Getting divorced?
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If you're a stress eater, is there something healthier that you can replace that habit with? Maybe even burning off the stress at the gym? Or learning to do meditation or taking up a new hobby of some sort? Even just getting out of the house and going for a brisk walk when you feel the urge to grab some snack would be helpful. I would also recommend to get rid of any kind of snack food in your house and replace it with stuff like raw carrots and other vegetables, which won't really hurt you if you binge on once in a while.
Divorce is stressful, especially if you're anything like me and hate change. But, remember that this too shall pass! Actually, my ex and I separated for 6 years before we went through the court. But I moved out of my home, and settled into a small apartment with my two kids-- it was very traumatizing. But once the dust settled, I realized that it was the best thing that could've happened. Just try to stay focused on making it through one day at a time. You are about to have a new life-- one that you are totally in charge of.0 -
Stuffing your face is only going to hurt you and make you feel worse. Staying on track will make you feel strong and in control. Which sounds like the preferable option?
I like this advice...
Also, remind yourself, you can do this. You need to focus on yourself. You deserve it. I bet most of the time you've probably been focused on him. I know that's what I do in relationships, I tend to always take care of others (friends or boyfriends) I finally had to stop myself and just be "selfish" so be as selfish as you can be!
You have control. Feel like eating something when you're down, try to workout instead - it'll get your endorphins up which will pick your mood up. Now on days where you do give in (if you do), do not turn around and beat yourself up for it. Every meal, every day is a fresh start and one "bad" moment won't take you off course. But again, try to realize when you are feeling like eating when it's emotional and workout/walk instead.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!0 -
I'm sorry you're going through this.
My only advice is to stay strong, and work on developing healthy coping skills. Eating might make you feel good temporarily, but after you're going to feel like crap afterwards. Working out can be very theraputic, focus all your energy on that. I've been going to spinning class lately and I find it very theraputic. They dim the lights, play good music and I just totally get in the zone. Surround yourself around people that are also working on their fitness, people that make you a better person and stay away from those that will do the opposite. Good luck! They do say the best revenge is a "hot body"-- lol 0 -
"Leaving as soon as he finds a place" Give him a date he needs to be gone by, don't let him walk over you like that.
Secondly find something else that gives you a better high than food ie exercise. I lost a ton of weight when my husband and I split up. I was out dancing 5 nights a week, going to the gym, walking my dog. All sorts. I did not have time to emo eat I was far too busy. Also seriously consider a dance class type thing, I do modern jive, it is a partner dance, a great way to socialise, you meet great people and it is good for fitness0 -
Stress causes me to eat more. Some folks have the opposite effect. Guess it depends on the person.0
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I went thru this about 7 years ago. Stay strong. Take control of your life. I have been healthier, thinner and stronger all around since he left. You can do this. I have never been happier. Good luck! It's a crappy thing to go thru! Stay strong! The rewards are much better when you do! :flowerforyou:
Oh also...all his chips and chocolate and crap were gone too! Stocked my fridge with all my healthy stuff! It was AWESOME!0 -
The best revenge is looking insanely hot!
As this chapter in your life comes to a close, while it is sad, realize that you have a brand new chapter ahead of you that you get to write. And you will find that when you are not so wrapped up in trying to make a bad situation work, you will have more time on your hands to be and do what you want - choose active fun stuff. Choose to eat better, because you get to choose what you want to eat without consulting what he wants. Make this a total all about you time, and rock the **** out of it!
Great advice !0 -
This is coming from someone who used to HATE change and would have rather stayed miserable than dealing with the anxiety over leaving my "comfort zone" of 18 years...(stupid, but true). I dreaded the thought of divorce, and tried for years more than I should have to make it work. I have to be totally honest with you, getting divorced was the best 230 lbs I EVER lost. (Him) It's all perspective. Now instead of worrying that he won't like what I make for dinner, I fix what I want. If I leave a dirty bowl in the sink, who gives a rat's *kitten*. If I want to sleep in, I do. If I want to stay up all night, I can do that too. I have discovered who I am and what I want out of life. Change is scary, but turn all the negatives into positives and you can do anything you want. If you dwell on things that are out of your control, you get stuck in a rut. Worry solves nothing. Positivity does. Hang in there. You'll be surprised how fast things fall into place once you get over the "poor me" phase. Onward and upward, and no looking back. I wish you the best.0
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I just went through my divorce last year (he left in August and our divorce was final in November). I managed to lose about 30 pounds during that time period. Partially because I didn't have an appetite which is totally not like me because I am an emotional eater. But that loss of appetite only lasted for about the first 3-4 weeks. What I found was that once I decided that my happiness depended on my and no one else than I was able to get my *kitten* together so to speak and move on creating a normal life for myself and my then 8 year old daughter without him. I focused on exercising for stress relief and made sure that I did plenty of things with my daughter as well to make sure she knew I was there for her. We would do active stuff like bowling, swimming and hiking.
I will say that I felt a great sense of relief once the ex and I had reached an agreement and were at that point just waiting for a courtdate to finalize the divorce.
I think this saying may help in this case too "Whatever the problem is, the answer is NOT in the fridge!" I personally found that kickboxing helped me deal with the stress and anger relating to the ex and the divorce because beating the crap out of something just really helps. lol0 -
This is coming from someone who used to HATE change and would have rather stayed miserable than dealing with the anxiety over leaving my "comfort zone" of 18 years...(stupid, but true). I dreaded the thought of divorce, and tried for years more than I should have to make it work. I have to be totally honest with you, getting divorced was the best 230 lbs I EVER lost. (Him) It's all perspective. Now instead of worrying that he won't like what I make for dinner, I fix what I want. If I leave a dirty bowl in the sink, who gives a rat's *kitten*. If I want to sleep in, I do. If I want to stay up all night, I can do that too. I have discovered who I am and what I want out of life. Change is scary, but turn all the negatives into positives and you can do anything you want. If you dwell on things that are out of your control, you get stuck in a rut. Worry solves nothing. Positivity does. Hang in there. You'll be surprised how fast things fall into place once you get over the "poor me" phase. Onward and upward, and no looking back. I wish you the best.
^^^THIS!!!0 -
I'm so sorry you're going through this. At a time when you probably feel like you have very little control over major portions of your life, my advice would be to take control of the things that you can--like your health and fitness. I think you'll feel empowered if you stick with this and keep making healthy choices that will allow you to thrive in your new circumstances--which can be whatever you want them to be! Become the healthiest version of yourself for YOU and for the people in your life that really matter (friends, family, a new partner--if that's what you want). You don't have to "show him" anything--except the door!0
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I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I, personally, would use this as a motivator. Take every ounce of anger and pain you feel and throw it into a work out. When you think about quitting, think about letting him know that you are not going to let this get you down. Set your goals and use it to keep your mind off of the divorce.0
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I told my husband one time that if we ever separated it would be the quickest way for me to lose 205 lbs (his weight) of ugly fat.
Luckily, he has a good sense of humour.
All kidding aside, it must be very difficult, but the thing is, you can do this! Do it for yourself. You deserve to be a better, healthier and happier you.0 -
I am having marital problems too. I find that my husband is the reason I have trouble staying on track. He brings home fast food and always has to have dessert after dinner. We have talked about making healthier choices but his efforts do not last very long. It has been so difficult to stay on track. He is a larger guy and has weight issues of his own. I almost feel like he doesn't want me to lose weight.
The truth of the matter is that we need to do it for ourselves. We need to stay strong and not allow our spouses to get in the way of obtaining our weight goals. Good luck!
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If you have a gym membership, I recommend spending every minute you can there. Sit on a bike and read a book, or watch tv... Throw some weights around, keep circling around and around until you've done every machine. Exercise will release all those happy hormones that will help counteract the emotional eating. Plus, with all the extra effort, if you DO have a moment where nothing but food is going to make you happy, at least you have the spare calories for it.
When I was going through a rough relationship, I spent a few hours at the gym every day.
If I was sad, I got on an elliptical that faced a window which faced a field, and I totally spaced out for an hour. It was very peaceful to have my mind completely silent.
If I was angry, I started with weights. Ok, ok, I started with weights every time. I had a lot of anger. But by the time that anger turned into sweat, I was ready for my meditation time on the elliptical.
I ate pretty much whatever I wanted, because I was using a ton of energy in the gym every day.
One other thing, spend time outside. Sunshine will help you feel happy.
I am very sorry to hear that you are having such heartbreak right now. I wish you a healing transition.0 -
When I went through my divorce it was not pretty and I was not eating well. I found that going to the gym and doing a kick box class or 2 will relieve the stress. I found if I tried to hold in my emotions I would eat. If you have to cry or scream than do it. You said you are doing this for you, don't let him take this from you. You can do this and you WILL make it.0
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Stuffing your face is only going to hurt you and make you feel worse. Staying on track will make you feel strong and in control. Which sounds like the preferable option?
Sorry your going through *kitten*, but I reckon this is sound advice ^^^^0 -
I lost the most weight during my divorce (legalized June 28 2013).
Going through my divorce was one of the very few times in my life where stress caused me to lose my appetite and I lost 30 pounds in two months. I am normally a total stress eater.
Me too.. my husband left me 5 years ago and I lost 20lbs in no time. Just now going through with the lawyers.. I just keep thinking the better I look the worse he will feel!! (He has put on a ton of weight in the last 5 years!!)0 -
Perhaps you could use exercise to distract you from the stress it's causing you. I'm assuming you'll want to date again eventually and want to feel confident in yourself when doing so, confidence is sexy, after all. Having to lose the weight AGAIN isn't worth the 60 seconds of "happiness" that a Snickers bar might bring. 0
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I am divorced also and while yes there were times I wanted to just throw myself into a chocolate/pizza coma I turned a negative into a positive. Overeating will make you feel good in the moment but then you will feel guilty.
If you start exercising and seeing a change in your body, that will make you feel good forever! Dig deep and find out what makes you angry and take that aggression out in a workout.
Chin up, the best is yet to come!0 -
1998 for me.
I call it the "divorce diet"
I lost a ton of weight, exercised like a fiend and worked crazy double shifts so I could afford to move out with my young sons.
After the dust cleared, I surrounded myself with good Christians from my church and relied on my faith in God.
This is what helped me the most.
I am sorry you are going through this rough time.0 -
I recently went through a very difficult break up. There is no better revenge than looking really good. It's helped get me past a plateau in my diet and its helped me to feel better.
Don't feed your pain, exercise it away. Every time I feel bad or have anxiety over the situation, I get up, I walk, I move, I do something. It helps alot.
Good luck to you!!0 -
Sorry to hear this0
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Surround yourself with like-minded individuals in your area. Join clubs or fitness groups in your area to take your mind of what is going on. Those people will motivate you and keep you accountable if you decide to slip up.
I think that this is exceptionally good advice.0 -
When my husband left me, I told myself that if I wasn't careful, I'd get really fat which would depress me even more. Look on this as something you have control over and a way to achieve something positive.
Although it doesn't feel like it now, you WILL get over it. 'time heals' is a cliche- but it's true.
Good luck,for now and also for a positive and exciting future.0 -
Sometimes divorce is the greatest thing to happen to you. You can start over now. Find someone who really loves you exactly the way you are right now. You can go for what you want and not settle for something because it keeps the peace. I know its probably scary, it certainly was for me, but the other side of this is exciting. I was 28 when I got my divorce after 10yrs of marriage. Now at 34 I have a wonderful husband and we added 2 babies to the 4 boys we had between us before. Don't dwell on him or how your are feeling. Don't give yourself an excuse to fail. Focus on your future and lose the weight so you can be extra confident when you start dating again.0
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Three years ago mine was final. Kept my son, my career, and moved to SD (Air Force). It was a very rough adjustment after 7 years of marriage/10 years together, and I put on about 25lbs. To me, the overall process felt like it couldn't be controlled, and the lack of control seeped into my food. It all boils down to where you find locus of control - internal or external.0
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I always gravitate to topics where ppl are in relationship pain as I have so much empathy for them
bc for me relationship pain is the worst emotional torture, I have found much serenity in my workouts.I weight train ..I listen to music and zone out , I follow a routine (Jamie Eason Live Fit 3 month program ) so I dont even have to think of what to do next ..I have a goal..I push forward..I see progress..I feel better about myself, I feel pride in ME..i LOVE THIS SITE bc i get to give and get fitness support and fitness is my me time. Wish you well..BTW I eat alot bc I eat pretty clean but not always so I can eat more and not gain..Lots of chicken!! haha0 -
Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. I lost a huge amount of weight during mine as I lived in the gym. Not the healthiest way to lose weight....and then gained it all back when I met the love of my life. I agree, use this time as a fresh start in every aspect of your life....plan to come out the other end as a butterfly - the best version of you, that you can be.
Hang in there. It will get better.
Feel free to add me if you need support.
Ray0 -
I'm sorry you're going through this. I peeped at your profile and noticed you haven't been married long. I know it's tough regardless of years invested. As hard as it is, try to focus on your future and how you want to see yourself in the next year. You are still young, and as cliche as it sounds - you have many years ahead of you to mold your life in a way that brings happiness.
Make yourself some goals for the short term and focus on YOU as much as you can. Whether it's weight, job, travel, hobby... anything that paints your canvas with hope and joy.
As this chapter closes, try to focus on writing the next one as you see it. *HUGS*0
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