Oops...Sorry! I was just responding to the reply to me. Didn't read the whole thread. Carry on.

    It's okay. I mean a lot of people are reading these threads and I wouldn't want someone strictly blaming high cortisol levels for weight gain or trouble losing weight (though it does create trouble, just doesn't override a deficit as you said). So I'm glad they saw your response even if it did make me feel bad for a moment.

  • MichelleLea122
    MichelleLea122 Posts: 332 Member
    I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said. But just know that I still think you're amazing (as with many of us on here). It's tough, I feel like I'm in the same boat. I too have gained like 15 pounds in the last year due to stress and major life changes... but that's how life goes. Life will sort itself out, along with your weight. You're still a badass Steph.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said. But just know that I still think you're amazing (as with many of us on here). It's tough, I feel like I'm in the same boat. I too have gained like 15 pounds in the last year due to stress and major life changes... but that's how life goes. Life will sort itself out, along with your weight. You're still a badass Steph.

    lol everyone knows it's me. Love ya guys. Glad to know I'm not alone and that you don't think I'm psycho.

  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,207 Member
    I think you're awesome.

    Losing weight when life is kicking your kitten is a double edged sword, I find. Some days, the counting and logging and tracking is yet another burden and stressor, other days it feels good to have at least that one thing I can control.

    So I've tried to cultivate the latter feeling a lot more. Rather than letting it add to my stress, I try to use logging and counting as a way of exercising at least a little bit of control over my circumstances, y'know? like "I can't control that and that, but at least I have a handle on this". I also try and remember that not logging and tracking for me often doesn't represent the removal of a stressor - I actually end up stressed because I feel like I'm failing and/or backsliding.

    I'm not saying it works all the time, but sometimes is better than no times :)
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