Why such negativity ?

LaurieLoz

As a mom I get it, but if my daughter (or son for the matter) came to me this upset, by this particular situation. I would end up telling them the same thing. You need help.

She stated she has body issues and at some point and eating disorder. If it was my kid I would worry, this world is not a sugar coated place, and I would want them to be mentally and physically healthy/strong.

Some times a pat on the head and there there you're beautiful is not what the person needs to hear.

Yes. I very much agree. I would approach it with a similar "tough love" attitude. However that's not the type of response she was getting. It wasn't merely "toughen up its a cruel world" but really very unpleasant comments.

CrankMeUp

So I couldn't help but stumble across a recent post from a young lady who was upset over what two men shouted at her. I was shocked and upset to see how many nasty and hurtful comments she reviewed. I have to say what's really upsetting me about this is the fact that I have two young daughters aged 18 and 22. This girl is 21 years old. If one of my girls came home crying because if a comment some idiot had made (whether she took it the wrong way or not) I'd be horrified and even more distraught to think she may have logged onto a site like this to receive some of these horrible comments. The young lady has CLEARLY stated that she struggles with he esteem issues and also clearly explained why she made two posts. Yes it may look "attention seeking" but clearly she was in need of instant comfort and needed that support. I was bullied a lot when I was young and if back then I knew I could log onto a website and get some positive feedback like hell would I have.

My point is, surely we all created our accounts for the same reasons: to seek advice, offer and receive support, ask for motivation as well as motivating others etc etc. I think "cyber bullying" is a bit of a strong term and thrown about too freely but I do get the impression that a lot of people like to sit behind their keyboard making negative comments and don't stop to think of the consequences.

I didn't create my account for any of those reasons.

If you were truly bullied when you were younger, calling the comments on this site the same undermines what you and others have gone through.

At 5 you need instant support.

At 21 you need accurate information and to realize you aren't a kid anymore.

yep.

Contrarian

As a mom I get it, but if my daughter (or son for the matter) came to me this upset, by this particular situation. I would end up telling them the same thing. You need help.

She stated she has body issues and at some point and eating disorder. If it was my kid I would worry, this world is not a sugar coated place, and I would want them to be mentally and physically healthy/strong.

Some times a pat on the head and there there you're beautiful is not what the person needs to hear.

Yes. I very much agree. I would approach it with a similar "tough love" attitude. However that's not the type of response she was getting. It wasn't merely "toughen up its a cruel world" but really very unpleasant comments.

Actually, the majority of the comments she received were kind and supportive.

LiftAllThePizzas

Welcome to 2013. It's not right, but it is what it is and until we start pointing it out as a group, against these people, it will never stop...never stop here, never stop in society. Only when we say "enough" will it stop.

You're going to stop people from thinking/feeling how you don't want them to think/feel? That's not "welcome to 2013," that's, "welcome to 1933."

ItsCasey

My point is, surely we all created our accounts for the same reasons: to seek advice, offer and receive support, ask for motivation as well as motivating others etc etc.

Nope. I created mine to track calories. I didn't add a single friend or post a single thing in the forums the whole first year I was here. Then I started meeting some cool people on here who realize that this is the Internet, not an AA meeting. You want advice? Fine. You want emotional support? Call your mom. Nobody loves you more than she does.

I think "cyber bullying" is a bit of a strong term and thrown about too freely but I do get the impression that a lot of people like to sit behind their keyboard making negative comments and don't stop to think of the consequences.

I don't like to make negative comments. I don't, in fact, consider my comments to BE negative. People need to grow up and take responsibility for how other people treat them. I may not be able to prevent a stranger from calling me fat, but I don't have to let it break me, either. And I don't want to hear that some people are just more sensitive than others. Everyone cares more about what other people think that they are willing to admit. I just CHOOSE not to let it ruin my day.

nomeejerome

1. Everyone is not here for the same reasons.
2. People can be straight to the point in the forums and others take offense because it isn't sugarcoated.
3. At some point, it becomes suck it up buttercup and move on with life.
4. If people have difficulty handling a public internet forum, it may be best to not participate in them.
5. There are a metric crap ton of people on this site who are know their stuff and are willing to help others, but get labeled for being a "bully" or "mean" or "rude" because they said it straightforward and didn't give a hug and a :flowerforyou:

JessieNeutronGirlGenius

It's ****ty because it seems to me that when writing posts on here you have to throw out some disclaimers like "I'm not looking for attention" or "this thread isn't me fishing for compliments" I mean, the fact that we have to do that is just sad. Why can't we just say what we feel without ignorant, rude, and mean people replying to it. I'm almost twenty years old and when I have a crappy day I'll shoot my mom a phone call and vent to her....maybe that young lady doesn't have someone to confide in and were all she has...what a great support system MFP, claps to you.

KristyAnn81

1. Everyone is not here for the same reasons.
2. People can be straight to the point in the forums and others take offense because it isn't sugarcoated.
3. At some point, it becomes suck it up buttercup and move on with life.
4. If people have difficulty handling a public internet forum, it may be best to not participate in them.
5. There are a metric crap ton of people on this site who are know their stuff and are willing to help others, but get labeled for being a "bully" or "mean" or "rude" because they said it straightforward and didn't give a hug and a :flowerforyou:

:drinker:

agggie550

<img>http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2382/1529111511_1acc851ad6.jpg<img&gt;

and before anyone is mean about im an idiot and dont know how to post pictures on here.

lithezebra

Fishing for compliments? I don't see the problem. It's better to get your affirmation from compliments than from tearing down other people when they're vulnerable.

Geojerm

Why not either write something positive in her post or send her a supportive PM...or even a FR? Creating a thread based on her thread - even in good intent - will most likely backfire.

I agree.

A lot of people really seem to seek out threads to start arguments on here.... why??

I'm a little disappointed in myself for having read any of this post past the OP

umieto

and before anyone is mean about im an idiot and dont know how to post pictures on here.
Edited by agggie550 On July 18, 2013 3:08 pm

swap the < >'s for square brackets and you're golden

Calliope610

n/t

LiftAllThePizzas

<img>http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2382/1529111511_1acc851ad6.jpg<img&gt;

and before anyone is mean about im an idiot and dont know how to post pictures on here.

[ img ] url of your image [ /img ]

(Minus spaces)

rml_16

and before anyone is mean about im an idiot and dont know how to post pictures on here.

cmcollins001

First, if my "soon to be 19" yr old son were to come home crying...for any reason, let alone because someone said some mean things to him...I'd tell him to suck it up and handle it like an adult. If I'm not going to coddle him when he's supposed to be an adult, why would I coddle a complete stranger over what a couple of people said...not did...but said? If you're going to let what people say, in real life OR on the internet, affect how your day is going, then instant comfort or coddling is the very least of your issues.

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. --Albert Ellis"

"The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you. --Tony Robbins"

I'm not here to stroke egos, stroke people's hair and tell them it's ok, the mean bad people will get theirs someday...I'm here to log calories, get fit, pick up tidbits of knowledge, and find like minded people who have achieved or are working on achieving the same goals as myself...listen to them, pick up pointers and advice...then go out and do it myself. I'm not here for hand holding or to be told on a daily basis that I'm doing great.

Life's full of sucky people, learn to deal with it or let it control you...the choice is yours and no one elses.

agggie550

Thanks everyone that fixed my picture

AndiNorwich

It's ****ty because it seems to me that when writing posts on here you have to throw out some disclaimers like "I'm not looking for attention" or "this thread isn't me fishing for compliments" I mean, the fact that we have to do that is just sad. Why can't we just say what we feel without ignorant, rude, and mean people replying to it. I'm almost twenty years old and when I have a crappy day I'll shoot my mom a phone call and vent to her....maybe that young lady doesn't have someone to confide in and were all she has...what a great support system MFP, claps to you.

I agree with you on what you have said, 100%.... yet people don't look further than the post. they just see the post and initially react to it. They don't think of the possibilities behind it, only that the standing post might look like some attention seeking ploy.

As it seems on many of the threads here, "they" don't care. It's enough to dump this entire application and do this motivation on my own. If this is the type of motivation that the people of MFP are giving, I'm not buying. I have less drama on Facebook.

Blacklance36

It takes a bit of yourself to give a compliment or to say something nice. People with poor self esteem cant do that.

RhonndaJ

I find myself wondering if the OP actually read all of the responses on the thread in question and/or is just really thin skinned.

Compared to other forums, the responses here at MFP are really really mild. The responses on that particular thread are next to nothing.

As to why I signed up here? No, it wasn't to give and receive support. It was to track calories and learn how to better manage my eating and get into exercise. Giving and receive support has been a major perk.

Adding in, no, at no point in my adult life (16 plus) did I ever turn to my mother for a good cry. This doesn't make me pitiable, it makes me a strong adult capable of dealing with my own issues like an adult.

I'm sorry the woman (No, she is not a child at 21) was upset by the words of some fools, but expecting 100 percent positive responses on an internet forum is just plain silly. If she wasn't prepared to face some less supportive comments, then she should have turned to a friend who she knows will give her exactly the sort of response she was looking for.

BTW... you go walk up to a complete strangers in RT and bemoan some bad experience and see what reactions you get.

downsizinghoss

I signed up to track my food.

That was it. All these imaginary people just started talking to me after that. I think it is from malnutrition.

JessieNeutronGirlGenius

I agree with you on what you have said, 100%.... yet people don't look further than the post. they just see the post and initially react to it. They don't think of the possibilities behind it, only that the standing post might look like some attention seeking ploy.

As it seems on many of the threads here, "they" don't care. It's enough to dump this entire application and do this motivation on my own. If this is the type of motivation that the people of MFP are giving, I'm not buying. I have less drama on Facebook.

You are 100% right my friend.

Headingforhealthier

I signed up to track my food.

That was it. All these imaginary people just started talking to me after that. I think it is from malnutrition.

Bahaha. Yes.

rosemaryhon

To the OP: I read thru those 2 threads and you repeated this same thought almost word for word a couple or more times already. Now you start a new thread to repeat yourself yet again?!

Oh and you shouldn't speak for "all" as to why others joined this site.

MyChocolateDiet

If I were a mother with a daughter, or niece, or nieces in law, or son's girlfriend of that age who might come home crying over such an incident I wouldn't let her go to her room to cry over it or get online. I'd find out if she had been in actual danger from two men in a van. Then if determined no, I'd help her understand her sensitivity and self esteem does not rely on men in vans or strangers on the internet telling her she's pretty.

I'd tell her she's special because she is the daughter of a badazz and thus a badazz by genetics.
OR she's special because she's the daughter of my sister or brother and same as above plus great fashion sense.
OR she's special because I think she's gorgeous and I'm not trying to get in her pants, I'm her aunt-in-law and not even related and plus she's a strong woman with a fighting spirit and a quick wit.
OR she's special because my son thinks she is and we've accepted her and no men in vans matter any more if she's in our circle plus she's smart and practical.

IDK I'd worry more that my daughter/etc. was that fragile don't you think OP? I don't know too many people like that. I don't get it beyond a seeking for being told she's pretty moar times please. I seriously do not know ANY young women like that. Not a single one of all the girls in that age range. Not one.

lithezebra

I signed up to track my food.

That was it. All these imaginary people just started talking to me after that. I think it is from malnutrition.

I hate it when imaginary people tell me to post in the forums, and I obey.

lucystacy71

Every forum I've ever been too I have seen this same argument. People are mean! You all are so mean! Why are people here so mean? It never fails. Are some people mean? Sure, but that's the truth of the world. Some people are nice and some aren't so much. At the same time I've seen a lot of people confuse straightforward and truthful with being mean and unpleasant. Personally, if I think someone is being rude or hurtful, I just ignore them and move on to the next person. Things are much more pleasant that way. Besides, I can't rely on strangers who I'm probably never going to meet and have no affect on my life to support my self esteem or feelings.

magerum

BenchPressingCats

SpeSHul_SnoflEHk

Did you see how many guys commented about how beautiful she was? What a surprise that was!

Did you see the second thread she made with the altered title? Instead of the nonsense she initially claimed was shouted, the new title CLEARLY stated she was called fat. Which it turns out is untrue.

I think, and I believe strongly that this 'young lady' was seeking attention and fishing for compliments.

I don't care how CLEARLY she stated anything. I can CLEARLY state that I'm 8 feet tall and live on the moon, but it doesn't stop me being an attention seeking idiot.

You have your opinion, I have mine......I hope that you will learn as you get used to the site, not to believe everything you read, and that threads like this are never a good idea. They only go one way.

Yeah. It smelled of compliment fishing and attention seekin gto me. I chose to not feed it.